“It’s like a safari, only better.” This mildly persuasive-looking site for Somali Cruises offers to ferry thrill-seeking travelers all the way from Mombasa to Djibouti. To better combat pirates, they suggest you bring along your high-powered weaponry. Don’t have guns? No problem, they’ll rent you what you need—and throw in 100 rounds of tracer ammo in the caliber of your choice.
Here’s a testimonial: “Six attacks in 4 days was more than I expected. I bagged three pirates and my 12-year-old son sank two rowboats with the mini gun. PIRATES: 0—PASSENGERS: 32! Well worth the trip. Just make sure your spotter speaks English.” Well, thanks for that tip on “spotters,” Donald from Salt Lake City! I’m afraid, though, I won’t be joining you port side. Somali Cruises isn’t—yet—taking credit cards. Ah, well, there’s always this.