First off, I want to make it clear at the outset that I am firmly in the camp of people who simply cannot believe Al Sharpton, of all freaking people, has his own show on a supposedly respectable news network. As a former New Yorker, to me Al Sharpton is always going to be the asshole shooting off his mouth off about the Tawana Brawley “case” on The Morton Downey Jr. Show and who had a special knack for showing up whenever TV cameras were around. The guy pictured with curlers in his hair at the beauty parlor. The idiotic showboater in the full-length fur coat.

Even if I do tend to agree with much of what Sharpton seems to believe these days, it’s still a joke that the Tawana Brawley guy was invited to become one of the primary faces of a major cable news network. At what point did Al Sharpton stop being the Tawana Brawley guy? The dude is no human trademark for MSNBC’s credibility as a news source, that’s for certain. He’s not a journalist, he’s the goddamned Tawana Brawley guy.

It’s pathetic, basically, is what it is. But… whatever.

Leave it to Ben Shapiro, one-time Robin to Andrew Breitbart’s Batman, to trump even the already admittedly sad fact that Al Sharpton has his own show on MSNBC with something even more pathetic in the process of trying to call attention to to how sad it is that Sharpton is on MSNBC.

Apparently, boy blunder Ben has found another father figure in the form of one-time prominent New Left writer turned raging crazypants conservative David Horowitz (a man with well-documented daddy issues of his own, of course). They’re teaming up for “TruthRevolt” something that Shapiro describes as a rightwing version of Media Matters.

TruthRevolt, eh? I guess that URL was free…

Horowitz, a man who once associated with the greatest lefty publication in American history, Ramparts—a magazine that published the likes of Susan Sontag, Hunter S. Thompson, Angela Davis, Noam Chomsky, Seymour Hersh, Thomas Merton, Allen Ginsberg and Robert Scheer—had this to say about his venture with the 29-year-old Shapiro, the wimpy Doogie Howser of the house that Breitbart built:

Today, the David Horowitz Freedom Center is launching TruthRevolt, a much-needed campaign to expose the hypocrisies and mendacities of the leftwing media. A brainchild of Ben Shapiro, TruthRevolt is a groundbreaking initiative to engage in investigative journalism about the leftwing media figures who produce radical ideology masquerading as “news” and feed it to the American public as objective journalism.

So says a man who went from the journalistic heights of the fabled Ramparts magazine to associating himself with off-the-scale bughouse nutcases like Pamela Geller and Robert Spencer.

So what’s gonna be the first “groundbreaking initiative” in TruthRevolt’s “investigative journalism,” you wonder?

They’re calling for a boycott of Ritz Crackers.

Scratching your head over that one? Gather ‘round children, Lil’ Ben’s got a history lesson for ya:

In 1994, Sharpton stood before a crowd at Kean College in New Jersey. “White folks was in the caves while we was building empires,” he said. “We built pyramids before Donald Trump even knew what architecture was … We taught philosophy and astrology [sic] and mathematics before Socrates and them Greek homos ever got around to it … Do some cracker come and tell you, ‘Well my mother and father blood go back to the Mayflower,’ you better hold your pocket. That ain’t nothing to be proud of, that means their forefathers was crooks.”

Oh please, Al Sharpton said shit like that ALL THE TIME back then. No one gave a shit then, no one gives a shit now. He’s also been on MSNBC—as ridiculous as that seems to me, too—for two years. At a time when the country is being threatened by a small cadre of GOP lunatics, no matter if you support those lunatics or oppose their aims, WHY did David Horowitz and his derpy “low T” pal Ben Shapiro think that they’d receive anything but brutal mockery by media types for PROPOSING A RITZ CRACKER BOYCOTT during a time of a constitutional crisis because Al Sharpton called white people “crackers” TWENTY YEARS AGO???

Although Ben Shapiro IS right about Al Sharpton, the fruit there is hanging so low it’s simply pitiful. There wasn’t even one PR “genius” in David Horowitz’s “thinktank” who could’ve said “Uh, guys, we’re going to look like a bunch of fucking idiots launching this thing right now”?

Apparently not! Even the reliably stupid Daily Caller thinks Shapiro’s new hobby is idiotic: “What a proud moment in conservative history,” deadpanned Patrick Howley

It is idiotic. Shapiro is encouraging his braindead readers to tweet @RitzCrackers with hashtag #SharptonsCrackers.

Al Sharpton. Ben Shapiro. Ritz Crackers. I can’t even waste another minute of my life writing about this epically insignificant cosmic meaninglessness.