I first encountered this in 2009, when I was writing for Emdashes, a website dedicated to The New Yorker magazine. It tickled me then, and it tickles me today still.

You may be hearing a lot of virtuous, communitarian, “generous” lists of resolutions today, but there’s another imperative that may take precedence, and that is to take care of Number One. Legendary American man of letters Edmund Wilson printed up a card to fend off the countless demands on his time and attention. Wilson’s approach is so stern and resolute that it can’t help being funny, which I think is how it was intended. Plus I think he often did end up doing lots of the items on his list, but the card represented a necessary intervention to secure his own sanity.

Edmund Wilson regrets that it is impossible for him to:

Read manuscripts,
Write articles or books to order,
Write forewords or introductions,
Make statements for publicity purposes,
Do any kind of editorial work,
Judge literary contests,
Give interviews,
Conduct educational courses,
Deliver lectures,
Give talks or make speeches,
Broadcast or appear on television,
Take part in writers’ congresses,
Answer questionnaires,
Contribute or take part in symposiums or “panels” of any kind,
Contribute manuscripts for sales,
Donate copies of his books for libraries,
Autograph books for strangers,
Allow his name to be used on letterheads,
Supply personal information about himself,
Supply photographs of himself,
Supply opinions on literary or other subjects.

At the top he’s written on this one, “I don’t live readings [sic] either unless I’m offered a very large fee.—E.W.”
 

 

Previously on Dangerous Minds:
R. Crumb’s reject New Yorker cover art