Get behind Me, Satan! You are an offense to Me. ~ Matthew 16:23
Here’s a short clip of three nuns attempting to pray the SATAN punk away. Anyway, the guy’s a good sport and just goes along with it. It’s sort of a dawwwwwww moment if you ask me.
Ain’t nothin’ like stumblin’ across some dudes performing an exorcism at a Starbucks, is there?
This all happened two nights ago on W. Parmer Lane in Austin, Texas. According to the original uploader Umgar:
“I stuck around for a while and I can tell you that these guys really believed they were exorcising a demon.”
He then went on to write:
“Not a student film project, prank, or social experiment. Just the bible belt.”
Ugmar, who has since deleted the comments quoted above, even pressed the exorcist foursome about why they chose a Starbucks to cast out a demon. They told him:
“God’s everywhere so, you know, god chooses the place.” [Emphasis added]
And there you have it: GOD TOLD THEM TO HOLD AN EXORCISM AT STARBUCKS!
Breathtaking, don’t you think? A few details to look for: the drool cup. The repeated admonition that the demon has “no legal grounds” to “trespass” on their buddy’s immortal soul (“So SUE ME” says Captain Howdy, but is demonizing someone a civil or criminal offense???) and the guy in the white shirt. Was he a part of this operation, or merely someone minding his own business nursing his frappuccino when a fucking exorcism started up right next to him?
The original video was removed from Vidme, but I found a mirror of it on YouTube for your viewing pleasure:
Via Daily Dot
Is TV evangelist and exorcist extraordinaire Bob Larson so down on his luck that he’s resorted to making house calls? Or is there a sudden and overwhelming demand of late for bogus exorcisms from callous grifters preying on the old and ignorant? I don’t know, but if you watch Larson’s TV commercial for his new house call business, you’d think pretty much the entire population is in desperate need of Larson’s soft touch to rid themselves of demons or other common household spiritual entities. The commercial is so ridiculous and comical it almost comes off as a Tim and Eric sketch or a commercial parody from Idiocracy.
As one woman named Rachel claims in the video, “...he already saw the demon within me before it was revealed I had Jezebel. Bob Larson’s amazing ability that he’s gifted with… I thank Bob Larson and most importantly I thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”
Break family curses at the root! Discover the cause of destructive habits and addictions. Get rid of demons. Uncover hindering issues. Be healed of infirmities. No pastor, priest, or counselor has dealt with more spiritually bound people and seen them set free. This isn’t counseling. This isn’t therapy. This is intervention to get answers NOW! Your lifetime of suffering will end. Your torment will stop.
~snip
Need help right where you are? Is your house haunted? Are you unable to travel? Bob makes house calls. If you can’t get to Bob, he will get to you [emphasis added].
You better believe he will!
There are so many amazing one-liners and golden nuggets of fucking idiocy in this video that I don’t even know where to begin. You’ll just have to watch this craptastic commercial to understand what I’m talking about. The idea that there’s a commercial on TV like this in the year 2014 is just mind-boggling! By 2505, sure, but 2014?
Sometimes I feel it’s difficult to explain America to people who have never been here.
Bob Larson doing what he does best.
After the jump, Bob Larson’s incredible cameo appearance on Marc Wootton’s criminally unseen, bust-a-gut funny Showtime series La La Land…
Is this a Nollywood sketch comedy bit? Another Jimmy Kimmel hoax? Perhaps, but I hope not.
What I do know for a fact is that this proves that Vertical Video Syndrome (VVS) is global. I can’t even bring myself to get mad at VVS anymore. I just can’t. It’s simply never going to end unless smartphone manufacturers add something to prevent it. I do appreciate how YouTuber “VeryFail” embraced this vertical mess—‘cause they know it’s never going to end, too—and blurred the left and right side of the video with the same footage.
WFMU tweeted this extensive YouTube archive of national comedic treasure Bob Larson performing his wackadoo exorcisms.
These folks need to be seeking the help of a professional doctor, and not a witch-doctor like Bob Larson.
Below, “Lillian”:
Meet “Drake”:
Here’s “Heather”:
Larson’s a total fraud, obviously, offering online demonic possession tests and fleecing the faithful fools that would flock to such a mockery of common sense, but Larson himself is often the target of hysterical lampooning, such as this marvelous moment from Marc Wootton’s brilliant, but little known Showtime series La La Land (Currently not even on DVD or NetFlix! What’s that all about?):
Bob Larson, world-renowned “exorcist” and Christian radio/TV host (and flaming asshole), began his career in the 1960s denouncing demonic rock music and “leftists.” He later incorporated “Dungeons & Dragons” and demonic possession into his “act.”
Now Bob Larson is offering an online “demon test” for the low, low price of just $9.95. He’s even trademarked the name “Demon Test®”!
From his website (which I refuse to link to):
Taking the Demon Test® may be the most important spiritual decision you make. This Test is the result of more than 30 years of research and thousands of hours in personal ministry with troubled souls. Through this vast experience we have been able to design this test so that we may quickly determine an individual’s spiritual condition.
If you are concerned about your test score, we highly recommend that you schedule personal one-on-one time with Bob Larson. You may choose a one-hour Encounter Session or a full or half-day Intensive Session. These sessions are held during Bob’s on-the-road seminars (please click here to review Bob’s current schedule) or at our Center for Spiritual Freedom in Phoenix Arizona.
In one hour you can begin living the life you’ve always wanted. Let Bob Larson, the man who has dealt with more demons than anyone on the planet, show you how to overcome every obstacle of every day. Stop the cycles of failure, poverty and sickness. Break family curses at the ROOT! Discover why you are the way you are and immediately change destructive habits. If you have demons, you’ll be delivered. If you have issues, they’ll be uncovered. If you have infirmities, the healing will begin. No pastor, priest, or counselor has dwelt with more spiritually bound people sad seen them set free. This isn’t counseling. This isn’t therapy. This is intervention to get answers NOW! Your lifetime of suffering can end. Your torment can stop. The job you need, the relationships you desire will be within your reach. The choice is simple—stay stuck or move on to spiritual fulfillment and success in every area of life. Get free, stay free, and live free!
The first step on your journey to a new life begins with the Demon Test®. To contact us, please call 303-980-1511 or click here to send an email indicating your interest in a personal Session with Bob.
That was his idea to post his own phone number on the Internet, not mine. Christ can I imagine some fun things to prank call Bob Larson with. It used to happen all the time on his radio show. He’s practically inviting it here (If anyone does “engage him” like that, post it on YouTube and be sure to let us know).
In the clip below from the Showtime series La La Land, dodgy TV psychic “Shirley Ghostman” (played by Marc Wootton, who I rate a godlike comedic genius) visits Bob Larson at his home in Glendale, California. This clip is bust-a-gut funny until you realize that this guy makes well over a million dollars a year from gullible people with mental issues.
Earlier this year, the Holy See’s Chief Exorcist, Father Gabriele Amorth claimed, “The Devil resides in the Vatican and you can see the consequences. He can remain hidden, or speak in different languages, or even appear to be sympathetic. At times he makes fun of me. But I’m a man who is happy in his work.” He also said that the 1973 film The Exorcist gave a “substantially exact” impression of what it was like to be possessed by the Devil.
“People possessed by evil sometimes had to be physically restrained by half a dozen people while they were exorcised. They would scream, utter blasphemies and spit out sharp objects.
From their mouths, anything can come out – pieces of iron as long as a finger, but also rose petals,” said Father Amorth, who claims to have performed 70,000 exorcisms. “When the possessed dribble and slobber, and need cleaning up, I do that too. Seeing people vomit doesn’t bother me. The exorcist has one principal duty - to free human beings from the fear of the Devil.”
Old Nick finds work for idle hands, and this week sees the National Congress of Exorcists in Poland, as increasing numbers of Poles struggle with Satanic possession, the Daily Telegraph reports.
Since 1999 the number of Polish exorcists has surged from 30 to over a 100, despite the influence of the Catholic Church waning in an increasingly secular Poland.
Exorcists attribute the increase in their numbers to growing scepticism in psychology in the wider Polish population, and people looking for spiritual reasons for mental disorders.
In recognition of modern science, however, exorcists now work in tandem with psychologists in order to distinguish between psychiatric problems and the work of the devil.
But while some cases of Satanic work are difficult to diagnose others manifest themselves in shocking circumstances explained exorcist Father Andrzej Grefkowicz.
“An indication of possession is that a person is unable to go into a church, or, if they do, they can feel faint or breathless,” he said.
“Sometimes if they enter a church they are screaming, shouting and throwing themselves on the ground.”
The national congress comes as part of a policy by Poland’s Catholic Church to lift the veil on what was once a secretive practice. Frustrated by the Hollywood image of cross-wielding exorcists engaged in dramatic conflicts with demons the Church intends to show the complicated and often more mundane world of exorcism.
Father Grefkowicz stressed that the most of the time exorcism required quiet prayer.
Quiet prayer? I was hoping it would be a bit more like this…