The lord and savior, Tom Waits, striking a Christ-like pose on a shower curtain by artist Hilan Can. The bible held by Waits contains lyrics from the musician’s 2004 single, “Dead and Lovely”
 
Sometimes one is fortunate enough to do what they have always wanted to do for a living—and I am living proof of that. Lots of people utter the phrase “thank god” without actually giving the words a second thought beyond using it as a mere expression. By the way, I’m one of those people, and though I wasn’t raised in an non-believing home, I’m pretty convinced that some unseen, unknown deity was not responsible for the creation of this world, nor should said (probably) non-existent deity be personally thanked when you achieve a goal, win a Grammy or dodge a bullet in the game of Russian roulette that is life. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I love my job—regardless if I’m writing about Iggy Pop doing coke while in rehab or in this case, fancy shower curtains with various, strange depictions of Jesus Christ emblazened on them. AMEN!

If you have been reading Dangerous Minds for a while, then you’ve been personally hipped to an obsession that I share with DM’s own Tara McGinley that concerns our preoccupation with designer shower curtains. To prove my point, I will tell you that just today I was looking for yet another new curtain for my bathroom (I need a support group, it’s true). Then I came across a curtain featuring Slim Jim spokesperson/one of the greatest WWE wrestlers of all time, Randy “Macho Man” Savage flying through the air about to land a perfect “big elbow” to the back of Jesus’ head. I do remember that particular image was a huge Internet meme following Savage’s passing in 2011 in a tragic car crash. Even in death, Macho wasn’t having any of it, not even when he arrived at Jesus’ nifty cloud house. Anyway, the discovery of that epic shower curtain led me to immediately pursue the availability of other alarming bathroom necessities that incorporated images of the Son o’ God in ways that most of us have never considered. All I can say is this—there is a blacklight shower curtain in this post of Jesus with a third eye and blood dripping from his other eyes. That’s all. No big deal. Some of the images below are NSFW.
 

Jesus as an astronaut, a more believable scenario than other stuff I’ve heard. Get it here.
 

The mythical Randy “Macho Man” Savage vs. Jesus shower curtain. Get it here.
 

The equally mythical blacklight Jesus shower curtain. Bong and VHS copy of ‘The Song Remains the Same’ not included.
 
More after the jump…

 
His real name is Michael Grant, but residents of the city that made the Philly cheesesteak sandwich famous simply refer to him as “Philly Jesus.” On Monday evening around 6 p.m. Philly Jesus was checking his emails at an Apple Store on Walnut Street in Philadelphia when management asked him to leave.

Philly Jesus refused to leave, so the Philly store manager called the Philly police.

Police arrived in due course and requested that Grant leave the premises. According to police, Grant refused to leave and was creating a disturbance. Grant was taken into custody and charged with Defiant Trespassing and Disorderly Conduct.

It is not known whether Jesus was updating his JDate profile or not. However, if nothing else, the incident establishes that Jesus is not a Windows user.

This is not the first time the Philly J-Man has been arrested. In 2014 Grant was arrested at Dilworth Plaza for Disorderly Conduct and Failure to Disperse. Grant’s contention at the time was that he was misunderstood; he said he doesn’t ask for money, but he does accept tips.
 

 
Photos: Jen A. Miller; via Arbroath

 
Here is a cross with a totally buffed-out Jesus hanging off it. Apparently the Son of God is really into CrossFit or something…

The image was uploaded to Imgur with the OP trying to figure out the provenance. No one seems to know, but the writing seems to be Korean. One thing I do know though, is that this musclehead Christ figurine looks a lot like the freakin’ Hulk here.

Trust me, you wouldn’t like Jesus when he’s angry.

via Geekologie

Previously on Dangerous Minds:
Cast that first stone with The Jesus Slingshot

 
Like the Scarlet Pimpernel, they seek him here, they seek him there, they seek him almost everywhere… and no one seems to know where the elusive Jesus Christ will next turn up. This time it appears JC has been spotted on a hot cross bun.

Mother-of-two, Lindsey Norman bought a pack of six buns from her local supermarket and noticed what appeared to be a likeness of Jesus on one of the traditional Easter treats.

“I saw them and I thought ‘That looks just like a figure of Jesus with a sign of the cross on his shoulder,’” Ms Norman told the press.  “It made me giggle to myself because it’s coming up to Easter.”

Ms. Norman purchased the buns and returned home where they were devoured that night. Whether Jesus was toasted or just gobbled-up with a dab of butter, we don’t know.

However, there are many superstitions attached to hot cross buns—from its supposed symbolism of Christ’s crucifixion and resurrection, to the belief that sharing one of these seasonal goodies will ensure long-lasting friendship; and if you hang a bun in the kitchen and keep it for a year, it will not go off and can then be broken down and used as medicine; and that the cross on top of the bun can ward-off evil spirits. Whether anyone has successfully tested these claims, I don’t know, but I do think Ms. Norman should have kept her Jesus bun and sold it on eBay.
 

 
Via Daily Mail

 
What appears to some to be the figure of Jesus Christ has been spotted in the Northern Lights over Iceland.

Local headmaster Jón Hilmarsson was encouraged to photograph the glow-in-the-dark Jesus by his ten-year-old son. The image captured is said to have “an uncanny resemblance” to the Art Deco Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Mr. Hilmarsson told Metro newspaper:

‘This was the most beautiful and vivid northern light display I have ever seen. We usually see green auroras but that night I saw bright green, red and purple colour, which is very unusual. Many people see the shape of Christ but also an angel formation.’

If you look closely, screw your eyes up and turn your head to 45 degrees you’ll see… ah fuck it.. it’s just the Aurora Borealis. Come on!
 

 
H/T Metro.
 

 
I have never once celebrated Easter. What I knew about it as a kid mostly boiled down to the Jewish tl;dr: Romans killed a Jew, then spent the next two millennia revering their victim and blaming his death on us, like an eternal sectarian version of a bully doing “stop hitting yourself.” This understanding of Easter did me zero favors, socially, at the predominately Italian public school I attended, but on that front, I was probably beyond help anyway.

But I do know this about Easter: to celebrate it, one MUST have the Cheesus Christ Cheese Grater.
 

 

 
Hell, I WANT ONE, and I’ve long since put my home through some brutal kitsch-purges. Sadly, it’s not contrived to make Jesus appear in your cheese, like the Virgin Mary Toaster. In fact, it’s functionality is limited rather sharply (only cheese pun, I promise) by the total lack of holes in much of the center so as not to obscure the redemptive and luminous visage of the Son Of Man—though honestly, if you told me it was a Bigfoot cheese grater, I wouldn’t look twice to check. The back of the packaging comes printed with this moving supplication:

Our Cheese in heaven, halloumi be your name.
Your tangy taste, we will not waste,
on Earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily brie.
Forgive us our stilton,
as we forgive those who stilton against us.
Lead us not into cheese slices, but deliver us from cheddar.
For the glory of the dairy, the curds and the whey are yours.
Now and forever.
Edam.

Fucking terrible, right? That’s OK, there will always be this:
 

 
Bless James Renner for letting me know about this, and the Good Lord Himself for helping me get through it without punning on the word “holy.”

 
“I am Jesus…I bid you welcome…”

Whether Bela Lugosi said that, I dunno, but I do know that in 1909, the young Bela was cast as Jesus Christ in a production of the Easter passion play. And doesn’t he look good? With his robe, crown of thorns and flowing locks. The young Bela thought so too, and had several studio portrait photographs taken of himself as Jesus. Whether he invited audience members to drink his blood or eat his flesh is unknown. 
 

 

 

 

 
H/T Patheos, Completely Unproductive, Flick Filosopher

 
Proving once again how the Lord works in… um…. very mysterious ways, an Ohio man named Jim Lawry thinks he sees the face of Jesus in some… bird shit.

After visiting a McDonald’s drive-thru window in the town of Brooklyn, Ohio, Lawry noticed that a bird had crapped on his car windshield and that the mess resembled Jesus Christ. According to Lawry, the holy apparition, when seen from the outside of the car, looks like “regular bird poop.”

“A bird pooped on my car windshield and when I got inside the view was like Jesus looking down on Me,” he wrote on YouTube. “I had family + friends get in my car and they too were a bit amazed. Wanted to share this with you.”

Lawry videotaped the bird shit on his windshield and posted it to YouTube today, but then quickly removed it. I wonder why?

Previously on Dangerous Minds:

King of Plop: Michael Jackson seen in car windshield bird poop

 
This provocative masterpiece by Mr. Fish, found via The Cagle Post, where reactions have been widely varied…

 
The Beatles got top billing!

Via Brad Laner’s FB

 
Lobulo Design created a simply stunning papercraft depicting Darth Vader as Jesus. This image totally stopped me in my tracks and I thought I’d share.
 
(via Like Cool)

 
“I’m Rick Perry and I approve this message.”
 

 
Via I Heart Chaos

Alan John Miller AKA “Jesus Christ” poses with Mary Suzanne Luck, who believes herself to be the reincarnated “Mary Magdalene.”

Remember Alan John Miller AKA “Jesus Christ,” the smiling Australian cult leader who claims to be the son o’ God? Australian TV’s Today Tonight recently did an investigation of Miller and his flock and it’s fascinatingly strange.

Until I watched this, I was unaware that he’s predicting an impending apocalypse next year, but apparently if you’re with him in Queensland’s bible belt, you’ll be safe. But of course!
 

 
Dig “Jesus”/Miller in action at one of his lectures:
 

 
An Australian couple are claiming to be the reincarnation of Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene. Alan John Miller and Mary Suzanne Luck have set up base on a huge property in Queensland’s Bible Belt along with a growing number of followers:

Followers joined forces in 2009 to buy a $400,000, 240ha property where they hold weekly meetings and plan to build a centre catering for international visitors.

In a bizarre coincidence, land clearing has created a giant cross on neighbouring properties that can be seen from space using Google Maps. Local residents insisted it was not carved deliberately.

Police are said to have been called to investigate screams in the area, only to discover members taking part in a healing exercise where they shout to help process “past soul damage” and ill feelings.

—snip—

Mr. Miller was born in Loxton and has two children from a previous marriage, which he says ended after he “began to remember details” of his past life.

Tailoring his appearance to look like Jesus, he yesterday held a workshop in Albury, New South Wales, where he stood by his claims and said at least “30 or 40” people had bought blocks around Wilkesdale.

“Mary and myself haven’t ever encouraged people to move out there. Some of the people we don’t even know,” he said.

In one recording he said: “There’s probably a million people who say they’re Jesus and most of them are in asylums. But one of us has to be. How do I know I am? Because I remember everything about my life.”

I’m Jesus, Riverland man says (Adelaide Now)

 
You wouldn’t mess with Klaus Kinski. He had a look that said it all - a cross between Iggy Pop and a drug-addled psycho. His mental health had been an issue. In the 1950s, Kinski spent three days in a psychiatric hospital, where he was diagnosed as schizophrenic. In 1955, having failed to find any work as an actor, he attempted suicide - twice.

By the late 1950s, he had slowly established himself as an actor in Vienna, but the anger, the passions, that fueled his performances meant he was always labeled difficult. To overcome this, Kinski started performing one-man shows, reciting Shakespeare, Oscar Wilde and Francois Villon.

In the sixties he found some security as a bit player in Spaghetti Westerns such as For a Few Dollars More, but Kinski had an ambitious ego that inspired him to greater, more confrontational things.

In 1971, Kinski hired the Deutschlandhalle to perform his own 30-page interpretation of Jesus Christ. It was no ordinary show, and the audience was a mix of radical students, religious followers and those intrigued to see the “mad man Kinski”. Even then, before his work with Werner Herzog, the public thought of Kinski as either mad man or genius.

Moreover, there was some confusion amongst the audience, who seemed to think Kinski was an evangelist, rather than an actor interpreting a role. This led to constant heckling from the spectators - both the happy-clappy Christians, who thought he was blaspheming; and those on the Left, who though he was soft-soaping Christianity. Kinski was doing neither. His Christ was part Kinski, part Anarchist-Revolutionary, and he repsonded fulsomely to the abuse, as Twitch Film notes:

For example, after someone stated that shouting down people who disagreed with him was unlike Christ, Kinski responded with a different take on how Christ might respond: “No, he didn’t say ‘shut your mouths’, he took a whip and beat them. That’s what he did, you stupid sow!”

In another scene, he brow beats the audience by saying “can’t you see that when someone lectures thirty typewritten pages of text in this way, that you must shut your mouths? If you can’t see that, please let someone bang it into your brain with a hammer!” The evening’s festivities also turned physical as an audience member is shown getting bounced from the stage by a bodyguard. Someone responds that “Kinski just let his bodyguard push a peaceful guy, who only wanted to have a discussion, down the stairs! That is a fascist statement, Kinski is a fascist, a psychopath!”

Kinski continued undaunted:

“I’m not the official Church-Christ, who is accepted by policemen, bankers, judges, executioneers, officers, chruch-heads, politicians and other representatives of the powers that be. - I’m not your super-star!”

The evening was filmed by Peter Geyer, who later assembled the footage together into an incredible documentary film Jesus Christus Erlöser (Jesus Christ Saviour) in 2008. It is a film well worth seeing for Kinski’s powerful, passionate and unforgettable performance, which gives an unflinching insight into the man, the ego and the mad genius that was Klaus Kinski.
 

 
Bonus clip in color, after the jump…
 
Previously on DM

 
With thanks to Little Stone