I’m not a big fan of Metallica, but this guy sure is! This video gave me a case of the giggles and made me happy. It’s my “feel-good video of the day,” as Geekologie puts it. Here’s an unsuspecting older gentleman sitting in traffic headbanging to Metallica’s “For Whom the Bell Tolls.” At least I think that’s the song.

The only problem with this video is it should have been longer. I could have watched this for a long, long time with a big ol’ grin on my face. 

 
I have to salute my friend, the brilliant and affable Annie Zaleski, for finding this complete and utter gem and quite properly celebrating it on the AV Club. As Zaleski noted, the new mashup comic strip Hetfield the Cat blends the glum, overfed ennui of America’s favorite tabby cat, Garfield, with the glum, overfed rage of America’s favorite metal act, Metallica.

Sure, most of the strips are just disposable riffs on Metallica’s songs coming out of “Hetfield’s” mouth—but it works so well in part because tons of adult Americans grew up inhaling the essence of Garfield over a period spanning decades. A lot of us probably couldn’t say anything particularly articulate about how the strip works, but we know subconsciously exactly how the strip works. You know?

The creator in question here is Chicago cartoonist/musician Jimmy Two Hands. If the style seems familiar, you might remember Danziggy, which we highlighted last year.  I urgently await his next (purely imagined) jape of mashing up those “Love Is” cartoons with King Diamond lyrics.

Below are a few of my faves, but you can see more at the Hetfield the Cat Tumblr and Facebook presences.

If you click, you’ll spawn a more readable version of the strip.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Previously on Dangerous Minds:
‘Enter sand, man’: Young James Hetfield and Lars Ulrich of Metallica frolicking at the beach
This Charming Charlie: The Smiths meet the Peanuts gang

 
There’s a metalhead in the jury box of the Aurora mass shooting trial and the news is on it!

Colorado’s News 9 reports that an alternate juror in the mass murder trial against James Holmes wore a Metallica Ride The Lightning t-shirt which may have been in violation of a court order banning display of clothing which may influence the jury.

Neither the judge nor lawyers appeared to notice the shirt worn by juror 983, which features bolts of lightning hitting an empty electric chair on the front and the skeletal remains of a prisoner being electrocuted on the back side.

Judge Carlos Samour has “strictly prohibited” from his courtroom the “display of insignias, symbols, pictures, clothing, or any other items that may influence the jury” in an order that appears on a laminated placard in front of every spectator seat in court.

Since the matter was never brought up on the record Thursday, we don’t know whether the judge would have found the attire in violation of his order.

On Thursday, the 12 deliberating jurors delivered a verdict on aggravating factors, the first of three possible phases in the death penalty sentencing hearing.

Juror 983, who has sported heavy-metal themed tees in court before, is not on the panel of 12, but could be called on to deliberate if a juror should be excused for any reason.

The Metallica track “Ride The Lightning” is written from the point of view of a prisoner awaiting death by electrocution. According to James Hetfield, the song “was not a criticism of capital punishment, which I’m actually a supporter of. Rather, it’s simply about a man who faces death in the electric chair for a crime he didn’t commit.”

We’re guessing Juror 983 didn’t put that much thought into it.

We’d like to see “justice for all” in this case.
 

 
Via: News 9

 
I don’t know what these pictures are or where they came from, but pretty clearly it’s Lars Ulrich and James Hetfield of Metallica having fun in the sun years before they became worldwide metal heroes, much less inductees into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

As I write this in Cleveland, Ohio, the temperature is 13 degrees and it’s snowy out. Suffice it to say I would prefer to be wherever these pictures were taken….
 

 

 

 
More fun in the sun after the jump…

 
Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich has a lot in common with wealthy Wall Street bankers and corporate CEO’s. While most hedge fund managers and CEO’s have not gotten blow jobs during bass solos at concerts, Lars, bankers and CEOs agree that litigiousness is awesome, acquiring ugly expensive art collections is important and the piracy of your product is the sole locus of evil on earth. So, which quotes are from Lars?

1.  “People who don’t have money don’t understand the stress.”

10. “I think if anything we were just caught off guard by how passionate people were about this whole internet phenomenon at the time and it kind of blind-sided us, but we stood our ground and stuck with our principles and a lot of people now are patting us on the back and saying how right we were.”

Answers:

1.  Not Lars.  Alan Dlugash, partner at accounting firm Karks Paneth & Shron, LLP.
2.  Not Lars.  Quirky CEO Ben Kaufman.
3.  Not Lars.  Former Disney CEO Michael Eisner.
4.  Lars.
5.  Not Lars. Former Microsoft CEO Bill Gates.
6.  Lars.
7.  Not Lars. Bruce Schneier, Chief Technical Officer of Counterpane Internet Security, Inc.
8.  Not Lars.  Bill Gates.
9.  Not Lars.  Oracle co-founder and CEO Larry Ellison.
10 Lars.

 
Director Darren Aronofsky, whose films Requiem For A Dream and Black Swan oozed visual style, can’t do much to polish the turd that is Loutallica. Grainy black and white, super slo-mo and lens distortion create a nightmarish quality that is undercut by the song’s ludicrous heavy handedness, ending up more silly than spooky.
 

 
Some tellin’ it like it is, spotted in record store.

Previously on Dangerous Minds:

Lou Reed and Metallica mutilate ‘White Light/White Heat’ on British TV November 8
NONONONO Cat reviews Lou Reed and Metallica’s ‘Lulu’
Loutallica: Hot trash video mix - NSFW
30 second shards of Hell: Excerpts from the new Lou Reed/Metallica album

(via reddit)

 
In the mess that is Lulu one song that is generally singled out as having some of the vibe and feel evoking vintage Lou Reed is “Junior Dad.” Last night, during their concert in Cologne, Germany, Reed and Metallica performed the song and, lo and behold, it’s the first live video I’ve seen of the band that actually moves me in a good way.

Reed seems a shitload more engaged with what he’s doing in this video than during his addled performance on Jool Holland’s show from a few nights ago. World weariness has displaced death warmed over.

Is it possible that as Loutallica tours behind Lulu they may actually discover the heretofore untapped magic in their collaboration? Perhaps, if they replace their current drummer with Mo Tucker.

You can visit the Lou Reed/Metallica Youtube channel for more of the Cologne concert.
 

 
Loutallica take another shot at ‘White Light/White Heat’ after the jump…

 
Lou Reed and Metallica in hit and run accident leave White Light/White Heat dead on the side of the highway - rock and roll road kill.

Everything about this is just plain wrong, from Metallica’s dunderhead playing to Reed’s total inability to find the pocket of the song…which is understandable because there is none. What is not understandable is why Reed continues to trash the Velvet Underground’s legacy. Can the surviving members of VU get a cease and desist order?

This is like watching a beloved friend racing toward the edge of a cliff in an out-of-control 1978 Ford Pinto - a sense of helpless dread overcomes you as you avert your eyes and pray for Divine intervention.

Just when you think it couldn’t get worse, Loutallica shows you just how bottomless the pit is. And that Lars fuck should have his hands bound with chicken wire and never allowed anywhere near a drum kit.

“If all this makes you feel sorry for him, then you can compliment yourself on being a real Lou Reed fan. Because that’s exactly what he wants.” Lester Bangs, 1973.

Later With Jools Holland, November 8, 2011.
 

 
Yeah, tell me about it, NONONONO Cat.
 

 
(via Nerdcore)

 
Unofficial video for “Frustration” from the Lou Reed/ Metallica album Lulu.

The pain shoots through my body
A sword between my thighs
I wish that I could kill you
But I too love your eyes

You’re feeling less whore but you stimulate
The hatred smolders in your eyes
I’d drop to my knees in a second
To salivate in your thighs

But all I do is fall over
I don’t have the strength I once had
In you and your prickless lover
And his easel in his eyes

I feel the pain creep up my leg
Blood runs from my nose
I puke my guts out at your feet
You’re more man than I
To be dead to have no feeling
To be dry and spermless like a girl

This is NSFW. You’ve been warned.
 

 
Here are some 30 second excerpts from all of the tracks on the new Lou Reed/Metallica album Lulu.

What do you think?

Though it’s hard to judge an entire album based on 30 second clips, some of the bits sound to me like the highly amplified rumbling sludge of a lower intestinal tract infection fronted by the guy who works the complaint desk in Hell. Muddle machine music.

Track two, “The View,” is presented in its entirety.
 

Lulu (30-second Samples) by Lou Reed & Metallica

 
I was prepared for the worst but nothing quite as bad as the song “The View,” from the upcoming Lou Reed/Metallica collaboration. If this track is indicative of what’s on the rest of the album, it will end up embarrassing everyone involved. This will satisfy no one…not Lou’s fans, not Metallica’s.

As music, it’s intolerably bad, sounding like some hellish noise cooked up in the basement by a 10th rate metal band and their loony uncle and the lyrics read like something scrawled on the back of a goth kid’s composition book. A sample:

I WANT TO SEE YOUR SUICIDE
I WANT TO SEE YOU GIVE IT UP
YOUR LIFE OF REASON
I WANT YOU ON THE FLOOR
AND IN A COFFIN YOUR SOUL SHAKING
I WANT TO HAVE YOU DOUBTING
EVERY MEANING YOU’VE AMASSED
LIKE A FORTUNE

OH THROW IT AWAY

FOR WORSHIP SOMEONE
WHO ACTIVELY DESPISES YOU

As a long suffering Lou Reed fan, I was hoping that my gut feelings that this project was going to be disastrous would be proven wrong. If the rest of the album is as shitty as this track, it could go down in history as one of the most misbegotten musical couplings of all time.
 

The View by Lou Reed & Metallica

 
Another killer mash-up from Wax Audio.

Stevie Wonder’s “Superstition” melds beautifully with Metallica’s “Sad But True.”

This originally appeared on Wax Audio’s Mashopolos 2 released in 2008 in audio form only. The new video is smashingly good!
 

 
Via Wax Audio

 
I’m as big a Lou Reed fan as there is, but based on the video below (from the 2009 Rock & Roll Hall of Fame show), I’m not sure a Reed/Metallica collaboration is such a hot idea. I’m keeping fingers crossed that what appears to be a marriage made in hell may end up surprising me.

David Fricke of Rolling Stone magazine has heard the album and wrote:

The record, not yet titled, features 10 songs composed by Reed with significant arrangement contributions by the band that suggest a raging union of his 1973 noir classic, Berlin, and Metallica’s ‘86 crusher, Master of Puppets.

Fricke’s description confuses me. I’m even less clear as to what the album sounds like then I was before reading it.

And Metallica’s James Hetfield doesn’t help:

Lars and I listened to the stuff,” Hetfield says of Reed’s demos, “and it was like, ‘Wow, this is very different.’ It was scary at first, because the music was so open. But then I thought, ‘This could go anywhere.’ “

Knowing the songs were composed by Reed based on Frank Wedekind’s play Lulu, which was written in 1895, puts this into the category of Reed’s work I generally don’t like: the pretentious and forgettable concept album.

Lou Reed thinks the album is…

... maybe the best thing done by anyone, ever. It could create another planetary system. I’m not joking, and I’m not being egotistical.

We will soon find out on Halloween, the day the album is released.