A few years ago I was grabbing stacks of tapes at a video store liquidation sale and managed to stumble upon what would become one of the best single-dollar purchases I’ve ever made. Straight out of the “special interest” section, and directly into your brain, comes Dazzle Dancin’, a direct-to-VHS, cocaine-fueled nightmare of ultra-stiff moves hosted by an out-of-touch, middle-aged, creeposaur. Dazzle Dancin’, as an artifact, is simultaneously dated and timeless.
In 1984 some genius director hired goofball moron DJ, Rick Dees, of “Disco Duck” fame, to host what is quite possibly the worst instructional dance program ever committed to videotape. Never mind the fact that Dees obviously has no rhythm or dancing ability whatsoever, he’ll certainly be able to carry the show on his winning charisma alone, right? Right?
Dazzle Dancin’ was to be the first in a series that never made it past the pilot, and you’ll see why. In 1984, it would have been tough to go wrong with a vehicle cashing in on the success of MTV, break-dancing, and Flashdance, but Dazzle Dancin’ manages to get it as wrong as you possibly can.
Despite a diverse cast, the moves in Dazzle Dancin’ are painfully white. Rick Dees’ lone dance move is a sort of disinterested sway that seems to be his go-to, whether he’s learning about “breaking” or “punkin’” or “The ET”—which has to be seen to be believed.
In one segment, Dees meets a group of kids outside of the club who teach him about “street dancing” and perform a (terrible) rap, which inspires the ol’ Rickster to do some “rapping” of his own when he gets back inside the club. Let’s just say rapping is even less of a strong-suit than his dancing.
Dees has some really bad non-sequitur one-liners in this thing like “hurt me baby, make me write bad checks,” and “I wish I could talk like that guy on the street but I think I spent too much time on the freeway,” (???) and can we talk about that Chess King close-out shirt he’s wearing? Too much.
Intrigued? Of course you are, watch Dazzle Dancin after the jump…