Can you identify this man?

Today is Presidents Day, and that means it’s time for a mattress sale or, more likely, a day at home catching up on House of Games or The Walking Dead. But you could also spend it getting edumacated about the impressive personages who have occupied that lofty office.

Eh, takes too long, right? And who really gives a hoot about all those bearded jokers from the 19th century? But what if I told you that a gregarious professor of history has done all the work for you, by crafting 44 (actually 46) witty tweets so that you can at least know the thumbnail takeaway for each President? Erik Loomis is an assistant professor of history at the University of Rhode Island and a blogger at Lawyers, Guns, and Money, and he’s done exactly that: summarized every President’s accomplishments in a tweet.

Nearly all of the tweets are pretty cutting, and there’s a heavy emphasis on imperialist adventures abroad and racist and/or union-busting activities at home, which is fine with me. Here are a few of the more memorable ones:
 

WH Harrison: wear a damn coat you old geezer.

— Erik Loomis (@ErikLoomis) February 17, 2014

B. Harrison: Hey, I'm a professional and I can't think of anything he did. Not actually true, but I like the joke. And really, who cares.

— Erik Loomis (@ErikLoomis) February 17, 2014

Harding: I like fraternal hats, bicycles, and giving the keys of the nation to corporations.

— Erik Loomis (@ErikLoomis) February 17, 2014

 
I can hear you now at your next cocktail party, perfectly primed to uncork your newfound wisdom on your unsuspecting prey: “Oh, Harding? Yes, he liked bicycles, you know.” (Unfortunately, since everything I know about Harding comes from that tweet, I have no idea what that actually means.)

With the more recent presidents, it’s easier to have a informed opinion: I think Loomis underrates Eisenhower and Reagan mildly, but those assessments are very much in keeping with the others, and he makes a valuable point about Nixon, who did such “liberal” things as create the Environmental Protection Agency largely as a way to splinter and generally confuse the Democratic Party: “Not a domestic liberal people. Quit saying that. Signed those bills b/c Congress would have overridden veto.” And I think this is the exact right take on LBJ:
 

LBJ: I mean sure, there's that whole Vietnam thing. Take that away and he's a titan and a totally unexpected one. Alas.

— Erik Loomis (@ErikLoomis) February 17, 2014

 
To shore up your newfound knowledge, here’s an Animaniacs clip that accomplishes much the same thing (without the left-wing bias):
 

 
(By the way, the dude at the top of the page is Millard Fillmore.)