Japan’s reputation for baffling weirdness and its wont to use Western pop culture figures in advertising has resulted in some amusing confluences, especially in the pre-Internet era, when said popcult figures could do an ad in Japan for some easy money with reasonable confidence that none of their fans back home would ever see it.

Now, of course, we enjoy the fruits of a global network containing damn near every stupid thing that ever came down the pike, available instantly and for all time or until Prince complains. And so today, even we gaijin can enjoy the three headfuckingly lysergic TV ads the British pop duo WHAM! made in 1985 for Maxell audio cassettes. These were part of a campaign that included some pretty weird and acutely ‘80s print collateral, as well:
 

 

 
Images are of ad spreads for sale by eBay user tokyotim

If you were alive and reasonably sentient in the ‘80s, you know WHAM!‘s material whether you cared to or not just by dint of radio and MTV saturation play, so you’ll notice that in the TV spots, they change their songs’ lyrics—probably for licensing reasons—but that’s not what’s really important here. What’s really important is that you drop a heroic dose and stare deeply into Andrew Ridgeley’s eyes until you see the FACE OF GOD.
 

 
More of this madness after the jump…

 
It’s December 16, and If you’re a human being in the western world, you’re probably sick to death of Wham’s synthy 1984 classic “Last Christmas” by now. I argue that it’s the last song ever released to enter the Christmas canon—a friend recently argued for Mariah Carey’s 1994 song “All I Want For Christmas Is You,” but I disqualify it on the basis that it’s a fuck-song, it’s a song about fucking your boyfriend, it’s not really about Christmas at all.

Anyway, “Last Christmas.” Had enough of it yet? If you have, you may find the antidote in this YouTube video, in which someone had the genius idea of slowing down the song to a length of nearly 36 minutes, which works really well. Then it sounds like some kind of 1990s dance music, like The Orb or Autechre or somebody. Slowing it down by a factor of 8 gives the sparkly and tinkly yuletime anthem an oceanic, Eno-esque aura. Sure, it’s not Bauhaus’ “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” stretched out to a brain-pulverizing nine hours, but then, what is? You have to take such pleasures where they come.
 

 
via Das Kraftfuttermischwerk

 
This is exactly how I like my Christmas music. Totally unrecognizable as Christmas music.
 

 
Via Nerdcore