Tomorrow evening large numbers of U.K. viewers are expected to tune into what is being hyped as a startling documentary on Channel 4 called Secret Life of Human Pups. The documentary is about a fascinating subculture of men who have a secret predilection for dressing up as dogs in their spare time, including the donning of special plastic dog outfits, sleeping in cages, eating dog biscuits—they especially adore going out for walks on a leash, or on a “lead” as the British term it.

This morning, on a talk show called This Morning on ITV, British viewers received a sneak preview of the documentary’s content when a fellow named Tom, who likes to dress up as a Dalmatian named Spot, appeared for an interview with a close friend and former fiancée named Rachael. To put it mildly, the program has provided many Britons with a juicy fodder for water cooler conversation.

Tom is a sound and lighting technician in everyday life, and he has spent more than four thousand pounds—that’s nearly $6,000—on his canine accoutrements. Tom has a custom-made rubber suit and a dog crate that he uses for his nighttime slumbers. He says, “It doesn’t look comfortable, but you can curl up in different ways, there is more space than you think.”

According to the documentary, as many as 10,000 “secret pups” live in the United Kingdom. Many of them insist that the practice is not sexual in nature but is rather a response to stress in daily life, a reversion to a simpler state of being. As Tom says, the practice is “an obsession and an escapism. It would be a very boring life if there was no puppy play.”

Baffled viewers took to Twitter to express their befuddlement—and also to register their skepticism that the practice has no sexual component. One woman named Kirsty tweeted: “I’m sorry but him saying it isn’t a sexual thing is lying! It’s extreme bondage gone weird.”

One man quoted only by his puppy name Dynamo, commented, “A lot of them work in high pressure jobs and control a lot of people, they are CEOs and it is a way for them to express themselves in a way they can’t as a human.” Another fellow who becomes a rottweiler named Chip says “When I am not running around on all fours I work in catering.”

After the documentary airs tomorrow night, you can expect a whole new round of office conversation to start up again.

More after the jump…

 
It’s hard to believe that another summer’s almost over. It won’t be long before the dreaded holiday season is bearing down upon us like Bill Cosby in a rutting reindeer sweater once again. After all, there are only 126 shopping days left until Christmas. Can you believe it? With that ominous deadline looming large on the horizon, what rational person has the time to think straight, much less participate in the crass commercialization of that most holy of days—Black Friday—by getting all of the family handgun Christmas shopping squared away before Santa’s annual home invasion drill down the chimney?  Maybe it’s time to take a deep breath, wash a Xanax down with some of last year’s slightly expired eggnog, and think upon simpler times. More Pagan times.

An Etsy shop doing cosplay the hard way, Chaos Costumes, features a line of hooved leggings suitable for your next Pagan holiday celebration.
 

 
Shop owner, Blair Ondria, specializes in designing, fabricating, and selling a line of very unusual “custom fantasy costumes and accessories.” Most of her designs are based on creatures with hooves—from horses to fauns, creatures both real and mythical, creatures with both cloven and non-cloven hooves. In fact, the only creature with cloven hooves whose costume they don’t seem to stock is Donald Trump.

Bear in mind that the holiday season begins with Halloween (or Samhain) —and that’s only two-and-a-half months away— so get cracking if you’re looking to receive your faun hooves in time to frolic in a glen (or whatever) on October 31st.  Just add horns, a tail, and a pan flute, and you’re either a satyr dreaming of nymphs, or a hirsute Zamfir ready to serenade his flock.

Halloween out of the way, we have to deal with the agony of a traditional family Thanksgiving. I suggest you score a pair of these werewolf stilts, brandish a turkey drumstick in one hand and a flagon of mead in the other, and attend your own private Bacchanalia until the alcohol and tryptophan kick in to put you out of your misery. With any luck, the synergistic effect will allow you to sleep until December 5th.
 

Or perhaps line the family up for the traditional holiday Osculum Infame.
 
December 5th (or 6th, depending on your ancestry) is Krampusnacht, on the eve of the feast of Saint Nicholas. In Alpine folklore, Saint Nicholas, who rewards good children, has an evil, devilish counterpart called Krampus , who appears on Krampusnacht to punish the children who have misbehaved. This antithesis of Saint Nicholas is a hairy beast with cloven hooves and the horns of a goat. Needless to say, a pair of cloven-hooved leggings are tailor-made for creating a Krampus costume to wear on Krampusnacht while running wild in the streets, whipping townfolk with branches, and stuffing children into gunny sacks.
 

“A tisket, a tasket, stuff this brat into a basket.”
 
Continues after the jump…

 
Designer Boyd Baton has been crafting his dystopian designs for over 20 years in Barcelona, Spain. While attending school in his native Holland in the early 90’s, Baton found himself smack in the midst of the emerging Acid House dance scene and started making hand-painted T-shirts and costumes for his friends and the club kids. One of Baton’s first creations was a bra made from mirrored PVC, a fab fabric that he still incorporates into the futuristic looks that are a part of his label Divamp Couture which Baton launched in 2013.
 

 
While Baton says he admires the work of designers like Thierry Mugler and Jean-Paul Gaultier, he credits Mother Nature as his true muse. Since I’m pretty sure Barcelona is located on planet Earth, I find Baton’s nod to nature a bit confusing. Sadly, the truth is that I’ve never been to Barcelona. So I must suspend my disbelief that some areas of the city are inhabited by extras from Mad Max. But I digress.
 

 
Baton’s extreme duds are made from flexible mirrored PVC sewn onto a fabric lining. So they only look like they would repel bullets or protect you from a surprise roadside attack by The Acolytes. Also, if while looking through some of the images that follow of Baton’s sci-fi handy work you think that you’ve just found the perfect get up for Halloween this year, forget it. Baton’s more involved designs cost over a grand, and smaller pieces like this spiny armor for your arm will run you a few hundred dollars. Let’s face it, if you want to look like the alternate universe version of the Plasmatics (and who doesn’t?), it isn’t going to come cheap. If you’re currently in Barcelona, Baton’s work can be seen and purchased in at his brick and mortar store located on the popular shopping street, Carrer Petritxol.
 

 

 
More after the jump…