I spent a decent amount of time trying to debunk both Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes and Semenology: The Semen Bartender’s Handbook as satire, but to no avail. The author appears to be totally earnest, as you can see in this Reddit AMA, which contains the somewhat unexpected line, “My shift at the hospital is starting and I need to get to work.”.

But I’m still finding the whole thing difficult to swallow (come on, I had to). It’s not the practice of consuming semen that leaves me skeptical, but the level of pretension being applied to a sexual fetish. Be a freak, of course, but must we put on airs about it?

Perhaps it’s because I’ve always been more gourmand than gourmet, but I just refuse to believe that ejaculate-based cooking is an actual cuisine. It’s more of a past-time, really. And I refuse to acknowledge ejaculate as an ingredient. It’s a garnish, at best! And since the recipes all appear to be pretty classic and relatively straightforward, couldn’t I just buy a regular cookbook and add one more final ingredient? See below for a cocktail demonstration.