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‘God’s taken a dump on my face’: The wit and wisdom of Kenny Powers
04.14.2012
02:04 pm

Topics:
Amusing
Television

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I was late to the Kenny Powers party, but I’m catching up. Thanks Richard.

HBO’s Eastbound & Down starring Danny McBride as former star baseball player Kenny Powers is filled with some of the most insanely funny, politically-incorrect humor on TV. Powers is a lovable asshole with visions of grandeur and a gift for fucking up on an epic scale. McBride describes him as…

[...] having all the qualities that an epic hero should, but they’re only the worst qualities. It’s completely ass backwards. He’s sort of the current state of the modern American hero.”

But don’t underestimate Powers. On the surface, he can be a clueless, mean-spirited narcissist, but deep down he’s Tony Robbins with a mullet. In this open letter to Tim Tebow, Powers lays some inspirational words on the Jesus-freak football player.

As Yogi Berra famously said, “it’s like Deja Vu came all over itself again.”

The more I read about Tim Tebow, the more I see similarities to my own life story. Our story begins with a young mother- to-be who wants an abortion. Instead, she mans up and has the baby, giving birth to a son-child.

This special son-child makes a life out of bucking the odds. Though neither the strongest nor the fastest, he excels at sports. Many experts doubt the remarkable lad. They tell him he throws funny, and that he doesn’t have the right physique for the game. It’s science, they say. He’ll only go so far.

But the Gifted Young Athlete refuses to let the doubters shit in his Wheaties. To hell with science. The Gifted Young Athlete knows that he has something stronger. He has God on his side. So he presses on and keeps a good attitude, and every time he beats the odds in life he proves the experts wrong.

Next thing you know, there are folks calling it a miracle. Maybe the Gifted Young Athlete is blessed by the Almighty, they say. Perhaps he really does have a fucking angel on his shoulder.

And suddenly the experts don’t look like experts anymore. By now, our hero has upset a whole lot of people. There are those who simply don’t like the idea of a man being favored by God. They feel his special relationship with Jesus diminishes their own somehow. If Jesus loves the Gifted Young Athlete, what does he think of the rest of us? Bunch of assholes?

So the haters multiply, and soon the resentment reaches a boiling point. And that’s when the torches and pitchforks and long knives come out. Yes, the world is given a savior but they choose to crucify him instead. Who’d a thunk it? The same old fuckin’ story.

Maybe that’s why Jesus likes us so much to begin with. He sees a little of himself in there.

You see, Gifted Young Athlete, people look at us and they see all they don’t have. It’s like, “homeboy’s over there gettin’ ‘er done! And Jesus loves him too! Fuck that guy.”

But can you really blame them? Wouldn’t you be pissed? Jesus helps us win at sports games, yet he’s nowhere to be found when poor people need important medicine for their kid’s infection, or when they’re late on a mortgage payment. Think about it. There are folks in Africa who get AIDS without even being gay. Yet here Jesus is, helping me & Tebow out in sports, just because we’re maybe a little bit cooler in his eyes. It’s a raw deal, plain and simple. Even though he’s hooking me up, I still see it’s kind of a cocksucker move on Jesus’s part.

But my advice to you, Mr. Tebow, from one Gifted Young Athlete to another: don’t kill yourself trying to make sense of all the madness. Just hold on to your dick and have a good time. Believe me, it’s all you can do. Make no apologies, either. Those are for weak people, and the haters will hate you anyway. It’s not our fault we’re awesome, playboy. It’s Jesus’s. As the gorgeous bitches in the makeup commercials used to say, “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.”

God Bless.

Kenny Powers
Shelby, NC

Here’s a taste of Powers and the art of the insult. There’s a certain cracked poetry in the way this knucklehead slings words. For more check out Kenny Powers’ Powerisms
 

 

Posted by Marc Campbell | Leave a comment
‘Circuit Earth’: Rarely seen documentary with Allen Ginsberg, Ed Sanders and Alan Watts
04.14.2012
01:27 pm

Topics:
Activism
Environment
History
Politics
Science/Tech

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Filmed in Philadelphia during the first Earth Day in April of 1970, Circuit Earth is a fascinating glimpse at the roots of the ecology movement and a sad reminder of how little things have changed when it comes to humanity’s relationship to our planet in the 42 years since the film was made. The environmental crisis continues and is getting worse as we continue to not learn from our mistakes.

Circuit Earth The idea behind “Circuit Earth” was to draw connections between concern for the environment and spiritual impoverishment manifested by war, overpopulation, mindless consumption, and drug addiction. This “underground” documentary raised issues that are now in the mainstream, including the impact of warfare, climate change, and population growth on the environment. It focused on concerns that are as true today as they were then, such as the dependence on fossil fuels, which is at the core of the energy debate today. Circuit Earth anticipated the need for a holistic and global approach to the environment that requires an informed citizenry as well as knowledge-based political leadership. This film underscores the global nature of technology and the environment, and the complex interaction of natural and human systems.

Featuring Allen Ginsberg, Sen. Ed Muskie, the Broadway cast of Hair, Jerry Rubin, Alan Watts, Redbone and Ed Sanders of the Fugs.

Circuit Earth was shown in 1971 and at a few conferences, but was never in distribution and has not been released on video.
 

Posted by Marc Campbell | Leave a comment
Bee Gees’ Robin Gibb in coma
04.14.2012
11:56 am

Topics:
Current Events
Music
Pop Culture

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British media is reporting that Robin Gibb of the Bee Gees is in a coma in a London hospital.

From the Coventry Telegraph:

BEE Gees star Robin Gibb is fighting for his life after contracting pneumonia in his battle against cancer. The 62-year-old singer’s family have been keeping vigil at his bedside at a hospital in Chelsea, west London.

Robin had surgery on his bowel 18 months ago for an unrelated condition, but a tumour was discovered and he was diagnosed with cancer of the colon and, subsequently, of the liver.

It had been thought his cancer was in remission as early as last month, but the latest deterioration in his health coincides with reports of a secondary tumour.”

In this live footage shot in 1974 in Australia, Robin’s angelic voice is in full flower.
 

Posted by Marc Campbell | Leave a comment
The secret history of rock and roll: Don Ho shocks the monkey
04.13.2012
11:24 pm

Topics:
Music
Pop Culture

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Five years ago today Don Ho ascended in a spiraling cloud of tiny bubbles to the great luau in the sky.

Here’s the master of mellowness covering Peter Gabriel’s “Shock The Monkey” from the album When Pigs Fly and The Beastie Boys’ “Sabotage” on The Conan O’Brian Show in 1995.
 

 

 
My favorite Don Ho tune after the jump…

Posted by Marc Campbell | Leave a comment
There’s a goat in the mosh pit!
04.13.2012
07:35 pm

Topics:
Animals
Punk

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Wormrot is a grindcore band from Singapore with a baaadass fan base.

This cloven-hoofed little devil is definitely taking mental notes for his future punk band: Goatface Killa.
 

 
Via Facebook

Posted by Marc Campbell | Leave a comment
‘The only sin is the sin of being born’: Happy Birthday Samuel Beckett!
04.13.2012
03:16 pm

Topics:
Literature

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Samuel Beckett painted from life in Paris by Reginald Grey, 1961

“You must go on, I can’t go on, I’ll go on”—The Unnamable

The great Irish modernist/minimalist writer Samuel Beckett was born on this day, April 13th, 106 years ago. Greatly influenced by his friend and mentor James Joyce, with plays like Krapp’s Last Tape, Waiting for Godot and Endgame; and his novels Molloy, Malone Dies and The Unnamable, Beckett established himself as the last of the great 20th century modernist writers.

Much of Beckett’s work dealt with the breakdown of communication, repetitive, pointless activities, hopelessness, loneliness and the general shitty bleakness of the human condition. He was closely associated with the post-war dramatic movement that the influential critic Martin Esslin dubbed “The Theatre of the Absurd” which also included Eugène Ionesco, Jean Genet, Harold Pinter, Tom Stoppard, Edward Albee and others. Samuel Beckett died on December 22, 1989 at the age of 83.

The late Anthony Minghella’s superb interpretation of Beckett’s Play from the 4-disc Beckett on Film set featured Harry Potter’s Alan Rickman in, uh, urn-ist with Kristen Scott Thomas and Juliet Stevenson. If you’ve never sampled Beckett’s work before, I reckon this Play is a great place to… hit “play”!
 

Posted by Richard Metzger | Leave a comment
Incredible photo of eight lightning bolts striking the San Francisco Bay Bridge simultaneously
04.13.2012
02:19 pm

Topics:
Environment

Tags:


 
Last night, occasional photographer Phil McGrew snapped this amazing photo of eight bolts of lightning striking the Bay Bridge in San Francisco.

Mr. McGrew says he took the photo through the window of his apartment. Talk about being at the right place at the right time!

Via Laughing Squid

 

Posted by Tara McGinley | Leave a comment
Hell Yeah! There is a Future for Rock ‘n’ Roll: 3 Children Play Rammstein
04.13.2012
12:21 pm

Topics:
Amusing
Music

Tags:

children_medieval_band
 
Children Medieval Band might not be the most catchy of names, but listen to these kids play, and Hell yeah, there is a future for Rock ‘n’ Roll!

CMB cover 3 Rammstein tracks and this is what their blurb says on You Tube:

Only 5 yrs and 8 mo, Cornelia is helping her older brother and sister to record one of their favorite songs. Rammstein has some amazing compositions, likeable to younger kids too.

Not much the wiser, but fuck Simon Cowell, these youngsters offer a Hope that music can still mean something more than just the homogenized corporate bullshit piped out in malls, downloads and TV shows.
 

 
2 more CMB covers, after the jump…
 
With thanks to Colin Somerville
 

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Leave a comment
George Washington signed the first health insurance mandate!
04.13.2012
11:44 am

Topics:
Class War
History
Politics

Tags:


 
Medical insurance mandates are nothing new, as Einer Elhauge, a professor at Harvard Law Schoo, explains at The New Republic:

In making the legal case against Obamacare’s individual mandate, challengers have argued that the framers of our Constitution would certainly have found such a measure to be unconstitutional. Nevermind that nothing in the text or history of the Constitution’s Commerce Clause indicates that Congress cannot mandate commercial purchases. The framers, challengers have claimed, thought a constitutional ban on purchase mandates was too “obvious” to mention. Their core basis for this claim is that purchase mandates are unprecedented, which they say would not be the case if it was understood this power existed.

But there’s a major problem with this line of argument: It just isn’t true. The founding fathers, it turns out, passed several mandates of their own. In 1790, the very first Congress—which incidentally included 20 framers—passed a law that included a mandate: namely, a requirement that ship owners buy medical insurance for their seamen. This law was then signed by another framer: President George Washington. That’s right, the father of our country had no difficulty imposing a health insurance mandate.

Elhauge joined an amicus brief supporting the constitutionality of the Affordable Care Act’s individual mandate. You can (and should) read his entire piece at TNR.

This brings to light some extraordinary “lost history” that the Reichwing needs to consider as they hone their threadbare, tissue-thin arguments to deny healthcare to their fellow man…

Posted by Richard Metzger | Leave a comment
The TRUE story of the infamous ‘Turds of Misery’
04.13.2012
10:52 am

Topics:
Amusing
Music

Tags:


 
No, you’re not looking at a promo pic for a new film starring Seth Rogen as a 70s hesher, but of an actual 70s rock band from Davenport, Iowa who called themselves Turds of Misery.

You may have seen this photo making the rounds on the Internet a few years ago with a rather colorful background story which was originally reported by SF Weekly and Weather Station 1:

Turds of Misery played only six shows during their short existence. Based in a small town on the outskirts of Winnipeg, Manitoba, the three-piece act quickly abandoned their first concept—an Alan Parson Project cover band—to focus on original tunes. The band included (from left) bassist Dave, drummer Gord, and guitarist Bagpipes McDonald. One of their songs, I Seen You At The Corner Store, received some airplay on the local AM station in 1980. After the band split up, Dave returned to his career as a high school geography teacher, while Gord went to prison for stealing golf balls from the forest. Bagpipes, meanwhile, became the lead guitarist in the current touring version of Foreigner.

Well, it turns out Weather Station 1 was having a laff and said this:

So, that nonsense I typed up the other day about this weird picture of a faded 70s rock band called Turds of Misery kind of took off over the weekend. Internet writer John Biggs was the first to spot it, but the fuss all started because a writer named Ian S. Port at sfweekly.com believed my bullshit and ran it as a news item. This, for a while, lived on the front page of digg.com and has popped up all over the web.

Ian probably should have realized that there really couldn’t be anyone named “Bagpipes McDonald.”

Okay, now that we have all the confusion cleared up, there was in fact a real 70s band called Turds of Misery and here’s the real story behind this epic photo:

To set the record straight…. These boys aren’t Canadians. They’re from the Davenport, Iowa area. That’s my dad in the middle with the beer. His name is Dave, not Gord. Wade is on the right, and Wade’s brother on the left. They did an excellent cover of “Wild Thing.”

So now you have it. Everything you need to know about Turds of Misery.

Posted by Tara McGinley | Leave a comment
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