I think I might have once sent a professor of mine a long-dead fish in the mail.  I know—boring!  Where was CrabRevenge when I needed it?  Who knew it’s not illegal (not specifically, and not in England, anyway) to deliberately infect an ex, loved one, or unsuspecting friend with crabs?

The site goes out of its way to let you to know it in no way, like, endorses infecting people with crabs.  But, proving once again a good rhyme is hard to resist, its apparent motto is, “make that bitch itch.”  For the still-curious (or still-scheming), Crabrevenge offers a choice of 3 color-coded crab packages:

GREEN: Single Crabs Colony.  This colony may contain as many as 30 individual eggs in a single clutch.  These will hatch within days of arrival and mature within the following week.  This package is great for any one person and will definitely do the job.

BLUE: Three Crabs Colonies.  Contains three batches of around 30 eggs.  Use the first one straight away and you can freeze the other two batches for over 160 days, or…you could get revenge on three people at once or carpet bomb someone’s car or house to have them itching for a long time.  Maybe your friends want in on the action and you would like to take advantage of the discount pricing?

RED: Shampoo Resistant F strain Crabs.  One colony of F strain super crabs.  We have gone through a lot of work but now we are finally able to introduce the F Strain Lice!  These crabs are almost impossible to get rid off and have been through over a year of selective lab breeding to be the most aggressive and most reproductive species on the planet!  This species can take up to two weeks to get rid off and apparently bite so much they cause the victim to scratch themselves raw and we can guarantee than nothing apart from two washes of everything the victim owns and a 100% delousing solution coverage will get rid of them!

The payment system at Crabrevenge seems to be down right now lending one, naturally, to suspect a hoax.  If that’s so, you can visit its possibly more legitimate competitor site, RevengeCrabs. 

Site sells pubic crabs for revenge

 
You’re welcome.
 
(via Unique Daily)

 
Don’t you hate it when this happens?

Via Robert Popper.

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

AHHH AHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOO GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHY FARK NO GAHHHHHHHHH!@UY%@^%!*&!(

Kids these days. Too much respect for their elders.

Pearl Carter is positively glowing with joy. She has a handsome new boyfriend, is enjoying an active sex life after many years of celibacy and, amazingly, is preparing to become a mother again.

But the retired grandmother isn’t carrying the baby herself. She and her young lover have spent a staggering $54,000 hiring a surrogate to help them with their dreams of having a child.

What makes Pearl’s decision to become a mum again even more shocking is that her new boyfriend is her biological grandson, 26-year-old Phil Bailey.

(Tribal War: ‘I’m in love with my grandson and we’re having a baby’)

 
C’mon, people, this happened to me all the time in 8th grade, and not once did I ever press charges:

A Florida man is facing misdemeanor battery charges for holding closed one nostril and blowing bloody mucus on his girlfriend after a fight.  The 44-year-old Crestview man had been in an altercation before blowing the contents of his nose on his girlfriend, the Crestview Bulletin reports.

Details of the fight in which the man received the bloody nose were not released.  The woman was splattered with snot containing the blood and other bodily fluids on her face, chest, arms and pants, but showed no signs of any injury that could have caused the blood to be hers.

Is it that hard to sustain a relationship these days without having to splatter your mate with nose blood?  Hey, unnamed Crestview couple, take a cue from Sarah and Colin Kavanagh!

Man Faces Charges For Blowing Bloody Nose On Girlfriend

 
(via Unique Daily)

 
For years now, and at GREAT personal expense, I’ve been quietly putting together a convincing Prince Charming outfit, praying waiting for the day I could sneak into Disneyland and cavort undetected with Jasmine and Pooh.

Well, thanks to Natasha Narula (above right) and her daughter, Drew, I can now kiss that dream goodbye.  Hey, Natasha, next time you wanna “blend,” maybe pick something more elaborate than that shabby 40-dollar wedding dress?!

The mother-of-two told yesterday how she was left ‘stunned and humiliated’ after being ordered to return to her hotel to change when staff insisted she could not enter the complex in fancy dress because she could be mistaken for a Disney princess.  She said that one of them then told her the dress was ‘too pretty’ and may be confused for a member of staff in character.

‘But I spoke to a manager and she said they were concerned children would think I worked there and wanted to have their picture with me.  ‘I didn’t even have any make-up on and didn’t look anything like the characters in the park, it wasn’t like I was wearing a big Mickey Mouse outfit, it was just a dress.  She was forced to change into an old pair of jeans and a shirt before she was eventually admitted to the park.  Drew was allowed to keep her dress on. 

The divorced mother said: ‘I was just a bit of fun for me and my daughter but we were treated like criminals.  ‘The only things I had left were what I’d worn the night before so I had to go into the park wearing dirty clothes.  Disneyland confirmed it had a global policy banning adults from wearing fancy dress in their theme parks.  A spokesman said: ‘No one over the age of nine is allowed to enter our theme parks in fancy dress.  It prevents confusion.’

Ah, yes, “confusion.”  I’m sure that’s exactly what it prevents!

Mother and Daughter Banned from Disneyland…Because They Were Dressed as Fairy Princesses

My friend Matthew Lee, London food critic at large, just published this article about Horton Jupiter, a Stoke Newington DJ who converted his living room into a restaurant—sparking a trend across the United Kingdom. First person to import to the US wins.

The neighbours must find it rather odd. Every Wednesday evening since January, two dozen strangers have congregated outside a small flat on a Stoke Newington housing estate. The flat belongs to Horton Jupiter, a musician, DJ and amateur chef whose decision to open a restaurant in his front room has sparked a phenomenon. Within months, numerous home restaurants, also known as supper clubs, had popped up throughout the UK.

Using applications such as Facebook and Twitter to get the word out, these courageous cooks have dragged the restaurant industry into the social networking age. And home restaurants are, above all, social. Guests are seated at large tables, dinner party-style, and encouraged to chat to strangers. It’s a world apart from a candlelit dinner for two.

Horton had no intention of being a pioneer. ““I have a book called This Diary Will Change Your Life and each week it sets you a task”,” he explains. ““Week two was to start a restaurant in your front room, so I did.””

(The Home Restaurant Phenomenon)

 
Via Hot Knives comes this ingenious recipe for an all-natural version of my favorite over-the-counter knock-out medicine, Nyquil (known elsewhere as Night Nurse or Cherry Flavor Night Time). I don’t think I’ll wait to get sick to try this out !

In place of Acetaminophen (pain and fever reliever), Dextromethorphan HBr (cough suppressant), and Doxylamine succinate (sleep aid) we used green chile, ginger, citric acid and booze—all herbal, if subtler, forms of the chemical stuff. A couple shots, errr, doses, of the stuff is perfect for sitting on the couch in a sweatshirt and sweating out your germs. Take that Big Pharma!

Natural “KniQuil”
(One day’s dose)

 

2 cups fresh mint leaves
1 cup water
1 cup agave nectar (sugar, honey work)
1 small ginger bulb
1 lemon
1 tsp. extra virgin olive oil
1 Tbs. roasted green chile
2 shots Pastis
2 shots Southern Comfort

1. Start off making a mint simple syrup. Pluck 35-40 mint leaves off their stems, this should yield about 2 cups of mint. Roughly chop half the mint (set half aside for later use) and add to a saucepot with 1 cup of water. Bring to a boil and let simmer for about 5-8 minutes. Remove from heat and strain the leaves out. Put just the mint tea back on a medium heat and wait until back to a full boil. Add agave nectar, mixing, and let cook 1 minute before removing. Set aside to cool.

2. Ready your other veggies for the blender. First peel the ginger and slice into matchsticks. Next, zest your lemon, place the zest into a small dish and cover with 1 tsp. of good quality olive oil.

3. Toss the ginger, green chile and remaining cup of fresh mint to the blender. Add lemon juice. Finally add half the mint syrup, setting the rest aside for garnish. Pulse thoroughly for up to a minute. (Note: If you do not have the luxury of having authentic green chile, try subbing in a roasted jalapeño. Remove the seeds and use half in place of green chile.)

4. Strain the mixture into a bowl. Use a spoon to slush it around, allowing it to pass through the sieve or fine mesh strainer. Now you have the fresh juice part of your elixer! Taste it with a spoon, if it seems too tart or spicy, add more mint syrup one teaspoon at a time.

5. Mix. The basic proportion is one-part juice to one-part pastis to one-part whiskey. For a single dose: measure out a tablespoon of each into a cocktail shaker. Add a teaspoon of lemon zest oil. Complete with 3 ice cubes and shake fervently. Pour into a shot glass or desert wine snifter.

via Good Food

 
Calling all Juggalos:

A Swiss actor is carving out a new career as a sinister-looking clown—terrifying children’s birthday parties.  Dominic Deville had the brainwave after watching his favourite horror movies and set up his Evil Clown service in Lucerne.  And he says his unlikely new venture is going so well that he’s laughing all the way to the bank.

After he is hired to scare a birthday boy or girl, he first contacts his ‘victims’ to tell them they’re being watched.  Then he taunts them with texts, phone calls and booby-trapped letters warning them that at sometime in their party he’s going to smash a cake into their face.  “It’s all in fun and if at any point the kids get scared or their parents are concerned we stop right there,” he explained.  “But most kids absolutely love being scared senseless.”

Evil Clown is a Scary Success