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You stepped in something: Smiling poop emoji shoes
10.16.2014
06:28 am

Topics:
Amusing
Fashion

Tags:
shoes
emojis
poop


 
How much would you pay for a pair of shoes covered in feces? $50,000? $100,000? Money is no object for a thing of such value, but you don’t need to break the bank to snag a pair of these… er…. shitty kickers! Betabrand has almost met their crowdfunding goal for a run of cute sneakers adorned in a “discreet” poo emoji print (only $70.40 for a pledge, a discounted rate for fine footwear covered in cute crap, right?). Sure, sure, but you’re walking around in permanent poo-shoes already. Isn’t pattern kind of… pretty? A tessellation of turds!

Fecal fractals, if you will.
 

 
Also, apparently these shoes are made from some kind of space-age material… if you’re into that sort of thing. I would remind you that NASA is responsible for the success of Tang, and to quote Buzz Aldrin, “Tang sucks.” Toilet humor and cute footwear however, is timelessly great, according to anyone who matters. If you still gotta, here are the specs, the video below lays out the case for a decidedly unshitty pair of crap-covered shoes.
 

 
Via Betabrand

Posted by Amber Frost | Discussion
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Teach your kids how to use the phone with terrifying puppets
10.15.2014
10:59 am

Topics:
Amusing
History

Tags:
puppets
educational films
phones


 
Anyone who’s ever observed the rate at which a four-year-old figures out an iPhone is well aware of how quickly kids pick up on new technology. It’s a curious phenomenon (especially when it’s taken years to teach my grandmother how to text), but I suspect that it has something to do with openness—kids don’t have to “unlearn” old tech that may be counterintuitive to a new gadget, nor are they as easily intimidated by learning, since the whole world is new to them anyway.

However, not everyone trusts the potential of our youth! Take Adventure In Telezonia, a 1949 instructional video from the Bell Telephone System (now AT&T)—this is a generation of people who believe children are morons best taught by terrifying puppets. Our protagonist Bobby is whisked away (basically kidnapped) to the land of Telezonia by Handy (the murderous marionette), who teaches him phone etiquette and… how to dial. The only real benefit I see to the film is to remind kids that machines are expensive and breakable—something they never really seem to grasp until they drop something and destroy it.

Got that, kids? If you abuse your iPhone, Handy will come for you.
 

 
Via Network Awesome

Posted by Amber Frost | Discussion
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Rare Peter Cook sketch starring Kenneth Williams: ‘Hands up your sticks!’
10.15.2014
09:17 am

Topics:
Amusing
Heroes

Tags:
Peter Cook
Kenneth Williams

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Peter Cook was still a student at Cambridge University when he first wrote sketches for the legendary comic actor Kenneth Williams. His earliest contributions were included in the “intimate review” Pieces of Eight starring Williams and Fenella Fiedling that had a long and successful West End run. Cook wrote more than half the show and premiered some classic sketches including “Gnomes and Gardens” and “Not An Asp” an early outing for his famous E. L. Wisty character.

The success of the show led Cook to be commissioned to write a brand new revue for Williams this time called One Over the Eight. Among the sketches Cook submitted were some he had written as teenager, including “One Leg Too Few” the classic one-legged man (Mr. Spiggot) auditioning for the role of Tarzan and “Interesting Facts” a more rounded appearance of E. L Wisty. Cook would later reuse both sketches in other shows and films over the years.

Cook also wrote a sketch called “Hands Up Your Sticks” which Williams later released (together with “Not An Asp”) on an EP single. It’s a great Cook sketch that plays around with language and class attitudes and there is certainly the essence of the routine Woody Allen developed a decade later in the bank hold-up with a “gub” in Take the Money and Run. The voice of the bank clerk is played by popular Sixties entertainer Lance Percival (one of the principal voice actors in Yellow Submarine as “Young/Old” Fred) and the new animation is by Mark Hindle.
 

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Discussion
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‘Cock-a-doodle-dick-shit!’ The outtakes of Ernie Anderson, a.k.a. Ghoulardi
10.14.2014
11:47 am

Topics:
Advertising
Amusing
Television

Tags:
Ghoulardi
Ernie Anderson


 
Last year we related the saga of Cleveland’s favorite local TV host, Ernie Anderson, more commonly known as Ghoulardi. Anderson’s character Ghoulardi hosted a Friday late-night horror movie show from 1963 to 1966 on WJW-TV, Cleveland’s channel 8. His schtick was strongly Beatnik-derived, and he has remained a hero to the residents of Northeast Ohio ever since, a group that includes the Cramps, who spent time in Akron before breaking it wider in NYC and adopted Ghoulardi’s motto “Stay Sick!” as their very own. You can find out more about Ghoulardi in Tom Feran’s book Ghoulardi: Inside Cleveland TV’s Wildest Ride. (The greatest legacy of Anderson, who died in 1997, may well be his famous son, the director Paul Thomas Anderson.)

After Anderson fled Cleveland for Los Angeles, he became “the voice of prime time ABC” for much of the 1970s and 1980s. On this visit to the set of Late Night with David Letterman in 1983, Anderson demonstrated the artistry of the network promo voiceover. As such, anyone who was a kid during the late 1970s and after probably remembers Anderson’s voice urging you to tune in to The Love Boat, Hart to Hart, Happy Days, Eight Is Enough, and whatever else ABC wanted you to watch. When Anderson was doing the fake promos (requested by his fans—the man had a lot of fans) on Letterman, you could see a little bit of his method, holding his hand up slightly and barking “Ah-gee-wa-wa!” as vocal prep to get in the right frame of mind. After a flub, he admits that “I swear a lot.”
 

Anderson on Letterman displaying his craft
 
Here’s the proof of that assertion. Dana Gould mentioned these outtakes on his podcast (episode “Son of Halloweenery”), and I found them so funny I just had to pass them on. Someone collected about ten minutes of a charismatic and professional TV announcer Ernie Anderson losing his shit over and over and over again, and it’s every bit as priceless as you might imagine….. Anderson has particular trouble with the word frighteningly, which is ironic considering his Ghoulardi alter ego. Among the things Anderson spits out in a fit of pique: “You’ll see an American gladiator’s son walk his AHHH SHIT!” “You’ll have to put some sound effects in there or some fucking pig whistles, I don’t know.” “Aaaaand you’ll meet our special guest fuckit balls tits!” and “It’s all a fuckin’ kiss my ass mish-mash….”

You’ll have to discover the rest on your own!
 

 

Posted by Martin Schneider | Discussion
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Great moments in ‘Star Trek’: Captain Kirk and the stalagmite dildo weapon
10.14.2014
11:10 am

Topics:
Amusing
Television

Tags:
Star Trek


 
In a classic scene from the Star Trek episode titled “What are Little Girls Made Of” (season one, episode seven, which aired on October 20th, 1966) we are treated to a skirmish involving Captain Kirk, a stalactite strongly resembling a huge dildo and a giant alien named “Ruk,” played by actor Ted Cassidy (who portrayed “Lurch” on the The Addams Family). Thirty-five minutes into the episode, Kirk is chased by Ruk into the caves of the alien planet he teleported to. To defend himself, Kirk pulls a huge piece of stalactite from the ceiling of the cave and after a quick edit, we get to see Captain Kirk holding what looks inexplicably like a gigantic marital aid. Kirk smacks Ruk around with it and you get to wonder how hard the production crew was laughing when this one slipped by the censors over at NBC.

In case you are short on time, someone has kindly put together a 25-second video summary of the episode that is posted below for your perusal. The full episode is currently streaming on Vimeo
 

Posted by Cherrybomb | Discussion
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‘Murderous-death clown’ not as scary as originally reported
10.14.2014
08:50 am

Topics:
Amusing

Tags:
Wasco Clown

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Who doesn’t like clowns? Well, apparently most of you don’t. They’re scary, unappealing and downright eerie. When clowns were used to help calm sick kids in Sheffield, England, researcher Dr. Penny Curtis found they had exactly the opposite effect:

“As adults we make assumptions about what works for children.

“We found that clowns are universally disliked by children. Some found them quite frightening and unknowable.”

They’re unknowable because the fuckers are always smiling no matter what they’re thinking or feeling inside, and many imagine that red-lipped painted-on smile hides a nasty set of razor sharp teeth ready to chow down on your face.

Though probably not.

The appearance of a clown in Wasco, California has been inspiring the worst kind of fear stories about manic clowns terrorizing the neighborhood, leading to headlines such as:

Sinister clowns frighten residents in Central California towns

(That’s from TIME magazine, no less…)

Murderous-death clowns stalk southern California

(And that’s from Slate, which really should know better…)

And there’s also:

Hair-raising! Clowns wandering streets at night creep out small town

Menacing clowns continue to creep out Bakersfield over the weekend

Creepy clowns carrying firearms, knives spook California city

But the truth behind such lurid headlines, as local news outlet Bakersfield Now points out, is rather different once you take time to find it.

So far there have not been any machete-wielding or gun-toting clowns roaming the dark night streets:

“It would be nice if they would gather their facts regarding their story,” said Bakersfield police Public Information Officer Sgt. Joe Grubbs.  “We haven’t had any clowns committing any types of murders, far from it,” said Grubbs.

The same sentiment is echoed by Ray Pruitt, spokesman for the Kern County Sheriff’s Office.

“We have not been able to, in any of the cases, substantiate that anybody has been a victim of a crime,” said Pruitt.

Grubbs and Pruitt said they have been fielding calls from media across the country and doing interviews for national media outlets regarding reports about people dressed as clowns engaged in criminal activity.

The whole thing started as an art project by a husband and wife team taking photos of Bobo the clown at various locations across the county. People started to notice this strange night visitor and soon a non-affiliated Facebook page was started to document people’s sightings. The Wasco Clown FB page explains some of the background to the story:

Do you even know what our clown is doing??? Well, surely you must if you are following his page! Wait, maybe some of you do not know because you’re too busy running your mouths to know what he is doing. So let me enlighten you. He is his wife’s subject for the month of October for a photography project of hers that is a year-long deal. Until one particular new station hunted him down without his permission they probably just thought that this was going to be shared amongst their friends and maybe a few Wasconians. Well then it went viral. Right before the news story first appeared last week I created this page. I was curious about him as well. I created this page for people to be able to report sightings and share pictures. Eventually Bobo and his wife contacted me. I asked if they wanted me to delete the page and they did not they approved of it. Then came about an idea to sell souvenir T-shirts. It was decided that the profit from the shirts would be divided up between autism and pediatric cancer research and the Wasco fireworks fund. Our clown and his wife only go out and take their nightly photo and go home. He does not chase anyone he does not threaten anyone and he does not make public appearances at this time. I don’t know if he ever will. So to come on here and talk crap or threaten anyone is just plain ignorance. Especially if you are a parent. You would want a friend like the Wasco Clown if your baby was to fall ill because he would do whatever he could to raise money to help your baby. If you don’t like him just go away. You won’t be missed.

Sightings of a clown inspired others to get in on the act and only one incident involved the police:

Police did arrest a 14-year-old boy last week on the 800 block of Pacheco Road for dressing as a clown, chasing and scaring kids.  The boy did not have any weapons and police say the boy told them he did it to perpetuate the clown hoax he had seen online.

Law enforcement is obligated to check out the reports.  “We’re receiving these reports, we believe that they’re pranks, but we can’t assume that they’re pranks,” said Pruitt.

Meanwhile, the Real Wasco Clown posts updates on his Twitter feed, where he describes himself:

I am the creepy, evil-looking clown that is roaming the streets of Wasco, California at night. Come Find Me I will give you a balloon.

Perhaps the words “creepy” and “evil-looking” may not be too helpful in stopping the fear rumors, but the offer of a free balloon does suggest it’s all meant in fun. There’s also an Instagram page where you check out the latest Wasco Clown photographs.

Some of you may recall a similar story last year involving another Pennywise-lookalike in Northampton, England, where the clown eventually told his local newspaper:

“I just wanted to amuse people. Most people enjoy being a bit freaked out and then they can laugh about it afterwards. It’s like watching a horror movie, when people get scared they usually start laughing. Naturally, some people would have been extremely frightened by what they saw, but I hope many are starting to see it as a bit of harmless fun.”

All good fun…see?

And if you do see Bobo the Wasco Clown, say “Hello” and get a balloon.
 
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Via Bakersfield Now and The Wasco Clown
 

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Discussion
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Man admits to having sex with over 700 cars
10.14.2014
06:20 am

Topics:
Amusing
Sex

Tags:
Edward Smith
car sex

crsxmn700.jpg
 
Edward Smith, a 63-year-old man from Yelm, Thurston County, Washington, told a live morning TV show that he had made love to over 700 vehicles, including Mustangs, luxury Jaguars and even an attack helicopter.

Smith made the admission on the British family television show This Morning, telling hosts Phillip Schofield and Amanda Holden that he was a mechaphile—someone who is sexually attracted to machines—and prefers making love to motors than women. Smith said he had sex with vehicles since first being attracted to his neighbor’s Volkswagon Beetle when he was fourteen, when he was tempted to give the vehicle a “gentle caress.”:

“It has to do with the body itself. I’ve not been attached to any sort of penetration, but petting and hugging and feeling the body. I like feeling the satisfaction—masturbation—that’s done with the car, next to it.

“When I hold them in my arms, I feel an energy that comes from them. There’s a very deep love.”

Smith admitted he had difficulties in forming relationships with women and had only ever had one girlfriend “by some chance” in San Francisco in the early 1970s. However, he found the relationship unsatisfying.

Edward now has a long term sex partner that’s still… er… driving him wild, “Vanilla”—another VW Beetle that he bought in 1982.

“I first met her before I got her and then had the local Jehovah’s Witness driving around in one. There was something about that white ‘74 Beetle, I couldn’t keep my eyes off her,” he said.

“On my own private property is where we get mostly intimate. I’m very respectful not to be seen in public. I greet her every morning along with my truck Ginger.”

 
edvwlvsx.jpg
 
Smith’s obsession of pulling up to the bumper (baby), and driving it in between tickles the Brits as he has previously appeared in the Daily Mirror last October, where he ‘fessed up to having sex with thousands of cars:

“Some guys look at boobs and bums on beautiful women. I look at the front and rear on beautiful cars.”

Then he claimed he was in an “open relationship” with his VW Vanilla and makes “love to his 1973 Opal GT called Cinnamon and a 1193 Ford Ranger called Splash.”
 
3wysxmncrsed.jpg
 

But Vanilla is ‘the one’ and Edward likes to woo the white-coloured hatchback with picnics and wine-fuelled dates.

He added: “When I hold Vanilla in my arms there’s a powerful energy that comes from her. I would say it is extremely satisfying but at times a little melancholy because I know she cannot talk to me. But overall I know she feels what I feel and its intense.”

He added: “If anything was to happen to her I would be more than heartbroken.”

Smith also admitted in October 2013 that he was occasionally tempted to stray but added:

“I know better now than to pursue other people’s private property without permission. I will not deny that I look at other cars on TV or at shows and still get those old impulses and desires - but those were the early days. Now I want to settle down with Vanilla.”

He added: “There’s something about her that I can’t fully express on an emotional level except it’s very powerful and very sincere. I’m never ashamed or awkward in my heart. I have never questioned myself - I just love her.”

Well, that’s okay then….
 

 
Via This Morning, Daily Star and the Daily Mirror

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Discussion
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Nicki Minaj’s ‘Anaconda’ gets hilariously soothing makeover
10.13.2014
02:33 pm

Topics:
Amusing

Tags:
Nicki Minaj


 
Redditor johnluckpickerd noticed his 12-year-old niece and her friends were constantly singing Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda” without actually understanding its lyrics or meaning of the song.

Boy toy named Troy used to live in Detroit
Big dope dealer money, he was getting some coins
Was in shootouts with the law, but he live in a palace
Bought me Alexander McQueen, he was keeping me stylish
Now that’s real, real, real,
Gun in my purse, bitch I came dressed to kill
Who wanna go first? I had them pushing daffodils
I’m high as hell, I only took a half of pill
I’m on some dumb shit

Johnluckpickerd then decided to create this “Pop Music Poetry” for his niece’s mother so perhaps she would get a better idea of what her daughter and the rest of the kiddie gang were singing.

The original idea for this bit belongs to Steve Allen. But I think it’s no less culturally relevant.

Erik Satie meets Nicki Minaj? It all turned out rather… zen? I could totally see myself doing yoga to this. In fact, I just might give it to my yoga instructor. It works.
 

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
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Calm your rage (or work on your handjob technique) with these stress reducing ‘shrooms
10.10.2014
01:59 pm

Topics:
Amusing
Drugs
Food

Tags:
mushrooms
stress


 
Never feel the need to lose your shit again, just grab your handy rubber mushroom and yank the hell out of it! 

... whether it’s financial pressures, relationship problems or overworking – just squeeze the bejesus out of a realistic rubber mushroom and feel your troubles fade away.

 
The stress reducing mushrooms are by Firebox and come in four different varieties: Enoki, Fly Agaric, King Trumpet and Matsutake.

  • Stretch them, twist them, smash them on the desk
  • Japan’s favourite anger management solution
  • Made from durable rubber, they even feel like the real thing
  • Non hallucinogenic, but more effective than magic mushrooms
  • Four different and slightly phallic fungi to choose from

Each mushroom goes for about $9.50 + shipping. They even feel like the real thing...

As a sidenote: THESE MUSHROOMS ARE NOT EDIBLE!!!


 

 

 
Via Boing Boing

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
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‘Bob’s Boners’: The (inevitable?) ‘Bob’s Burgers’ porn parody
10.10.2014
09:14 am

Topics:
Amusing
Sex
Television

Tags:
Bob's Burgers


 
This is something I never thought I’d be typing out in a million years, but here goes: There’s a Bob’s Burgers porn parody called Bob’s Boners. Now I know there are a lot of porn parodies out there like Golden Girls XXX, Gay of Thrones, Naporneon Dynamite, Down on Abby: Tales From Bottomley Manor, This Ain’t Curb Your Enthusiasm: Curb Your Orgasm, aaaannnd drumroll please… Scooby-doo XXX: The Mystery of the Missing Panties.

But Bob’s Burgers?! Really? There’s even a Tina Belcher character who moans her signature “Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.” 

This one has me flummoxed. WHO would get off on seeing the Belcher family fuck? I have no words.

 
via Geekologie

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
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