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Two kids in 1993 remade ‘Jurassic Park’ with toys and a VHS video camera—and it rules
06.24.2015
05:27 am

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Movies

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Michael Raisch and David Chakrin, Summer 1993. Photo by Raisch Studios.
 
Jurassic World recently broke the record for biggest opening weekend in North America, and the highest-grossing opening worldwide, surpassing The Avengers and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 2,  becoming the first film to gross $500 million worldwide in its opening weekend. Despite its enormous success, many people agree, it totally sucks.

Slightly more interesting, is a recently released video short—a “remake” of Jurassic Park done by two kids (David Chakris and Michael Raisch ) with a video camera back in 1993, using toy dinosaurs, cars, and Kenner action figures.

Their website explains:

In the summer of 1993 inspired by the release of Jurassic Park, Michael and David set out to recreate the excitement and visuals of the hit film. Over a period 6 months in New Jersey they filmed multiple versions of the film until they were pleased with their final version. Equipped with the best VHS era technology, [Michael and David] re-created the movie magic of Jurassic Park with hand drawn sets, action figures and fishing line.

 

Production sketch from “1990s Kid Version of Jurassic Park,” courtesy Raisch Studios.
 
The perhaps not a masterpiece, but nonetheless adorable 2008 Michel Gondry film, Be Kind Rewind, introduced the concept of “sweded” films. In Be Kind Rewind, a struggling VHS rental store loses its entire video collection after being inadvertently magnetized. The protagonists, played by Mos Def and Jack Black, attempt to replace the store’s video collection by recreating films using a camcorder, claiming they are “special editions from Sweden.” These “sweded” films are the centerpiece of Be Kind Rewind, and a (now defunct) tie-in website, SwededFilms.com, was created—serving as a database for sweded movies, both from the film and fan-made. That website contained the rules for creating sweded videos:

1. Must be based on an already produced film
2. Range 2-8 minutes in length
3. Must not contain computer generated graphics
4. Based on films less than 35 years old
5. Special effects must be limited to camera tricks and arts ’n crafts
6. Sound effects created by human means
7. Hilarious.

The 1990s Kid Remake of Jurassic Park was produced before Be Kind Rewind and the concept of sweded movies, but it certainly fits the criteria of and ranks among the best sweded films.  The dinosaur attack scenes, in particular, had us cackling.

Check out the “edited” version here and be sure to hit up the website for lots of behind-the-scenes photos and info.
 
“I think this park has to do with dinosaurs.”

 
H/T It’s Nice That

Posted by Christopher Bickel | Leave a comment
Happy 60th Birthday Glenn Danzig (and fuck your ‘Mother’)
06.23.2015
09:53 am

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Music

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Today, June 23, 2015, is Glenn Danzig’s 60th birthday. Danzig, of course was the founding vocalist of the cartoonish New Jersey horror-punk band Misfits and the similar Samhain, and he moved on from those bands’ B-Movie lyrical tropes when he founded the eponymous metal band he’s led since 1987. Nothing about him is understated—his stage persona combines gothic affectation with some pretty ridiculous macho posturing, an unswervingly and grimly imperious mien, and grandiose baritone singing.

And it’s that distinctive singing voice that makes Danzig’s signature song “Mother” so damn sticky. It was initially released in 1988, on Danzig’s self-titled debut LP, and it saw an unlikely rise to hit status years later when a live version on a stop-gap E.P. called Thrall-Demonsweatlive suddenly started getting radio and MTV play. The videos for both the original studio single and the 1993 live version were treated to the ministrations of Beavis and Butthead (“These guys are pretty cool but this lead singer looks like Patrick Swayze”), which back then actually helped.

Danzig discussed the song with Jeff Kitt of the short-lived Flux magazine:

FLUX: Why do you think “Mother” became a hit six years after its initial release?

GLENN DANZIG: We wanted to put out an EP after Danzig III, but the record company told us we were crazy because EP’s don’t sell. As far as I was concerned, it was too soon to do another studio album or record a live album, so I thought an EP with four live tracks and three studio tracks would be the best thing to do. So we went into the studio and recorded “It’s Coming Down,” “Violet Fire” and “Trouble” in one day. We put them together with some live tracks, and put it out as Thrall-Demonsweatlive.

“Mother” was one of the live songs, and it just started getting airplay. So we decided to shoot a live video for it. MTV had to play it because it was doing so well on radio. It was kinda cool because no one called us a “sell-out” since “Mother” was already six years old when it became a hit. [laughs]

FLUX: Is it possible that when Danzig was first released back in ‘88 the mainstream music scene just wasn’t ready for a song like “Mother”?

DANZIG: That’s exactly what happened to us. When we first came out, we were doing things that few bands did - we had to go up against all the hairspray/glam bands of the late Eighties. A lot of people liked “Mother,” and some deejays played it, but people called us Satanists and all kinds of crap - they just didn’t understand us. That’s not to mention the fact that the first “Mother” video freaked MTV out and they pretty much banned us from the station for the next few years. Hell, MTV had a heart attack when they saw our video for “It’s Coming Down” - and that was just us on stage! [laughs]

FLUX: Did you notice something special about “Mother” when you first wrote it?

DANZIG: Yeah, I did. I remember calling [producer] Rick Rubin in the middle of the night and telling him that I wrote an incredible song - probably the best song I’d ever written. It was the song I always wanted to write. The first time we played it, people went crazy. But I never wrote that song to make it a hit - I never wrote that way, and I still don’t. I write songs so that they say something and do something, and if people like ‘em, great - and if they don’t, they don’t.

More after the jump…

Posted by Ron Kretsch | Leave a comment
Super creepy children’s masks honoring the 10 plagues of Egypt
06.22.2015
09:43 am

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Belief

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It’s not the Passover time of year, but we just couldn’t wait nine months to post this unbelievable gem uncovered by the reliably demented blog Christian Nightmares. Every good Jew knows that God used a series of plagues to basically extort the Egyptians into releasing the enslaved Israelites from captivity, leading to the Book of Exodus and countless Passover Seders.

Some company called Rite Lite decided to cash in on the Passover hysteria by selling these amazing masks for the traditional Passover trick or treating or, more likely, just around the table while the family enjoys its ritual Seder.

So many of these, ahem, “cute” masks are highly cringeworthy, esp. the “Blood,” “Boils,” and “Lice” masks. But the “First Born” mask, which depicts, well, a slain infant, is in a whole other category. According to the picture, this product was available for $14.99 at a Bed Bath and Beyond (a retail establishment a friend of mine who worked at one invariably referred to as “Bloodbath and Beyond,” a nickname that is all too appropriate for this particular product). It’s also available at Amazon.
 

 
As you can see from this gentleman’s expression, the masks are incredibly fun. (Just to clarify, that blogger has the same perspective on these masks as we do.)
 

 

 
Below is a closer look of the masks, taken from this large picture. I dislike learning about history or religion from children’s masks, I learn from Wikipedia! So I’ve annotated each mask with the name of the plague as described on the Wikipedia page for the Plagues of Egypt, as well as the correct order according to the same page.
 

1st Plague: “Water into Blood”
 

2nd Plague: “Frogs”
 

3rd Plague: “Lice”
 
More masks after the jump…

Posted by Martin Schneider | Leave a comment
German man follows divorce rules and gives his ex-wife literally HALF of everything
06.19.2015
09:45 am

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Current Events

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“The car is quite well preserved for its age, but there are some signs of wear. In particular, half is missing”
 

“Thank you for 12 ‘beautiful years,’ Laura! You’ve really earned half. Greetings also to my successor.” ~ Der Juli

As we all know, divorce can get really, really nasty. Like really nasty. Case in point, one man in Germany who goes by the name “Der Juli” online, is giving his ex-wife, Laura, exactly half by lovingly sawing in half all of their joint assets. She gets her half and he gets his half. Makes perfect sense, right?

According to reports, there are hints that Laura was apparently unfaithful and that’s why Der Juli is so pissed off. Der Juli is currently selling his half on eBay with each item having a write-up detailing its use.

All I can say is thank goodness they didn’t have any children or pets. I’ll just leave it at that.

No word from Laura. Yet.


“In my opinion, this conversion is the perfect solution for users who want to save space, but can not afford a MacBook Air”
 

“The wheel moves despite minor limitations, and the front brake engages perfectly”
 

“Unlike my ex-wife, I cannot say anything bad about the bed, really, have always slept well in it”
 
More after the jump…
 

Posted by Tara McGinley | Leave a comment
‘The Adventures of the Son of Exploding Sausage’: ‘Lost’ Bonzo Dog Band film found again
06.19.2015
06:31 am

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Amusing
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I think it was Liza Minnelli’s bright-eyed character Eliza in Albert Finney’s film Charlie Bubbles who noted that all the pleasure in life when collected together would probably only fill a thimble when compared to all the dull, beige and unhappy moments that weigh-in by the bucketload. Strangely, perhaps, I’ve always found this a reassuring thought as it makes life an adventure to be won. It’s always gladdening, therefore, to find one of those precious little delectations that put a skip in the day. Such a delight, well for me at least and hopefully for you too, is the Bonzo Dog Band’s short film The Adventures of the Son of Exploding Sausage from 1969 or thereabouts. This little vintage piece of Bonzology turns up now and again like some long lost friend, but usually disappears with the speed of a unauthorized clip of Prince getting his groove on.

I have loved the Bonzos since being smitten by their presence on Python-forerunner series Do Not Adjust Your Set when a very young thing, and was genuinely more disappointed by the news of their disbandment than by the break-up of The Beatles, or the retirement of Ziggy Stardust or the demise of The Young Ones after only two series. Why this should be has everything to do with the sheer pleasure to be found in their music—their love of novelty tunes, their ability to pastiche pop and an unruly genius for original and unforgettable songs. It is as if The Goons, Monty Python and The Beatles had formed a band.
 
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The Adventures of the Son of Exploding Sausage is like the Holy Grail of Bonzo clips. It’s their take or version or whatever you want to call it of the Fab Four’s Magical Mystery Tour (which, of course, the Bonzos are in themselves, singing “Death Cab for Cutie” in the strip club scene), where similarly not very much happens, other than a trip out to the country, a visit to a farm, a meeting with some children, a game of football and a performance of the songs—“Rockaliser Baby,” “We are Normal” and “Quiet Walks and Summer Talks.” It’s a bit like the 1960s as a film—indulgent, fun, bubbly and rather messy.

This won’t be to everybody’s taste, but then again, why should it be? If you know it, you’ll enjoy it. If you don’t, why not give it a try?
 

 
Bonzos bonus clip at the Plumpton Jazz & Blues Festival, 1969, after the jump…

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Leave a comment
Polly wanna headbang? The return of Hatebeak, the death metal band with a parrot for a singer
06.18.2015
07:20 am

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Amusing
Animals
Music

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The oughts were banner years for grind bands with pets for singers: there was Caninus, a side project of Most Precious Blood whose 2004 album Now The Animals Have A Voice I purchased because I figured I might someday have to prove that yes, there was a metal band with two pit bulls for singers. And there was Baltimore’s Hatebeak, formed by members of the Index and Pig Destroyer, who featured a front-bird, a parrot named Waldo.
 

 
Though they released splits with Caninus and Birdflesh (I have a feeling I know what you’re thinking, but sadly, no, the latter band does not also have a bird in it), Hatebeak broke up in 2009 before ever recording a full length LP of its own. That’s about to change—they’ve reunited, and will be releasing The Number of the Beak next week. It collects their split tracks on side one, while side two is all new. They’ve pre-released a handful of songs on Soundcloud, all titled with preposterous metal/avian puns, like “Hell Bent for Feathers,” “Roost in Piece,” you get the drift. Check out “The Thing that Should not Beak”:
 

 
In an interview with Consequence of Sound‘s Sami Jarroush, drummer Blake Harrison informed us that the band will never tour:

Parrots like doing this stuff—the mimicry is kind of like a form of play, so it’s more like they have to be in a relaxed ... playful mood. You know the sound of your smoke detector when the battery is low? And it’s like a really loud chirp? He will do that when he’s uncomfortable.

The bird really shouldn’t and probably couldn’t—I don’t want PETA after me for subjecting a bird to like 120 decibels of distorted guitars. And you know, it’s kind of more of like a fun thing. Playing live would be a pain in the ass, and if it’s not fun I don’t know if I would necessarily want to do it.

 

 
The Number of the Beak is due out on June 23, 2015. We’ll leave you with one of Waldo’s finest performances, “Seven Perches.”
 

 
Much love to Christian Taylor for alerting me to this excellent news.

Posted by Ron Kretsch | Leave a comment
Meet Allanah Starr, the world’s first and only trans, double F-cup, porn star and stand-up comedian
06.17.2015
10:11 am

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Pop Culture
Queer
Sex

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If you’re in Paris for the month of June, you have the possibility of catching a unique comedy performance, as Allanah Starr is performing at La Nouvelle Seine at 3 Quai de Montebello every Friday at 11 p.m. until the end of the month. The title of the show is “The Life of a Real Woman with a Fake Passport.”

The show’s promotional text runs in part, “Allanah STARR raconte son histoire, celle d’un petit garçon né à Cuba, devenu femme aux USA et qui est maintenant Show Girl à Paris,” which means something like, “Allanah STARR tells her story, that of a little boy born in Cuba who became a woman in the USA and is now a Paris showgirl.”

According to this interview with Abby Ehmann, Starr was born in Cuba, but her father was a “political prisoner” and left for the United States when his son was five years old. She has been living as a woman since 1998: “It was definitely the best decision I ever made regarding my personal happiness. I am 100% certain this was my destiny and that I was born with a gender identity disorder. Ever since I can remember, I wanted to be a girl.” She has appeared on Maury several times, and her best-known movie is likely Allanah Starr’s Big Boob Adventures.


 
According to Tristan Taormino, Starr participated in the world’s first porn scene “between a male-to-female (MTF) transsexual and a female-to-male transsexual (FTM).” Starr’s counterpart in that scene was Buck Angel.

Starr’s cup size is listed as “FF” on the page with that interview, while over at Boobpedia she is listed as being an F cup. “I’ve had 30 actual surgeries and countless procedures,” says Starr. “Of course, I plan to do much more. My first operations were my nose job and an otoplasty (I had my ears pinned back). Since then, it has become a hobby of mine. I always say I collect shoes, handbags, Hollywood memorabilia and surgeries.”

In her show Starr tells jokes and lip-syncs to Eartha Kitt’s “Champagne Taste,” among other light classics. Here, check it out for yourself:
 

 
via Technikart

Posted by Martin Schneider | Leave a comment
Humiliated cat looks humiliated with ‘The Dragon Cut’
06.16.2015
01:02 pm

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Amusing
Animals

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Perhaps I’m just projecting how I would feel (if someone did this to me) onto Merlin the Cat, but doesn’t he look just a wee bit humiliated sporting The Dragon Cut? I could be wrong (but I don’t think I am).

The Main Lion cat grooming salon located in Paoli, Pennsylvania offers this ‘do. It’s unique!

via Neatorama

Posted by Tara McGinley | Leave a comment
More WTF Japanese TV
06.16.2015
07:00 am

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Amusing
Television

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My introduction to the joys of Japanese television was via Clive James on Television, a clip show hosted by the Antipodean writer and broadcaster Clive James and screened on British TV way back when in the 1980s. James was always good at presenting a rich platter of choice cuts of the weird and wonderful, surreal and amusing television culled from around the world, which he jovially introduced with his trademark caustic quips. The highlight of most episodes was the startling extracts from Endurance, (ザ・ガマン) the bizarre game show from Japan that involved varying degrees of nudity, torture and national humiliation.

Oh, how we Brits all lapped these moments up, laughing at the strange practices of other cultures, which in hindsight was deeply ironic considering how our TV broadcasters (in particular the BBC) were promoting gross sex offenders like Jimmy Savile, Rolf Harris and Gary Glitter—all of whom, at one time or another, had family entertainment shows on primetime Saturday night. (You may not be too familiar with the name Rolf Harris but Alice Cooper once covered his hit song “Sun Arise,” as did Led Zeppelin’s Page and Plant.) Looking back on these shows now, it seems that perhaps the Japanese may have had the best idea of externalizing any repressed or unhealthy desires through national humiliation on TV game shows rather than allowing such feelings to fester under the guise of “Reithian values.”

Yet, where to begin with the following clip? It is like some skit from Jackass—though perhaps nearer Peter Griffin’s cartoon take—and really should be called perhaps something like Balls of Steel? Anyway, from what I can glean, this is one of the games played on the exceedingly popular entertainment show Downtown no Gaki no Tsukai ya Arahende!! (ダウンタウンのガキの使いやあらへんで!!) which means something like “Downtown’s ‘This is no task for kids!!’” (Well, hell, that’s certainly true.) According to Wikipedia, the best known part of these shows is the “batsu games” or punishment games where contestants undertake physical challenges. One of the most famous batsu game is “No Laughing” where an individual will have to endure humiliating and physical suffering (e.g. a slap or a blow dart to the buttocks) at which his team mates cannot laugh—once they do, the game is lost.

The start of this batsu has a muscleman putting a seven stone weakling into a backbreaker, from whereupon he is enthusiastically whipped in the nuts by a over-zealous sadist. This ball-whipping may perhaps be something a few readers might like to try out on enemies, though others (I’m sure) may find it to a leg-crossing and eye-watering moment.
 

 

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Leave a comment
The worst f*cking shoes on the planet: Cowboy sandal boots
06.15.2015
10:15 am

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Amusing
Fashion
Stupid or Evil?

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I hate these shoes. I mean, I really hate them. I know it’s totally irrational—not to mention a big ole waste of time—to homicidally hate on these specific shoes with such venom, but just look at these fucking things and tell me you don’t feel the same way? Why? Why? And WHY?

Perhaps I’m in the minority here and you, dear Dangerous Minds reader, simply must have a pair. Scotty Franklin of Springfield, Missouri, customizes people’s personal boots and turns them into, er, these for $50. Fuck you, Scotty.


 

 

 
via Neatorama and Pee-wee Herman

Posted by Tara McGinley | Leave a comment
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