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Log Book: The man who kept a diary of every shit he took in 2014
01.21.2015
10:22 am

Topics:
Amusing
Media
Unorthodox

Tags:
poop


 
Intrepid reddit user captainmercedes kept a diary of every poop he had during 2014. He noted down every bowel movement in his captain’s “log book”—at what time he had one, its size, consistency, duration and many other relevant details. The information was kept in accordance with the Bristol Stool Chart—an academic shit comparison guide which experts use to classify the quality of turds from “nuts” and “liquid” to something that resembles “a sausage or snake.”
 
aapoodistchart.jpg
Poo are you? Distribution of bowel movement on Bristol Stool Scale. It would appear the captain mainly fired “a number two torpedo.” There is evidence of some late night binges throughout the year.
 
aapoochartbrownieaday.jpg
A Week of Poo: This chart shows how many fudge brownies our poo expert baked per day. Thursday was the day our man preferred to “drop the kids off at the pool,” while Monday and Tuesday seemed to produce the least number of brown fishies.
 
aalogdroppingtime.jpg
Log Dropping Time: 10am in the morning was the optimum time for pebble-dashing the porcelain—though note the very occasional night shift.
 
aatoiletpunishment.jpg
Toilet Punishments per day: Or, how many many fudge bombs dropped—which appears to be one on average, though there was that time he fired off five in one day—now that’s impressive. Still, what about the ranking for incomplete turds? What qualifies them as less than one?
 
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Distance from optimal corndog condition.—a kind of sliding scale…
 
What our chocolate fingered maestro will do with all this information I dunno, but I certainly won’t be holding on with bated breathed…. maybe just holding my breath.
 
Via reddit.

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Discussion
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Vintage photographs of an awesome Halloween party
01.21.2015
09:41 am

Topics:
Amusing

Tags:
Halloween
parties


 
I know, I know it’s only January, but these amusing photographs of a Halloween party taken in sometime 1960s were just too good to sit on for another nine months. There’s not a whole lot to say about them. They speak for themselves, don’t they?

Now as to the provenance, these photos were auctioned off on eBay back in 2009 and according to the seller, “All I know about them is they were taken in California by someone named Daibaus…”

Well a big THANK YOU is in order to Daibaus for capturing this wonderful moment in time.


 

 

 

 
More after the the jump…
 

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
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The real reason the BBC wanted to keep George Orwell off the radio
01.21.2015
07:27 am

Topics:
Amusing
Heroes
History
Media
Politics

Tags:
BBC
George Orwell

orwellmicrobbc.jpg
 
When George Orwell died at the age of forty-six on January 21st 1950, he was considered by some of London’s fashionable literary critics as a marginal figure—“no good as a novelist”—who was best known for his essays rather than his fiction.

This quickly changed in the years after his death when his reputation and popularity as a writer grew exponentially. Over the past seven decades he has come to be considered one of the most influential English writers of the twentieth century.

This massive change in opinion was largely down to Orwell’s last two books Animal Farm first published in 1945, and Nineteen Eighty-Four published the year before he died. The importance of these two novels has enshrined Orwell’s surname, like Dickens, Kafka and more recently J. G. Ballard, into the English language as a descriptive term—“Orwellian”—for nightmarish political oppression, while many of his fictional ideas or terms contained within Nineteen Eighty-Four have become part of our everyday language—“Big Brother,” “Room 101,” “newspeak,” “doublethink,” “thoughtcrime” and so on.

Both of these books have become essential texts for radicals and conservatives in their individual campaigns against perceived invasive and totalitarian governments. After the Second World War Animal Farm and Nineteen Eighty-Four were considered damning critiques of Stalinist Russia, and their subject matter limned the growing paranoia between East and West during the Cold War. When Edward Snowden exposed the covert surveillance by US intelligence agencies on millions of Americans, copies of the book were sold by the thousands. Nineteen Eighty-Four‘s flexibility of interpretation has meant the book has been used to condemn almost everything from the rise of CCTV and wind farms, to the George W. Bush/Tony Blair war against “the axis of evil,” the rise of jihadist Islam, the spread of capitalist globalization, Vladimir Putin’s political “grand vision”, and (rather laughably) “Obamacare.” 

But it wasn’t the meaning of Orwell’s writing that caused the BBC to sniff condescendingly about their employee during the 1940s, rather it was his actual voice which was considered by Overseas Services Controller, JB Clark as “un-attractive” as this secret internal BBC memo reveals:

Controller (Overseas Services)      19th January, 1943

GEORGE ORWELL                                 STAFF PRIVATE

1. A.C. (OS) 2. E.S.D.

I listened rather carefully to one of George Orwell’s English talks in the Eastern Service on, I think, Saturday last. I found the talk itself interesting, and I am not critical of its content, but I was struck by the basic unsuitability of Orwell’s voice. I realise, of course, that his name is of some value in quite important Indian circles, but his voice struck me as both un-attractive and really unsuited to the microphone to such an extent that (a) it would not attract any listeners who were outside the circle of Orwell’s admirers as a writer and might even repel some of these, and (b) would make the talks themselves vulnerable at the hands of people who would have reason to see Orwell denied the microphone, or of those who felt critical of the B.B.C. for being so ignorant of the essential needs of the microphone and of the audience as to put on so wholly unsuitable a voice.

I am quite seriously worried about the situation and about the wisdom of our keeping Orwell personally on the air.

JBC/GMG (J.B. Clark)

The reason Old Etonian Orwell’s voice may not have sounded attractive was that he had been shot in the neck during the Spanish Civil War. However, Orwell got his own back on the BBC by naming Nineteen Eighty-Four‘s infamous torture room after “Room 101” in Broadcasting House, where he had to sit through long, tedious meetings about political vetting.
 
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The only known footage of George Orwell (or Eric Blair as he was then) can be seen in this clip of him playing the “Wall Game” with fellow pupils at Eton—he’s fourth on the left and in the clip between a very young Melanie Griffiths and Grace Kelly.
 

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Discussion
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Gramovox: The Bluetooth gramophone for the douchey anachronistic hipster music fan in your life
01.20.2015
03:35 pm

Topics:
Amusing
Science/Tech

Tags:
gramaphone


 
I tend to have a pretty unsentimental perspective on “media,” as opposed to art. Beyond preferring books to e-readers (mostly for the comfort of a spatial division of text), I find a lot of media nostalgia pretty hokey, vinyl-obsession included. Don’t get me wrong, I love my records, but the quality of my favorites have definitely deteriorated over time—those “warm” crackles and pops are fine by me, but they’re hardly integral to the song. If an album is good, it’s not “ruined” by a decent transfer to digital—although a lot of that obsession with “quality” is bullshit, too, and certain things, like old sci-fi movies, can look pretty ticky-tacky after hyper-clear Blu-ray transfer. As unsympathetic as I am to pining for giant and expensive music collections, I understand that people have their preferences for a myriad of reasons—different strokes and all that.

The Bluetooth gramophone however, is where I draw the line.

First of all, gramophones sound shitty. If you have ever heard one, it’s novel and it’s interesting, but they’re tinny, and the recording is buried under a soft static of white noise. That is why the technology has been improved upon since Edison. Second of all, no one in the target market for this thing legitimately nostalgic for the gramophone, and no one who DID actually grow up with one is thrilled they’re making a retrofitted comeback! If they’re even alive, it’s more likely they’re surprised you’d eschew technological and space-saving advances in favor of dumbshit retro aestheticism. You’ll notice in the product description, very little attempt is made to justify the design from an audiophile perspecticve:

The Gramovox Bluetooth Gramophone is a bold design with a vintage sound inspired by the 1920s horn speakers. Use any Bluetooth-enabled device to stream nostalgia and experience the vintage, organic sound of a gramophone. Utilizing the latest Bluetooth 4.0 technology, the Gramovox Bluetooth Gramovphone has a range of over 30 feet and battery life of 15 hours, meaning it can easily be controlled from across the room all day.

Is the novelty of a “vintage” sound really worth a product that was designed to look cool, rather than sound good? Or are people just so nostalgic nowadays that “vintage” automatically translates to “good”? Some vintage things sucked! Ever hear of… progress? So if you’re trying to sell this boondoggle of a speaker, you’d better do better than, “It looks like what your grandpappy had!” or “Make your music sound shitty!” Oh and their commercial! Dear god, the that fucking commercial!

I try so hard not to use the word “hipster,” since half the time it’s just code for a thinly-veiled homophobia sneered by some meathead in cargo pants who would have beat the shit out of Richard Hell back in the day for “dressing queer,” but man—this thing was funded on Kickstarter and goes for $400 at Urban Outfitters? If you want a beautiful historic object in your home, why not just buy an actual antique gramaphone?

I can’t possibly think of anything less cool than this thing! Hipster, heal thyself!
 

Posted by Amber Frost | Discussion
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Mazzy Star’s ‘Fade Into You’ sung by Cookie Monster


 
Catman Cohen is an obscure but tenacious vocalist with an improbable, gravelly bass voice and a catalog of four self released CDs that feature absurdly portentious song titles like “If I Could Divide the Smell of Flowers,” “How I Want to Die,” “Metaphorical Dreams of a Broken Soul”... you get the picture. He’s very much a destitute man’s Leonard Cohen attempting to sing like Albert Kuvezhin, and on his 2009 opus How I Want to Dream: The Catman Chronicles 3 he covered Mazzy Star’s unforgettable 1993 single “Fade Into You.” Terribly. He also made a terrible video for it. Watch it here if you like, but I much prefer the version below, mashed-up by an internet smartass with footage of Sesame Street‘s Cookie Monster.
 

 
Many thanks to Valerie Johnson for this find.

Previously on Dangerous Minds
J Mascis singing Mazzy Star’s ‘Fade Into You’
Cookie Monster sings Tom Waits’ ‘Hell Broke Luce’
Tuvan throat singer takes on Led Zeppelin, Kraftwerk, Beefheart, Joy Division & more

Posted by Ron Kretsch | Discussion
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Vladimir Putin rides a bear action figure
01.19.2015
10:24 am

Topics:
Amusing

Tags:
Vladimir Putin
bears


 
On January 17, Robert Coalso tweeted an image of Vladimir Putin riding a bear action figure for sale at the Ismailovo market in Moscow.

There’s a Russian website where you can buy the Putin action figure but there are a few catches: you have to either call the distributor directly to make an order or email them and supposedly they’ll write you back. Since this is the case, I have no idea how much the damned thing costs.

That being said, I do not speak or read in Russian, so I’m going to let Google translate the customer testimonials for you. Here goes:

ANNA, marketing manager: “I bought myself a figure - so cool. All her colleagues wanted to. And the delivery fast advise everyone!”

MARK Terskikh, individual entrepreneurs: “Presented at corporate employees. Happy gift, stylish, beautiful and patriotic. Quality figurines on top. Thank U. Ordered to friends.”

ARTEM DOMRACHEV, PR-director: “The wife has long wanted such a figure. Now is the case and the guys helped. Quickly, quickly, efficiently! In general, well done! Thank U!”

STEPHAN TOLMADOV, Art-director: Gave the children of the department, began to shove creative:). Figure actually charges:)

If these fine testimonials don’t make you want to own one, I don’t what will…


 
via Nerdcore

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
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Noam Chomsky garden gnome
01.19.2015
08:00 am

Topics:
Amusing

Tags:
Noam Chomsky
Garden Gnomes


 
It’s about time someone did this, right? Or maybe there already was and I just didn’t know about it? It seems like an obvious thing to do. Either way, at justsaygnome.net you can order a handpainted Gnome Chomsky for $195 painted or an unpainted one for $95.

Standing at just under 17 inches, Gnome Chomsky the Garden Noam clutches his classic books, ‘The Manufacture of Compost’ and ‘Hedgerows not Hegemony’ – with his open right hand ready to hold the political slogan of your choosing. His clothes represent a relaxed but classy version of regular gnome attire, including: a nice suit jacket-tunic, jeans, boots, traditional gnome cap, and glasses. Additionally, Noam Gnome stands on a base complete with a carved title – for anyone who may not immediately realize the identity of this handsome and scholarly gnome.

According to justsaygnome.net they’re currently out of stock. They encourage you to contact them via email if you really, really have to have one and perhaps they’ll make more. Here’s where to contact them.


 
Via Open Culture

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
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‘The Satanic Children’s Big Book of Activities’ is actually pretty cute
01.17.2015
08:29 am

Topics:
Amusing
Belief

Tags:
Satan
kids
Satanism


 
The Satanists of Orange County, Florida (the most hellish state, obviously) had a very active 2014, and these plucky goat-worshipers show no signs of showing down. Since November they’ve been attempting to distribute “The Satanic Children’s Big Book of Activities” outside of schools, their argument being that if Bible distribution is allowed, so should Satanist materials. Curious as to what a Satanic kids’ book would look like, I checked out the book, and frankly, it’s really cute! Lots of talk about acceptance and dealing with ignorance and fear, plus coloring and word-jumbles—who could object?

The organization responsible for such wholesome edutainment is The Satanic Temple, who as a “dot-org” appear to be a legitimate non-profit, and list their missions statement as:

to encourage benevolence and empathy among all people. In addition, we embrace practical common sense and justice.

As an organized religion, we feel it is our function to actively provide outreach, to lead by example, and to participate in public affairs wheresoever the issues might benefit from rational, Satanic insights. As Satanists, we all should be guided by our consciences to undertake noble pursuits guided by our individual wills. We believe that this is the hope of all mankind and the highest aspiration of humanity.

They also include “Satanists, secularists, and advocates for individual liberty” among their flock, which leads me to believe a fair amount of their participants are actually just activists for separation of church and state—good on ‘em, I say. If you want larger PDFs of the activity book, you can find them here.
 

 

 

 

 
More after the jump…

Posted by Amber Frost | Discussion
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Jesus appears in the Aurora Borealis
01.16.2015
10:20 am

Topics:
Amusing

Tags:
Jesus Christ
Aurora Borealis

jesusnlights.jpg
 
What appears to some to be the figure of Jesus Christ has been spotted in the Northern Lights over Iceland.

Local headmaster Jón Hilmarsson was encouraged to photograph the glow-in-the-dark Jesus by his ten-year-old son. The image captured is said to have “an uncanny resemblance” to the Art Deco Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Mr. Hilmarsson told Metro newspaper:

‘This was the most beautiful and vivid northern light display I have ever seen. We usually see green auroras but that night I saw bright green, red and purple colour, which is very unusual. Many people see the shape of Christ but also an angel formation.’

If you look closely, screw your eyes up and turn your head to 45 degrees you’ll see… ah fuck it.. it’s just the Aurora Borealis. Come on!
 
22xredeme.jpg
 
H/T Metro.
 

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Discussion
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Think ‘Kokomo’ is the Beach Boys’ worst single? THINK AGAIN.
01.16.2015
07:59 am

Topics:
Amusing
Music

Tags:
Beach Boys


 
It was really only a couple of years, from the zeitgeist-altering success of Saturday Night Fever to the notorious Comiskey Park Disco Demolition‘s galvanizing of backlash, that disco was overwhelmingly pre-eminent in pop culture, but for those two years, my god, it was assertive. It seemed like pretty much every above-ground musical and nonmusical artist had to somehow nod to disco, whether or not that artist had even the slightest prior obeisance to the dance floor. Popular artists of all stripes, from punk prime movers Blondie, to blues-steeped British Invasion-era stalwarts like the Rolling Stones and Rod Stewart, to country rockers the Eagles, to metal’s most brazen buck-chasers Kiss, all released disco songs, or at least adopted disco’s production strategies. And then by 1980 it was like it never happened, though of course, if there was ever indeed a “battle” for the charts between disco and rock, rock’s “victory” was definitely pyrrhic, as today’s pop radio norms are much deeper in disco’s debt.
 

 
That resolute fad had plenty of absurd expressions, some of them actually really funny in hindsight. One truly baffling example was when, in 1979, the goddamn BEACH BOYS of all bands capitulated, releasing the shamelessly pandering 12” single “Here Comes The Night (Remix).” Produced by band member Bruce Johnston for their preposterous last-ditch attempt at late ‘70s relevance L.A. (Light Album), it clocks in at over ten minutes. To be exact, it’s a 10:42 litany of unexceptional four-to-the-floor beats and kitchen-sinked disco tropes that have almost nothing to do with the original song, which appeared on the Beach Boys’ middling 1967 album Wild Honey. Here’s that original:
 

 
FAR from their best work, but not utterly terrible. Like its predecessor Smiley Smile, Wild Honey was conceived and released in the immediate aftermath of the implosion of SMiLE, and though it’s enjoyable enough, the band’s failure to follow up Pet Sounds with anything of like quality left their rep in the crapper, so sales were poor. One can only guess as to why “Night” was the song they decided to disco up. Maybe it was because the let’s-fuck lyrical content fit with disco’s hedonistic character? It just seems like it would have made more sense, since they were pandering for sales anyway, to remix a song that had been popular in the first place. It didn’t even work. L.A. was poorly received, and from there the Beach Boys began their descent into Mike Love’s traveling no$talgia act. I will say this for “Night,” though: it may be the one Beach Boys song to feature a vocoder, and of that, I vigorously approve.
 

 
Previously on Dangerous Minds
‘The Ethel Merman Disco Album’
Disco-tastic Italian Beatles medley from 1978 will melt your brain!
Worst Led Zeppelin cover of all time? Disco duo Blonde On Blonde cover ‘Whole Lotta Love,’ 1979

Posted by Ron Kretsch | Discussion
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