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Hear Monty Python strangle John Denver
04.17.2015
06:22 am

Topics:
Amusing
Music

Tags:
Monty Python
John Denver


 
Original pressings of Monty Python’s Contractual Obligation Album included a 15-second track called “Farewell to John Denver,” in which the late poet laureate of Colorado sings a line of “Annie’s Song” before he is strangled to death. In the Pythons’ defense, Denver begs in the lyrics: “let me drown in your laughter, let me die in your arms” (though he does not, as far as I can tell, come on Annie’s pillow).
 

 
The track was removed from the album when Denver sued the Pythons for unauthorized use of his song. Terry Jones replaced it with a stammering apology to the listener titled “Omitted on Legal Advice.”

The item which follows has been omitted on legal advice. Uh, once again we apologize for that pause in the record which was owing to the, uh, original item being omitted on legal advice. However, I’m pleased to say we can now go on with the record, so here we are with “Finland, Finland.”

In 1997, the year of Denver’s actual death, “Farewell” was restored on the reissue of Contractual Obligation Album. It also appears on the CD version of Instant Record Collection: The Pick of the Best of Some Recently Repeated Python Hits Again, Vol. 2.

Incidentally, though I’m not a fan of Denver’s music, I always thought he was a righteous dude for standing up to the PMRC.

Posted by Oliver Hall | Leave a comment
Man expecting sex, gets pranked with ‘surprise’ ass waxing
04.16.2015
06:34 am

Topics:
Amusing

Tags:
pranks
ViralBrothers

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Prankster Erik Meldik is better known in his Czech homeland as one half of the ViralBrothers—a kind of Eastern European Jackass. Together with Čeněk Stýblocarry, the ViralBrothers carry out stunts that “punk” hapless members of the public with supposedly comic results. Last month, Meldik pranked his girlfriend, Dominika Petrinova into believing he had accidentally put her pet dog into the washing machine. Dominika was understandably distraught, but rather than just smile and gracefully accept being pranked, she decided to have her revenge on Erik.

Dominika decided to glue two hair removal wax strips onto a plastic chair. She then blindfolded a naked and freshly showered Erik, before leading him into the living room, where she had him sit on the specially prepared chair. Instead of the expected birthday bj,  Erik literally found himself on the receiving end of a rather painful revenge prank.
 

 
Via Daily Mirror
 

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Leave a comment
Kryst the Conqueror: When The Misfits went all Christian metal


 
Like Little Richard and Jerry Lee Lewis before them, two members of Lodi, New Jersey’s Misfits changed their tune and got right with Jesus. In the late 80s, exchanging devilocks for golden curls and “Mommy, Can I Go Out And Kill Tonight?” for “In God We Trust,” they renounced sin and turned to praise metal.

Immediately after the Misfits’ breakup, Glenn Danzig fucked off to form Samhain with Lyle Preslar and Brian Baker of Minor Threat. Punk stardom, and the royalties from posthumous Misfits releases, were his; metal stardom would soon follow. But it was “oh Lord, stuck in Lodi again” for Misfits bassist Jerry Only (né Gerard Caiafa) and his brother, guitarist Doyle Wolfgang von Frankenstein (né Paul Caiafa), who found themselves in a less enviable position. Only had financed the Misfits’ seven-year career by working at the Caiafa family machine shop, and this perhaps took on the appearance of a shit deal during the lean years after the breakup.
 

The cassette cover of Kryst the Conqueror’s Deliver Us from Evil EP
 
Now wise to Satan’s snares, the brothers vowed nevermore to be the devil’s plaything and evermore to be his scourge. To that end, they formed a Christian metal band c. 1987 called Kryst the Conqueror, recruiting Yngwie Malmsteen’s singer, Jeff Scott Soto, and a drummer credited as “The Murp” on Kryst’s lone release. Soto, who was Journey’s lead singer from 2006 to 2007, once looked like this:
 

 
The biography This Music Leaves Stains: The Complete Story of the Misfits gets up close and personal with Kryst:

Rechristening himself Mocavius Kryst (“Mo the Great” for short), Jerry Only spearheaded a viking-themed heavy metal act with Doyle called Kryst the Conqueror. Joined by fellow Lodian Jim Murray on drums, Kryst the Conqueror embraced a galloping power metal sound a la Helloween or Manowar. The overt Christian themes were difficult to ignore, however, not only in the band’s name but on their singular release, 1990’s self-pressed Deliver Us from Evil EP, which boasts songs such as “In God We Trust” and “Trial of the Soul.” There were also “Mo the Great’s” various fan club writings at the time. To wit: “In the final days of the second millennium, I, Mocavius Kryst, and my men now swear this pact with God. For it is by His command that I now open the gates, unleashing the fury of His vengeance… behold the power of truth for it burns its light up the sword of my brother.” “We don’t want people to come out and say, ‘They were great, but they’re into that devil shit,’” Only explained to Yeszista. “That’s not it, all of our songs are about going out and chasing the son of a bitch. That’s what it’s all about… if I made Kryst with a ‘C,’ people are gonna say, ‘He’s making fun of God.’ We’ve come in His name to do the job.”

Former cohorts would question the validity of the Caiafas’ sudden conversion to ultrapiousness (“They’re about as born again as Anton LaVey,” Bobby Steele snorted to MRR in 1992). Further doubts surrounded Jerry’s proclamation that Kryst the Conqueror was on par with Led Zeppelin and that the band’s music would sustain for a minimum of three decades. When push came to shove, “unleashing the fury” ultimately proved somewhat tricky for Kryst: The band never managed to employ a full-time singer as Jeff Scott Soto, the vocalist who sang on Deliver Us from Evil, was under contract to Swedish guitar sensation Yngwie Malmsteen at the time and could not commit fully to another project. In fact, Soto couldn’t even legally be credited in Deliver Us from Evil‘s liner notes—the vocalist listed on the sleeve is, in fact, Kryst the Conqueror.

Kryst the Conqueror has not been heard from since Jerry “Mocavius” Only won the right to the Misfits’ name in 1995. The new Misfits promptly hit the road, introducing the world to Republican singer Michale Graves, who is best remembered today as a vocal supporter of President George W. Bush. Hail Satan?
 
Kryst the Conqueror’s entire unreleased album:

Posted by Oliver Hall | Leave a comment
Oh God! Men’s tiny crochet thongs are a thing
04.15.2015
03:10 pm

Topics:
Amusing
Fashion

Tags:
crochet thongs
thongs


 
Remember those tiny crochet shorts I blogged about a few months ago? I honestly thought nothing could top those horrible pantaloons. But lo and behold I’ve been proven wrong as there are now tiny crochet thongs for men. I thought the crochet shorts were ball huggers. Nope! The award for “ball huggingness” goes to these crochet thongs. Definitely. They’re being sold on eBay for a super reasonable price of $18.99. The crochet thong is just perfect for the beach, pool or just to lounge around in… looking like an asshole.

Perfect for Coachella!

I was a little worried that the thong only came in yellow (my husband doesn’t look good in yellow). But to my pleasant surprise the seller will make them in any color you want. I strongly urge you to grab a few while they’re hot! Who knows how long this glorious trend will last?


 

 
With thanks to Rusty Blazenhoff for the tip!

Posted by Tara McGinley | Leave a comment
Japanese game show where the contestants get hand jobs while singing karaoke (NSFW)
04.15.2015
02:07 pm

Topics:
Amusing
Sex

Tags:
game shows


 
Japanese game show Sing What Happens seriously tests their male contestants’ karaoke skills by giving them hand jobs while they sing. The object of the game is for the contestants to know the song by heart and to not be distracted by the hand job. They need to be able to hit the proper notes—perfectly—in order to win. Sometimes a hand is used and other times feet are used for zee sexual gratification. The contestants must be able to carry a tune until they ejaculate. Stiff competition indeed. The winner wins a whole bunch of shit.

I’m not sure if there are any female contestants on this show, but that could be interesting too.

I’d like to see one of the contestants do a karaoke version of Bad Brains’ “Pay to Cum.” Now THAT’s entertainment!

 
via Death and Taxes

Posted by Tara McGinley | Leave a comment
Vegas-style: GG Allin goes lounge
04.14.2015
08:56 am

Topics:
Amusing
Punk

Tags:
GG Allin
parody


 
Here at Dangerous Minds, we recently wrote about the death metal version of Mary Poppins’ “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.”

Well, the genius behind that Internet gem, as well as the classic Rage Against the Machine refurbishing “Killing In The Name (Less Angry Version),”  the Bob Marley rework “Is This Love (Metal Version),” and a whole slew of other clever genre-swapping dubs, has recently taken on punk iconoclast, GG Allin, in what he is calling “Bite It You Scum (Radio Disney Version).”

GG Allin, the deceased shit-flinging “Rock and Roll Terrorist,” known for his transgressive live act, appears in this clip, which is taken from the excellent 1994 Todd Phillips documentary Hated: GG Allin and the Murder Junkies, with a newly-dubbed audio track of Internet-sensation Andy Rehfeldt performing the song in a lounge style.

According to Rehfeldt’s notes on the upload:

This video got me in a lot of trouble. I have strikes on both my other channels because I tried to post there. My good friend, Kim Watkins, blurred out GG’s pecker and poop here, and so far it has not been banned.

We imagine GG wouldn’t mind the Internet pissing all over his legacy like this—he seemed to really be into that sort of thing in his waking life.

So, if you’ve always wanted to see what would have happened if GG had taken his act to Vegas, now’s your chance before this one gets shut down by the You Tube police (or the Disney Corporation, for that matter).

Though the naughty bits have been blurred, we still imagine it’s not “work safe” for most office environments. Perhaps the most entertaining part of the whole thing is watching the censor blur try to follow Allin around the frame!

Here’s the once quite dangerous punk anthem, “Bite It, You Scum,” soiled by the Internet:
 

Posted by Christopher Bickel | Leave a comment
The best goddamned hair salon commercial you’re ever going to see
04.13.2015
01:01 pm

Topics:
Amusing
Fashion

Tags:
jheri curl
awesomesauce
Jarrell's


 

Jarrell Charles is my name. Jheri curl is my fame.

What I wouldn’t give right now to have a time machine so I could hop on over to the 1980s and visit Jarrell’s hair salon in St. Louis. Seriously, just watch this commercial and tell me you wouldn’t want Jarrell as your hairstylist. You’d hire his ass in a heartbeat and know you it. His fantastical hair magic would have only cost you $27.50 + tip.

WHERE IS JARRELL NOW you may ask? I had a hard time trying to find him, but thanks to the Internet it appears he has a Facebook page and is currently living in North Las Vegas, Nevada.

 
via Boing Boing

Posted by Tara McGinley | Leave a comment
Alvinstitutionalized: Goof band Chipmunk-punks Suicidal Tendencies


 
Just so it’s clear, there really was a Chipmunk Punk, a 1980 project of Ross Bagdasarian, Jr., the namesake son of the Chipmunks’ creator. It was not particularly “punk”—it contained Alvin and the Chipmunks’ cover versions of songs by opposite-of-punk artists like Billy Joel, Tom Petty, Linda Ronstadt, Queen, and for some reason THREE SONGS by the Knack. The entirety of the LP’s New Wave representation was supplied by Blondie’s “Call Me”  and the Cars’ “Let’s Go.” It was stupid as hell, but I liked it. Because I was 10 years old. Bagdasarian followed the successful cash-in with Urban Chipmunk, a collection of squeaky-voiced pop country covers, and Chipmunk Rock, which at least had a version of “Whip It” going for it, but by then, I was like 12, and much too sophisticated for such juvenilia.

And again, so it’s clear, what follows was NOT actually on Chipmunk Punk, so if you go buying that album expecting to hear it, well, something’s possibly wrong with you anyway. California’s smartassy theatrical comedy band Radioactive Chicken Heads recorded an amusing-as-far-as-this-sort-of-thing-goes Chipmunkified version of Suicidal Tendencies’ definitive song, 1983’s “Institutionalized.” I’d hope it should go without saying that the possibility of this actually being a product of anyone officially connected with the evidently deathless Chipmunks franchise is a few leagues beneath unlikely. Whether it’s better or worse than Ice-T’s recent effort at updating the song is a debate I’ll leave to others.
 

 
The original, after the jump…

Posted by Ron Kretsch | Leave a comment
Hitchcock 101: Alfred Hitchcock on how to make movies

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Alfred Hitchcock thought the invention of “talkies” was unfortunate as movies assumed a theatrical form overnight. Films, he told Francois Truffaut, stopped being cinematic and became “photographs of people talking.”

When we tell a story in cinema, we should resort to dialogue only when it’s impossible to do otherwise. I always try to tell a story in a cinematic way, through a succession of shots and bits of film in between.

In writing a screenplay, it is essential to separate clearly the dialogue from the visual elements and, whenever possible, to rely more on the visual than on the dialogue. Whichever way you choose to stage the action, your main concern is to hold the audience’s fullest attention.

Summing it up, one might say that the screen rectangle must be charged with emotion.

Hitchcock developed this theme in an interview with director Bryan Forbes at London’s National Film Theatre in 1969, where he explained how work on a movie “starts” for him:

Well, for me, it all starts with the basic material first. Now, the question of when you have the basic material… you may have a novel, a play, an original idea, a couple of sentences and from that the film begins. I work very closely with the writer and begin to construct the film on paper, from the very beginning. We roughly sketch in the whole shape of the film and then begin from the beginning. You end up with around 100 pages, or perhaps even more, of narrative, which is very bad reading for a litterateur. There are no descriptions of any kind—no ‘he wondered’, because you can’t photograph ‘he wondered.’

No ‘camera pans right’, for example

Not at that stage, no. It’s as though you were looking at the film on the screen and the sound was turned off. And therefore, to me, this is the first stage. The reason for it is this—it is to urge one to, to drive one, to make one work purely in the visual and not rely upon words at all. I am still a purist and I do believe that film is a series of images projected on a screen. This succession of images create ideas, which in turn create emotion, just as much as in literature words put together form sentences.

This is is what Hitchcock called “pure film”

The point is that pure film is montage, which is the assembly of pieces of film, which in their turn must create an emotion in the audience. That is the whole art of the cinema—the montage of the pieces. It is merely a matter of design, subject matter and so forth. You can’t generalise about it. You can only hope to produce ideas, expressed in montage terms that create an emotion in an audience.

Hitchcock was a cinematic purist—which ultimately made him a control freak. Everything was planned and worked out long before the actors rehearsed their lines or the first shot was taken. “Actors,” Hitchcock once said in his famously quoted line, “should be treated like cattle.” They were there to collaborate and serve his vision. That’s why he preferred working with actors like James Stewart or Cary Grant rather than “method” actors like Montgomery Clift or Paul Newman. Indeed, during the making of Torn Curtain, Hitchcock became so fed up with Newman continually asking about his motivation that he eventually told him, “Your motivation is your salary.”

Continues after the jump…

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Leave a comment
Something for the hardcore ‘Doctor Who’ fan?
04.11.2015
06:20 pm

Topics:
Amusing
Sex

Tags:
toys
Dr. Who

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The advice usually given to many a young hopeful entrepreneur is to find a hole in the market and… er… fill it. Taking that suggestion literally appears to be exactly what Sporkwood has done with this handmade solid metal design for personal “fetish wear.”

This shiny little toy is intended for “mature” enjoyment and (I guess) for the hardcore Doctor Who fan. It’s available with either a blue “TARDIS” or “Bad Wolf” logo, and if you’re interested, one of these playthings will cost you £24.53 (approx $36).

It would certainly get that old sci-fi convention swinging.... One also has to wonder: Did the BBC authorize these?
 
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With thanks to Elizabeth Veldon!
 

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Leave a comment
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