The most bored teenagers in America watch bogus Creationism vs. Evolution speech


 
Aside from this utterly hilarious 90s-era Creationism vs. Evolution school assembly speech (Come on, who came up with these graphs?), it’s the cutaway shots of the totally bored teens that are the true gems in this mess. One male teen in the audience is so bored that he actually starts to nibble on his hand to pass the time. Others bite their nails, yawn, give the side-eye to one another and so forth…

They definitely don’t want what he’s selling. You can’t blame them with lines like, “That stupid theory of evolution that’s included in the books as if it is a fact and it’s nothing but a Pagan religion.”
 

 
Via Christian Nightmares and Everything Is Terrible

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
‘Santa the Hutt’ mocks Christmas gluttony and excess


 
The BetaBrand store, located in San Francisco’s Mission district, has a vile, blobby yuletide greeting I can totally get on board with: Santa the Hutt! 

According to Chris from BetaBrand:

Our aim: To poke fun at holiday excess and explore anti-Santa sentiment. Our achievement: Over a thousand people have taken holiday photos at our Valencia Street store since rolling him out last week.

snip~

He now begrudgingly poses for holiday photos with Valencia Street shoppers if only because he’s too obese to move.

Santa the Hutt seems unlikely to be posing for Playgirl anytime soon…
 

 

 
Via Boing Boing

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
A quick way to get rid of pesky Jehovah’s Witnesses
11.18.2013
09:18 am

Topics:
Amusing
Belief

Tags:
Jehovah's Witnesses


 
I don’t want to ruin to this video for you (it’s only one-minute and 37 seconds long), but stay tuned for the belly laugh at the end. It’s contagious!

According to YouTuber hitmn92 it was house cleaning day. And, yes, that is indeed his voice you hear in the background singing along to his favorite 80s powerhouse jams. 

 
Via Nerdcore

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
He raises the dead and whitens teeth with his supernatural powers: The miraculous Minister Mills
11.17.2013
09:47 am

Topics:
Belief
Kooks
Stupid or Evil?

Tags:
Joshua Mills


 
Why not? Jesus turned water into wine and stones into loaves of bread.

This odd fellow is Minister Joshua Mills and, according to his website, he’s no stranger to miracles:

During his services signs and wonders are commonplace with manifestations of supernatural oil and gold dust, creative healings, supernatural weight-loss, financial miracles, Angelic visitation and heavenly encounters.

During his visits to indigenous people of Canada, Mills really pulled out all the stops and managed to shift his miracle-making powers into high gear.

God began to move upon the Inuit people with signs and miracles – saving the lost, healing the sick, raising the dead, mending broken hearts and performing unusual wonders.

What? No teeth whitened? No fragrance of toothpaste? Watch the video!

Mills’ take on humanity is pretty dire and you’ve got to wonder why he gives a shit about people’s teeth. Among his list of seven things he believes in, here’s an upbeat nugget:

The utter depravity of human nature, the necessity of repentance and regeneration and the eternal doom of the final impenitent.

Somehow he manages to smile through it all as he goes about raising the dead only to condemn them to eternal doom. He’s kind of like Jesus with a cruel streak.

And ladies, in case you’re wondering, unfortunately, Minister Mills is married.
 

 
Now for the musical side of Minister Mills. For close to two hours, Mills vamps over the jazz/rock noodlings of his back-up band. Nothing quite coalesces into actual song. But at the 11:15 mark, Mills starts singing in tongues and giving up the funk.

 
Previously on Dangerous Minds:

Silly evangelists expect followers to believe in the lamest ‘miracle’ of all time!

Posted by Marc Campbell | Discussion
Impotent middle-aged Christian guy doles out sexual advice… for free!
11.05.2013
10:43 am

Topics:
Advertorial
Belief
Kooks
Sex

Tags:
Ed Hurst


 
This is one of those books that I reckon you can judge by the cover…

This curious little volume is by a fellow named Ed Hurst. It’s a free ebook you can acquire—should you want a copy—via the author. Hurst is a prolific self-published writer. His other titles include The Mind of Christ, The Chronicles of Misty, The Laptop Oracles,  A Course in Biblical Mysticism and Mystical Tales of Romance. He’s written 22—that’s right, 22—books in the past couple of years. On his website, Hurst declares “I am called to prophesy against Western Civilization as a whole, because it is fundamentally hostile to God’s revelation.”

Just so you know where he stands, K?

After telling the reader how he’s been faithfully married to his wife since 1978, Hurst gets… personal:

“I can claim a history of total fidelity, but you’ll have to decide for yourself how true that might be. Further, I am at the age and level of exposure to environmental pharmaceuticals that my libido is about gone. It still works somewhat with my wife only because of the vast ocean of trust she has earned. Otherwise, the wiring between my testosterone and my sense of taste in flesh is largely burned out. Not much of anything or anyone turns me on, so to speak.”

Why does Hurst inflict this information upon us? He explains:

“This helps to establish me as an objective observer. All I hope to gain is an opportunity for people to peel away the layers of social mythology and find peace.”

Ah ha! So when it comes to dispensing sexual advice, impotence = objectivity? Apparently in the parallel universe that Mr. Hurst resides in this is the case. He’s clearly not interested in bringing sexy back…

Hurst blames church leaders and feminism for the decline in Christian marriages. Specifically he blames the church leaders for feminism.

“What most preachers assume is good moral values still leaves the door wide open for feminine domination in the home and all the attendant problems that come with it. What part of “be submissive” in God’s Word do we not understand?”

According to Hurst, this feminism shit, why, it’s anti-Christian…

“Men tend to be a little lazy, particularly about enforcing moral boundaries. It requires a bit of indirect prompting, but direct nagging is a guarantee of failure. He is wired to bristle and resist. Rather, she has to devote herself to strengthening him according to his nature. A conspicuous devotion that others can see will provoke him to genuine heroism as much as anything can. Treat him like a hero until he feels the vibes and acts accordingly; a woman has no power to remake her man’s nature. He naturally gets angry if his woman embarrasses him in front of others.”

You hear that ladies, make your man feel like a hero.

Here’s Hurst’s (free) advice for the menfolk:

“Guys: Know your mission first. You simply have no business messing with women until you know who you are and what you must do with your life. That means delaying your start when gals your age are raring to go. Don’t be ashamed to come back when you’re ready and “rob the cradle,” but realize it is highly risky most of all because ten years is forever when it comes to cultural trends in the West. She’ll be quite foreign to you unless she’s partly retro. The biggest mistake you’ll make is allowing your hormones to run you off a cliff. Is she hot? Close your eyes and get a hold of yourself. Her beauty doesn’t mean a thing, except that she’ll probably be very hard to get, in one sense or another. The last thing you want to do is advertise your willingness to be a slave by staring like every other drooling loser.”

So says the guy who introduced himself to his readers by telling them that his dick is dead…

Via Matthew Paul Turner’s blog

Posted by Richard Metzger | Discussion
The House of David: Religious barnstorming with the original baseball beardos
10.30.2013
10:24 am

Topics:
Belief
Sports

Tags:
baseball
The House of David

Harry Laufer of the House of David
Harry Laufer of the House of David
 
The Boston Red Sox are looking to clinch their third World Series in the last 10 years—if that doesn’t happen, Game 7 is tomorrow, in which the St. Louis Cardinals will attempt to win their third World Series in the last 8 years. Either way, by Friday the baseball season will be over.

If you’ve been watching the TV coverage of the postseason action, you’re probably sick to death of the attention that’s been dedicated to the Red Sox players and their stupid beards. The faithful of Red Sox Nation populating Fenway tonight has taken up the gimmick in full force, and you’ll be sure to see some fake beards in the crowd if you watch tonight.
 
Red Sox beardos
Red Sox beardos
 
As Bill Murray pointed out in a recent interview with Esquire, “With the beards, they look like—what were they called, the Sons of David?” A footnote makes the clarification—Bill was referring to the Israelite House of David, a religious society founded by Benjamin and Mary Purnell in Benton Harbor, Michigan, in 1903.

Ben Purnell was fond of baseball, so he had the idea of getting together a team from the commune. In 1913 the House of David team started playing competitive baseball—they were an active barnstorming team from then all the way up to the 1950s, when the integration of major league baseball effectively put an end to the Negro Leagues and other similar teams like the House of David. As Wikipedia explains, “The team members wore long hair and beards as they played. … Some professional players grew their beards out to show their respect towards the god of Israel, while others wore false beards.”
 
Eliezer Schechter
Eliezer Schechter
 
The House of David is probably the only team in baseball history that consisted entirely of celibate players. The team also invented the warmup game of pepper. The early 1930s were a heady period for the House of David—the pitcher/manager was Grover Cleveland Alexander from 1931 to 1935. In 1933 Jackie Mitchell signed with the team, becoming the first woman ever to sign a pro baseball contract. The next year saw the addition of Babe Didrikson Zaharias as well as, for the Denver Post tournament, Satchel Paige his catcher Cy Perkins.

The House of David traveled all over the country as well as to Canada and Mexico, and their competition included some of the most formidable Negro Leagues teams such as the Homestead Grays. In the late 1930s, the House of David barnstormed across the country with the Kansas City Monarchs, another legendary Negro Leagues team. After Babe Ruth’s career came to an end, the House of David offered him a contract—but the Babe’s carousing habits more or less ruled him out of consideration.

In 2003, Drawn and Quarterly published cartoonist James Sturm’s The Golem’s Mighty Swing, a fanciful graphic novel about a fictional variant of the House of David.
 
The House of David
 
There’s a lot of information out there on the team, including the book House of David Baseball Team by Joel Hawkins and Terry Bertolino and the the House of David Baseball Team Research Project.
 
“House of David Baseball: The Best Team You’ve Never Heard Of”

 

Posted by Martin Schneider | Discussion
‘I’m a profoundly ignorant Carl Sagan’ admits ‘Barnacle Bill’s Semi-Factual Nautical Tales’ creator


 
Barnacle Bill’s Semi-Factual Nautical Tales is a fun new Australian TV series from Doug Bayne—he’s one half of the team behind the ultra-dirty, totally hilarious “Oglaf” comic—and Craig Anderson (The Elegant Gentleman’s Guide to Knife Fighting, Double the Fist). It’s “loosely” inspired by Carl Sagan’s famous Cosmos series, except that unlike the late scientist, they’ve got no budget for decent special effects and not much actual knowledge about the matters they cover.  Bayne says:

“Then I started thinking ‘I can make animations and know nothing at all about science - I’m like a profoundly ignorant Carl Sagan. I can use animation to share my ignorance with the world.’”

The duo describe their series as “an incredible voyage of discovery.”

Bayne’s “Oglaf” partner, illustrator Trudy Cooper is also involved with the production, which goes out at 11:40pm on Friday nights on ABC1. You can watch each short episode after they’ve aired on ABC’s website.
 

 
Thank you Taylor Jessen!

Posted by Richard Metzger | Discussion
Inexplicably compelling (and just plain weird) Jesus paintings
10.18.2013
10:29 am

Topics:
Amusing
Art
Belief

Tags:
Jesus


Wall Street Jesus makin’ a deal…
 
You may have already seen a few of these paintings by artist and Jesus-enthusiast, Nathan Greene. I recall seeing some of these paintings a couple of years ago on the Internet and being completely confused by them and yet, not being able to look away!  They’re strangely compelling, right?

Nathan’s paintings don’t come cheap, costing upwards of $1,495. Thankfully, there are prints available at cheaper prices.

There’s a whole gallery here if you’d like to take a gander at even more.


Adam and Eve? Or is it Jon Hamm and Mila Kunis?
 

Jesus jokes with a little girl: “I tawt I taw a putty tat.”
 

Jesus helps a perplexed scientist get his head around Darwin…
 

Would Jesus in the operating room be comforting or just the opposite?
 

Jesus watches over you while you sleep. That’s not cool.

With thanks to Arya Senboutaraj!

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
Vatican spells ‘Jesus’ wrong on 6,000 papal medals
10.11.2013
10:56 am

Topics:
Belief

Tags:
Pope Francis
Lesus

Lesus medallion
 
Now that Pope Francis has signaled, in the Jesuit magazine America, a desire to pull back “on issues related to abortion, gay marriage, and the use of contraceptive methods,” the Vatican finally has an occupant that even liberals can learn to love.

Pope Francis is apparently even challenging the doctrine of papal infallibility.

The Italian State Mint recently issued a set of gold, silver, and bronze medals to commemorate the beginning of Pope Francis’s papacy—but a key error was spotted after the production process.

Referring to a pivotal quotation that inspired the young Jorge Mario Bergoglio to seek his destiny in the Catholic Church, the medallions were suppsosed to read, “Vidit ergo Jesus publicanum et quia miserando antque eligendo vidit, ait illi sequere me” (“Jesus therefore sees the tax collector, and since he sees by having mercy and by choosing, he says to him, follow me”), but instead the medallions read, “Vidit ergo Lesus publicanum et quia miserando antque eligendo vidit, ait illi sequere me.”

The Vatican has recalled the six thousand medals. Four of the medals had been sold before the recall, according to the Vatican press office. Those lucky people may have received a keepsake that may become a valuable collector’s item someday—praise Lesus!
 
via Spiegel Online

Posted by Martin Schneider | Discussion
Christian group thinks it’s ‘better to die than to live’ in pro-gay world!


 
Last night as I was writing this post about the end of the world fantasies of the Christian Right, I came across a ridiculous quote from dim-bulb entertainer Pat Boone who once said that he’d rather his young daughters died than to be raised under godless Communism.

I’d imagine that little Debby and her siblings would have felt differently, perhaps.

Here’s a new one, though: Christian political organization,The Family Leader, headed up by the sleazy Bob Vander Plaat, says it is better to die than live in a world welcoming of gay people.  In an article posted on their website with the title “9 Reasons You Will Be Made to Care,” The Family Leader group laid out a manifesto of ignorance, as Gay Star News reports:

They referenced the Disney Channel featuring a lesbian couple on a TV show, a California bill ensuring trans people can use the right bathroom, the US evangelist who was arrested in London for spouting anti-gay hate, and the Colorado baker facing jail after refusing to make a wedding cake for a gay couple.

The boycott of Barilla pasta has pissed them off too. What’s a poor Christian who is “being targeted by homosexual activists who’s [sic] agenda is clear: approve of my lifestyle or pay the consequences” to do, The Family Leader asks.

“At first, the cases were few and far between. Now the number of cases are building, and the collective threat is growing, with the goal of suffocating Christians’ vocal opposition to promoting a lifestyle which is not consistent with their faith.”

Would Jesus discriminate?

Here’s how it ends:

What will you do?  Will you give in to their agenda by saying and doing nothing? Or will you lead yourself, your family, your church, and your community?  Our nation, our children need leadership. What you choose will impact generations to come.

To paraphrase a quote from Winston Churchill:

“If you do not fight when you have a chance of winning, you will eventually fight when you have no hope of winning, because it will be better to die than to live.”

Or you could just kill yourself if you’re too sensitive to live IN REALITY. Like those nice Heaven’s Gate people.

It’s a modest proposal. A more realistic one.

The Family Leader’s loathesome leader, Bob Vander Plaat, is mulling over running for the Senate in the Republican Party primary in Iowa next year. He could win, too.

Via Joe.My.God

Posted by Richard Metzger | Discussion
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