And since I’m sure that more than a few of you are nodding your heads, “yes, please” then today is your lucky day thanks to Ryan Hanley, a taxidermist based in New Smyrna Beach, Florida.
Satanic Squirrel Ritual taxidermy
Satanic FTW Squirrel taxidermy (and yes, he is shooting you the bird)
Billed as “the most brilliant present ever” by its maker, Satanic FTW Squirrel (above) and his upside down cross stands about 12” tall and was the product of roadkill just like his pal Satanic Squirrel Ritual, in case these images are getting your PETA panties all in a bunch. There are loads of other images on Hanley’s Tumblr, but I don’t suggest looking at them if you don’t want to see things like lamps that used to be armadillos (which are completely amazing by the way), or roadkill raccoons that are now fashionable purses.
If you’re interested in purchasing Satan’s favorite nut job, it’ll run you $150 over at Hanley’s wife’s Etsy shop, The Wild Few. The Satanic Squirrel Ritual piece is $175. There’s also a Suicide Squirrel piece that features a taxidermied squirrel with a gun pointed at its head if that’s more your speed.
Recently I saw a social media post touting a newly “stabilized” version of the infamous 1967 “Patterson-Gimlin film” of “Bigfoot.” I was astounded to find that this footage, which I assumed everyone knew had been debunked, was still making the rounds for folks wanting to believe.
Is it just that the debunking stories don’t get told as often because they aren’t nearly as interesting as the prospect of a seven-foot-tall hominid cryptid skulking the woods of Northern California having been caught on (excessively shaky, out-of-focus) film, or is it simply that there are still so many people willing to believe—even in the face of credible sources explaining their role in the fakery?
Wikipedia indicates that there are at least seven scientists who have conducted studies favorable to the Patterson-Gimlin film being legit. One wonders if these might be the same seven scientists denying global warming.
A few years back I attended a lecture by the man who claims to have produced the actual suit worn in the film. He tells a compelling story.
79-year-old Philip Morris of Charlotte, North Carolina is a magician and entrepreneur who began a costume and stage prop business in the early ‘60s, Morris Costumes, which has grown to become one of the largest costume companies in the country. In the 1960s, Morris Costumes was one of the few companies producing gorilla suits for magicians and carnivals. Morris claims that in 1967 a man called him, identifying himself as Roger Patterson, stating that he was a rodeo cowboy wanting to buy a gorilla suit for a “gag.”
According to Morris, Patterson swindled money out of investors to raise the money for the (relatively expensive for the time) $435 suit. Morris claims that Patterson promised seven different investors a 50% cut of the profits for a “Bigfoot film” he was going to produce (do the math). Through these “investors,” Patterson was able to send Morris a money order for the gorilla suit.
“I didn’t think it was a real big deal,” said Morris. “It was just another sale.”
Morris shipped the suit to Patterson.
Patterson later called Morris back asking how to make the suit more “realistic.” “He asked me to send him some extra fur and asked how to hide the zipper in the back and how to make the person in the costume look larger,” Morris said. “I told him to brush the fur over the zipper and use hair spray to hold it, and then get some football shoulder pads and sticks for the arms to give the illusion of being taller, and use stuffing to get more bulk.” And that was the last Morris heard from Patterson.
In October of 1967 Morris saw the famous footage on television and recognized his suit. “I was watching TV when I saw Patterson and his film on the news,” Morris said. “I called my wife from the other room and said, ‘Look it’s our gorilla costume.’”
Morris indicates that he didn’t initially go public with the information about the sale of the suit because he didn’t want to expose a fellow illusionist, stating: “In my mind it was a magic trick.”
He didn’t want to break the magician’s code.
Morris didn’t start speaking publicly about the suit until Patterson died in 1972. Even then, he mostly told his story at trade conventions.
Eventually, Morris’ story made its way to Bigfoot researcher Greg Long.
Greg Long’s The Making of Bigfoot: The Inside Story devotes an entire chapter to Morris’ claim that he provided the costume for Patterson. “I couldn’t see any motive beyond that he wanted to tell the truth,” Long said. “This was just a good story that he decided to tell.”
“Most people believe me, but there are people that are very hostile to me when I tell them it is a hoax,” Morris said. “It is like telling them Santa Claus doesn’t exist. They grew up believing it was true and do not want to admit to themselves it’s fake.”
His story seems believable, but can Morris really prove that he sold a suit to Patterson which was used to fake 59.5 seconds of jerky out-of-focus “Bigfoot” footage? I suppose not, but then again, I want to believe.
Here’s Philip Morris talking about the sale of the suit to Patterson:
You’re about to witness an incredible video of a Stygiomedusa gigantea—a deep-sea jelly fish—which apparently has only had a 115 sightings in the last 110 years. So, yeah, this is pretty rare footage we all should be thankful it even exists and it’s downright amazing to boot!
The Stygiomedusa gigantea was filmed off the Gulf of Mexico with a remotely operated underwater camera. What the researchers managed to capture was its uniqueness and grace.
And, yes, the penis shape! The Stygiomedusa gigantea is obviously a bit of a shapeshifter, but it starts off looking remarkably like a big dick here. I liked the New Agey music they used, but Schoolly D’s “Mr. Big Dick” would have made for a funnier soundtrack.
A self-proclaimed “wizard” and “energy healer” named Andrew Wright from Christchurch, New Zealand has been banned from the Orana Wildlife Park after chanting and beating his chest at the gorillas. Wright’s actions enraged one of the park’s largest gorillas so much so that the gorilla charged the glass and tried to attack him.
According to gorilla keeper Rob Clifford, he told Wright to knock it off because he was clearly upsetting the gorillas with his, er, wizardry. But Wright refused to believe Clifford and thought the gorillas were reacting positively to his chanting and chest-beating.
Christchurch’s most famous wizard had a few words for Andrew Wright’s very un-wizardly behavior:
Christchurch’s most best-known wizard. His name is unknown, but he is most assuredly a wizard
“We don’t normally go out and beat our chests in front of gorilla cages,” The Wizard says. “It’s not the normal behaviour of wizards. You wouldn’t get merit points for that.”
Andrew Wright has had his membership to the park revoked indefinitely. No wizard merit points were awarded for his little display, either.
I’ve heard stories about sewer rats magically appearing in people’s toilet bowls but I never really understood exactly how the rats were able to pull off this feat. Didn’t they need oxygen to breathe while crawling through the plumbing? Are rats good swimmers?
Too many questions and never any solid answers. Until now!
Thanks to the kind folks at National Geographic, we FINALLY have definitive proof of how sewer rats are able to pull off their Houdini-esque toilet stunt. It’s actually quite mesmerizing to watch, people who suffer from musophobia need not click play.
So you own all the manuals and modules and miniatures, yet still your D&D tabletop feels incomplete. Might we suggest one thing that’s sure to make you the coolest dungeon master on the block: a twenty-sided die carved out of real Pleistocene-era woolly mammoth ivory.
Woolly mammoths, huge elephant-related beasts, roamed the earth until disappearing from their mainland range at the end of the Pleistocene era, some 10,000 years ago. From time-to-time, well-preserved specimens of mammoths are discovered in the frozen bogs of the far North. So well-preserved, in fact, that 250,000-year-old woolly mammoth meat was reportedly served at the 47th Annual Explorer’s Club Dinner to a bunch of rich 1950s nerds.
Apparently the Artisan Dice company was able to get their hands on some of of these rare, well-preserved mammoth remains—specifically the tusks. From this (apparently very foul-smelling) ivory they have created a line of twenty-sided-dice for use in the role-playing game of your choice. Though their site doesn’t mention how they were able to obtain such historically significant remains to carve into RPG accessories, we’re taking their word for it that this is the real deal and that there are no preservationist directives banning the repurposing of mammoth ivory.
Mammoth ivory has some very unique characteristics hiding within its aged and flaky bark. The inner layers polish to an brilliant luster that showcase a wonderful grain in the form of a subtle cross hatch pattern, and distinctively heavy weight along with a crisp sound when rolled as a die. On top of all that, it produces one hell of a stink when worked. It’s by far one of the worst smells in the shop. Enduring that pungent aroma is well worth the results though as mammoth ivory makes some of the best dice on the planet.
The company made a run of two-dozen dice which were presented in an Eastern Aromatic Cedar box with a Black Walnut insert and priced at a meager $248.00 EACH.
They sold out of this run within 24 hours of making them available.
But never fear wealthy role-playing game and dead mammal enthusiasts, Artisan Dice promises to be preparing a second run and are currently taking pre-orders.
The mammoths didn’t make their saving throw against extinction, but their power and majesty lives on—possibly in your parents’ den—with these exquisite dice.
When God created the first Clymene moth, at least several thousand years ago did He think about the Cross? As you can clearly see the black marking on the wings looks like the silhouette of Jesus hanging on the Cross. I took this picture yesterday morning as the moth sat quietly on a tomato plant.
I think that when “God created the first Clymene moth at least several thousand years ago” he was probably aware that the head goes at the top—not the bottom. Sorry, Bible-guy. Posting upside-down photos is cheating. Here, let me fix that for you:
Make no mistake. This moth is PURE EVIL. Especially if you happen to be an Oak, Peach or Willow tree—as its larvae will be decimating you.
Feast ye now upon this demonic gallery of ungodly nature photos of Haploa clymene, the most METAL of moths. Each photo is accompanied by an appropriate quote from Matt Paradise’s Book of Satanic Quotations:
“God is a sound people make when they’re too tired to think anymore.” —Edward Abbey
“As the caterpillar chooses the fairest leaves to lay her eggs on, so the priest lays his curse on the fairest joys.” —William Blake
“I almost shudder at the thought of alluding to the most fatal example of the abuses of grief which the history of mankind has preserved—the Cross. Consider what calamities that engine of grief has produced!” —Thomas Jefferson
“If Jesus Christ were to come today, people would not even crucify him. They would ask him to dinner, and hear what he had to say, and make fun of it.” —Thomas Carlyle
“I slept with faith and found a corpse in my arms on awakening; I drank and danced all night with doubt and found her a virgin in the morning.” —Aleister Crowley
“I can find no room in my cosmos for a deity save as a waste product of human weakness, the excrement of the imagination.” —George Norman Douglas
“An actually existent fly is more important than a possibly existent angel.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Religious ideas have sprung from the same need as all the other achievements of culture: from the necessity for defending itself against the crushing supremacy of nature.” —Sigmund Freud
“O ye generations of Christ-deluded imbeciles! Ye swarms of moonstruck meeklings! Ye burnt out cinders of men! Ye blessing lambs! One day! One day! Ye shall be flung to the lions! Behold! I spit upon your Idols—your Opinions. Now would I pour molten hell through the ventricles of your soul.” —Ragnar Redbeard
“The idea of God is the sole wrong for which I cannot forgive mankind” —Marquis De Sade
“There is no god more divine than yourself.” —Walt Whitman
“I deny Jesus Christ, the Deceiver and I abjure the Christian Faith, holding in contempt all of it’s Works.” —King Diamond
Amateur sketch of Lizard Man by its first recorded eyewitness, Christopher Davis.
A South Carolina woman came forward to the media on Sunday to report a spotting of the legendary swamp creature known as “Lizard Man” and has provided photographic evidence of the sighting.
The woman, identified only as “Sarah” by WCIV ABC News 4, says she “went to church with a friend Sunday morning, [and] stepped out of the sanctuary to see the Lizard Man running along the tree line.”
“My hand to God, I am not making this up,” she wrote in an email to the news station.
WCIV reported her claim as well as the cellphone photo she submitted:
Photo of the Lizard Man taken by South Carolina’s “Sarah.”
The cryptid, known as “The Lee County Lizard Man” or “The Bishopville Lizard Man” or “The Lizard Man of Scape Ore Swamp,” was first reported in 1988 by 17-year-old Christopher Davis. Driving home from work around 2:00 a.m., Davis had to stop near Scape Ore Swamp to change a flat tire. As he was finishing up, he reported having heard a thumping noise from behind and turned to see a seven-foot-tall bipedal creature running towards him. Davis said it had glowing red eyes, green skin, and three clawed fingers on each hand. Davis said the creature tried to grab at his car and then jumped on its roof as he tried to escape—clinging on as Davis swerved from side to side. Davis’ side-view mirror was found to be badly damaged, and scratch marks were found on the car’s roof. After Davis’ tale was reported, others came forward with their own accounts of the beast. According to former Lee County sheriff Liston Truesdale, at least twelve witnesses have come forward.
On July 30, 1990, Bertha Blythers and her five children witnessed a strange creature near Scape Ore Swamp lunge toward the passenger side of their car. In a statement given to the Lee County Sheriff’s Office, Bertha described the creature as being tall, wide, and having “two arms like a human.” “I never seen anything like it before,” she told the police. “It wasn’t a deer or a bear. It was definitely not a person either.”
Sales of Lizard Man-related merchandise, along with a lucrative speed trap (one I’ve had personal experience with) are major sources of revenue for impoverished Bishopville/Lee County.
This latest sighting is sure to boost the local Bishopville economy, and if nothing else, proves that local TV affiliates (as well as Dangerous Minds) will report on anything. Going only by “Sarah”‘s photo, we’re wondering if the Lizard Man of Scape Ore Swamp might possibly be a Sleestak.
Here’s a short documentary on the Lizard Man:
And this song by R Logan tells the tale of the creature:
In 2010, in order to promote its new album Something for Everybody, DEVO created a one-time-only “DEVO Cat Listening Party,” in which the band isolated a handful of kitties in “a specially constructed room” equipped with “an enormous blue Energy Dome scratching post.”
This event happened on June 15, 2010, at the Warner Bros. offices in Burbank, California. Songs from Something for Everybody were for about two hours while the cute kitties, provided by Jungle Exotics, frolicked and played their feline games to the socially incisive pop music.
Warner Bros. Records new media director Cara Heller stated, “We were told they like music, but we didn’t know how cats react to listening to music over long periods of time and we didn’t want to burn them out.”
The event was streamed continuously on a dedicated Ustream feed, and in fact if you go to that feed today you’ll find a 50-minute video documenting the event. It’s embedded below. Judging from the video, they also had a massive supply of blue energy domes to give away—I wish I owned one, I would have worn it while writing this…..
No one is taking 69-year-old Robert Palmer—who claims to have found a caterpillar with a human-like face—seriously. According to reports, Toutle, Washington-based Palmer discovered the supposed human-faced caterpillar a few weeks ago on the side of a trough while giving his horse water. “My first thought was to crush it with my cane, then I thought, no, it looks so strange, I’m going to take a picture of it, ” said Palmer.
Palmer has done all the research that’s humanly possible to try to figure out exactly what kind of caterpillar he’s dealing with. “I’ve sent the picture to OMSI, the Portland Zoo, Fish & Wildlife, the Extension Service, The Master Gardeners. People either don’t respond or don’t know what kind it is. Some people aren’t taking this very seriously.”
Palmer says the photo he took is very real and very genuine.
I sent a picture to my grandson, he said ‘nice Photoshop grandpa’. I said I can’t even use my smart phone half the time, much less do some special computer effects. “I had to have the girls at the Shell station send the picture to the local TV station. He knows I wouldn’t lie about this,” said Palmer. The staff at Drew’s Shell in Toutle back him up.
Kay Hanke, who’s known Robert Palmer for over 50 years claims he’s no liar:
“It’s Bob, he wouldn’t lie about anything. He’s just really intrigued by what kind of caterpillar it is, and getting somebody to figure it out, that’s why he’s always talking about it.”
“One lady told me it looked like the devil” says Palmer, “I don’t want nothin’ to do with her if she’s actually seen the devil.”
Apparently Palmer tried like hell to keep the human-faced caterpillar alive, but sadly it died.
It seems obvious to me Palmer is dealing with a “Teddy Roosevelt caterpillar.” They’re a menace out here in Los Angeles.