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Cat scratch fever: Yes, there is a DJ turntable so that cats can ‘scratch’
05.03.2017
11:02 am
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All that scratchin’ is making me itch!

Anyone can become DJ nowadays. All you need is two turntables, a mixer, and a stack of club music singles (or a USB stick). Today it was announced that actor Vin Diesel was working on his career in EDM, so clearly anyone can do it. Even a puddycat.

Thanks to the internet’s love of anthropomorphic puns and a general lacking of musicianship elsewhere in the animal kingdom, now your feline friend can become the next Grandmaster Flash with this cat scratching DJ deck from the fine folks at Suck UK. Modeled after the Technics 1200, the weapon-of-choice among many vinyl DJs, the cardboard kit features a spinning, “scratchable” deck and moveable tone arm. In no time whatsoever, your kitty will be scratching, scrubbing, tearing, and scribbling like your own fuzzy lil’ DJ Jazzy Jeff.
 

 

 
The set is on sale right now for $24 on Amazon. If your cat is more of a bedroom house producer, they also carry a laptop scratch pad with a customizable desktop background.
 

 

Posted by Bennett Kogon
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05.03.2017
11:02 am
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Yes, there is a ‘sexy women holding carp’ calendar and, of course, it’s gotta be from Germany
04.26.2017
11:46 am
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OK, it’s April and not exactly calendar-buying season. But this is a little too good not to share. There’s a calendar that showcases pictures of sexy women holding carps. The name of the calendar is the Carponizer Calendar. Carponizer? Yes, Carponizer.

The calendar is the brainchild of a certain Hendrik Pöhler, a native of Germany who sells equipment for carp fishing for a living.

To get these priceless pics, photographer Raphael Faraggi runs the shoots in France over four weeks. He is assisted by “two competent caretakers,” who are charged with cleaning and polishing the carps’ scales before they are given to the models for the big pose. The Carponizer Calendar is, shall we say, R-rated, but if you go to Faraggi’s website some of the carp pictures are topless.

According to Pöhler, “The idea for the calendar was to bring two of the greatest hobbies of men, fishing and women together.” Right.

The Carponizer Calendar has actually been around since 2014, if not earlier. The 2016 edition and the 2017 edition are available on Amazon. In case you are wondering, the next time that the 2016 calendar configuration comes around again is 2044—leap years are tough—but you can reuse the 2017 edition as soon as 2023.

Pöhler claims that the 2017 calendar has “once more managed to courageously make every month of the year that little bit more special,” and really, who could argue?
 

 

 
More scantily clad women holding fish, after the jump…...

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Posted by Martin Schneider
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04.26.2017
11:46 am
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Hilarious Tumblr dedicated to the ‘Dumb Birds of North America’
04.24.2017
07:55 am
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The “Fuck-tailed Flycatcher” as seen on the fantastic Tumblr “Field Guide to Dumb Birds of North America.”
 
If you’re looking for a way to kill some time today I’ve found just the thing for you—a riotously funny Tumblr called the “Field Guide to Dumb Birds of North America.”

According to the “about” page on the hilarious Tumblr it is written by a person who “hates birds” and who is located somewhere in my own home base of the Pacific Northwest. It’s full of crudely drawn illustrations of our fine-feathered friends accompanied by captions that truly show the writer’s disdain for birds. The author has also taken the liberty of renaming some of the birds such as the “Fuck-tailed Flycatcher,” the “White Breasted Butt Nugget,” and the ever popular “Northern Fucker.” Here’s the caption for the unfortunate “Fuck-tailed Flycatcher”:

This flycatcher is from the tropics, but many show up annually in North America, some reaching as far as the North Eastern seaboard, even into Canada. It’s impossible to predict exactly where they will appear though because the dumbshits who show up here were trying to migrate from southern South America to Mexico. What a bunch of fuck-ups. Notes: Get a load of this dumbshit’s ridiculous tail.

 
I’ve included a few of my favorite posts from the faux field guide below for your amusement.
 

 

Pine Shitkin: These shits are brown and very streaky birds with subtle yellow edgings on wings and tails, like old underwear. They have a distinctive rising, “brzzzzzzt” call which has been likened to the sound of slowly tearing a sheet of paper in half. How’s that for irritating?

Color: Yellow, shit streaks

 

 

Common Goon: They stick out in the wild like dumbasses. In the summer-time you might see bunch of these big black & white fish-divers just floating around in the middle of some lake. It’s like a car full of guys in tuxedos, slowly cruising a Walmart parking-lot after hours: suspicious. Creepy red eyes.
 


 

Belted King-Pisser: I can’t help but laugh at this ridiculous fish-eating bird. Because look how big his head is compared to his little body – ha ha! Actually, he kind of reminds me of Luis Guzmán, except that I like Luis Guzmán. Mr. Guzmán is a talented and under-appreciated actor. This bird, on the other hand, hunts fish and small amphibians by flying face-first into the water from a branch.

 
More dumb birds of North America after the jump…

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Posted by Cherrybomb
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04.24.2017
07:55 am
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Animal Planet: The beautiful, disturbing and surreal paintings of Martin Wittfooth
04.04.2017
10:09 am
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“The Sacrifice” (2011).
 
New York artist Martin Wittfooth produces stunningly beautiful and detailed allegorical paintings featuring animals wandering through a post-apocalyptic world. Humans are absent—perhaps dead. The world humans have bequeathed these animals is choked with plastic, devastated by pollution, and illuminated by all-consuming fire. The one hope is a progression to a better more fruitful world through personal sacrifice and death. Animals snared in manmade tangles of telephone cords sprout flowers from their eyes; a dead wolf bursts with colorful blooms that nourish a hummingbird; a white horse is set on fire by deranged monkeys.

Wittfooth’s animals represent the human experience. We are all part of his paintings. His work has examined the folly of religion in The Passions (2011), which included paintings like “The Coronation” that depicted a saintly baboon haloed by fire feeding pigeons with the pages of a burning book. Or the redemptive nature of sacrifice in “Fall/Advent” (2012) or again with the series Gardens from 2010.

Thirty-something Wittfooth is a highly accomplished artist, he has an incredible technical skill, and an uncompromising vision that thrills enthralls and tells us something deeply profound about our existence. See more of Martin Wittfooth’s work here and follow him on Facebook and Twitter.
 
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“The Coronation” (2011).
 
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“The Ecstasy” (2011).
 
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“Pieta” (2011).
 
See more of Martin Wittfooth’s animal magic, after the jump…

READ ON
Posted by Paul Gallagher
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04.04.2017
10:09 am
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The world’s spider population could eat every human being in a year
03.28.2017
03:17 pm
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If you’re scared of spiders, don’t read this post.

Seriously, don’t read this.

The great evolutionary biologist J. B. S. Haldane once wrote of “our Creator” that he “would appear as endowed with a passion ... for beetles ... for the simple reason that there are nearly 300,000 species of beetle known ... as compared with somewhat less than 9,000 species of birds and a little over 10,000 species of mammals.”

Well, God may like beetles, he also has an inordinate fondness for spiders, for there are very, very many of them.

A pair of biological researchers, Martin Nyffeler at the University of Basel in Switzerland and Klaus Birkhofer of Lund University in Sweden, recently published some fascinating findings involving the biomass of spiders in The Science of Nature earlier this month.

If you were to add up all the spiders in the world, they would collectively weigh 29 million tons. Nyffeler and Birkhofer attempted to measure the amount of food spiders consume in a given year. As you know, spiders subsist largely on insects, but it does happen sometimes that spiders eat lizards, birds, and even small mammals.

According to the two biologists, all of the spiders on the earth consume somewhere between 400 million and 800 million tons of prey in any 12-month period. Just in case you’re insufficiently impressed by the big numbers being thrown around, the quantity of meat and fish that humans consume every year is around 400 million tons. Therefore, it’s quite possible that the world’s spiders are eating more animal biomass than humans are.

It gets worse.

How much do you think that all human biomass weighs? According to estimates, the total weight of all human adults is 287 million tons, and even if you add in all of the children in the world, you still don’t reach 400 million tons, which is the low end of the estimate for how much spiders eat in a year.

Is there a spider in your house? Is he watching you? If so, what is he thinking about?

If spiders ever get their act together, we’re fuuuucked.
 
via Wonkblog

Posted by Martin Schneider
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03.28.2017
03:17 pm
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3D animal print underwear with EARS!
03.13.2017
12:59 pm
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Boing Boing just hipped me to these unusual women’s animal-themed underwear with ears! They’re adorable in an odd sort of way. I’m not sure they’d be everyday underwear.

They come in a variety of different animals such as cats, foxes, pigs (my personal favorite), raccoons and squirrels.

You can get them here for around $8.99 each. It looks like there’s limited stock on a few of these, so you may want to hurry if you just gotta have ‘em!


 

 

 

Posted by Tara McGinley
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03.13.2017
12:59 pm
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This national park in India protects rhinos—by killing the poachers
02.15.2017
11:55 am
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The recovery of the Indian one-horned rhinoceros since its near-extinction in the early 20th century has been a remarkable boon for our planet’s ecosystem—even as it has generated considerable financial opportunities in a part of the world where most of the people have very little. Certain parts of Southeast Asia, particularly Vietnam, has somehow come to believe that the rhino horn has almost magical curative properties, and that has driven the price of the commodity sky-high on the black market—as much as $6,000 for 100 grams. One-horned rhinos have smaller horns than most rhinos, but their horns are especially prized as being extraordinarily potent.

With about 2,400 one-horned rhinos, Kaziranga National Park in the state of Assam in northeastern India is home to a majority of the world’s one-horned rhino population, about two-thirds of the total. The inflated prices for rhino horn have created an incentive for the population of Assam that is all but impossible to ignore. This means that Kaziranga has a serious poaching problem—one that more than doubled in 2013. After several years in which the average number of rhino killings was in single digits, in 2013 and 2014 the number suddenly skyrocketed to more than 25 per year.

As a response to the problem, officials at Kaziranga National Park have adopted an almost unthinkable measure—they permit their park’s security guards to shoot poachers on sight. Such killings of poachers was an uncommon occurrence before 2013—22 documented kills in the eight years before 2014—but it’s spiraled totally out of control, with 22 poachers killed in 2014 and another 23 in 2015. Last year the trend seems to have ebbed, with “only” five poachers meeting their untimely demise at the hands of park security. If you’re keeping track, that’s 72 dead poachers in the span of eleven years.


 
Everybody thinks that rhinos should be protected from poachers, but this seems seriously out of control.

On top of everything else, not all of the casualties were actually guilty of doing anything wrong.

Justin Rowlatt, South Asia correspondent for the BBC, has done some excellent reporting to shine a light on this shocking situation. He asked Avdesh, a guard at Kaziranga, what he is supposed to do if he spots a poacher off in the distance going after a rhino. “The instruction is whenever you see the poachers or hunters, we should start our guns and hunt them,” he said instantly.

“You shoot them?”

“Yah, yah. Fully ordered to shoot them. Whenever you see the poachers or any people during night-time we are ordered to shoot them.”

Avdesh says that he has never been involved in an incident in which anybody was killed, but he has taken stray shots at poachers twice.

Dr. Satyendra Singh, the director of the park, concedes the basic situation as described above but demurs that the phrase “shoot on sight” is perhaps an exaggeration. Guards are supposed to call out and make inquiries as to who the people are before taking that step. According to Singh, the guards only shoot after they have been fired upon themselves. He says that the goal of any encounter is to achieve an arrest because that is the only way to get further information on the identity of the gangs who undertake poaching.

On one occasion last summer, guards shot a seven-year-old boy named Akash Orang was making his way home along the main track through the village, which borders the park—the blast seriously compromised much of the calf muscle of his right leg.
 
via Bored Panda

Posted by Martin Schneider
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02.15.2017
11:55 am
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Woman gets pet snake stuck in her stretched earlobe
02.03.2017
09:18 am
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Oregon-based Ashley Glawe gained steam on social media over the past few days when photos of her pet Ball Python snake—who goes by the name of Bart—got stuck in her stretched earlobe. According to Ashley, she was playing with her snake and it poked its head through her stretched earlobe and became stuck.

She was unable to get Bart out on her own and had to go to the emergency room to “extract” him. Apparently a doctor made a slight incision near the hole in her earlobe and used some Vaseline so Bart could wiggle himself out.

I have to agree with Geekologie’s assessment of this snakey ordeal. I bet this was a party trick gone very, very, very wrong.

All’s well that ends well, I guess. I’m just glad Ashley and Bart came out of this okay.


 

Posted by Tara McGinley
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02.03.2017
09:18 am
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Catnip is one hell of a drug
01.27.2017
09:19 am
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As the story goes, this cat (name unknown) supposedly got away from its owner and entered a pet store unwittingly. Apparently the cat then made an immediate beeline for the catnip section and got high as a kite on copious amounts of feline “entertainment insurance.” The rest is history as you’ll see in these two short videos, below.

This cat entered the pet store by accident and had the time of his life rolling around in catnip toys! Pure kitty bliss :D Oh, and his owner came to pick him up, so all’s well that ends well!

I highly doubt the cat “accidentally” entered the pet store. It had to have known what it was doing. It could probably smell that catnip from a mile away. I’d do the same exact thing too if I were that cat. He was probably trying to drug himself silly to escape all the political arguments on Facebook. It’s heavy out there, folks!

 

 
via Geekologie

Posted by Tara McGinley
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01.27.2017
09:19 am
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Abattoir Blues: In ‘Blood of the Beasts’ death has a cruel beauty
01.19.2017
04:07 pm
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George Franju’s 1949 film Le Sang Des Bêtes (“Blood of the beasts”) is one of the most beautiful and horrifying movies ever made. Filmed in the backstreets of Paris, Franju contrasts bucolic scenes of fog-shrouded streets, canals, deserted junkyards and children playing, with the nightmarish events taking place within two slaughterhouses. Marcel Fradetal’s stunning black and white cinematography turns the horrific into a brutal kind of poetry that if it had been shot in color would be unbearable.
 

 
Observing the workers going about their gruesome work with emotionless efficiency is the most disturbing aspect of the film for me. How much of our humanity is sacrificed for a plate of meat? Franju’s intent may have been no more than to compose a work of visual art, but as I watched Le Sang Des Bêtes I couldn’t help but be reminded of the fact that France was still reeling from the effects of years of savage warfare.

In these images of animals being murdered I am aware of the thin line between man and beast, killing one is not so very much different from killing the other. Is not the abattoir a concentration camp for animals? Is the flesh of the beasts any less sacred than our own? Or have we arrived at the place where nothing is sacred? And if so, isn’t that Hell?

Outside the walls of the abattoir we watch life go on, while inside we watch it come to a cruel and bloody end in Le Sang Des Bêtes.
 

Posted by Marc Campbell
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01.19.2017
04:07 pm
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