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Satanic Christmas sweaters let you flip the bird (or the goat horns) at the holidays


 
The ironic phenomenon of ugly Christmas sweaters hit shark-jump levels of cultural saturation so rapidly that I actually can’t even remember any early window of time when it wasn’t irritating (though in all fairness, I get irritated pretty easily). Entirely apart from its annoying ubiquity, the whole thing feels kind of shitty, like it’s not really mocking Christmas to wear them, it’s more like mocking people who just happen to like gaudy sweaters. And is that not punching down?

The upside of this dopey annual crap-pageant has been the profusion of cheeky takedowns. The Descendents have been making awesome gag Christmas sweaters for years, and now, the twisted bastards at Middle of Beyond have given the world outright Satanic Christmas sweaters. MoB, regular DM readers may remember, are the preposterous visionaries who gave the world devil tarot card throw rugs and winter gear patterned after the carpeting in the Overlook Hotel from Stanley Kubrik’s film version of The Shining. I actually plunked for one of those Shining scarves, and to my horror, I found, when it arrived, that it was 100% acrylic (my own fault for neglecting the fine print). But for Christmas sweaters, that material isn’t just a requisite, it’s positively a boon. Designs include a straight up old-fashioned Satanic goat head snugly nestled in a red pentagram, Cthulu, Krampus, and a zombiefied Santa Claus festooned with braaaaaaiiiiiiins. So why settle for giving Christmas the finger when you can flash it the goat horns?
 

 

 

 

 
Previously on Dangerous Minds
Merry Krampus: ‘horribly distasteful Christmas sweater’
Righteous Motörhead Christmas sweater

Posted by Ron Kretsch | Discussion
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Idiotic hipsters complain about the font of ‘I Can’t Breathe’ protest shirts


 
A new entry of the annals of monumentally missing the point…

“I Can’t Breathe” may be the sentence of 2014. They are, of course, the last words, uttered many times, of Eric Garner, the 43-year-old NYC Department of Parks horticulturist and occasional loose cigarette salesman whose inexplicable death by police chokehold in the Tompkinsville neighborhood (where I lived until quite recently) last July has led to a great deal of outcry.

The sentence has achieved the ultimate that can happen in our society—it has become a free-floating signifier in social media, just like Paula Deen’s supposedly homophobic fried chicken recipes or something. This past week several prominent athletes in the predominantly African-American NBA, including the Bulls’ Derrick Rose, the Cavaliers’ LeBron James, the Lakers’ Kobe Bryant, and the Nets’ Deron Williams, have warmed up wearing T-shirts heartbreakingly emblazoned with that simple message of solidarity with a blameless victim of police brutality: “I CAN’T BREATHE.”

All across America, a small minority of observers reacted in the expected way: they tut-tutted the shirts’ choice of font. The shirts, while admittedly embodying a courageous stand against the combined forces of intolerance, had committed the unpardonable sin of violating a bit of design etiquette.

Among people who take design very seriously, the Comic Sans typeface has been a bête noire for at least a decade, because it is often used by “design-blind” “normals” outside of its optimal range of uses, frequently lending an unserious air to messages of stern import. Designed by Vincent Connare, Comic Sans was released by Microsoft in 1994, which surely contributed to its popularity.

For instance, Tony Seddon named a book after it (Thou Shall Not Use Comic Sans: 365 Graphic Design Sins and Virtues: A Designer’s Almanac of Dos and Don’ts) in which he calls it “arguably the most inappropriately used typeface in history” (although a page later he sort of takes it back).

Eventually, on the McSweeney’s website, Mike Lacher defended the honor of the typeface with “I’m Comic Sans, Asshole,” which contained the immortal line “I’m the best thing to happen to typography since Johannes fucking Gutenberg.” The piece simultaneously seemed to agree with the design critics’ peeve while putting them in their place.

On the T-shirts, for instance, Caroline Fredericks, of “California/Alabama,” tweeted, “how many people will be able to look past the choice of comic sans?” Ryan Hubbard, of Kansas City, tweeted, “Who’s giving all of these NBA players “I can’t breathe” shirts set in Comic Sans? I love that they’re wearing them, but come on, man.”

The New York Times report on the shirts emphasizes the outsize efforts of Jay-Z and others to replicate the gesture made by Derrick Rose of the Bulls and makes no mention of Comic Sans or any other aspect of the shirts’ design, except to note that “Rameen Aminzadeh, a member of Justice League NYC, drafted a simple design for the text of the T-shirt, which other members of the group approved sometime after 1 a.m. [referring to late Sunday night/early Monday morning].”

Here are a few of the tweets—there’s plenty more where these came from.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 
via Vocativ

Posted by Martin Schneider | Discussion
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Hilarious holiday T-shirts mimic awful Christmas sweaters with pot belly, chest hair
12.09.2014
06:51 am

Topics:
Fashion

Tags:
Christmas
t-shirts


 
I really dig these crass Christmas shirts. They’re the perfect holiday garb for anyone who’s too cheap to spring for an actual ugly Christmas sweater…..
 

Hairy Belly Poinsettia Sweater T-Shirt, $17.22
 

Christmas Frisky Deer Faux Sweater T-Shirt, $21
 

Bad Santa T-Shirt, $17
 
More after the jump…

Posted by Martin Schneider | Discussion
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Girls are dyeing their armpit hair every color of the rainbow
12.05.2014
02:55 pm

Topics:
Fashion

Tags:
armpits
dye
dyeing hair


 
People—save for a few notable exceptions—are usually human. Humans are mammals, and mammals almost always have hair—which is awesome! From the Brazilian wax to the Farrah Fawcett to chola-brows to whatever is going on with Phil Spector’s wigs—hair provides us with so many magical opportunities for grooming and aesthetics. Hair or even a lack thereof can help us show the world who we really are. Despite this, there remains a weird aversion to women’s armpit hair—even among the folks who fancy themselves “rebellious.”

At this point in mammalian history it’s difficult to still find anything subversive to do with your appearance—no one bats an eyelash at a colorful Mohawk. A colorful bouquet of pit hair though? The last taboo!

A new trend of candy-colored pits seems to be gaining traction with a younger set of writers, and I think it’s pretty cute! I’m still addicted to my Lady Bic, but you do you, ladies! You can see a rainbow of pits below, plus a video reflection of a young woman’s rainbow armpit journey—apparently it’s virtually impossible not to stain your the skin.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 
Via Buzzfeed

Posted by Amber Frost | Discussion
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Brooklyn dad shaves his terrible beard for his baby, then preserves it in lucite
12.03.2014
08:35 am

Topics:
Fashion

Tags:
Brooklyn
beards
dads


 
I would like to point out that the increasingly tired Brooklyn hipster meme is largely a delusional myth cooked up by advertising agencies obsessed with an approximately five-block area. Brooklyn is a massive and diverse borough and younger white people with Etsy-filled apartments, “artisanal” businesses and absurd facial hair are but a tiny, tiny minority. Unfortunately the people who seem to have access to video equipment usually seem to be of that ilk, which explains the existence of “A Case of the Beard,” a… uh… mini-documentary that tells the tale of new daddy Luke and his beard—which his baby rightly hates.

Before you get too annoyed at that scraggly prospector facial hair, know that Luke nobly shaves it off to appease his young daughter, but then gets all sentimental and suspends it in lucite for the ugliest paperweight known to man.  I’m trying to go easy on the guy in that whole gracious, everyone-deserves-a-story, NPR-kind of way, but this short is… inexplicably infuriating. Perhaps it’s because—while I’m not one to deny anyone a little vanity—you’re lyrically mourning a (bad) fucking beard in public?!? Do you know how your wife had to change her body for this baby? The rest of my fury is just probably my irrational hatred of lucite guitars and overly twee short film soundtracks. Damn hairy hipsters, get off my lawn!
 

 
Via Brokelyn

Posted by Amber Frost | Discussion
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Culinary couture: Hyperrealistic fake food jewelry is a thing
12.02.2014
01:11 pm

Topics:
Amusing
Fashion
Food

Tags:
jewelry


Pasta Bolognese necklace
 
My husband asked me a few days ago what I wanted for the holidays and I told him I didn’t know. But after seeing these fake food jewelry designs by Japan-based company Hatanaka, I think I just may want a Beef Bowl necklace, dammit!

I hate these and I kind of love them at the same time. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with wearing a bowl of fake beef around your neck, okay? I mean it’s not like they’re selling something weird, like salami necklaces or bacon earrings…

From what I understand, these fake food accessories are selling like hotcakes worldwide. Almost everything on the Hatanaka website is currently sold out. There are still a few items available, but it’s a limited selection. Hopefully they’ll be updating their website in time for the holidays.
 

Curry necklace
 

Spaghetti Carbonara necklace
 

Curry rice with spoon necklace
 

Sushi earrings
 

Shark fin necklace
 
More after the jump…
 

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
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Single-sentence movie summary T-shirts
12.02.2014
07:23 am

Topics:
Fashion
Movies

Tags:
t-shirts


 
I really like these deadpan shirts with single-sentence summaries of a few popular movies. Not going to mention any movie titles, so you can quiz yourself, but my favorite one reads, “A framed Coney Island street gang must elude police and rival themed gangs on a race back to their home turf.”

It cheers me to learn that these were designed by Mike Joyce of Stereotype Design; he was also responsible for those rigorously 2D Helvetica gig posters that popped up a couple years back. You can get these at Fab. for $28 each.
 

 

 

 

 

 
More awesome synopsis-tees after the jump…..

Posted by Martin Schneider | Discussion
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Another year, another awesome Descendents Christmas sweater
11.26.2014
05:40 am

Topics:
Fashion
Music
Punk

Tags:
Descendents


 
SoCal punk heroes the Descendents have turned their Christmas sweaters into an annual tradition—here’s a gander at last year’s edition. This year, instead of emphasizing the noggin of Milo, from their 1982 album Milo Goes to College, they’ve gone in a different direction .... oh, who are we kidding, Milo’s gonna be on all the Descendents Christmas sweaters, okay?

The sweater costs $64.99 and comes in sizes ranging from XS to 2XL.
 

 

 

 

 

Posted by Martin Schneider | Discussion
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Tokyo youth rock Barbie and Ken head platform shoes
11.17.2014
08:15 am

Topics:
Fashion

Tags:
Barbie doll
Ken doll


 
Introduced in the space age, gee-whiz year of 1959, the staggeringly popular Barbie and Ken have inevitably become symbols of America’s plastic essence. Both lack genetalia of course, and Barbie, were she to be transformed into a life-sized woman, would have an impossible 39-18-33 figure and a size 3 shoe. The Barbie spell is so powerful that the term “Barbie Syndrome” has been used to describe a phenomenon wherein a woman “attempts to emulate the doll’s physical appearance, even though the doll has unattainable body proportions.”

Anyway, it’s the insidious influence of Barbie that makes these platform shoes with Barbie and Ken heads in the sole so obscurely satisfying, if a little creepy. They’ve been spotted in the fashionable Harajuku district in Tokyo—the “Icy Wedge,” as it is called, comes from footwear designer Jeffrey Campbell’s summer 2013 collection. “Creative cosplayers in Harajuku have embraced the shoes wholeheartedly,” according to RocketNews24. The listed price (visible in one of the pics) is 28,080 yen, or about $240 in U.S. dollars.

Decapitating poor defenseless little Barbie dolls might be taken as stemming from a misogynistic impulse, so it’s good to see that there are Ken shoes as well. Actually, Ken kind of resembles Bob Dobbs, don’t you think?
 

 

 
More after the jump…

Posted by Martin Schneider | Discussion
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Shania Is a Punk Rocker: Celebrities wearing Ramones t-shirts
10.30.2014
10:30 am

Topics:
Fashion
Pop Culture

Tags:
The Ramones
celebrities

Joey Ramone
Joey Ramone

It’s been a good decade-plus now, but at some point wearing faded band t-shirts from the 1970s and early 1980s started to become a trendy thing to do. Eventually celebrities got in on the act, and these days the very famous are frequently photographed sporting vintage (or faux vintage) band tees.

The t-shirt that’s all the rage amongst actors and pop stars is the one featuring the classic Ramones logo (seen above). The iconic tee has been worn with pride by faithful Ramones fans for nearly forty years, and that logo is so freakin’ awesome that its coolness couldn’t help but rub off on the punks who wore the shirt—partially due to the fact that even members of the Ramones could be seen in a Ramones t-shirt.

But now the rich and powerful want a piece of the hip pie, too. Knowing the group’s music doesn’t even seem to be a prerequisite for these celebs (does anyone really think Paris Hilton listens to the Ramones?).
 
Paris Hilton
 
Who knows, maybe Harry Styles from teen pop sensation One Direction actually likes the leather-clad punks from Queens, but he seems to over-compensating or something, as there’s a shit-ton of photos of him online dressed in the iconic t-shirt.
 
Harry Styles
 
Like Harry, most opt for the classic logo, but really any Ramones shirt will do.
 
Megan Fox
Megan Fox prefers Marky Ramone

Image-conscious celebrities co-opting cool isn’t anything new, so we shouldn’t be surprised. Maybe they genuinely appreciate the Ramones and are using their platform to expose the masses to the band. Perhaps we should be thanking them for keeping the spirit of punk alive?

Nah.
 
Fergie
Fergie
 
Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay Lohan
 
More celebrities in Ramones t-shirts after the jump…

Posted by Bart Bealmear | Discussion
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