The noodle fetish inflation in Brooklyn is highway robbery!
04.15.2014
06:57 am

Topics:
Food
Sex

Tags:
Craigslist
noodles
fetish


You’d think with his newly expanded budget he’d move up to a more expensive noodle, like the egg noodles above?
 
With Brooklyn rents quickly catching up to Manhattan’s, it’s only natural that every other good and service associated with a rich cosmopolitan lifestyle skyrockets in price. For example, a recent Brooklyn Craigslist ad is offering an enterprising young woman the chance to make a quick $175!

Woman to sit in my bath tub full of ramen noodles (brooklyn)

compensation: $175 PT

I will pay you $175 to sit in my bath tub full of ramen noodles wearing a bathing suit

I will not be home, nor will anyone else while you do this.

I will give you the keys while we meet, and you will go to my apartment thereafter.

It will require a 30 minute soak.

The noodles will be cooked and therefore slippery.

Do not bring any sauce. I will season the sauce after I get home prior to dinner.

Now to my ears, that sounds like a reasonable fee for services rendered. You don’t even have to get nude in his noodles. However, the intrepid folks at Brokelyn pointed out the the exact same ad ran in Pittsburgh and paid on one dollar! To be fair, the Pittsburgh ad was for five minutes (still if you work it out that’s only $12 an hour to demean yourself for some dude’s noodle fetish) and the Brooklyn ad was for a half hour—perhaps he’s cooking a reduction? That’s 2816% increase in ramen fetish overhead! You could complain about Brooklyn prices all you want, but how bad is Pittsburgh that a dollar is that valuable?

If this guy is for real, at least he’s decided to pay a decent wage these days.
 
Via Brokelyn

Posted by Amber Frost | Discussion
Convicted cannibals re-arrested for… er… cannibalism
04.14.2014
07:50 am

Topics:
Current Events
Food

Tags:
cannibalism

slabinnac.jpg
 
A man has been arrested in Pakistan’s Punjab province on suspicion of cannibalising a young girl. Mohammad Arif Ali was arrested after neighbors complained about the smell of rotting flesh coming from his house.

Arif Ali and his brother, Mohammad Farman Ali, were jailed two years ago after they were found to have disinterred and devoured up to 150 corpses over ten years from a local graveyard. It is said the brothers used body parts to make curry. As there are no laws against cannibalism in Pakistan, the pair were sent to jail for desecration of graves, and fined Rs50,000.

The brothers spent most of their time in prison at the King Edward Medical University in Lahore, where they were examined by doctors at the neurophysiology department.

After their release from jail, the siblings maintained a very low profile. However, after complaints about an overpowering stench coming from the brothers’ house, local police raided the premises where the discovered the skull of a child. The police then arrested one of the brothers, Arif Ali, and are now searching for the other brother, Farman Ali.

Proof that short prison sentences don’t work…?

Cannibalism can be dated as far back as the Lower and Middle Paleolithic, where it is believed to have taken place during times of famine or for possible rituals. More recently, cannibalism has been documented during the Russian famine of the 1920s, and during the Second World War at the siege of Stalingrad. It has also been reported in the 1960s and 1970s in Cambodia, and famously after the 1972, Andes flight disaster, when survivors cannibalised other dead passengers to stay alive. There have also been several notorious serial killers who cannibalised their victms including Jeffrey Dahmer and Andrei Chikatilo (who killed and ate a minimum of 52 women and children between 1976 and 1990) being perhaps the best known.

Below the original news report on the arrest of the two brothers form 2011:
 

 
Via The Independent

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Discussion
Gerber marketed baby food to teenage girls and young women in the 1980s
04.09.2014
09:04 am

Topics:
Food
History

Tags:
Baby food
Gerber


 
The ad is from a March 1981 issue of Teen Magazine.

Gee, I wonder why this didn’t catch on?!?

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
Cheesus Christ, the grater story ever told
04.09.2014
07:03 am

Topics:
Amusing
Food

Tags:
Jesus Christ
Cheese Grater


 
I have never once celebrated Easter. What I knew about it as a kid mostly boiled down to the Jewish tl;dr: Romans killed a Jew, then spent the next two millennia revering their victim and blaming his death on us, like an eternal sectarian version of a bully doing “stop hitting yourself.” This understanding of Easter did me zero favors, socially, at the predominately Italian public school I attended, but on that front, I was probably beyond help anyway.

But I do know this about Easter: to celebrate it, one MUST have the Cheesus Christ Cheese Grater.
 

 

 
Hell, I WANT ONE, and I’ve long since put my home through some brutal kitsch-purges. Sadly, it’s not contrived to make Jesus appear in your cheese, like the Virgin Mary Toaster. In fact, it’s functionality is limited rather sharply (only cheese pun, I promise) by the total lack of holes in much of the center so as not to obscure the redemptive and luminous visage of the Son Of Man—though honestly, if you told me it was a Bigfoot cheese grater, I wouldn’t look twice to check. The back of the packaging comes printed with this moving supplication:

Our Cheese in heaven, halloumi be your name.
Your tangy taste, we will not waste,
on Earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily brie.
Forgive us our stilton,
as we forgive those who stilton against us.
Lead us not into cheese slices, but deliver us from cheddar.
For the glory of the dairy, the curds and the whey are yours.
Now and forever.
Edam.

Fucking terrible, right? That’s OK, there will always be this:
 

 
Bless James Renner for letting me know about this, and the Good Lord Himself for helping me get through it without punning on the word “holy.”

Posted by Ron Kretsch | Discussion
Hardcore health: Cro-Mags frontman’s juicing and smoothie advice
04.07.2014
01:19 pm

Topics:
Amusing
Food

Tags:
smoothies
juicing
Cro-Mags


 
Not only does Cro-Mags John Joseph McGowan show you how to juice properly, he delivers some “hardcore” smoothie-making tips for pr0n stars and flatulence.

I would rather live 70 years and thrive like a motherfucker then to live 100 years being fucking, you know, being sick all the time.

Of course, NSFW (or wear some headphones) as there are lot of F-bombs being dropped.

 
Via World’s Best Ever

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
Psychedelic ‘Flower power’ PEZ dispensers inspired by the Summer of Love
04.04.2014
06:40 am

Topics:
Food
History

Tags:
hippies
Pez

Psychedelic PEZ
 
Ah, PEZ, you bewitching sweet Austrian treat with your collectible mechanical pocket dispensers. Is there any trend or franchise you can’t coopt? The fantastic dispensers pictured here came out in 1968 and were created to tie into the “Flower Power” of the Summer of Love that had just happened a year earlier. (1968 would be a considerably darker year, but the dispensers still fit in fine.) There was a “flower” design and a “hand” design; both featured eyeballs. [Could these have inspired The Residents to adopt their trademark eyeball masks?]

According to Nina Chertoff and Susan Kahn in Celebrating PEZ, the flower flavor didn’t go over very well:
 

When psychedelic eyes were produced in the 1960s, [Eduard Haas, founder of the PEZ company] insisted that the candies be flower flavored to tie in with the “flower power” theme of the times. Their taste was unpopular, and they were finally pulled off the market.

 
Oh well. Wikipedia lists “Flower” alongside “Chlorophyll Mint,” “Coffee,” and “Yogurt” as one of eight “retired” PEZ flavors. Aren’t you curious what it tasted like?

They came out in 1968 and there was a limited reissue in the late 1990s—available by through a mail-in offer only—but I can’t tell the difference. Experts can, I presume. An original “Psychedelic Hand” model with a black hand can go for more than $500.

You can buy a pretty groovy mug with a “psychedelic PEZ” motif on it.
 
Flower Power PEZ
 
Flower Power PEZ
 
Flower Power PEZ
 
Flower Power PEZ
 
I know this is a total cliché, but here’s a Christian song in the new wave style called “Love Dispenser” with a stop-motion animated video, done with PEZ. It’s actually not bad!
 

Posted by Martin Schneider | Discussion
Woman decorates dog shit with strawberries, cream and Nutella to shame lazy pet owners
04.01.2014
07:36 am

Topics:
Amusing
Animals
Art
Food

Tags:
Dog Poop
Desserts


 
Theresa Ritchie of Peterhead, Aberdeenshire is decorating random dogs’ poo with strawberries, whipped cream, icing and sometimes Nutella in a bid to get lazy dog owners to clean up after their pets. Theresa hopes that her arts and crafts dogshit food styling skills will make dog owners aware “that someone is watching them.”

People in Peterhead are regularly stepping on dog mess on the pavements. I wanted to highlight the problem in an amusing way.

This shows people are watching dog owners who can’t be bothered to clean up after their pets. The food idea has showed that dog poo wasn’t being cleaned up by the council. It sometimes lies on the streets for around eight weeks.

I’m not entirely sure Theresa thought this one through. A) wouldn’t this be rather confusing to a toddler or young child? Would they eat it thinking it was a tasty dessert they found on the sidewalk? B) I’m thinking dogs would it eat, too. C) Ants. Lots of ants. Ants would love this… shit.


 
Via Arbroath and Evening Express.UK

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
Punk-branded beer is bollocks
03.31.2014
09:14 am

Topics:
Food
Punk

Tags:
beer


 
Uggggggggh. I love beer, and I love punk rock. I understand the peanut butter and chocolate impulses we sometimes have (often when we’re drunk) to combine our favorite things, but this is just such a bummer. I get it! I sympathize with these plucky brewers! I understand that it’s difficult to brand your product—especially when it’s a product that has existed for at least 10,000 years. However, can we stop trying to squeeze the last bit of cultural capital out of a word that has long-since lost its automatic credibility? I mean there was that abominable couture show at the Met, and people are still trying to get mileage out of “punk”???

What if we just picked another genre? What about New Wave beer? Deep Chicago House Ale? Freak Folk Lager? I sincerely doubt those movements would inspire such a cringe-inducing marketing campaign as this one:

Welcome to a post Punk apocalyptic mother fucker of a pale ale.

A beer that spent its formative years Blitzkrieg bopping around India and the sub continent. Quintessential Empire with an anarchic twist.

God save the Queen and all who sail in her. Raising a Stiff Little Finger to IPAs that have come before and those it is yet to meet.

Turn up the volume Pay the man. Embrace the punked up, fucked up outlaw elite.

Never Mind the Bollocks this is the real shit.

Fuck you.

If I ever drink another craft brew IPA again, it will be too soon (I used to live in the midwest—lotta’ hobby brewers in the hinterlands). This beer does seem to be pretty delicious, at least according to this charmingly eccentric German beer connoisseur. And hey, if you can’t trust charmingly eccentric German beer connoisseurs, society is truly bereft of authenticity. 
 

Posted by Amber Frost | Discussion
Tarzan, shaken not stirred: How to make a Johnny Weissmuller cocktail
03.31.2014
05:45 am

Topics:
Food
Movies

Tags:
Tarzan
Cocktails
Johnny Weissmuller

nazratbevvy.jpg
Tarzan practices his drinking technique.
 
There is only one Tarzan and that was Johnny Weissmuller. You can keep the big-budget, special-effect, full-color movies, the TV series and the Disney cartoon, Tarzan is Johnny Weissmuller.

The Tarzan movies are an early childhood memory, flickering on black and white TV set, moving the aerial to settle on clearer picture as Johnny swooped down to wrestle crocodiles, man-eating snakes, fight the wicked white hunters, and kiss Maureen O’Sullivan. You could hear kids in back greens or parks practice the trademark Tarzan yell, as they beat their chests, and climbed trees.

Johnny Weissmuller was an Olympic champion, who had won five gold medals, set literally dozens of world records, and was said to have never lost a competitive swimming race.

Weissmuller wasn’t the first Tarzan, but for me he was the best one. He made twelve Tarzan movies starting with Tarzan the Ape Man in 1935.

Since the actor’s lines amounted to little more than “Me Tarzan, you Jane,” acting in front of the camera was hardly a challenge. The economic rewards were large, but he grew weary of portraying the monosyllabic, cheat-beating, tree-climbing ape man. “I’ve been wearing animal skin scanties too long,” he explained.

Weissmuller quit Tarzan in 1948 after making Tarzan and the Mermaids (not one of the best…) and then starred as “Jungle Jim” in a series of films and TV shows. He then moved onto promoting health foods, and opening cocktail lounges…and this brings us to…

The Johnny Weissmuller cocktail, which is basically a classic Martini with a tropical twist. It’s easy to make and will set any evening swinging. Here’s what you’ll need:

1 oz gin
1 oz light rum
1 oz lemon juice
1 tsp powdered sugar
A dash of grenadine

Pour the ingredients into a cocktail shaker with crushed ice or ice cubes. Shake well. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Now drink. Ah!

So easy even Cheetah could make it, though he’d probably add a banana—not recommended.

Now, this is how you should feel after a Johnny Weissmuller cocktail…!
 

 
A brief interview with Johnny Weissmuller, after the jump…

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Discussion
Cooking with Vincent Price to a funky beat!
03.28.2014
08:57 am

Topics:
Amusing
Food

Tags:
Vincent Price


 
Here’s Vincent Price’s very own recipe for boneless pork sirloin like you’ve never heard it before. Price boasts that “the meat will be as tender as a woman’s heart and the flavor can only be described as… reckless.”

Mix by RenRok.

 
With thanks to Colony!

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
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