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Just in time for Easter: Jesus returns on a hot cross bun
04:31 am



Like the Scarlet Pimpernel, they seek him here, they seek him there, they seek him almost everywhere… and no one seems to know where the elusive Jesus Christ will next turn up. This time it appears JC has been spotted on a hot cross bun.

Mother-of-two, Lindsey Norman bought a pack of six buns from her local supermarket and noticed what appeared to be a likeness of Jesus on one of the traditional Easter treats.

“I saw them and I thought ‘That looks just like a figure of Jesus with a sign of the cross on his shoulder,’” Ms Norman told the press.  “It made me giggle to myself because it’s coming up to Easter.”

Ms. Norman purchased the buns and returned home where they were devoured that night. Whether Jesus was toasted or just gobbled-up with a dab of butter, we don’t know.

However, there are many superstitions attached to hot cross buns—from its supposed symbolism of Christ’s crucifixion and resurrection, to the belief that sharing one of these seasonal goodies will ensure long-lasting friendship; and if you hang a bun in the kitchen and keep it for a year, it will not go off and can then be broken down and used as medicine; and that the cross on top of the bun can ward-off evil spirits. Whether anyone has successfully tested these claims, I don’t know, but I do think Ms. Norman should have kept her Jesus bun and sold it on eBay.
Via Daily Mail

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Leave a comment
Anti-gay pizzeria bitchslapped mercilessly on Yelp
11:57 am



Ohhh boy. Yesterday, when Crystal O’Connor said that her family’s restaurant, Memories Pizza, in Walkerton, Indiana, would be obliged to deny a request to cater a mozzarella-themed wedding reception for a gay couple due to their religious “beliefs,” she surely didn’t anticipate the wrathful response on social media by homosexuals and/or fans of civil rights and “the American way.” Given that Memories is a local restaurant that serves pizza, the natural social media venue for a vigorous response was Yelp, the website that publishes crowd-sourced reviews of local businesses.

That response has been intense indeed—and hilarious:

The overall rating for Memories, at this writing based on 1,127 reviews, is hovering at about 1.5. Of course, not all of the people glomming onto the site are out to attack Memories; like Chick-fil-A, it has plenty of defenders too.

And lest we forget, Yelp allows reviewers to upload pics as well. Interestingly, there are currently fewer pictures than just a couple of hours ago, so Yelp or someone is seeking to remove the obvious trolls. Here, check some out:




via Salon

Posted by Martin Schneider | Leave a comment
Eat My Face: Celebrate Easter with a chocolaty death mask of your own face
06:34 am



Easter is no doubt the most morbid of Christian holidays—a celebration of resurrection, sure, but also pretty big on the whole death part too. Combine that with weird pagan leftovers about eggs and rabbits, add in some chocolate, and you have yourself one of the weirder nods to crucifixion. But isn’t biting the head off a bunny-shaped confection kind of… weak? Can we not come up with a more appropriate way to honor the zombie Jesus?

Of course we can! We’re in the age of 3-D printing! You can produce a chocolate mold of your actual face—a sinful confectionary death mask brought to you by the epicurean geniuses at Bompas & Parr!

From their site:

Just in time for Easter, Bompas & Parr invites you to explore the possibilities of the world’s first anatomical Easter eggs – in the shape of your own face! Eat My Face is a hands-on-face service that will see us create an exact mould of you or your child, mistress or dog’s face for that matter, in chocolate.

By using the latest facial-scanning and 3D-printing technology and employing our expertise honed in jelly mould-making, we are able to create a perfect mould of anyone’s face which can then be used to create an iconic chocolate egg form.

Prices are only available upon request, so I can imagine one of these costs a pretty penny but isn’t it a small price to pay for a properly goth Easter?

Via Munchies

Posted by Amber Frost | Leave a comment
The Andy Warhol New York City Diet (or give your dinner to the homeless)
09:56 am



Shane Parrish at Farnam Street reminded me of an amusing passage from The Philosophy of Andy Warhol (From A to B and Back Again) in which he explains how to keep the pounds off.

But if you do watch your weight, try the Andy Warhol New York City Diet: when I order in a restaurant, I order everything that I don’t want, so I have a lot to play around with while everyone else eats. Then, no matter how chic the restaurant is, I insist that the waiter wrap the entire plate up like a to-go order, and after we leave the restaurant I find a little corner outside in the street to leave the plate in, because there are so many people in New York who live in the streets, with everything they own in shopping bags.

So I lose weight and stay trim, and I think that maybe one of those people will find a Grenouille dinner on the window ledge. But then, you never know, maybe they wouldn’t like what I ordered as much as I didn’t like it, and maybe they’d turn up their noses and look through the garbage for some half-eaten rye bread. You just never know with people. You just never know what they’ll like, what you should do for them.

So that’s the Andy Warhol New York City Diet.

La Grenouille was and is a fancy eatery in Midtown, by the way. If the above passage teaches you anything, it might be “Don’t take diet advice from thin people.” Having said that, however, the intersection of Warhol and food yields some interesting nuggets.

Not terribly surprisingly, Andy Warhol claimed that his only weakness for nostalgia had to do with the old-style automats like Schrafft’s, for which, remarkably, Warhol did a 60-second commercial in 1968 that consisted of a single voluptuous pan over one of Schrafft’s scrumptious chocolate sundaes. That commercial, alas, appears to be lost to the sands of time, but you can watch a 2014 “re-creation” of the commercial here.

Anyway, here’s Warhol on Schrafft’s and Chock Full O’ Nuts:

My favorite restaurant atmosphere has always been the atmosphere of the good, plain, America lunchroom or even the good plain American lunchcounter. The old-style Schrafft’s and the old-style Chock Full O’ Nuts are absolutely the only things in the world that I’m truly nostalgic for. The days were carefree in the 1940s and 1950s when I could go into a Chocks for my cream cheese sandwich with nuts on date-nut bread and not worry about a thing.

A few lines later, Warhol writes, “Progress is very important and exciting in everything except food.” But that didn’t prevent him from proposing an eccentric dining solution for lonesome foodies:

I really like to eat alone. I want to start a chain of restaurants for other people who are like me called ANDY-MATS—“The Restaurant for the Lonely Person.” You get your food and then you take your tray into a booth and watch television.

Incredibly, as the blog Restaurant-ing Through History explains, that ridiculous Andy-Mat idea nearly happened in real life. Below is a picture of Warhol with three associates, architect Araldo Cossutta, developer Geoffrey Leeds, and financier C. Cheever Hardwick III; it appears that the picture was taken at some sort of announcement event for the Andy-Mat, which was to be “an unpretentious neighborhood restaurant serving homely comfort food at reasonable prices which was slated to open in fall of 1977 on Madison Avenue at 74th Street in NYC.”

For anyone who knows New York, Madison and 74th Street is a terrible place to place an “unpretentious neighborhood restaurant” serving food at “reasonable prices.” The plan was to include “pneumatic tubes through which customers’ orders would be whooshed into the kitchen. The meals served in Andy-Mats, in keeping with the times, were to be frozen dinners requiring only reheating.” Hooray, frozen dinners! Unsurprisingly, the restaurants never happened.

Continues after the jump…

Posted by Martin Schneider | Leave a comment
‘Silencing Slider’: Cheeseburger ball gag
08:56 am



This is like the Idiocracy BDSM version of ball gags except these probably don’t have electrolytes in ‘em. ‘Murica, meet the “Silencing Slider” cheeseburger ball gag.

Honestly, I can’t think of anything sexier than this. No Thing.

Each “Silencing Slider” is handcrafted in the USA and are made of “soft and non-toxic natural food grade silicone rubber, the gag has no unpleasant plastic smells or odors!”

They’re available for $69 (get it?) at Burger Gag.

via Geekologie.

Posted by Tara McGinley | Leave a comment
Taco Bell’s weird-ass Orwell ripoff, complete with totalitarian clowns (yes, you read that right)
10:32 am



For their new ad campaign “Routine Republic,” Taco Bell has produced a mini-movie lasting three minutes that steals from ... well, you name it.  Just off the top of my head, it cribs from The Hunger Games, Insane Clown Posse, Terry Gilliam’s Brazil, George Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-Four and Animal Farm, Divergent, Apple’s “1984” ad campaign, and any number of David Fincher movies.

You’d have to be a semiotics Ph.D. to uncover all the layers of mendacious allusion and outright theft going on here. If nothing else, it’s a contender for the “Protesting Too Much” Hall of Fame. See, the idea is that if you are eating yummy McGriddles from McDonald’s or delectable Croissan’wiches from Burger King for breakfast, you’re a brainwashed drone who needs to be liberated by ... an A.M. Crunchwrap from Taco Bell (which admittedly also sounds yummy). Yes, you read that right: a delicious Croissan’wich and you’re a soulless drone; a delicious A.M. Crunchwrap and you’re a hipsterish free spirit with the ability to cavort in the streets of Prague, perhaps and eventually open an artisanal and/or steampunk moustache wax boutique (I have nothing against hipsters, I’m just reading into the ad). Never mind that the most powerful electron microscope on earth wouldn’t be able to detect any ideological difference between a McGriddle and an A.M. Crunchwrap.

Sticking with the Orwell tip, the commercial repurposes the “four legs good, two legs bad” formulation of Animal Farm into the totalitarian regime’s “circle = good, hexagon = bad.” I could hardly write that with a straight face, it’s so stupid. So that’s right, fealty to a round shape is bad but the one with the six equal sides is good. The ad’s Winston Smith finds his Julia as they wait on line for their Victory Gin, er, a round breakfast sandwich, lock eyes, and escape together to the land of Borat-ish un-corporate-ness. Just to make sure you don’t miss the point, the Ramones’ “Blitzkrieg Bop” kicks in at the moment of maximum individualism. Because it takes an individual to appreciate the world’s most universally beloved punk band, right?

Oh yeah, the clowns, I almost forgot. All the authority figures in “Oceania” or whatever have clown makeup on. Because McDonald’s corporate logo is a guy in a clown suit and you know, fuck that guy.

One touch I did like is that the evil kingdom is surrounded by a moat that is actually a drab ball pit, which is mostly associated with McDonald’s Playland. Of course, trying to demonize a wonderful, fun ball pit for children has to rank down there with the worst things any advertiser has ever done, but you know, all’s fair in love and breakfast war.
The ad itself, after the jump…

Posted by Martin Schneider | Leave a comment
Ridiculous plateware shaped like specific foods
08:45 am



Breaded fish and rice
Here’s a whimsical and marvelously impractical plateware idea from Kahla at 5.5 Design Studio: plates designed to fit specific meals. The idea is that you can plan out your week this way, with “Daily Menu Plates” for breaded fish, a chicken leg, a single sausage, and so on.

The drawback of the plan becomes apparent when you try to consider what happens in week 2, of course. Equally obviously, flat plates designed to hold a hamburger will hold a lobster roll equally well.

Here is the explanatory text from Kahla:

Au quotidien, les plats qui composent et définissent notre alimentation de base sont souvent un peu archétypaux : jambon / coquillettes, Poulet / frites, côtelette / petits pois, poisson pané / riz.

«Daily Menu» est une collection d’assiettes biomorphiques qui joue de ces clichés et qui nous accompagne tout au long de la semaine. Ces assiettes fonctionnent comme des fiches recettes pour nous suggérer des idées de repas quand le manque d’inspiration nous envahit. A chaque jour son plat et à chaque plat son assiette!

In everyday life, the dishes that make up and define our basic food are often a little archetypal: ham / macaroni, chicken / fries, chop / peas, breaded fish / rice.

“Daily Menu” is a collection of biomorphic plates that plays with these clichés and accompanies us throughout the week. These plates function as recipe cards to suggest meal ideas when lack of inspiration strikes. Each day has its plate and each dish his plate!

Shit, I could really go for some bangers and mash right now….

Chicken and fries

Chop and peas
More of these things after the jump…

Posted by Martin Schneider | Leave a comment
We want plates! Heroic citizens take a stand against stupid foodie presentation
07:19 am



Tiny picnic table, but no tiny plates for ease and convenience.
Plates are a pretty ingenious feat of design—a largely flat surface for solid foods, with the perimeter curled upward, ever-so-slightly, so as to contain any wily or runny food as you chow down. It’s a simple, yet elegant, way to dine, but somehow there is this absurd foodie trend of eschewing the noble plate in favor of… basically everything that is not a fucking plate. These are not restaurants I patronize, mind you, these are restaurants I boycott, because while I can appreciate creative culinary presentation, I refuse to eat anywhere that appears to value flash over utility, and apparently I am not alone in just wanting my fucking food served on a fucking plate. This is nowhere close to being “too much to ask for.” A plate???

Enter the noble citizens of We Want Plates, a heroic organization “Crusading against food being served on bits of wood and roof tiles. Chips in little buckets, peas in flowerpots and jam-jar drinks can do one too.” You can join them on Twitter and Facebook, where they publicize the most egregious offenders in hope of shaming them back to their senses. Foodie novelty must be stopped!

Butter… served on a pebble.

Just paper on a plank—not even a little novelty value to compensate for the fact that you egg yolk is about to run any which way.

A ping pong paddle. Note the running sauce/moisture/whatever.

Oh come on!
More of this idiocy after the jump…

Posted by Amber Frost | Leave a comment
Send your enemy a bag of dicks
03:58 pm



Gummy dick
Forget about those anonymous “glitterbomb” envelopes—so last year—Dicks By Mail is the new kid in town with edible dicks in a bag. They’ll send a bag of dicks to anyone you want ‘em to.

For a mere $15 the company will send an anonymous bag of phallic-shaped gummy candies to your enemy with a note that reads “Eat a bag of dicks.”

It’s simple. It’s easy.

According to their FAQ section:

Who should I send a bag of dicks to?

It’s been said that people, on average, are able to keep a close network of about 250 people in their lives. I recommend all of them. However, the top 10 list of people to send a bags of dicks to are…is?...are;

1) Coworkers
2) Ex Girlfriend/Boyfriend
3) Roommates/Landlords
4) Your best Friend
5) The Westboro Baptist Church
6) Teachers
7) Your estranged father
8) President Obama
9) The man that killed your father/brother/dog
10) Frank Stallone

It appears they come in assorted flavors, so the person you send them to may really dig ‘em. Everyone likes some variety when it comes to a bag of dicks.

What did Frank Stallone ever do to them, I wonder, to deserve a bag of dicks?

via Daily Dot

Posted by Tara McGinley | Leave a comment
Oh nuts: Company ordered to call inferior meatballs just ‘balls’
06:27 am



Finnish food behemoth Kesko has been ordered by its government to stop telling the public that their crappy meatballs have any actual meat in them. The manufacturers have been advertising that their meatball-like product is high in meat, which an investigation has proven false.

According to a story on Finnish news service Yle, Kesko has to rename their product “pyöryköitä” (“balls” in English) after a probe “revealed that it contained only machine-recovered meat, essentially scraps, which are not defined as meat…”

A rep for Kesko stated that the scrappy balls “have the equivalent of 52 percent meat. However according to current legislation, they aren’t those parts of the animal that can be described as meat.”

Mmmm…delicious, delicious machine-recovered not-meat scraps.

via HappyPlace

Posted by Rusty Blazenhoff | Leave a comment
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