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Send your enemy a bag of dicks
03.18.2015
03:58 pm

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Amusing
Food

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Gummy dick
 
Forget about those anonymous “glitterbomb” envelopes—so last year—Dicks By Mail is the new kid in town with edible dicks in a bag. They’ll send a bag of dicks to anyone you want ‘em to.

For a mere $15 the company will send an anonymous bag of phallic-shaped gummy candies to your enemy with a note that reads “Eat a bag of dicks.”

It’s simple. It’s easy.

According to their FAQ section:

Who should I send a bag of dicks to?

It’s been said that people, on average, are able to keep a close network of about 250 people in their lives. I recommend all of them. However, the top 10 list of people to send a bags of dicks to are…is?...are;

1) Coworkers
2) Ex Girlfriend/Boyfriend
3) Roommates/Landlords
4) Your best Friend
5) The Westboro Baptist Church
6) Teachers
7) Your estranged father
8) President Obama
9) The man that killed your father/brother/dog
10) Frank Stallone

It appears they come in assorted flavors, so the person you send them to may really dig ‘em. Everyone likes some variety when it comes to a bag of dicks.

What did Frank Stallone ever do to them, I wonder, to deserve a bag of dicks?


 
via Daily Dot

Posted by Tara McGinley | Leave a comment
Oh nuts: Company ordered to call inferior meatballs just ‘balls’
03.11.2015
06:27 am

Topics:
Food

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balls
 
Finnish food behemoth Kesko has been ordered by its government to stop telling the public that their crappy meatballs have any actual meat in them. The manufacturers have been advertising that their meatball-like product is high in meat, which an investigation has proven false.

According to a story on Finnish news service Yle, Kesko has to rename their product “pyöryköitä” (“balls” in English) after a probe “revealed that it contained only machine-recovered meat, essentially scraps, which are not defined as meat…”

A rep for Kesko stated that the scrappy balls “have the equivalent of 52 percent meat. However according to current legislation, they aren’t those parts of the animal that can be described as meat.”

Mmmm…delicious, delicious machine-recovered not-meat scraps.

via HappyPlace

Posted by Rusty Blazenhoff | Leave a comment
Queen of Shock Rock Wendy O. Williams’ mega-healthy salad dressing recipe
03.10.2015
06:55 am

Topics:
A girl's best friend is her guitar
Animals
Food
Movies

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Despite the sledgehammers, chainsaws and occasional police-instigated violence that became heavily associated with Plasmatics’ shows, the late, great Wendy O. Williams was first and foremost a gentle soul, with more than a touch of hippie influence. As a teenage runaway she bounced around the Rocky Mountains and sold crafts, moved to Florida to be a lifeguard and even cooked at a health food restaurant in London before making the stage her home.

Wendy was also an advocate for animal welfare and a vocal vegetarian. One might understandably assume that her dietary choices were entirely ethically motivated, but this 1984 interview from Vegetarian Times (see her as the adorable cover girl above) shows she was also incredibly health-conscious—a serious urban gardener who avoided drugs and alcohol, exercised regularly and sprouted her own macrobiotic diet from a Tribeca loft. Williams actually taught a macrobiotic cooking class at the Learning Annex!

The best part? The article includes Williams’ own super-hippie recipe for salad dressing—it actually sounds like a pretty intriguing flavor profile too. Save it for your next Plasmatics themed dinner party!

Wendy’s diet is very heavy on live foods and sprouts. The salad dressing is the result of experimentation in the blender and it’s rather unique in that it includes fresh greens chopped up into the dressing. She advises that its [sic] best to use two different types of greens; one for the dressing, one for the salad.

  1 1/2 cups rejuvelac (soak a cup of wheat berries in 3–4 cups of water for 3 days or until berries settle; then strain)
  1 clove garlic
  1 Tbs. miso or soy sauce
  2 Tbs. lecithin
  1 Tbs. cumin
  1 tsp. basil
  1 tsp. oregano
  Fresh herbs of your choice
  Mixed greens (parsley, celery, sorrel, lettuce, spinach, or green    
  beans, sprouts)

 
Add seasonings to rejuvelac and whir in blender. Add, little by little, 1 pound of mixed greens, Until greens or chopped and mix well. Best when used fresh.

Below, Wendy and her fellow Plasmatics go on a safari with John Candy on SCT.

Posted by Amber Frost | Leave a comment
This might be the creepiest ceramic set EVER
03.06.2015
10:35 am

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Art
Food

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This is totally amazing. Ronit Baranga is a ceramic sculptor from Israel, and she has come up with a set of tableware that will automatically call up images of Fester, Lurch, Wednesday, the Thing, and the rest of the Addams clan. Her website is a total trip, and I look forward to seeing more of her creations in the future.

Baranga’s high-minded comment on her anthropomorphic set runs like this:
 

The useful, passive, tableware can now be perceived as an active object, aware of itself and its surroundings – responding to it. It does not allow to be taken for granted, to be used. It decides on its own how to behave in the situation.

 
When regular household items become “active objects,” that’s usually what we call haunting, or possibly something like a Nest Learning Thermostat—either way, I won’t get too worried until one of these pieces actually starts nibbling at my lips or walking towards me!
 

 

 

 
If you haven’t already lost your appetite, there’s more after the jump…

Posted by Martin Schneider | Leave a comment
Mark E. Smith, Morrissey, Tom Waits, Barbra Streisand and ‘Spinal Tap’ face cakes
03.06.2015
09:10 am

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Amusing
Food

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Mark E. Smith
 
Damnit, yesterday was The Fall’s frontman Mark E. Smith’s birthday, so happy belated birthday, Mr.Smith. He turned 58 yesterday.

In celebration of his birthday, Zoe Paterson of Face Cake made a delicious looking beetroot Mark E. Smith cake.

After discovering Paterson’s site, I got a little bit lost there. Bemused by the randomness of her tasty face cakes I thought I’d share a few of her creations with you.

If you’re interested in Paterson creating a face cake, you can contact her here.


This cake of Nigel Tufnel from the 1984 mockumentary film ‘This Is Spinal Tap’ turns the volume up to 11
 

Sir David Attenborough
 

Tom Waits
 
More after the jump…
 

Posted by Tara McGinley | Leave a comment
Bon crappétit! ‘Shitty Food Porn’ is the most hypnotically, deliciously disgusting subreddit of all
03.03.2015
07:23 am

Topics:
Food

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My cupcakes didn’t turn out like I wanted, but ended up perfect for here.
 
I can’t stop looking at the Shitty Food Porn subreddit, and I’m not the only one—it’s absolutely mesmerizing. I think maybe we’re just so inundated with this never-ending parade of of Instagrammed perfection, we crave representations of reality—even when reality looks barely edible. From what I can tell, there are a three major categories of Shitty Food Porn, though they co-exist on a Venn Diagram, and a dish may inhabit multiple categories at a time. Here is the primer I have developed:

The Failures: This one is tricky, because failure is already a popular genre—particularly with ambitious projects, as seen in Pinterest Fail. What makes Shitty Food Porn failures different is that, unlike Icarus, they did not perish flying too close to the sun. Shitty Food Porn Failures crashed and burned just walking out the door. This is a dish that should be reasonably simple, but the cook somehow made it incredibly unappetizing, if not downright inedible. The above cupcakes are good example.

The Bachelors: These are marked by a tragic austerity of ingredients, bleak presentation and cheap or desperate substitutions—a hotdog bun instead of regular bread, or anything plated on a paper towel, for example. These are often the recipes of the chronically depressed or incredibly poor. This category gets complicated though, as the necessity is the mother of invention. Many Bachelor recipes also display creativity that might qualify them for third category.

The Frankensteins aka The Fat Americans: If these look innovative to you, you’re probably either at a state fair or you’re drunk or high. The Frankensteins usually involve unexpected, even surreal combinations, and/or grandiose ambition. A fried egg on leftover pizza—the ingredients are Bachelor, but there is an innovative spirit to that combination. One could argue it’s inspired!

Proceed at your own risk, and bon crappétit!
 

Fried egg served on a bed of chilled pizza.
 

Because why the fuck not
 

A “cookie” that my dear friends made
 
More after the jump…

Posted by Amber Frost | Leave a comment
Japanese juice company invents wearable robot that feeds you tomatoes while you run
02.24.2015
08:30 am

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Amusing
Food
Sports

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Japanese juice company Kagom have done the impossible; they’ve created a wearable 18 lbs. robot that fits comfortably on your shoulders and dispenses succulent tomatoes into your pie hole whilst you go about your morning jog. The robot, called Tomatan, holds up to six medium-sized tomatoes. When you feel the need for a snack or suffer from hunger pangs while on your run, just pull the lever and a lovely tomato plops into your mouth.

This is the solution we have all been waiting for.

“Tomatoes have lots of nutrition that combats fatigue,” says Shigenori Suzuki of Kagome.

If you feel the 18 lbs. Tomatan is just too heavy, never fear, there’s also the “Petit-Tomatan” (which is half the weight of the Tomatan). The Petit-Tomatan will be tested out at Tokyo Marathon on Sunday. Should be interesting.

Watch the Tomatan in action, below:

 
Via Death and Taxes and IB Times

Posted by Tara McGinley | Leave a comment
Jack White declares war on bananas
02.07.2015
10:03 am

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Food
Music

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Rock and roll riders are always a lot of fun, whether it’s Van Halen‘s demand to have the brown M&M’s removed from their candy bowl (instituted as a foolproof test to see if a venue’s operators were fulfilling the more demanding portions of the rider) or Iggy Pop‘s riders, which, as DM has documented, are hilarious.

On February 2 Jack White played the McCasland Field House on the campus of University of Oklahoma in Norman, Oklahoma, in support of his latest album, Lazaretto. During the show White complained about the publication in the campus newspaper, four days earlier, of the full contract between White and the school.

According to Consequence of Sound, White said from the stage, “Just because you can type it on your computer doesn’t make it right.” The newspaper has cited the Freedom of Information Act. Yesterday the William Morris Entertainment revealed that it was placing the school on a blacklist from any future Jack White concerts as well as those of any artist represented by William Morris Entertainment. (In an addendum to the original Consequence of Sound article from yesterday evening, it is explained that William Morris denies banning OU from future Jack White shows—while pointedly remaining mum about other acts on its roster.)

Moral: Do not fuck with lawyers.
 

 
The main reason for White’s irritation, as well as that of William Morris, was the revelation of White’s fee, which comes to $80,000. White’s contract includes a full recipe for guacamole, reproduced here, as well as an unexplained demand that his tour remain a “NO BANANA TOUR.” The rider explains that the person tasked with preparing the guacamole must be “careful not to mush the avocados too much. We want it chunky.” White’s dressing room, the rider stipulates, should be stocked with aged salami, a pound of “high-quality” prosciutto, beef jerky, dried fruit, cashews, and almonds.

The performer’s alcohol requirements include bottles of red and white wine, Veuve Clicquot champagne, and Bulleit Bourbon (aged 10 years), although these were apparently waived for the OU show—those items are crossed out and the words “No Alcohol” are written nearby with a Sharpie.
 

 
At the start of the “meals” section, there is a stern warning: “PLEASE NOTE: this is a NO BANANA TOUR. (Seriously). We don’t want to see bananas anywhere in the building.” It is not explained why bananas are not allowed to enjoy Jack White’s concerts, along with all the other fruits and vegetables.

Here’s the full rider, so you can see for yourself.

Posted by Martin Schneider | Leave a comment
Marilyn Monroe’s prizefighter-style diet is all protein and fat
02.02.2015
10:04 am

Topics:
Food

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While I loathe the popular tendency to obsess over what women eat, this 1952 Marilyn Monroe interview from Pageant Magazine is probably the only celebrity diet I’ve ever found to be interesting. A 26-year-old Norma Jean lists off her meals and she sounds like she was eating like a prizefighter—complete with a Rocky Balboa-style raw egg concoction.

I’ve been told that my eating habits are absolutely bizarre, but I don’t think so. Before I take my morning shower, I start warming a cup of milk on the hot plate I keep in my hotel room. When it’s hot, I break two raw eggs into the milk, whip them up with a fork, and drink them while I’m dressing. I supplement this with a multi-vitamin pill, and I doubt if any doctor could recommend a more nourishing breakfast for a working girl in a hurry.

Dinner. My dinners at home are startlingly simple. Every night I stop at the market near my hotel and pick up a steak, lamb chops or some liver, which I broil in the electric oven in my room. I usually eat four or five raw carrots with my meat, and that is all. I must be part rabbit; I never get bored with raw carrots.

P.S. It’s a good thing, I suppose, that I eat simply during the day, for in recent months I have developed the habit of stopping off at Wil Wright’s ice cream parlor for a hot fudge sundae on my way home from my evening drama classes. I’m sure that I couldn’t allow myself this indulgence were it not that my normal diet is composed almost totally of protein foods.”

High-protein, some vegetables and the odd hot fudge sundae—sounds pretty consistent with what a doctor might prescribe today, but really out of the ordinary for 1952, when America was very much in love with starches, but dieters were mostly fearful of fat. The only thing I find truly weird is the raw eggs and warm milk mixture. I guess whatever it takes to get those guns and those gams, right?
 
Via Eater

Posted by Amber Frost | Leave a comment
Alcoholic Oreos, for when you can’t vomit fast enough!
01.29.2015
12:32 pm

Topics:
Drugs
Food

Tags:


 
As a connoisseur of disgustingly sweet margaritas—with a young adulthood lubricated by MD 20/20 not so far back in my rear view mirror, no less—I’m not one to turn up my nose at a dessert-oriented booze-stuff. Alcoholic Oreos however, are clearly a monument to man’s arrogance and shall someday be punished by an angry God. This sinister aberration—the unholy creation of a mad scientist, no doubt—is made by combining the liquor of your choice with Oreo pudding mix, scraping the filling off some Oreos, and spooning the alcoholic mixture betwixt the newly emptied cookie halves.

After that, I suppose you just start wolfing down these bad boys like you’ve given up on life—or maybe just cut out the middleman and just throw them directly into the toilet?

Either way, it’s a race between diabetes and alcohol poisoning—may the best death win!
 

 
Via Foodbeast

Posted by Amber Frost | Leave a comment
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