Like William Burroughs’ “Thanksgiving Prayer,” this “Cthurkey” rears its head every holiday season. It’s almost criminal that we’ve never blogged about it here on Dangerous Minds, so I thought I’d correct that egregious oversight.
Now some of you may have probably already seen the Lovecraftian Cthurkey before. If not, it’s sort of a pisstake of the Turducken and the Pumpple. If you don’t know what these are I’ve supplied links for each dish. But in short, it’s food within food. Kinda like “foodception.”
The Cthurkey consists of a turkey stuffed with octopus, crab and sing—what else—bacon as its topping. I can’t think of anything more fitting for an H. P. Lovecraft-themed Thanksgiving.
Our Philadelphian readers may know PYT, home of insanely gimmicky culinary constructions like the Deep-Fried Twinkie Burger, Chicken Bacon Eggo Sliders, and the Cocoa Krispies Chicken Burger. That restaurant has expanded to New York, specifically to 334 Bowery, former home of one location of Forcella Pizzeria, and more recently, the extremely short-lived Espoleta. Though rents in the city’s one-time Skid Row are no longer Skid Row cheap, PYT surely has no desire to be yet another bygone in that location, and they may have hit upon their rent-making gimmick: The Basquiat Prime Beef Burger, named for the great painter Jean-Michel Basquiat and priced at $64. Each. Look, I’m a total sucker for gimmicky sandwich places; whether it’s Kuma’s in Chicago, Melt in Cleveland, whatever, I’m all in for ridiculous shit like that. But I doubt I need to belabor the point that $64 for a burger seems beyond excessive even for Manhattan.
A 1982 Basquiat work, Untitled (The Black Athlete), just sold for 6.3 million, meaning that the Basiquiat burger is just a buck off from being 100,000 times less expensive than an actual Basquiat painting. And arguably, the figure in the painting could be interpreted as triumphantly brandishing a burger. Arguably. Very, very arguably.
But what do you get for your money? Per the restaurant’s tumblr, it’s made with “100% fresh 25% fat Wagyu Ribeye sourced from the NYC’s greatest Wagyu source, the ninjas at Japan Premium Beef.” OK, then, in that case I suppose we’ll generously take it on faith that that tastes $50 better than a regular upscale burger. The sandwich came to be named for the painter, not because it looks like his work, after the manner of the offerings at SFMOMA’s rooftop coffee bar—though I’d actually respect the hell out of that, and I find it curious that photos of the actual burger seem like they’re nowhere to be found online. (How is it possible that nobody’s Instagramed their $64 burger?) The sandwich is so named because the painter died of a heroin overdose literally around the corner on Great Jones Street. If any DM readers in Lower Manhattan are feeling lavish enough to take this one for the team and try one, we’d love to know if it’s worth the money, or at least if it’s a fit tribute to the artist. We’re guessing no way in hell on both counts, but we’re willing to listen.
Ever wanted to be a sexy green turd for Halloween? Never fear for Halloween Costumes has you covered. Clearly it’s poking fun at Burger King’s limited edition “Halloween Whopper” which apparently is making some folks poop green.
BUT wait, there’s more! Not only is there a sexy turd outfit, there’s also the Burger King’s black “goth burger” costume to boot! (Unless the turd was actually standing beside the goth burger, I’m not so sure I would get the joke. Solo, I’d peg the turd for “sexy asparagus” cosplay.)
I’m still holding out for the sexy Kim Davis costume.
A black hamburger. Why not? McDonald’s has its green “Shamrock Shake” every year for St. Patrick’s Day, why shouldn’t diehard goths be able to wolf down a seasonal “Kuro Burger” before they go trick or treating or to a Bauhaus reunion concert?
Now fast-food loving American goths will have a chance at eating this evil-looking fatty delicacy which will allegedly be known here as the “Halloween Whopper.”
Sadly, unlike the black burgers sold in Japan, the US version won’t have black cheese or the squid-ink sauce. Boo! Anecdotal reviews on Twitter and elsewhere have indicated that the Kuro burgers do not actually have an unusual taste, they just look good when being eaten by someone with a lot of eyeliner and teased up black hair.
Although today he’s perhaps better known for being a fast food kingpin than a musician, country hit-maker Kenny Rogers was once actually a rock and roller. Hell, the undisputed successor to Col. Sanders was even a psychedelic rocker there for a brief minute…
The First Edition were formed in 1967, with Rogers (lead vocals and bass), Mickey Jones (drums) and Terry Williams (guitar ). Mike Settle (guitar) and opera singer Thelma Camacho joined later. They were basically a country-folk band, but they did release the classic psychpop single, “Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In).”
Written by the great Mickey Newbury, “Just Dropped In” featured in-demand session pro Glen Campbell playing the backward guitar intro. The trippy background voices were fed through a rotating Leslie speaker and re-recorded and the song can almost be called “proto-metal” (listen to that boss guitar riff).
Allegedly, Jimi Hendrix told Kenny Rogers that “Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In)” was his favorite record. The song was later famously featured in the dream sequence from The Big Lebowski.
In a triumph of design, Guan-Hao Pan, a student at the National Taipei University of Technology has created this adorable (and functional!) condom series using fruits and vegetables for sizing models. Love Guide Condoms gives you five options, from biggest to smallest you have cucumber, carrot, banana, turnip and zucchini. Obviously fruits and vegetables aren’t standardized, but it’s not a bad system to measure your meat. The nutritious theme of these rubbers is based off the Chinese proverb, “hunger and lust are only natural,” and yes they’re as “green” (yuk yuk) as possible, with biodegradable packaging, as opposed to the non-biodegradable foil that’s used most commonly.
The array of sizes is intended to help men choose a correctly-fitted condom, as incorrect sizing can actually result in breakage or slippage (no word on how you will prevent men from vanity sizing). Also, the condoms are placed over a tiny nub in the package, so that the user will be less likely to put it on inside out (big no-no, can also cause breakage), and so that removing them requires the pinching on the reservoir tip (something you should always do)!
If you find yourself in South Korea and want a coffeeshop in which you are obliged to meditate on the ... ultimate end result of the coffee you are enjoying, you are going to want to visit the Poop Café in Seoul, or, as it is properly called in Korean, 또옹카페.
The amusing website Seoul Searching posted about the café a couple of weeks ago, and the internet is having quite a titter over it. The café does not serve poop, of course—now THAT would be a story!—but many of its offerings as well as decor resemble cute turds, simply put. Your coffee mug is likely to resemble a toilet.
There is a tree inside decorated with colorful poop-shaped papers. Then, once you are inside, you realize that the poop-shaped papers also have adorable little faces, sneakers and handwritten messages on them from previous visitors.
Inside, the cafe is surprisingly normal. … I suppose I was hoping for more of a shock factor.
Despite the ordinary interior, I began to to find those quirky poop hidden treasures I longed for. A few squat toilets that had been turned into mini gardens occupied some floor space, porcelain cups with poops painted on them lined the shelves and colorful plush coils of “poop” could be found on tables, chairs and in little nooks and crannies. I like to get a little silly with the plush poops.
Poop Café is near Gyeongbokgung Palace, on the 4th floor of the Ssamziegil Mall.
A café that organizes its offerings according to the Pantone color? Yeah, it does seem like Monaco would be the kind of place where that could happen.
The Grimaldi Forum is a conference and congress center on Larvotto, the beach that dominates the northern section of Monaco.
On its website there is an oddly incomplete message that runs as follows: “Pantone Café, pour en voir de toutes les couleurs! C’est le bar de l’été au Grimaldi Forum… Venez vous rafraichir sous la pergola extérieure ou sous la grande verrière!”
Which more or less means: “Pantone Café, so you can see all the colors! This is the bar of the summer at the Grimaldi Forum ... Come refresh yourself in the outdoor pergola or under the glass roof!”
If you’re in Europe, hop on your #14-4809 Vespa and ride on over there for a delicious Tomato Red Mozza White #18-1660 sandwich or a Vibrant Orange #16-1364 juice!
Well, here’s the WTF of the day, as far as I’m concerned: with the “Original Recipe” Colonel Sanders long having passed on to the great chicken coop in the sky, KFC has opted to do the Lazarus treatment, with the Colonel now being portrayed by ex-Saturday Night Live alum Darrell Hammond. Having seen its bottom line droop thanks to an injection of competition from relative upstarts like Chik-Fil-A, KFC has changed its tack with an aggressive campaign intended to be evocative of KFC of days past (back when it was “Kentucky Fried Chicken”, prompting the scale-down to “KFC” to make many wonder if chicken was indeed in the, uh, chicken), with the resurrected Colonel strolling around with mandolin bands, singing, talking, folksier and friendlier than ever (albeit doused in a somewhat creepy vibe akin to some of those Burger King ads of late featuring the omnipresent grinning King).
That’s not quite the “WTF,” though, listen closely and the commercial below clearly lifts the song “A Doughnut in My Hand” by Glaswegian poet/singer/outsider Ivor Cutler, only with the crucual replacement of “doughnut” with “bucket.” Is Kevin Ayers’ reincarnation in the Drop the Chalupa dog all but inevitable?
Cutler, who passed away in 2006, was a bona fide treasure, an odd and eccentric poet and songwriter who started doing voiceovers on UK TV, then was spotted by Paul McCartney and drafted into the Beatles’ Magical Mystery Tour film to portray bus conductor Buster Bloodvessel.
Here’s the original song “Doughnut in My Hand” so that you may make the comparison for yourself:
Collaborating with Robert Wyatt found Cutler being offered a deal on Virgin Records, then recording a slew of LPs, minimally accompanying himself on harmonium and over time carving himself a spot as a true outsider in popular culture and celebrated amongst the UK underground. The 1980s saw Cutler signed to the Rough Trade label, and “Doughnut In My Hand” comes from an especially great 1983 collection called Privilege, on which he collaborated with Linda Hirst. “Women of the World” from that album was a minor hit around that time, and a cover of that song by Jim O’Rourke found itself snatched up for a TV ad in the late ‘90s. There’s a nice Guardian piece of the life of Cutler here.
An amusing clip of Col. Sanders filming a commercial after the jump…..