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Brutal foodies: Heavy metal Chef creates culinary masterpieces based on classic bands
05:44 am



The Slayer Pizza:  Chopped Fra Mani toscano, soppressata, finocchiona, Cypress Grove “Lamb Chopper” cheese, house marinara, signature communion wafer crust, and an altar wine gastrique.
Rice and Bread, an online “food and music magazine,” hosts the “perfect pairings” series in which craft beers or decadent food creations are paired with classic metal albums. Our favorite entries in this series come courtesy of Chef John Hurkes, whose brutal recipes are absolutely inspired.

Chef John Hurkes’ latest creation is the “Black Sabbath Pizza”:

Ingredients: English banger sausage, smoked mozzarella, squid ink béchamel sauce, purple basil leaf, sweet lavender honey, and an authentic Mapledurham Watermill crust.
Hurkes’ notes on his creations read like a foodie Forry Ackerman:

What is this pizza that stands before me? A slice in black which points at me. Just like the conception of heavy metal, the Black Sabbath pizza is cooked from scratch. The flour is stoner-ground and rises from the early ’70s. The 12” crust is pressed from an actual bread recipe written by an “Evil Woman,” the miller’s wife of the Mapledurham Watermill in England. Spinning like a record, Ozzy Osbourne’s legendary vocals cascade into a wood-fired wheel of flavour riffles. Would you like a “N.I.B.”ble? Finger-picking through each slice, Tony Iommi’s hand-crafted guitar solos resonate through “Wicked World” and march across heavy slabs of sausage in “Children of the Grave.” Shrouded in the creamy black sauce, Geezer Butler’s bass lines find “Solitude” under a blanket of delicious smoked cheese as Bill Ward’s drums stick to the honey and herb “Sweet Leaf.” As the pizza is finished and the beer bottles burn out, you’ll be left “Into the Void.” Soon the world will love you, sweet pizza.

Other favorite Chef John Hurkes’ metal meals include “The Danzig Juicy Lucifuge… the Mother of all burgers”

Ingredients: New Jersey black-angus beef, blue-cheese Lucifuge, the onions of Christ, and blackest of the black BBQ sauce. Served on a house-made Twist of Pain bun.
“Exodus pork belly blood feast”

Ingredients: Fire-roasted pork belly crusted with Black Carbon salt harvested from the Dead Sea, grilled and thrashed blackberry-infused blood-sausage puree, smoke-poached egg yolks, purple fingerling potatoes, seared orange, and wasabi micro greens.
“Nuclear Assault Nachos”

Ingredients: Fire-braised pig confit, pickled onions and jalapenos, nuclear cheese reactor, and OC-17 police grade pepper-sprayed multi-continental fried chips.
We spoke with Chef John Hurkes about the series and his inspirations.

How did the “Perfect Pairings” idea develop, and what makes for a “perfect pairing”?

Chef John Hurkes: It was originally developed pairing metal albums with craft beer, but it sort of shifted towards food when Jason Schreurs of Rice and Bread Magazine approached me about pairing some of my favorite metal albums with my food creations. To make a “Perfect Pairing” you need a great metal record, quality ingredients, and some fucking metal ingenuity.

How has heavy metal informed your culinary style?

CJH: Metal crossover cooking can go a lot of different ways. There’s so many different genres and albums to be inspired by. However, it’s tricky sometimes developing new recipes and styles. It’s not like you are going to listen to an Electric Wizard album and decide to slow cook a doom metal burrito in an electric microwave for an hour. There is a degree of sophistication. When you are a serious metal head it changes your overall output in life. So it has definitely influenced what i’m doing with these dishes and how I will continue to cook them in the future.

You mentioned to me before that you traded heavy metal records with a friend from England for a cookbook signed by the miller’s wife of the last working watermill on the River Thames. You used a bread recipe from that book to create the Black Sabbath Mapledurham Watermill crust. Are there any other instances where metal has been an inroad to new recipes or cookbooks?

CJH: For sure. Metal is always an influence on how I develop new recipes. Sometimes there are different influences like religion or say politics. When I made the Nuclear Assault Nachos I thought homeland security was going to raid my kitchen shelves. It was the ultimate nacho riot as the pig confit was fire-braised and the resistant multi-continental chips got pepper sprayed in the cross fire. I feel like i’m always on a special heavy metal path with my next dish.

All of the photos of your creations look absolutely delicious, but we can’t eat the photos. Are there plans to share these recipes with the rest of the world, or are they guarded secrets?

CJH: They are guarded in a metal recipe box. But i’ve been discussing with my friend Jason Schreurs over at Rice and Bread Magazine about a collaboration with a cookbook that features each of the metal dishes. In the meantime, we’ve got other evil metal cuisine to unveil over at Rice and Bread.

I’m going to name some bands, and you tell me what kind of food immediately comes to mind. We’ll start with Iron Maiden.

CJH: A virtuosic metal salad with “Trooper” battlefield greens.


CJH: Probably a Japanese guitar shredded squid dish with a sweet red chili sauce. Law of Devil’s Land is a great album.


CJH: It would have to make you go BRRRR! Perhaps a stout beer ice cream float topped with chopped bacon and a burnt and candied communion wafer stave church steeple.

Mercyful Fate

CJH: The course of the pharoahs is served at the sound of the dinner bell. That’s all I got.

Celtic Frost

CJH: Morbid pig tails.

Municipal Waste

CJH: Is there such thing as weed-fed beef? Maybe a burger with beer soaked cheese, an IPA mustard, booze sloshed pickles, and a few other ingredients I shouldn’t mention for legal reasons. You would be wasted by the time you finished eating it.


CJH: I’m thinking tequila braised goat shoulder hacked apart with a machete and piled into tacos with in an unholy mole crafted from an evil trinity of chile peppers.

What is the most evil ingredient in any metal-inspired meal?

CJH: Communion wafers. You can bread anything with them and they cook amazingly in a lake of grease fire. I even made the delicious “Slayer Pizza” with them. For a while I was convinced that my kitchen was cursed after I made that pizza. Every Sunday for several months, my kitchen appliances would break or some crisis would happen. Evil cooking has no boundaries.

Carcass-inspired surgical veggie sammich. “Welcome to the poser slaughter. It’s an eight-inch vegetarian mouth-thrasher’s abattoir.”
Drool over more crossover edibles at Rice and Bread.

Posted by Christopher Bickel | Leave a comment
‘Sexist’ chicken cutlets are a thing in Germany?
12:32 pm



“Poultry mood for dream couples—finally, a poultry product for her and him!”
A company in Germany called Friki recently unveiled a puzzling product—two chicken cutlets, one “For Him” and one “For Her,” in a single package, with pink and blue coloring on the package to distinguish them visually. The kicker? The man’s version is spicy, while the woman’s one is mild. 

If you go to this page on Friki’s website, you’ll see the picture at the top of this page, with a caption in German that translates roughly as follows

Tender “minute” chicken cutlets, finally in typical female and, on the other hand, in typical male flavor-profiles ensure that poultry enjoyment will now be more fun than ever. The new dream couple comes in the flavor varieties “Fruity Lemon/Spicy Chili” and “Spicy Tomato/Spicy Peppery.”

In the first pair, fruity lemon and spicy chili are (according to the text and the colors) appropriate for the lady and the gentleman, respectively; I haven’t seen a picture of the second pairing yet, and I suspect it hasn’t even been manufactured yet.

Photo by Alice Atmega on Twitter
This one merits a huge eyeroll for sure. I like spicy food and I’ve not noticed this to be a particularly gendered issue. I’ve met plenty of women who enjoy spicy food, and I’ve met plenty of men who prefer milder fair. And I bet you anything that the wonderful women of India and Mexico can handle spicy food just fine. In my estimation this has something to do with Mitteleuropa above everything else—if I may indulge in a bit of cultural stereotyping of my own, I spent several years in Austria, with occasional visits to Germany, and that experience left me with the impression that the German-speaking world as a whole has some difficulties with spicy food, not so much that they don’t like it (they do not) but that they have a kind of phobia about it, as if the worst thing that could happen to you is that you eat a little vindaloo when you were promised tikka masala.

For what it’s worth, Charlotte Haunhorst of the respected newspaper Süddeutsche Zeitung wrote an editorial about this with the hilarious title “Hört auf mit der Hühnerkacke!” (“Stop the chickenshit!”). She thinks that the whole controversy has been concocted by Friki as a media ploy, although she does confess that she gets irritated when she orders a fatty breakfast and the waitstaff somehow assume that the bacon was ordered by her male companion.

Interestingly, there’s a clear precedent for this. The Kühne company has put out “his” and “hers” pickles, with the names “Gurken Madl” and “Gurken Bub”—that is, “Pickle Girl” and “Pickle Boy.” The jars come in pink and blue, with the girls’ one being “knackig und lieblich” (crisp and sweet) while the boys’ one is “knackig und kräftig” (crisp and strong).

via Nerdcore

Posted by Martin Schneider | Leave a comment
‘Human Centi-Peach,’ ‘Camp Crystal Cake,’ and other horror movie-inspired Ben and Jerry’s flavors
07:42 am



Pondering what it would look like if Ben and Jerry’s turned movies like The Shining, Child’s Play, A Nightmare on Elm Street, or Re-Animator into ice cream flavors, horror geek savants, John Squires and Frank Browning, writing for the blog, concocted nearly two dozen fright-flick-inspired flavors. No, these aren’t actual pints you can buy in any store, but we wish they were! Some of these sound downright disgustingly delicious.

Our personal favorite has to be “Camp Crystal Cake,” simply because it features “ch-ch-cherries” and “ah-ah-almonds.”

Runner up has got to be the Sleepaway Camp-inspired “Sleepaway Surprise,” with bananas hidden inside. If you’re a fan of that film, you get it.

Honorable mention goes to “Madman Marzipan,” just for referencing one of our favorite obscuro ‘80s movie killers: Madman Marz!

Below are our favorites. There are lots more at the awesome site,


Plenty more after the jump…

Posted by Christopher Bickel | Leave a comment
Gloriously trippy raw food vegan Mandala cakes
02:56 pm



A Chocolate Chai Goji
I love me some butter and eggs, but I’d definitely like to try one of these psychedelic-looking Mandala cakes—made with raw vegan ingredients—by Los Angeles-based raw vegan chef Stephen McCarty aka Sukhavati. (Sukhavati means “Happy” in Hindi.)

I wonder if they taste as good as they look? Since I live in Los Angeles, I just might have to give one of these a try. Honestly, though, they’re so beautiful, I’d hate to slice it up. But that’s kind of the point with these Mandela cakes, right? Sand Mandala art by Tibetan Buddhists monks is a tradition where a complex Mandala is painstakingly made over the course of several weeks with tiny grains of colored sand. (If you’ve never seen one before, they’re absolutely gorgeous. Just Google it.) When the Sand Mandala is finished, it is “ritualistically dismantled” with the attendant ceremonies to symbolize the Buddhist doctrinal belief in the transitory nature of life on this material plain.”

Netflix’s House of Cards featured in one if its episodes the construction and destruction of a Mandala. You can watch the short clip here.

A Lavender Lemon Blueberry

A Strawberry Rose Cacao

An Asian Pear Ginger


Raw vegan cheesecake

A Coconut Caramel Cacao

All photos via Stephen McCarty on Instagram.

Via Beautiful Decay

Posted by Tara McGinley | Leave a comment
Chocolate bars in the shape of boobies—‘to attract men’s attention’
08:03 am



Designers Constantin Bolimond (Russia) and Maksim Ali (U.S.) have teamed up to create bars of chocolate in the shape of female breasts. The product is called Titses.

At this point the product appears to be in the prototype stage.

These milk chocolate bars are molded in the shape of women’s breasts. Customers can choose from sizes S to XL. Perhaps in an effort to deflect attention from their own sillier or baser instincts, Bolimond and Ali have given their prototype a veneer of intellectual sophistication by appealing to gender inequality: “The aim of the project Titses milk is to attract mens’ attention to the product that is so loved by women but is often overlooked by a strong half of the population.”

In the world of pop culture, chocolate appeals inordinately to women—the cliché holds that single, unloved women distract from their sorrows by consuming Godiva chocolate, or whatever, which leads to weight gain and decreased attractiveness, an unfortunate cycle. However, it’s still kinda questionable that chocolate, as one of the world’s most popular products, really has an exclusive relationship with one gender or the other.

It’s much more likely that the driving impulse here, rather than rectifying some imbalance, was, you know, to make boobies out of chocolate.


More edible breast candy after the jump…

Posted by Martin Schneider | Leave a comment
Listen to celery being used by Hollywood sound designers to make that disgusting flesh-ripping sound
01:55 pm



Who knew that celery—the blandest vegetable of all—is a go-to favorite in the film industry to create that gnarly flesh-ripping, bone-breaking sound you hear in movies? I didn’t. BBC Radio 4 host Francine Stock talks with sound effects maestro Barnaby Smyth about how celery is used for just that. Apparently this technique was used in Alien vs. Predator.

The interview is short, sweet and gets to point. Suddenly I feel compelled to drop my newfound knowledge about celery casually into every conversation I have. Not every conversation, but most. Maybe I’ll just blog about it.

via WFMU on Twitter

Posted by Tara McGinley | Leave a comment
Fried chicken à la DEVO: Mark Mothersbaugh’s recipe for ‘Chocolava Stump Logs’
06:25 am



The Rock and Roll Cookbook: Favorite Recipes from the Chart Toppers, Hit Makers and Legends of Rock and Roll, published in 1993, includes a recipe for chocolate-covered fried chicken from DEVO’s Mark Mothersbaugh. I’m still not sure whether the men of DEVO actually ate this dish, or if the recipe is more along the lines of Ween’s endorsement of huffing Scotchguard.

The yellow press, never friendly to Mothersbaugh’s band of latter-day saints, mocked this recipe when the cookbook was published. Under the headline “OH, PLEASE PASS MY BARF BAG!” the writer of the Philadelphia Daily News’ “Tattle” column opined:

We would advise staying away from Devo’s Chocolava Stump Logs, created from carry-out chicken logs and Bosco chocolate syrup; all they prove is that some people still smoke a lot of dope.

But, you know, the proof of the pudding, and like that, Philadelphia Daily News: it’s probably actually really good. Chicken mole is a respected cousin to this friendless dish, and Mothersbaugh demonstrates his impeccable taste in the first line of the recipe with his selection of Pioneer Chicken, the best fried chicken chain of them all. If you’ve ever had a good bucket of Pioneer, KFC and Popeyes taste like the contents of a vacuum cleaner; you might as well suck old cornflakes out of your friend’s couch and pay him ten dollars. If you want some of Pioneer’s famous bird in 2015, you’ll have to travel to Los Angeles or Indonesia, and God help you if you’re trying to find Bosco in either of those places. Leave time for a stop at Kroger’s on the way to the airport, pilgrim, or you’ll be fucked, flustered and far from home.

I digress. Duty now, spuds!

Chocolava Stump Logs

1 12-pack order of Pioneer Chicken Carry-out Logs

1 can Bosco chocolate sauce

Place room temperature sauce into bowl, then carefully dip chicken logs into sauce (chicken nuggets can be substituted in an emergency). Arrange on a plate in either Lincoln Log Cabin or smiley face shapes. Enjoy!

Specify free-range chicken and pesticide-free chocolate syrup.

Something tasty from DEVO, after the jump…

Posted by Oliver Hall | Leave a comment
Waiter, there’s a Jew in my soup: The Jewish theme restaurant where you haggle over the prices!
03:06 pm

Stupid or Evil?


Many moons ago, a friend of mine, who shall remain nameless (unless you bother scrolling to the very bottom of this post), had a brief stretch of working in a relatively upscale Mexican restaurant in midtown Manhattan. Although she was super broke at the time and desperately needed the job, there was the matter of the uniform… an oversized poncho.

It greatly offended her sense of style, not to mention her dignity, but at least, I told her, they’re not making you wear a sombrero and a droopy moustache like the Frito Bandito...

The concept of the “droopy” became a one-word catalyst that sees the two of us completely crack up whenever the other mentions it. One of those things, I suppose you had to be there, but I was reminded of this anecdote by finding out recently about the existence of the curious Jewish “theme” restaurant Pid Zolotoyu Rozoyu (“Under the Golden Rose”) restaurant in L’viv, Ukraine for reasons which are about to become quite obvious…

The restaurant itself is located next to the ruins of what had been the 350-year-old Golden Rose synagogue that was destroyed by the Nazis with several Jews inside of it (150,000 Jews died in the L’viv ghetto during World War II). While you nosh on gefilte fish, pickled herring and matzoh ball soup, they will give you wool hats to wear with payot (curly side-locks worn by Hassidim) attached. Perhaps you’d like to enjoy the house drink, “The Funny Jew.” There are no prices on the menu, guests are expected to haggle with the waitstaff over the prices, and one might presume “jew them down.”

Such fun! Such biddy biddy bum!

The spot is one of fifteen so-called “emotional restaurants” owned by a company called !Fest who operate theme restaurants pertaining to such things as sadomasochism (Café Masoch‘s namesake, Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, was born in L’viv) with kinky outfits on the wait staff, plus whips and chains; Kryjivka—which claims to be the single most visited restaurant in all of Europe, with one million annual covers—built in the bunker of the last hiding place of the ultranationalist Ukrainian Insurgent Army (the password for entrance is “Glory to Ukraine” although “ethnic cleansing” probably would have sufficed); as well as an execution-themed charcuterie, replete with fine meats and a guillotine for just that right cut of meat… There is even an !Fest restaurant with a Freemasonry theme that has a special “throne” in the men’s room.

The crazy thing is, if you look at the !Fest enterprise as a whole, it doesn’t really appear that anti-Semitism per se is on the menu at Pid Zolotoyu Rozoyu. They obviously like to court controversy, and of course, it’s easy to argue that this is incredibly tacky, but the attitude of the owners—three guys in their late 20s/early 30s who have probably never even met a real Jew—seem to be that it’s “educational” and “historical” and that they’re simply running a cheeky tourist attraction. Few of L’viv’s remaining Jews tend to see it that way.

Oy vey…

Thank you kindly Oberon Sinclair and Andrew Deutsch!

Posted by Richard Metzger | Leave a comment
Gluten Free Museum: Website removes all gluten products from works of art
09:56 am



Gluten Free Museum is a Tumblr dedicated to painstakingly removing all gluten products from famous works of art. Gluten free art is where it’s at now. Get hip to this shit, okay?

The last one I included may not be a classic painting, but it’s pure genius.



More gluten free art after the jump…

Posted by Tara McGinley | Leave a comment
Just in time for Easter: Jesus returns on a hot cross bun
04:31 am



Like the Scarlet Pimpernel, they seek him here, they seek him there, they seek him almost everywhere… and no one seems to know where the elusive Jesus Christ will next turn up. This time it appears JC has been spotted on a hot cross bun.

Mother-of-two, Lindsey Norman bought a pack of six buns from her local supermarket and noticed what appeared to be a likeness of Jesus on one of the traditional Easter treats.

“I saw them and I thought ‘That looks just like a figure of Jesus with a sign of the cross on his shoulder,’” Ms Norman told the press.  “It made me giggle to myself because it’s coming up to Easter.”

Ms. Norman purchased the buns and returned home where they were devoured that night. Whether Jesus was toasted or just gobbled-up with a dab of butter, we don’t know.

However, there are many superstitions attached to hot cross buns—from its supposed symbolism of Christ’s crucifixion and resurrection, to the belief that sharing one of these seasonal goodies will ensure long-lasting friendship; and if you hang a bun in the kitchen and keep it for a year, it will not go off and can then be broken down and used as medicine; and that the cross on top of the bun can ward-off evil spirits. Whether anyone has successfully tested these claims, I don’t know, but I do think Ms. Norman should have kept her Jesus bun and sold it on eBay.
Via Daily Mail

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Leave a comment
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