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FAILCHIPS: The World’s Tastiest Mistake
02.13.2017
04:34 pm
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There’s a term that’s used in many businesses, specifically in the manufacturing, shipping, trucking, and retailing sectors: “Breakage.” It’s pretty obvious what that means, of course, as is the definition of a common term heard around the food and restaurant industries: “Spoilage.”

Accounting for breakage and spoilage can cost American companies billions of dollars each year. It’s a serious problem with no easy solutions. Of course, they sell insurance for such eventualities at every stop along the way, from factory or farm to retail shelves, but that cost is simply passed on to the consumers.

A product that was immune to breakage and immune to spoilage? Well, that would be the Holy Grail of foodstuffs, no?

And what if that miracle product didn’t weigh that much and was easy to ship?

A product like that can’t just be conjured out of thin air, though, can it?

We imagine the birth of FAILCHIPS went something like this…

SCENE: A CORPORATE BOARDROOM ON MADISON AVENUE.

“What are we gonna do with all of these millions of bags of smashed-up potato chips?”

“Can we give them to charity?”

“For a tax write-off? That’s one idea. Anyone else?”

“Why don’t we simply re-brand the leftover potato chip crumbs? Call them something ironic—like “FAILCHIPS”—and sell ‘em to hipsters?”

STUNNED, UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE IN THE ROOM. EVERYONE PRESENT LOOKS DOWN AND SHUFFLES PAPERS NERVOUSLY. YOU CAN HEAR A PIN DROP, THEN THE BOSS SPEAKS.

“You’re an evil genius, Randall… Any ideas for how we can rebrand all of that rancid beef I’m sitting on in Wichita?”
 

Posted by Sponsored Post
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02.13.2017
04:34 pm
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Ernest Hemingway’s cocktail recipe for bad times
01.25.2017
10:20 am
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In 1937, American novelist, short story writer, and journalist, Ernest Hemingway came up with his own cocktail recipe called “Death in the Gulf Stream” for dealing with shitty times:

Take a tall thin water tumbler and fill it with finely cracked ice.

Lace this broken debris with 4 good purple splashes of Angostura, add the juice and crushed peel of 1 green lime, and fill glass almost full with Holland gin…

No sugar, no fancying. It’s strong, it’s bitter — but so is English ale strong and bitter, in many cases.

We don’t add sugar to ale, and we don’t need sugar in a “Death in the Gulf Stream” — or at least not more than 1 tsp. Its tartness and its bitterness are its chief charm.

Tartness and its bitterness, eh? Sounds perfect for 2017. I’d love to try this at least once, but I’m terrible on gin. Won’t you make one and tell me how it tastes?


 
via Das Kraftfuttermischwerk

Posted by Tara McGinley
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01.25.2017
10:20 am
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Touch of Basil: Orson Welles’ spicy salad recipe
01.06.2017
08:53 am
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While waiting for the third volume of Simon Callow’s Orson Welles biography to arrive in the mail, I’ve been watching a number of movies by and about Welles. Among them is a documentary that was to have aired on French TV in May 1968, before regular programming was preempted by real life. Portrait: Orson Welles is one of the bonus features on the Criterion edition of The Immortal Story, released last year, and in it Welles shows how he made a salad.

The instructions below are a composite of Welles’ words and those of the documentary’s French narrator. I can’t help you reconstruct Orson’s proprietary blend of dried herbs, but I do know where you can find sherry vinegar from Jerez.

I used to be a very keen, if messy, amateur cook. But in the last years—14 years now since I married Paola—I haven’t been allowed in the kitchen. So the only cooking—the only messing about, rather, that I’m permitted—is the salad[...]

I use dried herbs. This is basil; we use fresh basil when our friends bring it from Italy. Two different kinds of mixed herbs that I prepare myself, and a little garlic salt, and the olive oil; we have very good olive oil for salads in Spain. Of course, the secret of all is the vinegar, which comes to us from our friends in Jerez, where the sherry is made. This delicious vinegar is made from a mix of sherry and wine. Some lemon, pressed in this little German device which looks a little cruel, but it’s very efficient. A bit of pepper and salt, and very important, Tabasco, that great American invention. Be generous with that. And now after this has been mixed—I haven’t been given a fork, as I usually have, so I can’t mix it as well—a bit more oil, and we should be [Welles tastes the salad dressing] ready.

The salad itself, of course, is carefully dried and then put in the icebox to chill. It’s a simple lettuce that grows right outside the house. And we’re ready.

Cut to Jeanne Moreau, facing the camera in a severe sixties dress decorated with a labyrinth glyph, reading from Paul Valéry’s “Fluctuations on Freedom”; and then to Welles at the lunch table, improvising a monologue as Richard Nixon, in which the candidate promises to restore a “true blue America” by wiping out the Irish, Jews, and blacks.

More after the jump…

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Posted by Oliver Hall
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01.06.2017
08:53 am
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Own your own vintage Irish whiskey vending machine
12.27.2016
10:43 am
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For the lush who has everything, we present this 1971 vintage Jameson’s whiskey vending machine.

It’s new old stock in the original packaging, and dispenses a glass of Jameson’s when fed with three (1960s to 1980s vintage) Irish 10p coins. And it’s actually for sale (a mere €850—approximately $888 USD). The seller is offering free shipping, worldwide.

The site selling this gorgeous novelty, RareIrishStuff.com, says that the machine dispenses 1/3 gill measurement of whiskey and that the machines were designed for use in shops, offices, and pubs in 1971.

According to the site, the machines have been in storage for 45 years, and may need some minor reconditioning to achieve working order.

Still, I couldn’t imagine anything cooler for a home bar—as long as you have a good supply of out-of-circulation Irish 10p coins handy.

See this baby in action after the jump…

READ ON
Posted by Christopher Bickel
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12.27.2016
10:43 am
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Happy Hanukkah, and SMASH THE STATE! Making gefilte fish with Abbie Hoffman
12.23.2016
10:27 am
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Way, way back in 1989, The Jewish Telegraphic Agency wrote an obituary of the then-recently deceased activist/organizer/author/provocateur Abbot Howard “Abbie” Hoffman, calling him an “activist with Jewish soul.” That, he was, 100%. There was plenty to criticize about the man—he could be arrogant, and he contributed significantly to the Baby Boom’s decoupling of the left from the labor movement, a move that significantly damaged both institutions—but he brought theatricality and exuberance to the often humorless politics of the left, and he was motivated by a genuine and irrepressible desire to see the spoils of America’s prosperity and justice offered to ALL of its citizens.

Hoffman addressed the Jewish foundations of his political ethos in his autobiography Soon to Be a Major Motion Picture, and those connections were discussed in his JTA obit:

“Judaism has never been so much a religion to me as a noble history and a cluster of stereotypes. Jews, especially first-born male Jews, have to make a big choice very quickly in life whether to go for the money or to go for broke.”

Hoffman never made a lot of money, preferring to eschew the life of the yuppie in order to remain loyal to his roots as a Yippie. It conformed with his self-identity as the perennial outsider, a role he viewed as an extension of his Jewishness.

“As a kid, I went to the rabbis and said, ‘What do you think of Philip Roth or Norman Mailer or Joseph Heller, you know, those kinds of writers,’ ” Hoffman told the New Jewish Times newspaper in 1980.

“They would say, ‘Not good for the Jews. Too much self-ridicule, too much mockery.’ But I think this is the destiny for the Jews: to be rebels, to question society. And to be funny. We’re philosophers and comedians.”

More after the jump…

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Posted by Ron Kretsch
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12.23.2016
10:27 am
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70s Dinner Party recalls the glory days when cookbooks were fucking horrorshows
12.20.2016
08:27 am
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The appallingly unappetizing dishes and photography of 50s-70s cookbooks have been choice fodder for mockery for a long time, and it’s easy to see why. The unreal colors produced by the era’s photographic and printing technologies do nothing to help the repellent appearance of mystery meats and bizarre assemblages in aspic. I even keep a few old school cookbooks around solely for the photos—I doubt I’ll ever actually cook too many of these things, as almost everything pictured resembles the symptoms of loathsome diseases, and no recipe with “delight” or “surprise” in its name has ever lived up to its billing. Here are a few exemplary images from my copy of the 1961 edition of Betty Crocker’s New Picture Cookbook (and looking at the asking prices for that book: thank you, mom, for never throwing that away). Unappetizing though these are—I don’t love ham salad, but I also don’t think it’s supposed to put one in mind of an Eldritch Abomination—they’re tame compared to what’s to come below.
 

 

 

 
More—oh you know there’s more—after the jump…

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Posted by Ron Kretsch
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12.20.2016
08:27 am
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Disturbing edible fetal skulls, chocolate Vincent Price face, candy ouija boards & much, much more!
12.09.2016
12:51 pm
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Chocolate Vincent Price life-mask
 
Ever wanted to taste Vincent Price’s face? Well now’s your chance with these macabre chocolate treats by Conjurer’s Kitchen. Not only is there an edible Vincent Price life-mask, but there’s chocolate conjoined fetal skulls, baby head lollipops, a diseased dental jaw bone made of white chocolate and an edible flamingo skull!

To top off this chocolatey weirdness, there are edible Christmas cards that look like ouija boards. I love it!

So for that special person in your life who’s into odd shit, might I’d suggest one of these treats as a holiday gift? I’m sure you’d blow their socks off!


Chocolate conjoined twins skulls
 

Doll head lollipops
 
More after the jump…

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Posted by Tara McGinley
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12.09.2016
12:51 pm
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KFC scented candles ARE A THING
12.07.2016
10:54 am
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Ever wanted your home to smell like greasy fried chicken made with eleven herbs and spices? Well now is your chance with this KFC chicken-scented candle. I’ve heard of bacon-scented candles before, but not fried chicken. I can’t imagine that it smells too good, but your mileage may vary.

Sadly, these candles aren’t available to purchase just yet as they’re part of a social media KFC giveaway contest. If you’d like to take part and try to win one of these puppies, click here.

And no, this isn’t stealthy paid advertorial. I just thought this candle was totally gross. That doesn’t mean I didn’t fall for the bait of reblogging their contest hook, line and sinker, of course…

Posted by Tara McGinley
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12.07.2016
10:54 am
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Klaus Nomi’s lime tart recipe
11.29.2016
03:49 pm
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Certainly one thing that can be said of Klaus Nomi—as a little gay German dude born during World War II who had a passion for opera and a voice to match—is that he marched to the beat of his own drum. On paper, he doesn’t particularly sound like anyone who would become the object of admiration by a huge cult following—long after his death—but it happened. He landed in New York City in the 1970s, and that was the perfect place for his experimental new wave opera and eccentric form of exhibitionism to flourish.

In addition to palling around with David Bowie and wowing downtown audiences with his epicene good nature, his incredible singing performances, and his peculiar, almost plastic persona, Nomi was a first-rate pastry chef—that was his day job. In an appearance on Glenn O’Brien and Chris Stein’s legendary TV Party cable access show, he once demonstrated how to make his “sour-sweet lemon tarts.”

The Fashion Beyond Fashion blog reproduced Nomi’s recipe for a lime tart, which you can surely put to use as a way of delighting your holiday guests:
 

Step 1. The crust. It needs a 9-inch pie pan to make the tart in. It needs 1 1/4 cups fine graham cracker crumbs, 1/3rd cup brown sugar, and 1/4 melted butter to make crust. Mix the ingredients together and shape the crust into the pie pan. (Klaus Nomi mentions that it may not seem like the crust will hold together, but if it packs it tightly enough and when it sits overnight, it should hold).The artist also cautions about making the crust too sweet, you may not need to use as much brown sugar.

Step 2. The filling. it needs 4 eggs, 1 can sweetened condensed milk (Klaus used Borden’s condensed milk), and 1/2 cup lime juice. First it has to be separated the eggs; placing yolks in one bowl and whites in the other one. Klaus uses the egg shell to actually separate the whites from the yolk by putting the yolk on one side of the cracked shell and letting the whites drip into a separate bowl. Take the bowl with the egg yolks and add the sweetened condensed milk and lime juice. Mix together. Then, in the bowl with the egg whites, it has to whip them until the whites are very, very stiff. Once the whites are stiff it dramatically increases in volume, it slowly folds the whites into the other bowl. Once mixed together, place the filling into the crust.

Step 3. It takes lime peel and cut it into thin strips. It place the lime peel on top of the pie. This has two purposes; a beautiful presentation but also the flavor. The zest really adds a punch to the taste and is meant to be eaten. Then it places the tart into the refrigerator for at least several hours, but overnight is recommended in order to firm the tart, make easier the cut and better consistency.

 
More after the jump…

READ ON
Posted by Martin Schneider
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11.29.2016
03:49 pm
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There are Ramen noodle scented bath salts for your bathing pleasure
11.22.2016
09:48 am
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Why not soak your old tired bones in a nice steaming hot bath that smells just like a Ramen noodle beef bowl? Sounds enticing, does it not? Well you can do just that with these Ramen bath salts from Japan.

Google translate isn’t working too well on the Japanese site that’s selling them (or maybe it is, tough call). It’s impossible for me to translate all the different scents the Ramen bath salts come in. You can probably guess what they are, though. They’re selling for around $3 a pack here.

Here’s how Google translated the description of the product:

Finally finished!? Rice smell of bath salts!? Only in about likely go three times rice fragrance to a too delicious smell, and inspiring, but fasting use caution! Too much like the stomach, it will be in trouble!!

Okay! Sign me up! My man LOVES IT when he gets home and I smell of beef soup and MSG.


 

 
via Nerdcore

 

Posted by Tara McGinley
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11.22.2016
09:48 am
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