Remember the Republican primaries? The last time election coverage was at all fun? You didn’t actually have to worry about an evil crazy person becoming President, just a glorious parade of crazy people unfit to run a lemonade stand! Wouldn’t it be amazing if we could re-capture that? Well, there might be a chance, because Herman Cain is back, baby!
Yesterday on Bryan Fischer’s radio program, Cain dropped this magical bomb,
“I never thought that I would say this, and this is the first time publicly that I’ve said it: We need a third party to save this country. Not Ron Paul and the Ron Paulites. No. We need a legitimate third party to challenge the current system that we have, because I don’t believe that the Republican Party … has the ability to rebrand itself,”
There are three reasons why this is what America needs right now. First of all, it would be hilarious. Second, political diversity is healthy for a country; a super-right wing party would necessitate further radicalization, creating a party to the left of blue dog Democrats. Third, it would be hilarious. Between Pokemon quotes and sexual harassment and the most idiotic tax plan ever dreamed up, it almost makes me sad that he can’t politic his way out of a wet paper bag! Oh well, we can always dream…
I don’t imagine listening to a smirking lib’brul lezbean school them is exactly what distraught reichwingers want to hear right now, but Rachel Maddow’s post-election wrap-up rant is a stone classic:
Ohio really did go to President Obama last night. And he really did win. And he really was born in Hawaii. And he really is legitimately President of the United States. Again. And the Bureau of Labor Statistics did not make up a fake unemployment rate last month. And the Congressional Research Service really can find no evidence that cutting taxes on rich people grows the economy. And the polls were not skewed to oversample Democrats. And Nate Silver was not making up fake projections about the election to make conservatives feel bad. Nate Silver was doing math. And climate change is real. And rape really does cause pregnancy sometimes. And evolution is a thing! And Benghazi was an attack ON us, it was not a scandal BY us. And nobody is taking away anyone’s guns. And taxes have not gone up. And the deficit is dropping, actually. And Saddam Hussein did not have weapons of mass destruction. And the moon landing was real. And FEMA is not building concentration camps. And UN election observers are not taking over Texas. And moderate reforms of the regulations on the insurance industry and the financial services industry in this country are not the same thing as Communism.
Listen. Last night was a good night for liberals and for Democrats for very obvious reasons. But it was also, possibly, a good night for this country as a whole. Because in this country we have a two party system, in government. And the idea is supposed to be that the two sides both come up with ways to confront and fix the real problems facing our country. They both propose possible solutions to our real problems. And we debate between those possible solutions. And by the process of debate, we pick the best idea. That competition between good ideas, from both sides, about real problems in the real country should result in our country having better choices, better options, than if only one side is really working on the hard stuff. And if the Republican party, and the conservative movement, and the conservative media is stuck in a vacuum sealed, door locked, spin cycle of telling each other what makes them feel good, and denying the factual, lived truth of the world, then we are all deprived, as a nation, of the constructive debate between competing, feasible ideas about real problems.
Last night the Republicans got shellacked. And they had no idea it was coming. And we saw them, in real time, in real humiliating time, not believe it even as it was happening to them. And unless they’re going to secede, they’re going to have to pop the factual bubble they have been so happy living inside, if they do not want to get shellacked again. And that will be a painful process for them, I’m sure, but it will be good for the whole country - left, right, and center. You guys, we’re counting on you. Wake up.
There’s real problems in the world. There are real knowable facts in the world. Let’s accept those and talk about how we might approach our problems differently. Let’s move on from there. If the Republican party, and the conservative movement, and conservative media are forced to do that by the humiliation they were dealt last night, we will all be better off as a nation. And in that spirit, congratulations everybody. Big night.
Here are some interesting election factoids: Romney predominated only among older white men; Obama won 55% of womens’ votes, 93% of African Americans’, 71% of Latino ballots and 60% of voters ages 18 to 29.
The GOP is fucked.Well and truly fucked. It’s only going to be worse for them in 2016 as more of the old farts who make up the Republican Party shuffle off this mortal coil and more and more young Latinos join the voter rolls as Democrats.
After Diane Sawyer’s incessantly giddy slurring began to annoy me too much (”...and the swimmer in South Carolina is Jim Beams!”), we switched over to Fox News for the lulz we knew would await us there and never changed the channel after that.
It was riveting stuff.
As a connoisseur of Republican schadenfreude, it was pretty obvious that Fox was the place to be on this election night.
Megyn Kelly was clearly shell-shocked by the incoming results and you could tell with her, fairly early on, that she knew what was happening by a look of deer-in-the-headlights PANIC that crept over her face in real time during the broadcast. Also, they had her vamping constantly, but she’s just so unfunny, stiff and strident (and was so clearly off-put by Romney’s looming loss) that this fell completely flat and even I felt sorry for her. It was almost as if Fox News didn’t have much of a contingency plan when Obama won other than asking Megyn Kelly to wing it!
When Fox finally called it for Obama, it was like lacquer-haired Bret Baier, the one who blurted it out, had farted loudly behind the desk and the rest of them just looked down in embarrassment, shook their heads and muttered something. THAT was how the election results got called on Fox News last night: “Oh shit… he won.”
It was hysterically funny and SO REAL. I only wish that Sean Hannity had been on camera at that point, but alas, ‘twas not to be.
But did you hear what Papa Bear, Bill O’Reilly had to say earlier in the evening when the writing was already so clearly on the wall for R. Money:
And then there was supposed evil genius Karl Rove, who looked like he was trying to start a push-back against Fox News’ own “war room” of data analysts. He sort of scolded Kelly for calling Ohio too soon. It was a borderline nerd freakout, as if you could see the gears turning in his head as he realized that his days as one of the most influential people within the Republican party were coming to an abrupt end. That was a pretty extraordinary thing to watch:
After the commercial break, Rove came back on the air and basically said “Uh, okay, well, yeah, never mind.” Some evil genius “Turd Blossom” turned out to be this go-round. Rove couldn’t even buy an election (and this might be the GOP’s last election where they even get to try). Karl’s gonna have a lot of essplaining to do to the Koch Brothers, Sheldon Adelson and the other members of the Billionaire Boys Club about how he pissed their money down a black hole. Rove got fucking skunked last night, and he’s well aware of it, too, there’s no doubt about it.
For a little perspective: This was the widest vote to return an incumbent president to the White House since Ronald Reagan won 49 states in his 1984 reelection bid. That’s not a statistical fluke, no matter what the “know nothings” at Fox News, Breitbart and the Drudge Report want you to believe. What’s more, Frenchman John Kerry got over a million more votes in 2004 than Romney got on Tuesday.
Here’s what Fox News DIDN’T REPORT ON last night, at least not as long as we were watching:
Liberal hero Alan Grayson won his House seat back (Hell yeah!)
Wisconsin elected Tammy Baldwin, a proud lesbian woman, to the Senate, beating Tea party-backed former governor, Tommy Thompson.
Marijuana was decriminalized by Colorado and Washington voters.
Maryland and Maine became the first states in which the voters chose to legalize same-sex marriage.
Left for dead Democrat Senator Claire McCaskill of Missouri beat Republican goatboy Todd Akin.
Liberal hero Elizabeth Warren won handily in Massachusetts.
Michele Bachmann, who raised more money than any other member of the House, barely squeaked by in her reelection.
Cuckoo Tea party favorite Col. Allen West lost his seat in the House.
Joe Donnelly beat Richard Mourdock in Indiana. God’s will?
Well then God must hate the Republicans’ fucking guts this year, that’s all I gotta say.
“Many of us have believed — and I still basically do — that that this is a center-right country. And a lot of conservatives have taken the view that liberals are really on the wane. If you look at tonight’s exit polling that we’ve seen so far, those that self-identified as liberals are about 24 percent, self-identified conservatives 35 percent, moderates 40 percent. Now, this apparent outcome tells you one thing about those moderates, that there are in that category an awful lot of them who are actually liberals.”
“Now, liberal became kind of dirty word, that’s when the word progressive came into use. But I think that — but I don’t think — you take the conservative number, 35 percent, it’s certainly a share of those moderates that are moderate to conservative, you’ve still got a center-right country, but it’s more liberal than many may have thought looking at those numbers. It’s got to be.”
Well, there’s that, and they also happen to think the Republicans are batshit crazy lunatics.
I’m expecting Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert to come up with time capsule-level shows tonight, aren’t you?
Required reading: Welcome To Liberal America (Buzzfeed)
True the Vote‘s Catherine Engelbrecht actually sees herself as a defender of democracy!
The Tea party-affiliated group True the Vote has been barred from monitoring polling places in Franklin County, the second largest county in Ohio — which includes the state capital, Columbus—after allegedly submitting fraudulent forms.
True the Vote claims that its campaign is non-partisan, yet its website touts “vote fraud is nearly an exclusive crime of the left” and claims that the left—I think they mean Democrats here—wants “to be able to steal elections at will.”
But forging signatures on official forms? Can’t you see they had to bend the rules to save democracy from… people like themselves???
It doesn’t get any more ridiculous than these assholes! I don’t know what the hell these dipshit doodlebugs think they’re up to and I don’t think they do either. That’s why they’re Tea baggers, I suppose. If their IQs were any higher this sort of lowbrow activity would have no appeal…
“The Franklin County Board of Elections did not allow Election Day polling location observer appointments filed by the True the Vote group,” board spokesman Ben Pisctelli told The Columbus Dispatch in a statement. “The appointments were not properly filed and our voting location managers were instructed not to honor any appointment on behalf of the True the Vote group.”
True the Vote President Catherine Engelbrecht denied the allegations, insisting that no one trained by True the Vote had done anything illegal or unethical. Engelbrecht said the incident was the Ohio Democratic Party’s “final, desperate attempt to deny citizens their right to observe elections” and vowed to take legal action.
Isn’t that what any completely insane, reality-denying person would say when confronted with the fact that members of her organization had been caught red-handed forging signatures on official government papers? Committing felonies!
I think it is.
The group had hoped to place poll watchers in predominately African American areas. True the Vote had asked to send poll watchers to 28 precincts in Franklin County — which includes the capital, Columbus. African Americans comprise more than half the population in 20 of the 28 targeted precincts, though they make up only about 12 percent of the state’s total population.
Left-leaning groups have accused True the Vote of seeking to intimidate Democratic voters.
I wonder why that would be? These True the Vote-types seem like such honest, patriotic Americans!
If you can’t trust people who wrap themselves up in the American flag, who can ya trust?
More interestingly, even though most registered voters believe possession is possible, only a minority — 37 percent — believe in ghosts, while 57 percent of voters don’t believe in ghosts.
Democrats are more likely to believe in ghosts than Republicans by a 39 percent to 35 percent margin. And women are more likely than men are to believe in ghosts by a 39 percent to 35 percent margin.
Democrats are also more likely than Republicans to say that they have seen a ghost by a 31 percent to 22 percent margin. However, only 26 percent of voters at large say they have seen a ghost.
This seems as good a time as any to re-post this clip of TV exorcist Bob Larson performing an exorcism on comedic genius Marc Wootton’s “Shirley Ghostman” character on Showtime’s brilliant (and criminally underrated) La La Land series.
Fact checkers? Who needs ‘em? Or at least that’s the way the Romney campaign felt back in August. But a whopper of a claim in Romney’s newest TV and radio ads in the battleground state of Ohio—that Chrysler is planning to move Ohio’s Jeep manufacturing operations to China—is getting a whole lot more scrutiny than they probably expected…
“Now comes word that Chrysler plans to start making Jeeps in — you guessed it — China,” the ad’s narrator says. “What happened to the promises made to autoworkers in Toledo and throughout Ohio — the same hard-working men and women who were told that Obama’s auto bailout would help them?”
The radio spot is a supercharged version of an earlier television ad, also unannounced, that drew unusually widespread condemnation in the local and national press for tying a planned expansion of Jeep operations in China to the fate of Jeep workers in Ohio. And that ad jumped off similar statements Romney made earlier while campaigning in Ohio.
Chrysler, Jeep’s parent company, has publicly condemned Romney’s claims as false, writing on its website that they have “no intention of shifting production of its Jeep models out of North America to China” and that any expansion in Asia is to serve Asian markets. In fact, they are adding over 1,000 jobs to their Toledo factory as part of a $500 million investment in upgrading its capacity.
“Jeep is one of our truly global brands with uniquely American roots. This will never change. So much so that we committed that the iconic Wrangler nameplate, currently produced in our Toledo, Ohio plant, will never see full production outside the United States. Jeep assembly lines will remain in operation in the United States and will constitute the backbone of the brand.”
“We’ve clearly entered some parallel universe during these last few days, No amount of campaign politics at its cynical worst will diminish our record of creating jobs in the U.S. and repatriating profits back to this country.”
Joe Biden brought it up—as did Bill Clinton—at a rally in Youngstown, calling the Romney claim “bizarre” and adding that he will “say anything, absolutely anything, to win.”
“This guy … pirouettes more than a ballerina. Ladies and gentlemen, have they no shame? … It’s an absolutely, patently false assertion.”
Romney left himself wide open on this one and now the fallout for Mittens is that Ohio voters are getting to understand what a fucking liar he is. The Obama campaign has already released an ad to counter Romney’s falsehoods. Not one of their better ones, but it doesn’t really take “clever” to bludgeon Romney on this matter. He’s given them plenty of rope with which to hang him. Romney’s getting hammered on this and it’s his own fault for being such a lying liar.
Who needs fact checkers when there is AN ENTIRE WORLD of fact checkers with access to this nutty newfangled thing called Google???Mitt Romney. That’s who needs fact checkers!
Mitt Romney—The Candidate Who You Hope Is Lying (Slate)
All False statements involving Mitt Romney (Politifact)
The latest from the American Bridge PAC (with supporting facts here). It’s a “greatest shits” compilation reminding voters in union-heavy northern Ohio who they don’t want to vote for…
The top-voted YouTube comment sums it up quite nicely:
Giving a vulture capitalist who’s (sic) greatest financial successes all came at the expense of American tax payers, the keys to the American economy is tantamount to financial suicide for the middle class.
Yeah, like the guy with the Cayman Islands bank account is gonna look out for your interests, Joe Sixpack (To be clear here: I’m not pro-Obama, I just hate Republicans).
The battleground states get all the good political advertisements. Out here in true blue California, we never see any of the good ones on tee-vee.