Well, there is simply no beating around the bush about this one. No mitigating factors. Nope, none. The new Harry Potter film, “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince” is absolutely fucking terrible. Not a disaster, just a total bore, which is worse. Please don’t shoot the messenger, I sincerely expected to like it, but man oh man does it suck. It’s mind-numbingly bad. The pacing is all wrong. It felt like we were in that theater for about seventeen hours. My wife hated it even more than I did.
After a fantastically conceived opening sequence (one of the finest I’ve ever seen, brilliantly executed) my first thought for this review was “Harry Potter franchise kicks it up a notch! Or two!” I was fantasizing about my blurby superlatives showing up on movie posters, but… sadly t’was not to be. After the first ten minutes the film quickly dropped off in energy and intelligence. After 30 minutes, the suckiness picked up speed. Much of the script made no sense. Some—like all the villains—characters’ actions seem to have no motivation whatsoever. Aside from one or two action-oriented scenes (the Quidditch matches were remarkable), it was an absolute snoozefest.
Looks great, same great cast, all the right ingredients, I grant you that, but I will say it again: The new Harry Potter movie is godawful.
I know what you’re thinking. Your kids will still love it. Guess again. Your kids will hate it and get restless after 30 minutes. So will you. No one would love it unless the studio was paying them to love it. I don’t think the people who worked on it or acted in it love it. No one would like this movie. It’s shite. The word of mouth will be horrible.
If you read this far and you still plan to see “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince”... as you are sitting there watching one of the worst big budget films in recent memory, a total piece of shit, remember this review and don’t say I didn’t warn you. Because I did.
And if you want to know how I really feel…