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Brothel menu from 1912 is as naughty as it gets
10.07.2014
10:31 am

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Amusing
Sex

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Last week feminist blogger Amanda Marcotte tweeted an amazing piece of history: a brothel menu from 1912 curated by famed London madam and the owner of two parlours, Mrs. F.A. Tasse.

The menu is some straightforward shit. Read the paragraph below to see what I mean:

No discount for cash. Stink fingers and jerking-off matinees for young men under 21, every Wednesday from 2:30 to 4. Customers must enter with cash in one hand and tool in the other. If you are not a self-starter, stay at home and jack yourself off.

I can’t help but laugh at some of the options. I mean, this is something that would make even the Trailer Park Boys blush!

  • Blowing in the asshole, new style… 1.70
  • Finger fucking, with juice… .50
  • Sitting on prick, shoving in stones and all… 2.59

“New style”?

Some people on the Internet are saying this is fake. According to a few folks online this was something printed and sold in the vaudeville era to make people laugh. Kinda of like tourists merchandise. Others are saying, “Yeah, this is remarkably fake. Look at the font - it’s obviously a computer generated and printed font.”

Now I’m not going to type out all the specialties, but you can read a larger version of the menu here.

Posted by Tara McGinley | Leave a comment
‘The Mysteries of Conjugal Love Revealed!’ 18th century sex manual is a total hoot!
09.30.2014
06:14 pm

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Amusing
Books
History
Sex

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English caricaturist James Gillray‘s famous cartoon ‘Fashionable Contrasts’
 
If you’re not following John Overholt on Twitter, I suggest you get on it. As a Curator of Early Modern Books and Manuscripts for Houghton Library at Harvard, he Tweets about some strange, beautiful and often hilarious texts. Take The Mysteries of Conjugal Love Revealed an 18th century sex manual written by a French doctor, then translated to (“done into”) English by “a gentleman” (is a gentleman supposed to call himself a gentleman? Sounds a little excessively boastful to me.) Though the language is prissy, and the “information” wildly inaccurate, it’s important to remember that England was in the midst of a sexual revolution at the time, and books like this one represented a major move in cultural liberalism (for the upper classes, at least).

Still, let’s laugh at some particularly absurd excerpts!

We call the principle part of the Man’s Privaties the Virile Member, which the Ancients ranked among the number of their Gods under the Name of Falscines, to teach us what Empire it has acquir’d in the World: For no Charms or Enlightenments can equal it. If perchance a Woman perceives it thro’ some slight unfolding of the Garments, her Heart is at the same Instant inflam’d with a Passion, that is with Difficulty assuaged.

I feel like you might be giving yourself a little too much credit here.

The Privy parts of a Woman, by some called Nature, because all Men owe their Origin to them, are the cause of most of our Sorrows, as well as our Pleasures; and I dare say, that all Disorders, that every happen’d in the World, or do happen in this our time, spring form the same source.

I feel like you might be giving us a little too much credit here.

There is a part above the [Nympha?], longer more or less than half a Finger, called by Anatomists Clitoris,which I may justly term the Fury and Rage of Love. There Nature has plac’d the fear of Pleasure and Lust, as it has, on the other hand, in the Glans of Man. There is has plac’d those excessive Ticklings, and there is Leachery and Lasciviousnes establish’d;

I stopped after “half a finger.”

But ‘tis certain that Women have Testicles, spermatick Vessels and Seed, because they sometimes pollute themselves; and their Testicles, which are hollow instead of being solid, as Men’s are, contain several small Cellules, wherein a Humor is kept, that spurts up in the Face of those that cut them.

I don’t know what you’re doing, or with whom, or why there is “cutting” involved, but this does not sound like conventional heterosexual sex to me.

As soon as the Fancy is touched, and the small Fibres of the Brain shaken by the Thoughts of Love, there is an internal Sweat in our Privy Parts, and the Spirits which rush thither with Precipitation, force out a limpid Liquor of the Prostate which prepares the Conduit for the Passage of the Seed. But when one is join’d amorously to a Woman, the 2 small Bladders, most ready for evacuation, empty

Okay. Gonna start calling it “The Fancy”!

Chapter 6: What Hour of the Day one ought to kiss one’s Wife.

Well… they’re still English.
 
Via John Overholt and Harvard Library

Posted by Amber Frost | Leave a comment
Flaming Creatures: Icon of perversion Jack Smith’s fabulous photographs
09.26.2014
01:53 pm

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Art
Sex

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Jack Smith was a visionary performance artist and underground filmmaker who produced and directed a series of no-budget films during the 1950s and 1960s, the most famous being Flaming Creatures and Normal Love both from 1963. Smith peopled his camp B-movie melodramas with friends, and often shot them on out-of-date film stock. As a filmmaker he seemed often careless about the fate of his movies, but their success and influence was far greater than the size of the audience that saw them. John Waters hailed Smith as “the only true underground filmmaker.” Susan Sontag described the controversial and allegedly pornographic Flaming Creatures as “a rare modern work of art; about joy and innocence.” While Andy Warhol said Smith was the only filmmaker he would steal from.

Smith was also a photographer whose beautiful prints have rarely been seen outside of a gallery exhibition. Many of his images capture moments from his films, or portraits of the cast and friends.  They vary from the haunting and dreamlike to the comically irreverent—yet all are fabulously beautiful.
 
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Three self-portraits:
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It used to be that screenings of Jack Smith’s films were raided by New York’s vice squad and they were all but impossible to see for many years. Not anymore. To demonstrate just how far the culture war goalposts have moved since the early 1960s, what was once considered utterly depraved is now on YouTube getting piped right into your home or handset.

Below, the longer edit of Smith’s Normal Love:
 

 
H/T The Heavy Mental and Photo 2a.

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Leave a comment
Lydia Lunch wants to be Louis CK’s ‘friend with benefits’
09.25.2014
10:55 am

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Amusing
Feminism
Punk
Sex

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This was uploaded a couple of months ago, and how I missed it for this long I do not know, but No-Wave high priestess Lydia Lunch has posted a video openly soliciting a sexual relationship with the doughy ginger comedian Louis CK. I found it on the Vimeo page of photographer Jasmine Hurst, at which, if you’re a fan of Lunch, you should really have a look, as it also contains a recording of her Future Feminism monologue from a couple of weeks ago.

But back to the wanting to eff Louis CK (OK, specifically, she suggests jacking/jilling off in front of each other, but tomayto/tomahto)—it should be obvious that it’s a not-even-close-to-work-safe soliloquy, shot in a confessional-booth style, with lighting so blown out that Lunch looks disquietingly not unlike Jeff the Killer. Given that Lunch has been known to deploy sarcasm as a rhetorical tool from time to time, just once in a while, there might be some kind of satirical point to this, but I feel it can be enjoyed more fully just taken at face value. The balls are in your court, Louis.
 

 
Previously on Dangerous Minds
Future Feminism: a social cultural and political vision for a feminine utopia
Dangerous women: Lydia Lunch interviews Admiral Grey of Cellular Chaos

Posted by Ron Kretsch | Leave a comment
NSFW boobs and butts embroidery is strictly adults-only
09.25.2014
10:10 am

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Art
Sex

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Rising Moons
 
Sally Hewett’s embroidery specializes in the four B’s—boobs, butt, boners, and bagina, and it has resulted in an intriguing and sometimes troubling body of work that has gotten the attention of the people at Saatchi Art, where her works run as high as $800 a pop.

Here’s Hewett’s high-minded description of the meaning of her artworks, although I think we all know that the real reason is that dicks and tits and butts are awesome and hilarious:
 

Men and women almost ritualistically shave and remove hair from their bodies – beards, underarm hair, pubic hair, leg hair etc, whereas other hair – hair on the head, eyebrows, eyelashes – are valued and encouraged to flourish. But there is other hair which not everyone has. Sometimes this special hair seems to be reason to feel ashamed. A large number of women and men submit their bodies to extraordinary procedures in the name of convention or beauty – liposuction, implants, scarification, surgery, laser treatment, electrolysis etc.

 
There’s a lot more of Hewett’s works on her website. Hewett is a graduate of the Kent Institute of Art and Design, where her dissertation focused, perhaps predictably, on “Hair and Body Detritus in Art.”

The degree to which Hewett’s work stands out is worthy of note—it’s difficult to find analogues for her work. If you look up 2010’s The Subversive Stitch by Rozsika Parker, what you’ll get is a carefully considered academic treatment of embroidery and femininity—not exactly the same thing. And Diana Grygo’s ebook Extreme Bead Embroidery isn’t half as exciting as it sounds.

Without further ado, and I have to tell you, it feels like I’ve been waiting all my life to write these words, the following embroidery is NSFW.
 
See Hewett’s marvelous works of embroidery after the jump…...

Posted by Martin Schneider | Leave a comment
The Condom Cookbook: For those intimate boil in the bag meals
09.24.2014
05:59 am

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Amusing
Food
Sex

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I originally thought this was a joke, but apparently not, as Condom Meals I Want to Make for You is a genuine cookery e-book co-created by Kyosuke Kagami (writer of the manga Sentou Hakai Gakuen Dangerous). This novel cookbook contains eleven easy to make recipes, including such tempting delights as “Condom Push Sushi,” “Condom Meat Stuffing,” “Condom Escargot Cooked with Butter” and “Condom Cookies.”

So, what (you may ask) is the story behind this enchiridion of exotic cuisine? Well, the whole thing is intended to encourage safe sex as Japanese men are said to be the “third worst condom users in the world” and it is hoped Condom Meals I Want to Make for You will encourage both men and women to see condoms as more than “just contraceptive devices,” and use them more frequently—both in and out of the kitchen. 

However, anyone with a “penis allergy,” should note the condoms are only used for cooking and serving the food, rather than providing any nutritious goodness. You can order your copy here.
 
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H/T Nerdcore

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Leave a comment
What a boob: Florida woman gets third breast implant
09.22.2014
12:44 pm

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Amusing
Sex

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They say breasts are like martinis: two are perfect, three are a problem. But apparently not for everyone…

Twenty-one-year old massage therapist Jasmine Tridevil from Tampa, Florida (NATURALLY) always wanted a third breast. And just like the three-breasted character in the 1990 film Total Recall, she’s gone and done it. Apparently she visited over 50 plastic surgeons till she finally found one who agreed to do the surgery. The third boob didn’t come cheap either, she spent around $20,000 for it. (What a boob!)

According to reports online, Jasmine wants to land a reality show and she’s hoping her third boob will get there. She has upcoming bookings on Jimmy Kimmel Live! and Inside Edition.

However, Jasmine denies all of this and says, “I got it because I wanted to make myself unattractive to men. Because I don’t want to date anymore.”

Metro UK reached out to her parents and reported, “her mum and sister will not speak to her and her father is ashamed of her.”

Me? I only wish Jasmine and her third boob the best of luck!


 

 
Below, Jasmine showcases her third breast:

 
via Metro UK and Death and Taxes

Posted by Tara McGinley | Leave a comment
Jayne Mansfield reads the poetry of Shakespeare, Shelley, Browning and others
09.22.2014
12:23 pm

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Literature
Movies
Music
Sex

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Shakespeare, Tchaikovsky & Me, Jayne Mansfield’s delicious album from 1963 or 1964 (depending on where you look), has never seen a CD release and it’s not available on the music streaming services I consulted. That scarcity has driven up the price: right now you can get a copy from Amazon.com for $60 and up.

Assessing Mansfield’s intelligence is something of a mid-20th-century parlor game. Quoting Wikipedia: “Frequent references have been made to Mansfield’s very high IQ, which she claimed was 163. She spoke five languages, including English. ... Reputed to be Hollywood’s ‘smartest dumb blonde’, she later complained that the public did not care about her brains: ‘They’re more interested in 40–21–35,’ she said.” Wasn’t there some meme about Jayne Mansfield enjoying the works of Immanuel Kant? Where did I get that from, some James Ellroy novel?

So how are her recitations of some of the greatest erotic poetry in the English language? Welllll, just fine, I think. I wouldn’t say she exactly reads them well—she reads them about the way you’d expect a big movie star to read them, crisply and evenly, perhaps a little too briskly. She brings a purr to the material that you wouldn’t probably get from current U.S. poet laureate Charles Wright, let’s say.

Here’s a track listing, followed by a clip of about six minutes from the album:
 

Elizabeth Barrett Browning, “How Do I Love Thee”
Percy Bysshe Shelley, “The Indian Serenade”
Percy Bysshe Shelley, “Good-Night”
Robert Herrick, “You Say I Love Not”
Henry Constable, “If This Be Love”
Elizabeth Barrett Browning, “The Lady’s ‘Yes’” -
Lord Byron, “She Walks In Beauty”
William Shakespeare, “Cleopatra”
Christopher Marlowe, “Was This The Face”
Joseph Beaumont, “Whiteness, Or Chastity”
Anonymous, “Madrigal”
Leigh Hunt, “Jenny Kiss’d Me”
Anonymous, “Verses Copied From The Window Of An Obscure Lodging House”
Thomas Otway, “The Enchantment”
Christopher Marlowe, “The Passionate Sheperd To His Love”
Robert Herrick, “Upon The Nipples Of Julia’s Breast”
Ben Jonson, “Drink To Me Only With Thine Eyes”
Lord Byron, “The Lovers”
Robert Herrick, “To The Virgins, To Make Much Of Time”
Elizabeth Barrett Browning, “Inclusions”
William Butler Yeats, “When You Are Old”
William Wordsworth, “Daffodils”
William Shakespeare, “Take, O, Take Those Lips Away”
Thomas Carew, “Mark How The Bashful Morn”
Anonymous, “Oh! Dear, What Can The Matter Be?”
Alfred Lord Tennyson, “The Miller’s Daughter”
Charles Sackville, “The Fire Of Love”
Sir John Suckling, “The Constant Lover”
John Dryden, “Why Should A Foolish Marriage Vow”
Thomas Moore, “Believe Me, If All Those Enduring Young Charms”
Anonymous, “Love Me Little, Love Me Long”

 

Posted by Martin Schneider | Leave a comment
‘Cycle Slut’ Barbra Streisand gets naughty in BDSM photoshoot, 1970
09.19.2014
11:25 am

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Movies
Sex

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Holy hell! I had no idea Babs had it in her! Barbra Streisand looks absolutely crazy-hot here in a series of photos from a photoshoot she did for the 1970 film The Owl and the Pussycat. I mean, just look at her!

In the film, Streisand plays the role of “a somewhat uneducated actress, model and part-time prostitute.” Her character’s name is Doris. There’s a scene in the The Owl and the Pussycat where Doris’ love interest, Felix—played by George Segal—walks past an adult movie theater and is shocked to see that Doris is starring in a “porn” called Cycle Sluts. (I added the YouTube video at the very bottom of the post so you can see what I’m talking about. It’s very short.) In the brief scene you see Felix’s mortified face staring at the posters for Cycle Sluts which features Doris and a few pals in somewhat “naughty” BDSM-type poses.

Annnnnd, that’s where these photos came from. They were basically shot for a prop in a brief scene. It was driving me nuts. My husband suggested that they might’ve been from a Playboy magazine spread promoting the film, but no, in actual fact, they were props.

In other news, La Streisand is about to become the only person to score a number one album for six consecutive decades with the release of her upcoming album, Partners which is expected to top the Billboard 200.

PS - It took me forever to find these images on the Internet. They weren’t that easy to locate. I actually found a few on a fetish thread for dudes who like dominatrixes with big noses. That’s a specific fetish. A new one on me!


 

 

 

 
More after the jump…

Posted by Tara McGinley | Leave a comment
Nasty neighbor: Old man porn ninja terrorizes innocent neighbors
09.17.2014
01:51 pm

Topics:
Current Events
Kooks
Sex

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Meet crotchety old man “Jimmy.” Jimmy lives in Queens Village, NY, and loves to terrorize his Indian neighbors every day with pornographic images hanging in the front window of his home. Jimmy’s probably hoping the images are so offensive to his neighbors and to their 4-year-old son, that they’ll eventually move out. Jimmy’s one nasty son of a gun. It’s so bad, the neighbors have resorted to hanging a sheet on their front porch to block the view of Jimmy’s house.

Sanjeev Aggurawal and his family are the neighbors the pictures appear to be aimed at offending the most.

“He’s upset because some Indian guy moved in next door. That’s the basic thing,” Sanjeev Aggurawal said.

Police have been called on Jimmy’s ass before, but like a skillful old porn ninja, Jimmy removes the images before they arrive and promptly puts them back up when they’re gone. Jimmy must be stopped!

Fuckin’ Jimmy, man…

 
via ABC 13 and h/t Death and Taxes

Posted by Tara McGinley | Leave a comment
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