Craptastic: Vincent Price hosts ‘Strange But True: Football Stories’


 

“Sometimes pro football is like the Bermuda Triangle…. strange and unusual things happen that can’t be explained.”

Although it tries to come off like the Mondo Cane of NFL football or something, the Vincent Price-hosted Strange But True: Football Stories, a direct to VHS home video release from 1987 is basically just tales of uncanny victories, player superstitions and dumb luck. A few stories are more amusing than others, but all in all, one has to wonder just how desperate Vincent Price was for a paycheck at this stage of his career by agreeing to host this In Search Of meets the NFL lameness. I want to believe he shot this piece of crap in a day to underwrite the purchase of an expensive painting or a bottle of fine wine. It’s basically stories of unlikely wins with scary music and Price showing up every once in a while. He doesn’t come off as much of a football fan, does he?

From the back of the VHS box:

Travel off the beaten path with Vincent Price as he unearths the strange plays and bizarre players who have inhabited the NFL for the past half century.

Step right up and see for yourself the one-eyed quarterback who led the NFL in passing one year. Meet the player whose diet consisted of blood and raw meat. See weird team rituals. The strangest games. Discover the fattest achievers who ever played. And relive such out-of-this-world plays as “the Holy Roller,” “The Immaculate Reception” and “The Miracle of the Meadowlands.

So enter, if you dare, into the weird, wild and wacky world of the NFL. This is one fantastic voyage you won’t want to miss.”

That’s pretty debatable unless you’re a glutton for punishment. But it tries so hard…
 

 
More supernatural sports with Vincent Price after the jump…

Posted by Richard Metzger | Discussion
Prepare to shit yourself (or take a Xanax before watching this!)
04.15.2014
12:26 pm

Topics:
Sports

Tags:
Mountain biking


 
“Heigh-Ho, Heigh-Ho, it’s off the cliff I go!”

I literally clenched my ass cheeks the entire time I watched this batshit POV helmet cam filming a bonkers downhill mountain bike competition. From what I understand, this was part of a Red Bull Rampage tournament. Good lord, how much adrenaline does one need? One false move or wrong turn would put you in a wheelchair for life, right?!

This is one crazy motherfucker.

 
Via reddit

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
Death defying: Helmet cam captures terrifying motorcycle accident
04.02.2014
10:29 am

Topics:
Sports

Tags:
motorcycles

ekibtnedicca.jpg
 
Motorcyclist Jack Sanderson was incredibly lucky to walk away with only minor injuries after his bike crashed on the Cat and Fiddle Road, in Buxton, England.

The accident happened after Sanderson overtook two motorbikes and swerved to avoid an approaching car, as he told the BBC:

” I was too impatient. I should have stayed on the white line, I saw the car, and thought right I’m going to have to go off there.

“I’m just happy to walk away with my life and maybe it could be a lesson to others. If it slows anyone down by just one mph then that’s something.”

Sanderson was thrown from his 600cc Kawasaki bike down a 40 ft embankment. The whole accident was filmed by Sanderson’s helmet camera and he posted the video on YouTube to warn other cyclists and drivers.  You might want to skip ahead to around the 2:10 mark.
 

 
Via the Manchester Evening News.

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Discussion
The lost art of surfer movie tickets
03.24.2014
02:00 pm

Topics:
Art
Movies
Sports

Tags:
Surfing
Endless Summer


 
Movie tickets are not something to which we give a lot of thought from an aesthetic point of view, and really why should we?  They exist to be torn in half within minutes of purchase. The generic, bluish, thermally printed and perfectly utilitarian stubs we’re used to today were preceded in my youth by the classic red “ADMIT ONE” tabs that did the job just fine in the days when most cinemas had only one or two theaters.

So it was a truly pleasant surprise to find The Gallery of Surf Classics’ trove of 1960s surf movie ticket stubs. Many are very plain, but some of the graphic tickets are marvelous. Now, apart from breakouts like Bruce Brown’s classic The Endless Summer, surf movies weren’t nearly as mainstream as the Frankie & Annette beach party movies that simplified the culture for America’s landlocked. (As a Cleveland kid and a great indoorsman who doesn’t doesn’t tend to much get hung up on the whole So-Cal vibe, movies formed the basis of my knowledge of surf culture, to which I’m a consummate outsider.) These were essentially niche sports documentaries that screened in high school auditoria and civic rec centers, so I find it pretty amazing that anyone would have taken the time and expense to craft such elaborate tickets for these films.
 

The Endless Summer, 1964
 

Walt Phillips’ Once Upon a Wave, 1963
 

Grant Rohloff’s Too Hot To Handle, 1963
 
More after the jump…

Posted by Ron Kretsch | Discussion
‘U.S.A! U.S.A!’ George Washington dunking on Kim Jong-un. Because America!!!

George Washington dunks on Kim Jong-un
 
A few weeks ago, Redditor fact_school_cat called for an ass-kicking bit of counterfactual patriotic sports propaganda:
 

There is not nearly enough art depicting our country’s Founders playing basketball, a game which was not invented until 100 years after the final colony ratified the Constitution. I want this art…

I haven’t quite decided on content, but I’m thinking either a team of Founding Fathers versus international enemies (think Kim Jong Eun — a real basketball fan) or versus a team of my least favorite players (think Andray Blatche). The game should probably take place in Philadelphia’s basketball arena.

This is a strange but serious request.

 
Redditor I_may_be_Dead (Aaron Needham) has stepped up. That’s the painting he came up with. It’s the best thing I’ve seen in weeks.

I love the detail of Honest Abe Lincoln boxing out Uncle Joe Stalin in the background. You can reach Needham for further commissions at his website or at aaronm.needham@gmail.com.
 
via Deadspin

Posted by Martin Schneider | Discussion
Amazon sells baseball bats as plus-sized sex toys in Germany
03.17.2014
07:08 am

Topics:
Sex
Sports

Tags:
Germany

Baseball bat
“The Berlin Slugger”
 
It’s clear that there aren’t very many baseball fans in Germany. It’s a little less clear whether these Amazon.de listings for “Bondage Fetish Mega Dildos” (seems like German English have a common vocabulary for such items) are intended to be funny or not. It doesn’t really matter—because they are pretty funny!

The wooden bat costs 25.95 Euros (about $36), while the aluminum model costs 34.95 Euros (about $48.50). This pricing makes sense to me. After all, the aluminum model might be cold to the touch but is almost certainly more pleasant to use—that’s not even taking into account the splinter factor.
 
Baseball bat
“The Weisendorf Wanger”
 
The company listed as the supplier is called “FEIHOFF sarl,” and if you look at their other offerings on Amazon.de, it’s clear what they specialize in.

Both products feature the term “Basballschlägel” (baseball bat) in the description, so at least we can say with confidence that they do know what’s going on here. Both products also use the phrase—I love this—“Bondage für Kenner,” which translates as “Bondage for Experts.” Actually, here is a list of English words that can serve as accurate translations for “Kenner”: “connoisseur, maven, adept, fancier, appreciator, authority, classicist, dabster, expert, cognoscenti, sophisticate.” You get the point: beginners, do tread carefully!

Ordinarily we at DM like to put a video at the bottom of the post, but I think we’ll pass this time. If you’re curious to see this ... er… “implement” in action, well, Google is your friend!
 
via Das Kraftfuttermischwerk

Posted by Martin Schneider | Discussion
Floating skate ramp on the crystal blue waters of Lake Tahoe
03.13.2014
09:23 am

Topics:
Sports

Tags:
Skateboarding


 
This looks fun as shit! The ramp is beautifully constructed, too. My only complaint is you’d have to have a lot of back-up boards handy as losing them in the water would be a bitch to retrieve every damned time.

As others point out in the YouTube comments, this isn’t the first floating ramp. Volcom made a floating mini-ramp three years ago and put in the ocean.

 
Via The Kraftfuttermischwerk

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
George Orwell’s special Olympics message: Sports are bunk
02.10.2014
04:41 am

Topics:
Sports

Tags:
George Orwell

George Orwell
 
In 1945, as all combatant nations were recovering from World War II, a notable “friendly” football (soccer) match took place in England. Football had been put on ice since 1939, and fans and athletes alike were eager for a resumption of the action. A Russian armed forces team had scored impressive victories over both its British and French counterparts, and the time had come for a top Russian team to take on a top British club. And thus it was that on November 13, 1945, FC Dynamo Moscow arrived at Stamford Bridge to take on Chelsea FC. The attendance was officially listed at 74,496, but the true attendance is usually estimated to be between 100,000 and 120,000. Chelsea led at halftime 2-0, but the Dynamos were able to make it 2-2, and each side tacked on another goal each before the end of play. (Four days later, the Dyamos walloped Cardiff City 10-1.)
 
Chelsea-Dynamos
A Chelsea shot narrowly misses against the Dynamos.
 
About a month after FC Dynamo Moscow went home, a prominent (but hardly famous) journalist for the Tribune named George Orwell published an acid reflection on the nature of nationalism and athletics. In the piece, titled “The Sporting Spirit,” Orwell argued that, contrary to all assurances that nation-based sports competitions foster brotherhood and understanding among the peoples of the world (you will hear endless statements from Sochi over the next two weeks), such events, if anything, generate a modicum of ill will among national groups. The whole thing, according to Orwell, has the flavor of the jingoism that is whipped up before all wars.

Orwell clearly had little interest in sports and is missing part of the picture of fandom for a national team (or even a regional team like our pro squads), but the part he gleaned is instructive, and the entire essay is worth reading. Here are some of the choice bits:
 

Now that the brief visit of the Dynamo football team has come to an end, it is possible to say publicly what many thinking people were saying privately before the Dynamos ever arrived. That is, that sport is an unfailing cause of ill-will, and that if such a visit as this had any effect at all on Anglo-Soviet relations, it could only be to make them slightly worse than before….

As soon as strong feelings of rivalry are aroused, the notion of playing the game according to the rules always vanishes. People want to see one side on top and the other side humiliated, and they forget that victory gained through cheating or through the intervention of the crowd is meaningless. Even when the spectators don’t intervene physically they try to influence the game by cheering their own side and “rattling” opposing players with boos and insults. Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, disregard of all rules and sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence: in other words it is war minus the shooting….

If you wanted to add to the vast fund of ill-will existing in the world at this moment, you could hardly do it better than by a series of football matches between Jews and Arabs, Germans and Czechs, Indians and British, Russians and Poles, and Italians and Jugoslavs, each match to be watched by a mixed audience of 100,000 spectators.

 
Orwell’s bleak conception of sports wouldn’t change over the years. A few years later, in his novel 1984, the following sentence appears: “Heavy physical work, the care of home and children, petty quarrels with neighbors, films, football, beer and above all, gambling filled up the horizon of their minds. To keep them in control was not difficult.”

Here’s a brief Russian report on the Dynamos-Chelsea match. Note the throngs of spectators crowding along the sidelines.
 

Posted by Martin Schneider | Discussion
Capitalism in an eggshell: The San Diego Chicken explains free market economics
02.04.2014
07:59 am

Topics:
Economy
Movies
Sports

Tags:
San Diego Chicken


 
If anyone embodies the rewards capitalism can bestow on eccentric or ridiculous behavior, it might just be Ted Giannoulas, famous to our nation’s sports fans as “The San Diego Chicken.” The Chicken started out as a mascot for the San Diego radio station with the curious call letters of KGB-FM—a student at San Diego State University, Giannoulas landed his first gig as the Chicken when he wore the outfit for a promotion to distribute Easter eggs to children at the San Diego Zoo.

By dint of being unusually enterprising and entertaining (he really is very good), the San Diego Chicken became something like a mascot for sports at large. He was never affiliated with the San Diego Padres or any other San Diego team as such—what relevance would a chicken have for a team named after monks?—but he did appear at 520 consecutive Padres games at one point. In the early 1980s, the Chicken was also a regular on the Johnny Bench-hosted children’s show The Baseball Bunch, which also featured manager Tommy Lasorda as a Merlin-esque character named “The Wizard.”

With all the devil-may-care verve of Ben Stein’s character in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off or any number of middle school film strips, narrator Rex Allen intones in “Chickenomics: A Fowl Approach To Economics” (groan) points out that the Chicken enjoyed “a unique career ... that can only happen in a market economy.” Allen explains that the Chicken shows us five key facets of a market economy: “Private ownership of resources, self interest motives, consumer sovereignty, markets, and competition.” Zzzzzz. Later on: “Now you know why, from millions of chickens, this one humorous bird can be successful in our economy—that is, until it lays an egg! Any chicken can do that!”

I’m telling you, not even the magical Chicken can make this stuff entertaining to high school kids.
 
San Diego Chicken
 
However, the movie’s closing credits are scored to an unforgettable “boc boc” rendition of Glenn Miller’s “In the Mood.” This preposterous and pun-laden educational movie demands to be seen.
 

 
via A/V Geeks

Posted by Martin Schneider | Discussion
Take it off: Joe Namath’s 1970 motorcycle flick hit ‘C.C. and Company’
02.03.2014
02:52 pm

Topics:
Movies
Sports

Tags:
Joe Namath

C.C. and Company
 
Did you get a load of Joe Namath in his fur coat at the Super Bowl? It reminded me of the days when he was a Super Bowl star himself. As every football fan knows, in early 1969 the underrated Jets were set to play the mighty Baltimore Colts in a matchup between the NFL and the upstart rival league, the AFL. The Packers of the older NFL had already won Super Bowls I and II. Namath, as quarterback for the Jets, “guaranteed” victory and then delivered on his promise, which did a great deal to legitimize the newer league. Only a year or so later, the NFL and the AFL would merge, and everyone would live happily ever after except for the dudes with the concussions. Given that Namath’s team was from New York, that one game would ensure that sports fans in the Big Apple would never, ever shut up about “Broadway Joe.” (The Jets haven’t won a title since, and the Jets fans consider themselves, with fairly good reason, as being one of the more put-upon fan bases in the league.)
 
Joe Namath
 
In late 1970, Embassy Pictures released C.C. and Company, a biker movie starring none other than Joe Namath as “C.C. Ryder,” an affable moto-counterculture type who hangs out with his The character name was obviously inspired by “C.C. Rider,” the 1966 hit by Mitch Ryder & The Detroit Wheels, a rollicking track that provides the soundtrack for the opening credits. 

C.C. and Company was produced by Allan Carr, who later produce the 1978 hit Grease as well as the 1980 Village People vehicle Can’t Stop the Music. In the movie, C.C. is hanging out cheerfully shoplifting from a clueless supermarket when he and a couple of his gang mates from “The Heads” come upon a beautiful fashion journalist named Ann whose limo has stalled in the desert. Instead of letting his buddies rape Ann, he intervenes and gets them to go away, which pisses them off as well as the leader of the gang, named “Moon,” who’s played with effective menace by William Smith. C.C. and Ann begin to fall for each other as C.C. tries to extricate himself from the Heads.
 
C.C. and Company
 
The movie’s got a jocular style—but all in all, it’s pretty crappy. But this tells you everything you need to know about that era: this wasn’t some obscure release—according to Variety, C.C. and Company was the #1 movie in America for two solid weeks in October 1970!

So my only question is, when does victorious Seattle Seahawks QB Russell Wilson start filming his biker flick? Shoot, I’d settle for some kind of Fast and Furious knockoff.
 

Posted by Martin Schneider | Discussion
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