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MAGMA’s cheerfully insane brand of sci-fi avant garde make them prog rock’s weirdest outliers
08.19.2014
07:59 am

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Music
Unorthodox

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prog rock
MAGMA


H.R. Giger’s cover for 1978’s Attahk album

From the Dangerous Minds archives:

French progrockers MAGMA sing their lyrics in “Kobaïan,” a made-up phonetic language based on German and Slavic languages constructed by the group’s founder, Christian Vander, after he had a “vision of humanity’s spiritual and ecological future.”

MAGMA’s albums tell the multi-part sci-fi saga of humans who have been forced to leave a dying Earth behind and settle on the planet Kobaïa. MAGMA’s unusual sound is described as “zeuhl” in Kobaïan, which means “heavenly” and Vander claims his biggest musical influence is John Coltrane at his most celestial. One can also detect some Zappa, Stravinsky and “Carmina Burana.”

The mysterious MAGMA are considered somewhat tangential members of the progressive subgenre (“avant garde” might be a bit more accurate) and have little in common with the likes of Yes, Genesis or King Crimson. Certainly it can said that they hoe their own row! Often they sound like an extremely dark heavy metal band. You can’t really compare MAGMA to anyone else, they’re just that weird. Give me MAGMA over Emerson, Lake & Palmer any day!

As on YouTuber quipped:

If anything could be more twisted and insane than Magma, it’s early Magma.

They’re even weirder than Gong and that ain’t easy!
 

 
More MAGMA after the jump…

Posted by Richard Metzger | Discussion
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Woman tried to poison roommates after they caught her having sex with dogs
08.15.2014
08:04 am

Topics:
Kooks
Sex
U.S.A.!!!
Unorthodox

Tags:
bestiality


If you’ve ever wondered what kind of person would…

The story goes that Ernest Hemingway once made a $10 bet that he could make readers cry with a six-word short story. Hemingway wrote:

“For sale: Baby shoes. Never worn.”

That story may be apocryphal, but in this case, packing a narrative into a single sentence or even a title was pretty easy. However inducing tears in the reader is unlikely to happen this time. Something else maybe, but not necessarily “sadness” per se...

Via The Raw Story:

An Albuquerque woman tried to poison her two roommates after one of them caught her having sex with a dog, police said.

One of the roommates said she found 53-year-old Shari Walters lying nude in a backyard shed with her German shepherd, Spike.

Walters admitted to having sex with both of the roommate’s German shepherds, the woman said.

A male roommate who had been dating Walters broke up with her “because she was having sex with dogs,” police said.

I really can’t say I blame ‘im!

The Gollum-esque Walters is alleged to have spiked their water with rubbing alcohol and of putting toilet bowl cleanser in the meal she had prepared for them. She also is said to have admitted that she’s been having sex with canines since the apparently not-so-tender age of 14.

Walters was charged with aggravated battery, cruelty or extreme cruelty to animals, and assault with intent to commit a violent felony. Not to mention, her photo is plastered all over the Internet today in a, uh… dogfucker kinda context. Both roommates were treated for minor injuries and poisoning.
 

Posted by Richard Metzger | Discussion
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Roman shower: How to turn an ordinary shower head into a vomiting girlfriend?
07.15.2014
08:20 am

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Art
Sex
Unorthodox

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shower heads


 
Japanese blogger ARuFa wanted to spice up his bathroom because he thought it was ugly and boring. In order to “gorgeous-ify” it, he came up with the brilliant idea of the DIY lady (girlfriend?) shower head! Now this is coming from a Japanese website and I do not speak or read Japanese so I’m at the mercy of Google Translate. I *think* this is what’s going on. I mean, he does seem rather pleased with the end results, doesn’t he?

While I applaud AruFa’s creativity—you can’t say he wasn’t thinking outside the box—but this emetophile‘s…. er… “wet dream” is the most horrifying shower head I’ve ever seen! I don’t think he has many girls over to his place, what do you think?

The step-by-step visual instructions are below. You can read them here IF YOU’RE INTO THIS KIND OF THING…
 

 

 

 

 

 
See the horrifying results after the jump…
 

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
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Listen to ‘The Worst Demo Tape Compilation in the World’—if you dare!
06.28.2014
04:02 pm

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Music
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Robert Popper

Terrible music
 
We all secretly wanted a “Golden Throats” compilation for our time, and now Robert Popper of Look Around You has kindly supplied us with one.

Popper writes:
 

In the late 1980′s, my cousin gave me a cassette that instantly became an obsession of mine. It was a tape, compiled by a UK record company – and made purely for internal use – featuring the worst songs they’d ever been sent from the thousands of demo tapes they received each year.

There were no details of any of the ‘artists’, and it’s all quite mysterious, but as someone who has heard loads of terrible demo tape complilations, this one is definitely the best/worst. Get ready for the dullest rendition of ‘Nothing Compares 2 U’, a spooky lady singing about ‘Alfreston’ while playing the organ, and the genuinely terrifying end track, ‘All the People With the Money’. By the way, I lost the tape years ago and thought all hope was lost, until my buddy Peter Serafinowicz found it last week in a box in his office. We celebrated with a listen and a good ole sing-a-long. Hope you guys sing along too…

 
If your brain doesn’t melt by the time you get to the utterly demented last track, you’re made of sterner stuff than I am….
 

 
via reddit
 
Thank you Mark Davis!

Posted by Martin Schneider | Discussion
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This spectacularly WRONG, bust-a-gut funny ‘Full House’ re-edit will have you in tears
05.07.2014
10:22 am

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Amusing
Television
Unorthodox

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Full House


 
Exactly how many episodes of Full House did YouTuber “Sourfest” have to watch in order to make this? God bless ‘em I guess ‘cause I will never see Bob Saget’s character “Danny Tanner” in the same light again. Never.

This is perhaps the single most twisted re-edit of a family friendly sitcom I’ve ever seen. Takes these meme-ish re-edits to whole new level of artistry and wrong.

Danny Tanner filming the footsies. What the hell were they thinking? Certainly not that it would be used like this, I suppose… That would have been hard to anticipate back then.

Look at how the experience affected poor DJ!
 

 
Via reddit

Posted by Tara McGinley | Discussion
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Welcome to Scarfolk, the most twisted English village of the 1970s
04.25.2014
09:07 am

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Amusing
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Scarfolk

Scarfolk
 
Have you been to Scarfolk? If you haven’t visited, you really should. You’ll learn about the dangers that babies pose to public safety, the fortifying properties of totalitarian salads, and the basic principles of scarecrow biology, among many other useful things. It’s a place in which the two most important facets are pagan rituals and totalitarian thought control. Rabies is a very serious problem. Best of all, the entire philosophy of the place is communicated via dog-eared paperbacks, stilted pamphlets, bizarre public-information posters, and thuddingly unsubtle PSAs. 

Scarfolk
 
Scarfolk is a multi-pronged attack on British culture, it seems, but it will surely resonate anywhere public officials use the deadening power of blandness to terrorize their citizens into conformity. Scarfolk might be the most satisfying bit of sustained satire I’ve encountered since, well, The Onion. It’s so incredibly well thought out and executed that it’s very difficult to do it justice in a blog post of this type. It’s got a little Monty Python in it, some League of Gentlemen, too, and it partakes of the same general wellspring of psuedo “vintage” weirdness as Robert Popper and Peter Serafinowicz’s Look Around You. What makes it register so deliciously is that, since the primary medium is a trove of “found” filmed and printed detritus, it all works by the power of implication.


 
Scarfolk is a village in northwestern England that has some become stuck in the 1970s (just like poor Phil Connors in Punxsutawney) until it has become a deathly chilling simulacrum of itself. It and all of its attention-getting materials are the brainchild of a designer named Richard Littler, whose introduction to Scarfolk reads as follows:
 

Scarfolk is a town in North West England that did not progress beyond 1979. Instead, the entire decade of the 1970s loops ad infinitum. Here in Scarfolk, pagan rituals blend seamlessly with science; hauntology is a compulsory subject at school, and everyone must be in bed by 8pm because they are perpetually running a slight fever. “Visit Scarfolk today. Our number one priority is keeping rabies at bay.” For more information please reread.

 

 
Scarfolk is approximately what you would get if you put Fernwood 2Night, The Stepford Wives, Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-Four, and say, John Hodgman’s The Areas of My Expertise into a blender. What makes the project so remarkably effective is Littler’s deep command of the peculiar tone of public life in the 1970s, as reflected in the lovingly re-created and vaguely official gibberish and deadpan layout of news reports, well-meant public safety videos, and so forth. At a glance you could mistake one for the real thing (often the printed covers have little stickers on them, just as you would find on the real-life equivalent today). Its primary form of existence is a blog masquerading as the mouthpiece of the “Scarfolk Council” that has dozens of immaculately produced Penguin paperbacks, posters, pamphlets, et al., all with the weathered look of something you might find at a yard sale or a Salvation Army. (I collect Penguin paperbacks myself, so I’m particularly fond of his dead-on renditions of those.) 
 

 
The source of all this macabre hilarity stems from some vivid memories of how scary the 1970s actually were. As Littler explained to The Independent:

I was always scared as a kid, always frightened of what I was faced with. ... You’d walk into WH Smith [a popular newsstand-type retail chain in the UK] and see horror books with people’s faces melting. Kids’ TV included things like Children of the Stones, a very odd series you just wouldn’t get today. I remember a public information film made by some train organisation in which a children’s sports day was held on train tracks and, one by one, they were killed. It was insane. ... I’m just taking it to the next logical step. ... What if people learned that it was a good idea to have your legs removed, or wash your children’s brains? I’m pushing reality into absurd horror but, because life was already absurd and terrifying, it only takes a nudge.


 
A book version of Scarfolk is due in October 2014 but I think it’ll be available in the UK only, at least at the outset. There’s so much sheer awesomeness at Scarfolk that the best approach is probably just to direct you to the blog and leave it at that. By all means, visit it and wade around in its glories until your brain cracks in two. But here are two representative video clips just in case of a rabies outbreak or something.
 

 

Posted by Martin Schneider | Discussion
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The peerlessly weird Beefheartian post-punk of Stump
04.15.2014
07:31 am

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Stump


 
Stump were a uniquely aberrant Irish/British foursome active in the mid to late ‘80s. After some success in London with the Mud on a Colon EP, the Quirk Out mini-LP, a Peel Session, and a track on NME‘s famed C-86 compilation, they were picked up by Ensign Records to make 1988’s LP A Fierce Pancake, a supremely screwball statement-of-purpose, at turns and at once absurdist, whimsical, and dark. The performance that brought the band to Ensign was their appearance on The Tube, wherein they performed their song “Tupperware Stripper” as “Censorship Stripper,” probably in a dodge against trademark concerns.
 

 
The band initially caught my ear in 1988, with the preposterous single “Charlton Heston,” which featured croaking frogs for a rhythm track and the facepalm-worthy refrain “Charlton Heston/Put his vest on.” But when I heard the whole album, the mere zaniness I expected turned out to be a veneer for some truly mind-bending and aggressively awkward Beefheartian experimentation. The guitar and bass playing here are a few leagues beyond merely idiosyncratic–indeed, there are many passages where one can’t quite tell which instrument is which, and if U.S. Maple didn’t have some Stump in their diet before they set upon their own deconstructions of rock tropes, I’ll eat my foot. The madcap persona and lyrics of singer Mick Lynch must have made it all seem like a joke to some listeners, and sure, it IS mighty fucking daffy to have the chorus of a single consist of a bug-eyed man with Tintin’s hair shouting “LIGHTS! CAMEL! ACTION!” But then you hear songs like “Living It Down” and “Heartache” and you say “whoa, damn.”
 

 

Living it Down by Stump on Grooveshark

 

Heartache by Stump on Grooveshark

 
Stump split by the end of 1988. A Fierce Pancake was deleted in 1990 and has never been reissued in physical media, except as part of a complete anthology CD set from 2008, which is itself also out of print. In spring 2014, Cherry Red UK will be releasing Does the Fish Have Chips—Early and Late Works 1986-1989, which encompasses all of their recorded output except the LP. So just listen to the LP and enjoy some of their videos here.
 

Stump, A Fierce Pancake, full album
 

 

 
This last one sounds too poor to really represent the song properly, it’s a live fan-cam thing shot from behind the P.A. But in one respect, that’s a boon here, inasmuch as all you can really hear is the astonishing bass player Kevin Hopper. Who plays like this? The man is brilliantly mental.
 

 

Posted by Ron Kretsch | Discussion
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Rats with wings: Surveillance drones of the early 20th century?
04.10.2014
08:05 am

Topics:
History
Unorthodox

Tags:
birds


Julius Gustav Neubronner with carrier pigeon and camera
 
While the reality of drone surveillance (not to mention warfare) often feels like the very cutting edge of a new dystopia, it’s fascinating to remember all the clever (if disturbing) little spy ideas that came before. Julius Gustav Neubronner was a German pharmacist born in 1852, but he’s most famous for his innovations in camera technology—Neubronner was the world’s first pigeon photographer.

He began taking pictures in 1865, around the tender age of 13, when he bought a camera on credit after attempts to take pictures with his father’s old broken one failed. As an adult, he used carrier pigeons to deliver medical supplies to clients, but when one disappeared for nearly a month before returning, he decided to track it’s movements with a small, timed camera. He built, tested, and scrapped a few different camera/pigeon harness rigs before settling on the perfect design, and by 1908, he received a patent. You can see some rigged pigeons below, along with three panoramic pictures from Neubronner’s birds—one even has wings in the shot. The groundbreaking aerial photography won awards and was printed up on postcards, but never managed to make him any money.

Around the first World War, Neubronner’s work was further developed for military use. A Swiss clock-maker tweaked his design for the Swiss Army’s carrier pigeon program, and later, the CIA created a battery-powered pigeon camera for spying. It’s never been confirmed that pigeon photography has been used by the US for espionage, but we do know “war pigeons” were used for communication by the French during World War One, and by the UK and US during World War Two. In fact, in Britain, 34 pigeons have been awarded the PDSA Dickin Medal for their service in war! Not bad for “rats with wings.”
 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted by Amber Frost | Discussion
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Iceland has a penis museum, no biggie


 
The gift of a bull pizzle to Sigurdur Hjartarson in 1974 was the seminal event of a multi-generational Icelandic wang dynasty. Hjartarson’s cock collection grew impressively in size, climaxing with the 1997 consummation of the Icelandic Phallological Museum. Curation was taken over by the fruit of his loins, his son Hjörtur Gísli Sigurðsson, in 2011, the same year the museum moved from the northern fishing town of Húsavík to the capital Reykjavík, and made news for the acquisition of its first human specimen. Coincidence?
 

 

The Icelandic Phallological Museum contains a collection of more than two hundred and fifteen penises and penile parts belonging to almost all the land and sea mammals that can be found in Iceland. Visitors to the museum will encounter fifty six specimens belonging to seventeen different kinds of whale, one specimen taken from a rogue polar bear, thirty-six specimens belonging to seven different kinds of seal and walrus, and one hundred and fifteen specimens originating from twenty different kinds of land mammal: all in all, a total of two hundred and nine specimens belonging to forty six different kinds of mammal, including specimens from Homo Sapiens. It should be noted that the museum has also been fortunate enough to receive legally-certified gift tokens for four specimens belonging to Homo Sapiens. Besides there are some twenty-three folklore specimens and forty foreign ones. Altogether the collection contains more than 280 specimens from 93 different species of animals.

280 specimens may seem on the smallish side, but size of course doesn’t count for everything, right? Most of the collection comes from outside donors, the museum’s Honorary Members. But just like many an actual pork sword, the Icelandic Phallological Museum is a source of some confusion and frustration. The museum’s own about page says that this upstanding pillar of its community was founded in Húsavík and moved to Reykjavík, but several news articles say the opposite. Other articles (and the museum’s own web site) herald the 2011 endowment of a human specimen, while a forthcoming documentary film follows the preposterous race to become the first human donor. But coaxing out a load of hard facts isn’t my job here today. I’m really just here to show you gratuitous pictures of penises.
 

 

 

 

 

 

Is it ironic or appropriate that I was turned on to this by someone named “Pickles?” Just the tip of the hat to you, Marlee, and if you go, I want something from the gift shop.

Posted by Ron Kretsch | Discussion
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British professor claims to have photographed fairies!
04.04.2014
01:15 pm

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Amusing
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Fairies
John Hyatt

ttayhfry.jpg
 
Do you believe in fairies?

Well, if you do, then you may be interested to hear that a lecturer at the Manchester Metropolitan University in England, claims to have photographic proof those legendary mythical creatures of Disney films and childhood imagination actually do exist. Okay.

John Hyatt, Director of Manchester Institute for Research and Innovation in Art and Design at MMU has taken a series of photographs which he says depict these miniature creatures. The photos were taken in the Rossendale Valley, Lancashire, over a period of two years.

Mr. Hyatt, 53, a former member of the Punk band The Three Johns, told the Manchester Evening News that the photographs are genuine and have not been altered in any way. He also said that many adults who have seen the photos have reconsidered their opinions about the existence of fairies.

“It was a bit of a shock when I blew them up, I did a double take. I went out afterwards and took pictures of flies and gnats and they just don’t look the same.People can decide for themselves what they are. The message to people is to approach them with an open mind. I think it’s one of those situations where you need to believe to see. A lot of people who have seen them say they have brought a little bit of magic into their lives and there’s not enough of that around.”

Mr. Hyatt is well aware of previous claims about photographs of fairies, and has therefore put the images on display for the public to make up their own mind.

“Everything gets stereotyped, whatever it is.  But there are stranger things in life than fairies, and life grows everywhere. I don’t believe they are just smaller versions of us and go home and have a cup of tea at the end of the day. And one is suggesting they have any special powers. From my experience they were just enjoying themselves and there was a little dance in the sunlight going on. They are just beautiful pictures and beauty can make people believe.”

Read more on the story here, and see more of John Hyatt’s photographs here.
 
22ttayhyrf.jpg
 
33ttayhyyrf.jpg
 

 
Now, here’s some fairies someone else filmed earlier.
 

 
Via the Manchester Evening News

Posted by Paul Gallagher | Discussion
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