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Beyond the Doors: Conspiracy theories about the deaths of Jimi, Janis and Jim
02.03.2010
08:03 pm
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Beyond the Doors is one of those terrible, terrible films that you used to see selling for $2.99 in low rent stores of one stripe or another. I bought a copy at a “Checks Cashed” place on 9th Avenue and 14th Street in NYC in the late 80s. It was for sale amongst VHS tapes of westerns you never heard of, Jack Benny episodes, Cantinflas films, WWII movies you’ve never heard of, no budget horror films (like Psychomania about a Brit biker gang who worship frogs and death, co-starring George Sanders and Beryl Reid!) and that kind of fare.

To say that Beyond the Doors is “shitty” is being too kind. It’s fucking terrible, but at the same time, it’s SO LAME that you can always laugh at it. I was going to write a review of it, but found Shock Cinema’s Steve Puchalski’s take on it and he says it better than I could:

This film tries to wring in a few bucks by stomping on the graves of not one, but THREE cold-as-a-mackerel celebs. So if your sensibilities can endure the ordeal of Buchanan’s wretched tabloid-style filmmaking, here’s what “really happened” to Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix and Jim Morrison, because this movie promises to blow the lid off the secret behind their deaths. Are you sitting down? No, they didn’t overdose—the U.S. government actually assassinated them! Honest! It was all a carefully constructed plot to “neutralize the three Pied Pipers of rock music.”

If only the film itself was constructed as carefully…It’s a painfully idiotic concept, and Buchanan’s casting only complicates matters. As Janis Joplin, Riba Meryl comes off more like Stevie Nicks with PMS. Gregory Allen Chatman’s Jimi Hendrix can barely hold a guitar, much less wail on it. Worst of all, Jim Morrison (Bryan Wolf) looks like a scrawny Peter Frampton, and when he opens his mouth, it’s nerve-raking. I might’ve had a few problems with Val Kilmer’s interpretation of Jim in THE DOORS, but at least he didn’t turn him into a complete clown, clutching a tambourine on stage and telling them “I’ll flash my cock if you burn your draft card.” And since the producers obviously couldn’t get the rights in order to butcher any of the three’s original tunes, they wrote new songs that aren’t remotely like the real thing.

And mock-Morrison’s poetry is something that has to be heard to be believed. This “chilling” expose explains that all three were getting on the government’s nerves—Jimi was being courted by black revolutionaries, Morrison talked back about the Vietnam War, and Janis even found her political self—so they sent a trench-coated agent to off ‘em and make it look like drug-related demises. So in between scenes of Jimi snivelling about being unloved or Morrison mumbling his inanities, Buchanan keeps cutting back to official gov’t types plotting their schemes. This isn’t left-wing propaganda, just left-over!...

Hilarious (at first) for its sheer unbelievability, but Buchanan still can’t keep our attention, and his worst sin is to make all of these legends into complete bores! Accountants have more natural charisma (or at least I’ve heard rumors they do)! And wait until you have to suffer through the pathetic scenes of each star dying, after being slipped death-inducing drugs. In Janis’ case, the assassin punches a bunch of extra needle tracks in her arm after she’s DOA, just to make it look good. Quite tasteful, Mr. Buchanan, you shithead! He even tries to convince us that maybe Morrison didn’t die after all, and just entered a monastery. AAAAaaaarrrggghhhhhnnhh!!!! I can’t take it any more! This unimaginably inept mess had my mind reeling, and the scariest part is knowing that there are probably morons out there who’d watch this drivel and actually believe it.

Posted by Richard Metzger
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02.03.2010
08:03 pm
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The Diary Musings Of Dr. Mengele
02.03.2010
07:20 pm
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The diary of Nazi medical experimenter, Josef Mengele (above, arms folded), was put up for auction in January, but, so far, there’s been little interest in it.  Written in the ‘60s when Herr Doctor was camping out in South America, the diary had apparently been kept by Mengele’s son.  Here are some entry snippets:

I see how right my plans have been all along and I understand now that following people’s advice mostly results in irreparable nonsense.  But I refuse to pass guilt onto others: I was solely responsible for my decisions.

The real problem is to define when human life is worth living and when it has to be eradicated.  There’s no good or bad in nature.  There’s only appropriate or inappropriate.  Both sides receive equal chances.  Nevertheless, nature provides a strainer.  Things that are inappropriate fall through since they lose in the struggle for survival.

Everything will end in catastrophe if natural selection is altered to the point that gifted people are overwhelmed by billions of morons.  We have to prevent the rise of the idiot masses.  Inferior morons should be exterminated.  We have to make sure that nature’s suspended eradication will continue through human arrangements.  Birth control can be done by sterilizing those with deficient genes.

(via Israel Herald)

 

Posted by Bradley Novicoff
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02.03.2010
07:20 pm
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Hubble Spots Spaceship?
02.03.2010
06:18 pm
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Apparently the Hubble telescope just spotted what appears to be a flying saucer. No kidding. Gizmodo reports:

Hubble has discovered a mysterious X-shaped object traveling at 11,000mph. NASA says that P/2010-A2 may be a comet, product of the collision between two asteroids. Or a Klingon Bird of Prey. Either way, UCLA investigator David Jewitt is excited:

“This is quite different from the smooth dust envelopes of normal comets. The filaments are made of dust and gravel, presumably recently thrown out of the nucleus. Some are swept back by radiation pressure from sunlight to create straight dust streaks. Embedded in the filaments are co-moving blobs of dust that likely originated from tiny unseen parent bodies.”

OK, David, we will believe you until Jerry Bruckheimer finish his next movie, in which a “comet” suddenly stops, turns to Earth, and starts firing anti-matter rays against our underpants.

The weirdest thing, however, is not only the prettyful X-shaped debris pattern, but the fact that its 460-foot-wide nucleus is outside the dust halo and separated from the trail. This behavior is something which has never been seen before in a comet or any other solar-system-swooshing object.

(Gizmodo: Hubble detects mysterious spaceship)

(Hubble: Imaging Space and Time)

Posted by Jason Louv
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02.03.2010
06:18 pm
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Damn Twilight Kids at it Again
02.03.2010
06:02 pm
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4chan recently lost its collective shit over some Twilight kids who beheaded a dog for MySpace cool-points (apparently it was already dead). Behold this stupendously embarrassing video and stare deep in the heart of the CHILDREN THE CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE THINK OF THE CHILDREN OUR FUTURE CHILDREN FUTURE

Find out about the whole “Shadow” saga here. (Very NSFW.)

Posted by Jason Louv
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02.03.2010
06:02 pm
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The Internet is Depressing
02.03.2010
01:51 pm
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A UK-based study has found that Internet addiction, specifically replacing normal social functions with social networking, porn, and message boards, is linked to depression and addictive behaviors. Surprise. I woke up yesterday and realized we’d lost the better part of a decade to social media alone. Internets is a two-edged sword…

British psychologists have found evidence of a link between excessive internet use and depression, research published today has shown.

Leeds University researchers, writing in the Psychopathology journal (abstract here – subscription required for full pdf), said a small proportion of internet users were classed as internet addicts and that people in this group were more likely to be depressed than non-addicted users.

The article on the relationship between excessive internet use and depression, a questionnaire-based study of 1,319 young people and adults, used data compiled from respondents to links placed on UK-based social networking sites.

(Guardian: Excessive internet use linked to depression, research shows)

Posted by Jason Louv
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02.03.2010
01:51 pm
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Painfully Honest and Epic Mobile Home Commercial
02.03.2010
02:51 am
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This is the most effin’ epic commercial I’ve ever seen. Advertising as it should be. (I love the hawk cries and jaguar roars. Holy god.)

Posted by Jason Louv
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02.03.2010
02:51 am
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Intoxica! With Howie Pyro
02.03.2010
12:09 am
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Recently been enjoying the hell out of the INTOXICA podcast with DJ Howie Pyro, bass player for the Blessed, the Freaks, D Generation, Joey Ramone, Genesis P-Orridge and Danzig… it’s a hell broth of creepsville surf tunes. I dig!

(Intoxica! With Howie Pyro)

 

Posted by Jason Louv
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02.03.2010
12:09 am
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The Tantus Vamp: Sparkling, Icy Twilight Dildo
02.02.2010
11:47 pm
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This Twilight dildo, presumably meant to be modeled after Edward Cullen’s dong, sparkles and stays cold if you put it in a freezer for that special fked-by-the-undead feeling.

Updated by popular request… Yes the The Vamp retains hot and cold temperature. Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience.

JUST IN TIME FOR HALLOWEEN! Who doesn’t love those dark and mysterious vamps on the screen and in the books we all thumb through lustfully? That’s what we thought. For those of us who fantasize about being spellbound and tantalized by the forbidden comes The Vamp. We promise this vamp won’t be the only thing coming for you in the night.

The Vamp is a realistic form dildo based appropriately on our Sire’s design but with a deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the moon’s soft glow. Since it’s a Tantus toy, The Vamp is made from Tantus’ own unique blend of 100% Ultra-Premium Silicone. Don’t be surprised if this toy seduces you, its long sleek shaft and deliciously ridged head calling out to you in the night. But don’t save this for just nocturnal escapades, try taking our Vamp out in the sunlight and watch it sparkle.

(Tantus Direct: The Vamp)

(Thanks, Howard Hallis!)

Posted by Jason Louv
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02.02.2010
11:47 pm
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Japanese “Star Wars” Sea Chicken Commercial (1978)
02.02.2010
11:36 pm
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Chewbacca is so damn excited he can’t contain himself.
 
(via Nerdcore)

Posted by Tara McGinley
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02.02.2010
11:36 pm
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Not just for dogs anymore
02.02.2010
10:54 pm
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The Hollies soundtrack really adds something to this, doesn’t it?

Police are on the look out for an odd criminal who was caught on CCTV repeatedly sniffing the bum of a supermarket worker. The pervert - who is balding, ginger and about 40-years-old - has been seen smelling the rears of Co-op workers in Plymouth, Devon.

Cops say he has done this at least 20 times and have released the footage of him sniffing peopled bottoms in the hope that someone can identify him. The clip clearly shows him pretending to pick items from shelves near staff and sniffing their bum.

Via Newslite.tv

Posted by Richard Metzger
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02.02.2010
10:54 pm
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