My cupcakes didn’t turn out like I wanted, but ended up perfect for here.
I can’t stop looking at the Shitty Food Porn subreddit, and I’m not the only one—it’s absolutely mesmerizing. I think maybe we’re just so inundated with this never-ending parade of of Instagrammed perfection, we crave representations of reality—even when reality looks barely edible. From what I can tell, there are a three major categories of Shitty Food Porn, though they co-exist on a Venn Diagram, and a dish may inhabit multiple categories at a time. Here is the primer I have developed:
The Failures: This one is tricky, because failure is already a popular genre—particularly with ambitious projects, as seen in Pinterest Fail. What makes Shitty Food Porn failures different is that, unlike Icarus, they did not perish flying too close to the sun. Shitty Food Porn Failures crashed and burned just walking out the door. This is a dish that should be reasonably simple, but the cook somehow made it incredibly unappetizing, if not downright inedible. The above cupcakes are good example.
The Bachelors: These are marked by a tragic austerity of ingredients, bleak presentation and cheap or desperate substitutions—a hotdog bun instead of regular bread, or anything plated on a paper towel, for example. These are often the recipes of the chronically depressed or incredibly poor. This category gets complicated though, as the necessity is the mother of invention. Many Bachelor recipes also display creativity that might qualify them for third category.
The Frankensteins aka The Fat Americans: If these look innovative to you, you’re probably either at a state fair or you’re drunk or high. The Frankensteins usually involve unexpected, even surreal combinations, and/or grandiose ambition. A fried egg on leftover pizza—the ingredients are Bachelor, but there is an innovative spirit to that combination. One could argue it’s inspired!
Proceed at your own risk, and bon crappétit!
Fried egg served on a bed of chilled pizza.
Because why the fuck not
A “cookie” that my dear friends made
Cottage cheese and strawberry jam—each tastes great on its own, but do not mix under any circumstances. Ever.
Triple Bypass on a Bun; we call it a hamdog.
Turkey and cream cheese on Triscuit. Plated on paper towel, brown.
Putting the ‘um…’ back in ‘Yum’: SPAGHETTI DOGS
I was encouraged to post my culinary creations on the reddits. #1: my fishcuits!
My roommates are making donuts
Deli roast beef, and cream cheese with salt and pepper. How very chic and minimalist.