Haven’t we all asked ourselves this question? No? Yeah, me neither.

The Amazon reviews are very hit or miss with Lorraine Peterson’s If God Loves Me, Why Can’t I Get My Locker Open?

DeGinner gives it one star and writes:

Well this book is no help at all, as a Christian who forgot my locker combination I really thought this was the book for me but nope! It has no advice for opening lockers, in the end all that was needed was a screwdriver and a crowbar, the worst part is my locker got stuck again, and this book was inside! God might be testing me but I’m really starting to doubt my faith.

Whatarelief gives it five stars and writes:

My locker had been stuck all year. When in desperation I turned to this book. It didn’t contain anything about lockers, but was full of stories about how some Mexican guy loved me. Frustrated, I threw the book at my locker and it popped right open! I threw it at a few other lockers hoping to plunder what was inside, but nothing happened. I guess there’s only enough magic in each book for one locker. I wouldn’t recommend buying a used one because it may already be spent.

Ryan Gosling gives it five stars and writes:

This book is glorious. I now understand how to create transmutation circles and chant the names of Leviathan, Baal, and Beelzebub.

Image via Christian Nightmares