At this point, “hipster” has basically become a catch-all for anyone under the age of 35 whose mother doesn’t dress them, so any and all drug consumption habits have fallen under the Instagram glow of this amorphous label.

Take alcohol, for example. Hipsters drink craft beer because they’re into DIY and micro-brews. Or is it that hipsters drink wine because it’s “artistic”? Oh wait, hipsters drink shitty malt liquor and PBR because it’s “ironic!” Or bougie mixed drinks made by these so-called “mixologists”? Or more esoteric hooch, like sarsaparilla and moonshine (ooh, retro!)?

Well you’re all wrong, because everyone knows drinking is soooooo over. Nowadays, hipsters do meth! Not only that, they make twee little videos about cooking it themselves! Next stop, Etsy! Maybe they can’t sell the drug there directly, but I’m sure they could make an adorable little illustrated how-to guide, and there’s all sorts of “cooking” accouterments that could be sold as accessories? Hand-felted meth pipes from recycled cat hair, for example!

(By the way, growing up in meth country, I was into meth wayyyyyy before it became hip!)