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Unleash the Beast: Kooky Christian lady explains how Monster Energy drinks are the work of SATAN
11.09.2014
12:36 pm
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Unleash the Beast: Kooky Christian lady explains how Monster Energy drinks are the work of SATAN


Image on the right by Wesley Eggebrecht.

From my own harrowing experience with Monster Energy drinks—I once drank two “BFCs” (see video) at a party to perk myself up and ended up not sleeping for nearly 48 hours… not to mention those heart palpitations—at first blush I can agree that they’re the work of the devil, if not quite in a literal—nay biblical—sense. Some other people, though, think there’s something much more sinister going on…

Unless you spend a lot of time around fucking idiots, you might not have heard of a low IQ conspiracy theory that has become somewhat of an urban legend among some Christians: the notion that the Monster Energy logo looks like three Hebrew vavs—a letter which has the value of six in Hebrew numerology.

You hear that, Jimbob? Three sixes equals “the number of the Beast” in the Book of Revelations. Or else it equals, you know EIGHTEEN?

Monster Energy’s slogan is “Unleash the Beast.” OBVIOUSLY that must be the work of Satan himself (or if not the Prince of Lies, maybe a hip advertising agency in Portland?).

Well, obviously if you are a fuckwit. Like the woman in the clip below. Is this really what American Christians concern themselves with these days, David Icke level “theories” about soda cans?

What would Jesus do? Um, how’s about helping the poor, lady?

I love how she acts like she figured this out out by herself—she’s so dumbly smug, too, which makes her delivery all the better—when she probably read it on Wikipedia or got it from an ALL CAPS EMAIL from someone who read about it on Drudge Report or WorldNet Daily. Note the part where she gets bent out of shape over the use of the term “MILF” on the can!

SHE PROBABLY VOTED!
 

 
via reddit

Posted by Richard Metzger
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11.09.2014
12:36 pm
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