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Kraftwerk’s leaked ‘transport rider’ is both detailed and hilarious
06.18.2017
11:43 pm
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Kraftwerk’s leaked ‘transport rider’ is both detailed and hilarious


 
It’s a curious fact: not all things you see on the Internet are true! This theme came up a lot during the presidential campaign last year and has sort of taken on a life of its own.

So in reading this, exercise your usual quotient of skepticism. But in the meantime, enjoy.

Over the weekend the Twitter feed of the album label Frozen Reeds coughed up an image it described as an “illicit snap” that it has been “sitting on” for some time.

If this is to be believed, it’s a picture of Kraftwerk‘s “transport rider” from 2013, which lays out the legendary German band’s expectations vis-à-vis the limousine drivers and so forth charged with conveying them to and from the airport (or possibly zeppelin depot), luxury hotel, major music venue, and wherever else.
 

 
It turns out that Kraftwerk has some expectations.

It also turns out that Kraftwerk knows how to pack a rider with some amusing and unexpectedly vivid and poetic language. For instance, in requesting a vehicle with tinted windows, the author of the rider inadvertently asked for “tainted windows,” which is 953% more awesome.

Now in their dotage and apparently easily discomfited by sudden changes of vehicular speed, the band is quite adamant about requiring “suave breakers” as drivers. To be precise, the stated terminology is “suave gear changers (if car is not automatic)” and “suave breakers.” (Yes, obviously they mean “suave brakers” but as before, it’s much better their way.)

Lastly, if you’re in an airport and you see a sign for “Sabottka Group,” then it’s highly likely that you are in the vicinity of an impending Kraftwerk show.

As always, be sure to read the whole thing.

Predictably the tweet brought out some good responses from the Twitterati:
 

 


 
In retrospect it’s astounding that the band did not demand “fun fun fun on the Autobahn.” But then “responsible manipulation of heavy machinery on the Autobahn” is a lot harder to dance to.
 

 

Previously on Dangerous Minds:
Honey, I Shrunk the Autobahn: Rick Moranis sings Kraftwerk

Posted by Martin Schneider
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06.18.2017
11:43 pm
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