‘Let It Snow’: the shameless cocaine adverts of the 1970s
Ah, the 1970s. A time when polyester was breathable, Burt Reynolds was box office gold, and coke was king. Not just the drug—though there was plenty of that—but the entire consumer ecosystem built around it.
This was the disco decade’s dirty little secret: people weren’t just snorting lines in private; they were ordering their gear from the back pages of High Times, Weed World, and Head, like it was the Sears catalogue for sleaze.
These vintage magazine ads—absolutely real and totally unhinged—offer a glimpse into a world that somehow saw no contradiction between “tasteful” and “toot spoon”.
Take the “Go ahead… you deserve it!” ad from L Bandel. A perfectly polished onyx tray, hand-carved ivory snuff tubes, and a tagline fit for a luxury car commercial. The subtext? You’ve worked hard. Now treat yourself… to a bump. You’ll note they proudly boast the “antique spoon” is only $25—because nothing says class like a line of blow off elephant tusk.
Then there’s the Snowmill, which promises to “fluff your stuff” like a Cuisinart for cokeheads. A pestle and brass cup combo for the discerning snow chef, complete with a mirrored “Snowtray” so you can pass it around like fondue at Studio 54. Only the ‘70s could sell this with a straight face—and a $25 price tag.
But why stop there? You’ve also got Screenz—a pocket-sized stainless steel filter with the slogan “Be Nice To Your Nose!” Because even back then, some marketers realised razors were… a bit harsh. Bonus points for the awkward illustration of a half-naked cartoon woman next to the phrase “Powders and Fluffs Your Stash!” Which is exactly what you want to read while deciding how best to ingest your next nose rocket.
And it only escalates.
One ad offers a literal gold-plated razor blade—“The Gold Standard”—because why use a Bic when you could cut your rails like Scarface’s personal stylist? Another suggests a jade slab and spoon set ($25 to $500), presumably for when your mountain chalet needs a matching eight-ball aesthetic.
There are scales. Lots of scales. So many, in fact, that one ad brags “More Scales Than a Fish” while picturing—yes—an actual fish. If you’re wondering how many grams your trout weighs, this one’s for you.
Perhaps the pièce de résistance is the “Hot Box”, a $179 cocaine testing kit complete with heating element and electric probe to ensure your grams weren’t cut with powdered soap or talcum. “Never buy a bad gram again,” it declares, as if anyone with that kind of disposable income gave a damn what else was in there.
This was America’s cocaine age—shiny, confident, and just a little bit deranged. These ads weren’t ironic. They weren’t “retro”. They were deadly serious and slickly marketed to professionals who wanted to make their indulgence look like an investment. A tax write-off for your sinuses.
As most of these taglines dared you: “Let it snow!”
