Here’s your alternative Yule log.

Santa Conquers The Martians is considered by many to be among the worst films ever made. Personally, I love this surrealistic mindbender that stars an eight-year-old Pia Zadora only slightly smaller than her adult self. Between the goofy D.I.Y. costumes and sets intercut with stock footage of jets and missiles, director Nicolas Webster’s 1964 holiday head trip is filled with as much bizarre wonderfulness as anything by David Lynch or Jack Smith.

Music by:

The Bubblemen
400 Blows
Neon
Shock
Cabaret Voltaire
Nitzer Ebb
23 Skiddoo
Hard Corp
Naked Lunch
Ledernacken And Band
Diseno Corbusier

This is what happens when I’m left alone in a room with video tapes, records, a bottle of Zinfandel and 50-year-old blotter acid. If you’ve never seen Santa Claus Conquers The Martians before, this is the lysergic version. The original may even be more trippy depending on your point of view.

Holiday greetings from Mars.