I can honestly say I’ve never been aroused by the thought of having sex with a politician. Not just because most politicians are middle-aged guys with halitosis, bad hair and ego problems, but because politicians are on that “no fly zone” of occupations (along with dentists, proctologists and genitourinary doctors) who for me can never ever be hot, sexy, or remotely attractive. I know, I know, it’s my loss, but you know, I don’t mind—I can live without their alleged charms.

However, it would appear that I am in a minority—as there are many, many people out there who do fantasise about politicians and how they’d like these SOBs to fuck ‘em till they bleed, or reciprocate by tonguing and fingering their oval office. So, if that’s the party you’d vote for, well three cheers for that as there’s a place where you can cast your vote and ‘fess up your secret political desires.

Once it might have been an App, but now it’s a Tumblr—this time a page called Playing Dirty, where peeps anonymously share their “Dirty Political Confessions.” These secret soundbites are plastered over a suitable image of the fantasy object and posted for everyone to..er…enjoy. Admittedly a lot of the naughty secrets involve British politicians like Prime Minister David Cameron—even after all that pig fucking nonsense—and Margaret Thatcher (apparently someone’s idea of a “MILF”) but there are plenty of unbridled fantasies about Mitt Romney, George W. Bush, “Tricky Dicky” and Hillary Clinton.
 

 

It begins with me being hired to have sex with Bush Jr. I discreetly enter his hotel suite where I find him laying in bed wearing nothing but his socks. I start by tonguing his sweaty taint and asshole until he can’t take it anymore and shoves his cock down my throat, calling me a slut while I gag on his forceful plunges. He then throws me on the bed and fucks me in various positions throughout the night.

I want to sit Hillary Clinton on the desk of the Oval Office and make her come with my tongue and fingers so many times she wouldn’t know her own name any more.

Paul Ryan is a sexy beast. The moment I laid eyes on him I wanted him to fuck me. The way he fights for control and resists his angry urges is a huge turn on. I want him to tie me up in shackles and whip me, bite me, and fuck me till I bleed.

I want Nixon to suck my tiddies.

I’d have a threeway with Obama and Donald Trump.

oh my god I think I have a crush on Bernie Sanders. A man who is 50 years older than me. I just think he’s adorable tbh

It’s not like I would ever admit to it but I would still have sex with Cameron even after the pig thing.

I still want Mitt Romney’s dick in my ass.

I would give anything to see Dubya sucking on Saddam’s “weapon of mass destruction.”

Angela Merkel can sit on my face any day.

I wish Ron Paul was my gynecologist and would give me “special treatments.”

I want to strip Reagan off that bath robe and give him a blowjob while he tries to continue talking on the phone.

I really hope Obama eats ass because I would rub mine all over his face.

In her heyday, I bet [Margaret Thatcher] was filthy in bed.

I’d pay money to watch the Clintons and Al Gore together. Bill fingering Hillary while Al touches himself until Hillary gives him a hand.

Since I was about 11, I’ve fantasized about eating Ron Paul’s ass while his cute face scrunches up.

I’m on my back and Ted Cruz kneels over me like this, guiding his cock into my eager mouth. I tease him with my tongue until he can’t hold back and fully thrusts into me while holding my head still with strong hands in my hair.

George W. Bush may have had no lips but I want him to eat my pussy regardless.

I have this fantasy about being the President of the United States’ daughter (fake or real President) and during the annual White House ball, after a bunch of secret flirting and sexy eye contact, Putin roughly fucks me in the Oval Office on my fathers desk.

I want Richard Nixon to slowly unbutton my shirt then slowly rub my nipples as we passionately make out. Then he should kiss every inch of my body as he buries his face between my legs and gives me head. After that he’ll make sweet vigorous love to me until he knows when to stop. It would be scandalous.

The concept of letting the Prime Minster and the Chancellor tell me I’ve been a ‘very bad girl’ because I didn’t vote conservative while I lay naked, helpless, on the desk of number 10 excited me more than it should.

I want to ride George P. Bush’s cock for so long he becomes a liberal.

I want Hilary Clinton to put her tongue in my butthole.