If you’ve been online at all this year you’ve likely gotten the message that eggs are no longer considered artery-clogging little murderers. “Researchers…found no evidence that eating up to an egg a day increased the risk of heart disease or stroke,” assured the New York Times, though I love the “up to one egg a day” part, like someone eats half an egg.

But now that they’re back on the good-for-you list, eggs have lost some of their appeal. Gone is that NO FUTURE! DAMN IT ALL! ALLONS Y! sense of danger that came with every omelet, the chubby-guy-from-Ohio equivalent of cliff diving. How to return that daredevil flair to your Sunday brunch?

Easy. DEATH HEAD EGGS.
 

 
Purveyors of stupid novelties Fred & Friends—your go-to laff factory when you’re so fucking hilarious that you need NEEEEEEED an organ transplant lunchbox—offer the Funny Side Up egg ring, a cutesy skull egg corral. It looks like it could be Hello Kitty’s skull, so some of the chilling presence of the grim spectre of death thaws into a puddle of daaaaaaw!, but it’s a start.
 

 
Previously on Dangerous Minds
Cheesus Christ, the grater story ever told