So we’re clear up front, obviously not ALL heavy metal t-shirts are terrible—you can have my 1997 Keelhaul shirt when you can steal it off my rigid corpse. And of course, over-the-top offensiveness is half or more of the point with a lot of the more brutal bands. But as with many things, a hell of a lot of these ARE just objectively, completely shitty, and the Metal is Awful Tumblr is dedicated to collecting photos of the very worst.
Metal has so many terrible aspects, but the worst is the fucking shirts.
This is where we revel in that awful truth.
We reserve the right to comment on any awful metal shite anywhere, anytime. But mostly just terrible shirts.
And Trey Azagthoth. That guy is an idiot.
One of Odin’s ethical axioms is apparently “blow up planet Harrelson.”
Morrissey has shirts that are more metal than Diabolos Rising‘s.
The front of this VxPxOxAxAxWxAxMxC shirt is kinda crap, too. I’ve never been sure if this band was a goof, or if they were legitimately trying SO HARD to be “extreme” they ended up hilarious by accident. The name stands for “Vaginal Penetration Of An Amelus With A Musty Carrot.” An amelus is a baby born with no limbs. Draw your own conclusions.
The band meeting where Sworn Enemy decided to have these mass-produced must have been some worthy eavesdropping.
Sorry Otep, Cynic, Gorgoroth, and Judas Priest, but this guy insists that his “musick” be resolutely heterosexual at all costs.
Slayer and an evil boar-riding leprechaun. OF COURSE.
The high ‘90s my-nephew-just-got-a-Mac graphics skills on proud display on the back of this Suffocation shirt may actually be shittier than the lyrical pull-quote.
Naw, man, you shit pure class.
Not a shirt, obviously, but possibly the worst thing here. For when you need to prove your death metal cred to the other douchebags lifting free-weights on the beach. (This band, by the way, is from Buffalo, where I’m pretty sure beachwear is beside the point. They’re also awesome, and they’re on tour now.)
OK, I actually think this one’s pretty funny.