I’m going to do a slow-clap to celebrate my latest “who knew this was a thing?” discovery, the SOM Hand Type Handjob Machine from Japan. According to the makers of the Handjob Machine, this creepy creation exists due in part to the popularity of their SOM Rocket Type “masturbot,” which sounds utterly terrifying even to yours truly, and I don’t even have a penis to put in one.

According to the description I found at Kanojo Toys, the SOM Hand Type Machine has been around since 2012 and can deliver 80 to 110 “thrusts” per minute. All you do is put the base of the jerk-off machine between your legs, add some lube and voilà! The device retails for $529 plus $59 bucks in shipping from Japan if you’re interested in picking one up so you can give your hairy palms a rest. I’m also pretty sure that using this contraption might help reduce the risk of going blind while you’re knocking one out because if you’re not using your own hands, it’s not your fault! Right?
 

An image of the SOM Hand Type Handjob Machine.
 

 

Previously on Dangerous Minds:
The time Iron Maiden vocalist Bruce Dickinson asked a hooker for a refund after a botched handjob
70s blowjob faces
‘I always hope that people will have some kind of orgasm’: Patti Smith on ‘The Tomorrow Show’
Cum for Me: Intimate photographs of men and women at the point of orgasm
Motörhead’s Orgasmatron War Pig: The ultimate stocking ... stuffer
Artist paints ‘orgasm faces’ based on stills from vintage porn films