I remember when cocaine was considered a benign social lubricant, a status symbol, and surefire way to get laid. Back when an elephant’s tusk was nothing more than a nifty accessory for the cokehound flush with money and a perverse sense of hipness.

Each of our exotic spoons, straws, and vials is delicately carved by skilled artisans from the finest center cuts of imported African ivory…the ideal coke surface. Ideal, because moisture does not condense on it, no particles will stick to its surface. The unique quality, coupled with the exquisite beauty of each hand carved design, makes each piece worth its weight ins snow.”

The company manufacturing these lovely products was located 20 miles east of Boulder, Colorado. In the mid-70s, Boulder was flooded with high-grade cocaine and some young dealers/entrepreneurs became very rich. Allegedly, some of the blow money ended up being funneled into small businesses that pioneered Boulder’s natural foods industry. At the time, no one knew just how nasty cocaine and the culture surrounding it would become. As the quality of the drug became increasingly degraded, the experience of using it correspondingly became more and more unpleasant. In the end, the scene went from being fun to being pathetic.

Cocaine is the only drug that I continued to use long after it was making me miserable. Decades later, the thought of snorting a line makes me shudder with revulsion.