Keeping it single-spaced, because the man had rather a lot of accomplishments before turning the ripe old age of thirty!

WOODY ALLEN BIO:
 
Born in Brooklyn, New York, U.S.A. 1935.
Attended Midwood High School in Brooklyn.
Attended New York University but thrown out for poor student.
Attended City College of New York but thrown out for poor student.
Began career as professional comedy writer at 17, writing for Radio.
First show was Peter Lind Hayes and Mary Healy Radio Show.
Wrote for TV for years for such shows as:
Herb Shriner.
Gary Moore Show.
Sid Caesar Show.
Art Carney Specials.
Tonight Show.
Max Liebman Shows.
Won Emmy nominations and Sylvania Award for best writing on Sid Caesar Show.
Wrote for many comedians who appeared on TV and in nightclubs.
Wrote sketches produced on Broadway in revues.
Turned comedian nearly three years ago on a wild hunch of my managers.
Tried to keep it limited but performing went very well and one club led to another and one TV show led to another.
Appeared in U.S. at The Blue Angel, in N.Y., the Hungry in San Francisco, Basin St. East in New York, Mister Kelly’s in Chicago, Crystal Palace in St. Louis, Bitter End in New York (the latter was a coffee house that I got my first real start at, playing there for several consecutive months where the press could come and see me for a showcase.) Crescendo in L.A., Shadows in Wash.
Have done many concerts for colleges, groups and recorded my first record album titled Woody Allen just a few months ago.
On TV have appeared on The Jack Paar Show, the Tonight Show (I took the latter over for one week when Johnny Carson went on vacation) The Hootenany Show, Candid Camera, Steve Allen.
Anxious to get back to the United States to fulfill several cabaret and hotel bookings and some TV shots.
Press has been extraordinary, having appeared extremely favorably in every major magazine (Life, Time, Newsweek New Yorker, Playboy, every major newspaper and trade paper, Saturday Evening Post, Saturday Revue, etc).
Wrote What’s New Pussycat?” when Charles Feldman and Shirley MacLaine happened to catch me at the Blue Angel and he felt I’d be right to do script of a wild conception he had. It is my first movie script and the first time - I’ve ever acted.
(more)
 
I am currently finishing off a play entitled tentatively Don’t Drink the Water, to be produced by Max Gordon on Broadway upon my return to the U.S.
Since my week on the Johnny Carson Show I have had many offers for my own TV series, to act on TV and Broadway both in comedies and musicals (I don’t sing or dance) have been offered parts in motion pictures and opportunities to do screenplays of major films.
I am not interested in writing any movies that I would not be in heavily (star or co-star in is what I mean) and would not do adaptations for anyone in any medium because I am only interested in writing originals under any conditions. I would accept funny roles if offered me and I liked them.
I have been offered opportunities to direct both films and play for Broadway, both of which I would like to do someday but not right now.
I have been offered many advances for written material from all the top publishing houses for books but I haven’t the time.
My hobbies are not drinking and avoiding sex.
I play several musical instruments, all horribly. I love music.
I have been married (when I was 19) for six years. I discuss my marriage and subsequent divorce in my act in detail.
Everything I say in my act is either true or based closely on my experiences either real or fantasy.
I have no children.
I go out with girls if they are pretty, funny, bright, neurotic, and like Hershey Bars. (addict)
My family is alive (or think they are) - my sister is twenty-one, married recently and a teacher.
My father is now in the jewelry business but has been many things (but not a father) including a waiter for many years.
My mother has always been a bookkeeper in a flower shop.
When I was a child they’d give me a quarter and I’d let them alone. Now I give them money and they let me alone.
I live (contrary to the incessant myth about me living in Greenwich Village, which I never did or claimed to, I just dress in expensive but ill fitting clothes so I guess it looks sort of that way) on the chic upper east side on Manhattan and have for the past eight years or nine years. I love it there, adore Fifth Avenue, and wouldn’t want to live anyplace else.
I do not own a car or dog.
I enjoy working both writing and any form of performing.
I hated performing at first but now I like it. It was hard to make the adjustment from the closed room to facing people but my managers forced me.
Whereas I was friendless and alone three years ago, I now have a girl friend, managers, a press agent, a lawyer, and an accountant.
I like Sugar Ray Robinson, little blonde girls and William Butler Yeats.
I hate rising early, being beaten up and when I don’t get my way.
If I could have been anyone else I would have liked to have been Louis Armstrong.
 

 

 
(via Showbiz Imagery and Chicanery)

Previously on Dangerous Minds:
Woody Allen boxes a kangaroo, 1966
Woody Allen: Fascinating documentary made for French TV in 1979
Orson Welles hated Woody Allen