The tireless archivists at Retrospace are truly doing the Lord’s work with their amazing library of vintage magazine scans—check out these ridiculous early arcade game ads! To be fair, video game graphics were so crude at that point, it probably felt impossible to entice potential players using only the pixels of the game itself. Still, they really had a hard time (heh) divining the erotic potential from those massive things. Some of them barely make sense—why is a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader (knock-off?) trying to sell Strike Zone? They aren’t even the same sport!
On some level, I appreciate the crudest ones most of all, and the Shark Attack ad comes out ahead on that one. (A disembodied ass? “Thrust and Munch?” Seriously?) On the other hand, attempts to keep it classy are even more hilarious. There’s been a little moral panic around arcade games since pinball was invented. To concerned parents, all change-devouring consoles smacked of gambling and juvenile delinquency. I assume the more wholesome—dare I sat “classier?”—ads were an effort to brand video games as harmless fun. How that translates to twins in prom dresses, I do not know, but hey, I do kind of want to play Deep Scan now!
Many more ‘sexy’ vintage video game ads after the jump…
Students of Internet culture know all about “Rule 34.” Rule 34 is an adage which asserts that “if something exists, there is porn of it.”
We can now add Charles Manson and his “family” to the list of things we didn’t expect to see given the porn treatment, but HERE WE ARE.
Adult Video News recently reported on the release of Manson Family XXX, an adult film directed by Will Ryder.
A TMZ report from last year reveals that Sharon Tate’s sister, Debra Tate, called Manson Family XXX “the lowest of lows” and vowed to sue the producers if they dared use Sharon’s name or likeness. As the film falls under the umbrella of “parody,” it is protected speech. Tasteless, but nevertheless protected.
Director Will Ryder stated, “The timing couldn’t be more perfect and we’ve had to put the brakes on this release for a while now due to certain legal challenges that I don’t want to talk about, but NBC is paving the way for us to have a summer blockbuster,” referring to NBC’s recently-premiered Aquarius, a “historical fiction” program based on the events surrounding the Manson Family.
Director, Ryder, claims his film explores “hippie love and intense sexual acts that took place at the Spahn Ranch near Los Angeles back in the late 1960s.”
“We actually shot much of our movie on that very land,” Ryder said.
Ryder added that his movie is a parody and “not sponsored, endorsed or affiliated with Charles Manson or any members of the Manson Family, the victims, the LAPD, Vincent Bugliosi or the Los Angeles district attorney’s office, NBC Universal or any distributors, actors, producers, writers, publishers, their estates or assignees.”
Best to cover your bases.
We have to admit, the scenes in the trailer seem like they could kinda be historically accurate. Group sex and heavy drug use were undoubtedly facts of “family life” on the Spahn Ranch.
Ryder seems to have at least convinced himself that his parody porn is a tasteful historical document of the Family:
I have to make myself clear that I am in no way glorifying murder and neither is NBC Television or any of the other mainstream production companies that are in production on Manson related projects.
We are telling parts of the Manson Family folklore just like the writers and producers of dozens of books, movies and television documentaries have told over the years. We’re just going to see them completely naked participating in all kinds of sexual exploration including wild animalistic group sex.
Here’s the pretty-much-safe-for-work trailer for “Manson Family XXX”:
Journey drummer Deen Castronovo ‘charged with rape’ after being arrested following altercation with wife: The musician has had more charges added after being arrested for a domestic violence-related incident earlier this month. (Mirror)
‘The poor, the young, the black and the stupid’: Inside Big Tobacco’s plans to kill a billion people. (Pando)
Trump near top of the Republican pack in Michigan: This is getting better and better by the day. (Public Policy Polling)
Atheists Remind People of Death: New research shows that atheists trigger death-related thoughts, which can cause some people to cling even more tightly to their religious values. (Smithsonian)
US military teams up with British company to create hoverbike technology: The US Department of Defense has joined forces with Britain’s Malloy Aeronautics to develop flying motorcycles as military reconnaissance vehicles. Flying motorcycles! (BT.com)
9,500 expected at Wisconsin rally for Bernie Sanders: Sanders says he believes the progressive movement that existed for years in Wisconsin is now spreading throughout the country. (Fox News)
Who thought that an #AskBobby Jindal Twitter dialogue would be a good idea? “When you disband the Supreme Court for disagreeing with you, will the Koch brothers buy you another?” (Salon)
Phyllis Schlafly Proposes Congressional Resolution Affirming The Dignity Of Straight People: She has a proposal for Congress: Pass a resolution affirming the “dignity of opposite-sex married couples,” especially that of couples where “a provider-husband is the principal breadwinner and his wife is dedicated to the job of homemaker.” She’s 90 now. Bless. (Right Wing Watch)
Cop Resigns After Being Arrested on Battery Charges For Pepper-Spraying an Infant Girl: Charles Edelen pepper-sprayed the baby during a domestic dispute involving his estranged wife. (Alternet)
The Saddest Story You Will Ever Read About Keith Urban: If you enjoy people vastly overestimating the size of their own celebrity, you will enjoy it. (Defamer)
Curing the Redneck Mindset: When right-wing revolutionaries burn up churches—why aren’t we asking where are the fathers? (Alternet)
Our outrage over China’s Yulin dog meat festival exposes a disgusting hypocrisy: “What really matters is the ability to suffer and feel pain. In those respects, scientists agree, the animals we love and the animals we eat are all the same.” (New York Daily News)
The first trailer for Oliver Stone’s ‘Snowden’ biopic with Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Out this Christmas:
If you’re wondering why The Satanic Temple is hoping to house the titanic sculpture of Baphomet in Oklahoma’s State Capitol, let me clear that up for you. Although they have yet to be granted permission (and promise to sue the state if request is denied), TST wants Baphomet to sit next to the six-foot tall Ten Commandments statue (built with the help of “private” funding), that has stood on the grounds of the Oklahoma State Capitol since 2012. Coincidently, said statue was smashed up in 2014 by a guy who said he was acting on “Satan’s” orders. The statue was then restored and returned to its original spot at the Capitol. However, in an interesting turn of events late today, it looks like the controversial statue’s days are indeed numbered
Satan says SMASH!
In a decisive 7-2 decision, the Oklahoma Supreme Court ruled that the Ten Commandments statue must be removed as it violates the state’s constitutional ban on the use of public property for the benefit of a religion. While this decision does not bode well for TST, it will be interesting to see how this one shakes out given Oklahoma’s highly conservative constituency. I also wouldn’t be surprised if TST starts looking for a new home for Baphomet. Still, I think it’s safe to say that times are indeed changing in this country. And fast.
The massive statue will be officially unveiled on July 25th at a rather un-satanic sounding spot called Bert’s Warehouse Theater in Detroit, with entertainment provided by DJ William Morrison of Skinny Puppy/OhGr related infamy. Attendance is open to the public and tickets to the event will cost you $25 bucks. VIP tickets will run you $75 and include your very own photo with Baphomet. Dressing to impress satan is also highly encouraged. Nice.