FOLLOW US ON: follow us in feedly
GET THE NEWSLETTER
CONTACT US
‘I like big Bibles and I cannot lie’: The best worst Christian rap song ever


 
It’s ten years old and has been viewed over three million times, but I’m constantly surprised that whenever I reference this thing in conversation, no one ever has any idea what I’m talking about. If you’ve never seen the best worst Christian rap song of all time, then this is required viewing. You can thank me after you’ve been “saved.”

Dan “Southpaw” Smith, a preacher with the Momentum Christian Church in Cleveland, Ohio, created this groaner of a parody track in 2005. It went wildly viral at the time, both among “the faithful” and among the Internet-schadenfreude-worshipping Rebecca Black-fan crowd.

This magnificently stupid re-write of the 1992 hit “Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix-A-Lot is just moronically clever enough to have earned its place in the YouTube viral hits hall of fame.
 

 

So your girlfriend quotes Bill Hybels.
But does she got a big Bible?
Cuz that little thing she’s got won’t start a revival.
My Bible study don’t want none,Unless you got book, Hon.

Before this song, I was totally unaware that Bible size mattered. But apparently it’s a big deal. At least to Southpaw Smith.
 

 
Via: “Southpaw” Smith’s website, “White Boy DJ”

Posted by Christopher Bickel
|
01.21.2016
08:45 am
|
See Tom Cruise starring as Jesus at Bible museum populated with wax celebrity castoffs
08.18.2015
12:49 pm
Topics:
Tags:


 
The town of Mansfield, Ohio, lies about halfway between Cleveland, on Lake Erie, and the state capital Columbus in the center of the state. The city is known for hosting the Miss Ohio pageant and as the birthplace of Luke Perry of Beverly Hills, 90210—and as the location of BibleWalk, purportedly Ohio’s only life-size wax museum.

The full name of BibleWalk is the Living Bible Museum. It has been in operation since 1983 and welcomes 40,000 curious visitors through its doors annually. The purpose of the museum is to illustrate scenes from the Bible with wax figures in dioramas, much like exhibits at the Museum of Natural History. 

The museum features more than 300 figures, many of them reclaimed after having been discarded from other museums—which means that there are more than a few celebrities and famous people in the mix. When the figures “true” identities shine through the Biblical costumes, it can make for an odd experience.

Among the Hollywood movie stars you might spot in the museum are Tom Cruise, Elizabeth Taylor, John Travolta, Steve McQueen, and two figures from British royalty: Prince Philip and Prince Charles.

Julia Mott-Hardin, the director of BibleWalk, will not admit patrons if she thinks they only want to see the celebrities in this odd context: “I’ve had calls from people who wanted to take the tour, but only if I accompanied them pointing out the celebrities. I refused. The museum is about glorifying God and his work.”

Some of the figures have not been identified (if they indeed are celebrities). Feel free to guess—is that one Al Pacino? Margot Kidder? Do you spot Gloria Steinem in there?
 

Tom Cruise as Jesus Christ
 

Elizabeth Taylor
 

Elizabeth Taylor, looking startled
 

George Harrison as God
 

Not the easiest to identify, but this monarch was originally John Travolta
 
More Biblical celebs after the jump…

READ ON
Posted by Martin Schneider
|
08.18.2015
12:49 pm
|
This photographer went to a Biblical theme park in Florida, so you don’t have to


Going through the metal detectors… just like Jesus used to to do
 
Photographer Daniel Cronin traveled far from his secular home of Portland, Oregon to the ancient and sacred land of Orlando, Florida to visit The Holy Land Experience, a Biblical theme park owned and operated by the Trinity Broadcasting Network (the station now run by that half-assed, pink haired Tammy Faye knock-off, Jan Crouch). It’s is about as chintzy as you’d expect—lots of suspiciously Nordic-looking Jesi, a disorienting sense of anachronism with costumed employees running the snack stands and metal detectors, the gory crucifixion reenactment, a slightly Rococo color palette—the works, really.

As with all televangelist ventures, The Holy Land Experience (which is legally a non-profit) has been mired in controversy. Founded by Marvin Rosenthal (who was born Jewish before his conversion, if you hadn’t guessed), the park attracted the ire of the Jewish Defense League who protested its opening believing it to be a ploy to convert Jews to Christianity. Of course it wouldn’t be Christian edutainment without some alleged misappropriation of funds—the HLE manages to avoid paying property taxes (amounting to $300,000 a year) by reclassifying itself as a “museum,” as opposed to, you know, a theme park. Also, HLE Director and CEO Jan Crouch has been accused (by her own granddaughter, no less) of ripping off both the Trinity Broadcasting Network and the park. For two years during The Holy Land Experience’s construction, her two pampered pooches (both Maltese, a toy breed) got their own luxury hotel room adjoining her own.

You know… just like Jesus’s pups!
 

 

 

 
More after the jump…

READ ON
Posted by Amber Frost
|
10.20.2014
09:29 am
|