Akron police seek ‘Bowel Movement Bandit,’ serial car defecator
Oh, Northeast Ohio, I love you. Akron police are seeking a man now dubbed, probably by some rubbish local news program, the “Bowel Movement Bandit,” suspected of having shat on as many as nineteen cars parked in residential driveways. But police have an excellent lead—the gentleman caller has been clearly photographed red-assed in the act of Cleveland-steamering an innocent sedan:
Officers are searching for someone they said has defecated on 19 parked cars in driveways.
The bowel movement bandit strikes between 5:30 and 6:30 a.m. On Wednesday morning, a resident caught the suspect on film.
I have nothing to add except that it sure would be wonderful if his name turned out to be “Browning.”