I’m sure that many readers of this blog are familiar with the legendary Plaster Casters, the Chicago groupies who made Plaster of Paris molds of rock star cocks, starting in the late 60s with Jimi Hendrix and later the likes of Jello Biafra and Ariel Pink. There’s even a KISS song about them. But did you know that Cynthia Plaster Caster and her friend Dianne (“the designated giver of blowjobs”) also had an album?

Well they did. Kinda. Sort of. Well not really… Apparently only their name is on it, not their actual voices. I doubt they even got paid for it. It’s a groupie-themed novelty record where unsurprisingly the actual music (a competent group of session players jamming on some highly enjoyable blues-rock) takes a backseat to the album cover and the nudge-nudge-wink-wink song titles which tend to promise a whole lot more than they actually deliver on.
 

 
For instance there’s “Lanoola Goes Limp” (referencing, apparently, an in-joke among the members of Paul Revere & The Raiders) or “Seven Foot Drummer From Fleetwood Mac.” And who wouldn’t want to listen to “Joint Venture” or “You Didn’t Try To Ball Me (For Frank Zappa)”? What about the intriguingly titled “Diane’s Blue Plate Special” (“plating” = “fluffing” in the Plaster Caster vernacular) or “Blues For Big Jimi”?

By the way, it’s almost entirely instrumental. Don’t get me wrong, it’s actually pretty good! If you like “groovy” sounds, I don’t want to scare you off, this might be for you.

The album was produced by music business veteran Bob Thiele and released on his newly launched New York-based Flying Dutchman record label, which mostly released jazz and blues, including important albums by Gil Scott-Heron, Gato Barbieri, Oliver Nelson, Lonnie Liston Smith and Thiele’s wife, pop singer Teresa Brewer. Flying Dutchman also released albums of speeches by Black radicals H. Rap Brown, Angela Davis and cultural critic Stanley Crouch, but nothing else that I am aware of quite like The Plaster Casters Blue Band.

The Girls Together Outrageously this is not. And who would have retailed something like this in 1969? Dirty bookstores? How anyone thought they would make a buck on such a product—I remind you that these are not songs with “dirty” lyrics, but instrumentals—is mystifying, but I applaud this misguided, weirdo effort.

More after the jump…

The lovely Miss Cynthia Plaster Caster
 
The 1970 documentary Groupies does not portray the lives of its subjects as particularly appealing. There are some famous faces—namely Pamela Des Barres (billed as “Miss Pamela”), and Cynthia Plaster Caster (listed as “Cynthia P. Caster”), but the most interesting people on screen aren’t the rock stars of the groupie world, as it were. From the very start of the film, testimonies from young, bleary-eyed, often chemically altered girls express at least as much ambivalence and regret as revelry. The girls often look a little haggard, arguing among themselves, gossiping about this or that groupie’s age or laughing off some rock star’s wife or serious girlfriend. The sexual competition produces no culture of sisterhood, that’s for sure.

With artists like Joe Cocker, Ten Years After, Terry Reid, Spooky Tooth, and Cat Mother, you’re not looking at the most “elite” of their class, which frankly makes for a more interesting documentary. A girl recounts the tale of being grabbed by the throat by a random bar patron who was under the impression that she was for the taking—luckily, she had mace on hand. In another scene, a musician asks a girl if she has the clap. Plainly, she says that she did, but recently cleared it up with penicillin. Unflappable, her potential partner asks if she has any more left. Adventure is never without risk, but both groupies and musicians are fearless.

Fascinatingly, the doc also covers male groupies—about whom there is very little discourse out there. Chaz, a young gay man, is desperate to get to Terry Reid, but he’s out of his mind on drugs, barely able to speak or stay awake. This doesn’t stop him from throwing himself at musicians, but it’s utterly tragic, even when everyone manages to let him down easy. In a less merciful scene, a runaway named Iris calls home—she’s terrified of her father’s response, even though she’s only a teenager. Later, Ten Years After (with whom she’d been traveling) drop her, while other artists try to get her to join their own caravan. It’s as if she’s being shuffled around by the men of the scene.

The film is truly brutal, but well worth a watch—an intense look at the seedy underbelly of an often-glamorized scene.
 

 
Cynthia Plaster Caster (born Cynthia Albritton) is the famous “super groupie” who, in the late 60’s started using a substance concocted for dental molds to memorialize the Johnsons of celebrity musicians in plaster. On her website, Ms. Plaster Caster describes herself as having been a shy person when she was young. Looking for a way to stand out from the throngs of other groupies swarming around rock star hotel rooms, she created an official sounding “organization” called the Plaster Casters of Chicago and gained access to many a celebrity’s private parts, probably most famously, Jimi Hendrix. 

Legend has it that there were a few complications with the Hendrix “procedure.”

Here’s Cynthia’s tale about the almost botched attempt to cast Hendrix’s apparently prodigious member:

Because this was one of my first shots at plaster casting, the end result came out kind of gnarly. I prematurely cracked the mold open, only to find a still-moist, broken cast inside. So yes, Jimi did in fact, break the mold! But thanks to Elmer’s Glue, I managed to reconnect the head to the shaft to the testicles. Very statuesque and antique-looking; like Grecian art. The Canadian underground paper Georgia Straight called it the “Penis de Milo.” There’s no denying that Jimi towers over most of my collection. His long, thick shaft combined with his disproportionately small head brings a shudder to the spinal cord!

Jimi’s pubes got stuck in the mold because I didn’t lube them enough. I spent the next 15 minutes pulling out each individual hair one by one, while he had intercourse with just the right sized repository — his negative impression! This unexpected delay made him late for his show that evening, where he was seen scratching his crotch a lot onstage.

 

The Plaster Casters of Chicago
 
Despite this early setback of sorts, Cynthia has had years to perfect her technique. In the ensuing decades she’s preserved the pricks of everyone from the MC5’s Wayne Kramer to David Yow of The Jesus Lizard eventually even branching out to breast casts, the only preservation process she seems to prefer these days. She’s cast the dirty pillows of Karen O from The Yeah Yeah Yeahs as well as those of performer/provocateur Peaches among several others. Indeed, for $500 you can have your own bust (whether of the male or female variety) preserved for posterity by the legendary artist herself.

And as if that weren’t stimulating enough, you and your significant other now have the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to, as Cynthia Plaster Caster puts it: “Learn to Plaster from the Master!” 

Here’s what she has to say on her website (where you can also find her contact information and a sidebar menu made entirely of animated dicks):

Rather than designing just another do-it-yourself kit, I thought it would be fun to teach people one on one (or, rather one on two) how to cast their significant other’s – significant body parts…

For $3500, I will walk two lovers, gay or straight, start to finish, through the entire process (approximately two days). This would consist of: mixing dental mold, making the plaster cast, cracking it out of the mold and filing off excess plaster. All materials are included. Your city or mine (Chicago). If I have to travel to your town, my round-trip airfare and hotel accommodations would be in addition to the fee. I’ll take notes as per my tradition, and issue a diploma – presuming the course will be passed with flying colors (hey, if I can do it ANYBODY can do it!). Cameras are allowed (but not for commercial purposes).

Just so you know – I won’t be doing any casting or stimulating. I’ll only be the coach on the sidelines. This is not for MY collection. It’s for YOURS! And YOU get to keep the trophies!

More after the jump…

 
Cynthia Plaster Caster (Cynthia Albritton) is running for Mayor of Chicago. Cynthia was the founder in 1968 of The Plaster Casters of Chicago who were notorious for making plaster casts of rock stars’ cocks. Her crowning achievement was immortalizing Jimi Hendrix’s pecker in plaster. Cynthia who is now in her fifties has turned her attention away from the low end of rock stars’ anatomies to the lower depths of politics. She knows a lot about dicks so she should fit right in. Visit her website here.

I am not a politician. I am an everyday citizen that is sick and tired of seeing the problems of our city escalate and I believe we ALL need to participate in helping to make our city the best it can be. Please join me by being a part of this election process. Tell your friends and family to actively engage in being informed about what is REALLY happening in City Hall RIGHT UNDER OUR NOSES! I will do my best to let you know what I learn along the way AND if you know something that we should all know, join me on Facebook and Twitter and tell everyone.

Neil Hamburger endorses Cynthia for Mayor.
 

 
Trailer for the documentary Plaster Caster.