I have to confess, I’m a little bit fascinated with the Monkees’ song—if you can call it that—”Zilch.” Buried on side B of their 1967 masterpiece Headquarters, “Zilch” has recently struck me as one of the keys to unscrambling the Monkees’ impressive legacy. Even allowing for the experimental 1960s in which everyone was trying everything, even allowing for the ever-present Beatles influence that constituted part of the Monkees’ damnable raison d’être, even allowing for the possibly amateurish execution, “Zilch” seems to fly in the face of the charge the Monkees were always trying to live down, that they were just a bunch of TV actors looking to cash in on a craze, a charge that was all the more troubling because there was a fair bit of truth to it. The Monkees’ bugaboo always was and always would be “authenticity,” more so than for any other band, and the Monkees’ quest to seize control over the means of production, which ultimately happened but didn’t necessarily lead to long-lasting artistic fruition, should warm the heart of any right-thinking Marxist.

Like almost everyone born after the release of Headquarters, I first encountered “Zilch” as a sample/inspiration for “Mistadobalina,” the 1991 song by Del Tha Funkee Homosapien, without the slightest clue where it had come from—at the time it seemed most likely that it was an inside joke among Del and his buddies or something of the kind. The catchy and slightly discombobulating phrase “Mista Dobalina, Mista Bob Dobalina” is such an ideal hook for a rap song, and I’m sure I share with many, many younger DM readers that “Well I’ll be hog-tied!” moment when you have Headquarters on and you realize that the irresistible hook was spoken by Peter fucking Tork! (I notice that even Richard, whom I regard as an unimpeachable expert on all pre-1983 rock music and would have supposed might have been aware of the phrase’s provenance all along, went through this same process as well.)

I’m sure I’m placing waaaay too much stock in “Zilch,” it might not be the secret key to anything. What I do know is that it’s great, and every time I have Headquarters on I raise the needle after “Zilch” is over and play it again.

We’ve all heard isolated tracks for songs by the Beatles, the Stones, the Carpenters, et al., and gaped at the impossible artistry. Here we have a slightly more mundane, and yet entirely pleasurable, version of the same thing—isolated vocal tracks for “Zilch.” They come off Rhino’s Headquarters Sessions 3-CD set, released in 2000, which today is a little hard to find, it sells on Amazon for just shy of $400. (The “Zilch” isolated tracks are not, however, on the sampler vinyl collection Selections from the Headquarters Sessions.)

Enjoy.

Here they are, in order of appearance on the track:
 
TORK: “Mister Dobalina, Mister Bob Dobalina”

 
More Monkees after the jump…

 
I’ve been on a bit of a Monkees kick recently. The other day I was listening to Headquarters album—something I’ve not put on in years and years—and within seconds of the track “Zilch” starting, Tara and I looked at one another like “Hey, this is where the sample from “Mistadobalina” comes from!”
 

 
“Zilch” is a nonsensical, dada fugue composed and performed by all four Monekees. It begins with Peter Tork saying “Mr. Dobolina, Mr. Bob Dobolina. Mr. Dobolina, Mr. Bob Dobolina,” etc., before Davy Jones comes in with “Zilch. China clipper calling Alameda. China clipper calling Alameda,” etc., before Micky Dolenz comes in with “Zilch. Never mind the furthermore, the plea is self defense. Never mind the furthermore, the plea is self defense,” (which is a line from Oklahoma) and Mike finally joins in with “Zilch. It is of my opinion that the people are intending. It is of my opinion that the people are intending,” etc. Ultimately the four repeat these lines faster and faster until they break up in laughter.

The Monkees would sometimes sing “Zilch” as they entered a public performance. It was also used in one episode where they’re being interrogated by a police sergeant and a bit of “Zilch” is what they respond with.

Below, the video for Del tha Funkee Homosapien’s hip-hop classic, “Mistadobalina”:
 

 
The other samples used by Del tha Funkee Homosapien in “Mistadobalina” are “Pin the Tail on the Funky” by Parliament and James Brown’s “Stone To The Bone.”

“Zilch” is also referenced in the film Honeymoon in Vegas when “Bob Dobalina” is paged over a PA system.