How’s this for a movie blurb:
Dolla Morte a film so disgusting, so disturbing, it had to be made with dolls.
‘Okay. I’m in. But I’m not sure about the dolls.’
‘Who made it?
Bill Zebub. He made Metalheads, Assmonster, Forgive Me For Raping You, Jesus Christ - Serial Rapist, Frankenstein the Rapist...
‘Okay. So, what’s the story?’
Well, the story as DM pal, David Flint explains over at his superb Strange Things Are Happening site, concerns…
Jesus being the first Vampire and George W. Bush looking to find the Holy Grail and drink his blood to become immortal (under orders from Hitler) - yeah, that has potential to be pretty wild, especially when you throw in Vlad The Impaler / Dracula, Osama bin Laden, Saddam Hussein and the Pope.
‘Wow. So what happens?’
A lot of “shocking things”.
....there’s Christ having sex with himself, the Pope anally raped, female dolls mutilated and tortured, alongside plenty of racism and desperately offensive dialogue. But Zebub blows any sense of taboo-busting with a very long and apologetic introduction in which he explains that none of this should be taken seriously and that no offence is meant, not even to the President (Bush at the time). C’mon Bill, have the courage of your convictions!
‘Jeez…no wonder they used dolls.’
‘And he got paid for this?’
‘I’m in the wrong job.’
‘Is it any good?’
Not really. Here’s David Flint’s review:
Unfortunately, any potential is lost in a mix of really, really shoddy production values and the sort of clumsy shock-value humour you might expect to come out of a fourteen year old metalhead trying to upset his parents.The only good thing here is the cover art (and possibly some of the soundtrack).
‘Okay. Maybe I’ll give it a miss, but I wouldn’t mind seeing the trailer just to be sure.’
Your wish is my command…
Bonus clip of ‘Dolla Morte’, after the jump…
With thanks to David Flint