(The alternate title could have been “Loggins and Messiah,” but I went with the one I thought was the most, you know, commercial).
In case you have trouble reading it, here’s what it says:
Who is this man?
Kenny Loggins.How does his death help us?
No more bad songs.Why is it important we remember him?
Highway to the Danger Zone was ok.
Yes, even Jesus needed an ID card to skate back in the day.
As a side note: They’re probably ‘shopped—maybe not—but this is still funny, nonetheless.
Bonus image, below:
Photo source: The World’s Best Ever
Or something like that.
Rene Cantu a 26-year-old San Antonio man who says he suffered from bad luck claims his life changed for the better when he saw the face of Jesus burned into the tortilla of his breakfast burrito.
I like how he takes his own personal (burrito) Jesus with him when he buys his lotto tickets. I think I would do that too. Via KVUE TV:
“I’ve been having a lot of bad stuff happen to me,” said Cantu. “Ever since this happened it’s been good luck to me. Every time I take it to the store I get a Lotto and I win!”
He said it also reminds him of his blessed life.
“A little Savior watching over me,” said Cantu as he glanced at his tortilla wrapped in a fur blanket. Cantu keeps it well preserved in a box, and even poured transparent glue over it to seal it.
“It brings me a lot of faith and hope and maybe I can bring people faith and hope, too,” he said.
Via Christian Nightmares, now accepting submissions at Christian Nightmares, Too. Tell of your Christian nightmare, why don’t you?
These will go nicely with my fake Virgin Mary Rolex.
There’s so much going on in this painting, titled “Jesus Broke Out the Lambchop Puppet and Hired an Angel to Try and Cheer Up a Clinically Depressed Paul McCartney,” by Kata Billups, that I just had to share.
Instead of breaking this puppy down for you, I zoomed in and took a few detailed screen shots so you can figure out what the hell is going on here on your own.
It’s deep.
From the artist:
This scenario from my imagination shows Jesus visiting a clinically depressed Paul McCartney. He is sitting on Paul’s right side and slides a Lamb chop Puppet in to Paul’s peripheral field of vision. Paul hasn’t bothered to get out of his robe. His white socks dangle off the ends of his toes. He is depressed and disheveled. On the wall behind him is the cause of his plight… Yoko…
Who is the happy, house-cleaning angel supposed to represent, I wonder?
The painting is currently on eBay and has a “Buy It Now” for $177,000.000.
Note to self: Screen ALL calls from now on…
(via Joe. My. God. )
Redditor Feature_Creature posted this photo of his cute little pug’s behind and says, “It’s a MIRACLE! Take that…. Jesus toast.”
I think this is the longest I’ve ever stared at a dog’s puckered starfish.
Click here to see larger image.
(via reddit )
There’s a fascinating article at Michigan Live about the faith community’s efforts to connect to the burgeoning Occupy Wall Street movement. I must say (and I’m as secular as they come) I did actually describe my three recent visits to Occupy Wall Street to several people as being like “Going to a new church and EVERYONE you meet is friendly and very WELCOMING.” There’s something special going on at Zuccotti Park and if you think otherwise you are… wrong.
It makes sense that a state as hard hit economically as Michigan has been would have clergy so supportive of the anti-capitalist protests. It’s because they know what post-capitalism looks like in Michigan! The clergy truly cater to the poor there, it’s not a joke to them. The support for Occupy Wall Street is even coming directly from the pulpit as the (appropriate) question is asked:
If Jesus were alive today, would he be at Occupy Wall Street movement?
As senior pastor of the nondenominational Fountain Street Church, [Rev. Fred] Wooden delivered a sermon this month which highlighted the similarities between the Occupy movement’s cry for economic equality and the gospel story of Jesus cleansing the temple by casting out the money changers.
But Wooden didn’t stop at words when it came to expressing solidarity with the Occupy movement. The church has allowed the Occupy Grand Rapids protesters to camp in its parking lot at night and is providing other support measures.
It appears the movement has found an ally in the faith community due to their cry for social and economic justice. On Monday, the Vatican’s call for the establishment of a “global public authority” and a “central world bank” to rule over financial institutions was seen immediately as a measure of support for Occupy Wall Street.
“The economic and financial crisis which the world is going through calls everyone, individuals and peoples, to examine in depth the principles and the cultural and moral values at the basis of social coexistence,” the Vatican’s Justice and Peace document said.
—Snip—
Although some have criticized the movement’s message as muddled and diluted by fringe elements taking rhetorical refuge under the Occupy umbrella, Belief Watch columnist Lisa Miller points out that the Jesus of history would have loved them all.
Jesus gave preferential treatment to society’s outcasts, wrote Miller recently in the Washington Post. “Lepers, tax collectors, prostitutes — all would attain heaven before the ordained elites.” And, she argues, Jesus says in the Gospels that the meek will inherit the Earth.
“There would be no Wall Street if Jesus and Mohammad had their way,” said Ghazala Munir, one of the founders of the Interfaith Dialogue Association in West Michigan, during the Oct. 19 panel discussion at Fountain Street Church.Jim Wallis, founder of Sojourners and current chair of the Global Agenda Council on Faith for the World Economic Forum, recently wrote a new book called “Rediscovering Values: On Wall Street, Main Street, and Your Street — A Moral Compass for the New Economy.”
“Don’t expect the Occupy protesters to produce a list of policy demands, Wallis said. That’s not their purpose. Rather, they are creating space for the fundamental questions about social justice that weren’t being asked before this fall.”Wallis said Washington, D.C., is not a place where change originates, but where change arrives. If nothing else, the movement has been successful in refocusing the media and politicians on the problem of inequality, he said.
“The Bible says you see the truth of a society more clearly from the bottom and the edges than from the top.”
It’s interesting to read this brain-damaged comments thread at NewsBusters for the opposite side of this issue, including who Jesus would hate, using nukes on OWS, etc, etc.
For more of the flipside of things, rightwing radio fuckwit Michael Savage pukes up some bile on the “Would Jesus Occupy Wall Street?” question: “Jesus was not a communist, that I can tell you!” sez Savage. What kind of bitter, mean old white guys would listen to a radio show like this every day? A few minutes of Michael Savage is enough to be mildly upsetting. He’s a humorless, witless creep who makes Rush Limbaugh seem like a master showman by comparison. Enjoy!
At least The Lord, Our Savior isn’t making “duckface.”
(via Cynical-C)
A progressive Christian group is pressuring U.S. Rep. Michele Bachmann to support President Obama’s jobs plan using the story of the loaves and fishes to demand a tax increase on the wealthiest Americans. Although I think this is hilarious and support their efforts, good luck with this line of reasoning and “Crazy Eyes”. Via the Minnesota Independent:
“Jesus would support this bill,” said Brandon Nessen, the group’s spokesperson. “Ask the wealthiest to contribute so that ordinary families can get back on two feet again.”
The group will re-enact the biblical story of Jesus Christ using either five or seven loaves of bread and several small fish, depending on the version of the story, to feed thousands of starving people. The story is seen as a lesson to help the less fortunate.
The event is being organized by members of the “religious left,” according to a press release. “A group of church-going progressives will descend on her Woodbury office to ask her to support President Obama’s jobs bill, which would use revenue from taxes on the wealthiest Americans to pay for infrastructure projects and other bipartisan policies aimed at stimulating job growth,” the group’s statement said. “The group will reenact a version of the biblical story of Loaves and Fishes to demonstrate that Jesus created abundance from apparent scarcity just as Congress could do with the President’s jobs package.”
The group, calling itself the “Spirit of Truth Faith Community” describe themselves as “a faith community from the Christian tradition that strives to put love and justice at the center of everything we do. We are a group of people who realized we wanted to live out our values of love and justice, and that we needed a faith community to do it.”
The cognitive dissonance that this must cause for Bachmann is funny to contemplate…
“Joe Simmons used to be your average teenager…”
The less said about this before you watch it, the better, probably…
This clip is from a video entitled “How to be a Real Man,” found at a flea market in Berea, Ohio. Why does he punch his friend in the face for no reason at all?
The Bible (allegedly) autographed by Jesus Christ himself is up for auction on eBay with a starting bid of $1,000,000.69. I like how Jesus dots his “i” with a heart.
You are bidding on an extremely rare copy of a “THE BIBLE.” written by. Jesus, et al.
What makes this copy so rare is that it is autographed by JESUS CHRIST himself!!! It appears he has signed it using a royal blue Expo marker…which makes it even more valuable.
Book is ‘like new’ with some slight use. I’m not pointing fingers at Jesus or anything, but someone has included some crudely drawn PENISES on a few of the pages.
*** PLEASE NOTE ***
AND THIS IS EXTREMELY EXTREMELY EXTREMELY IMPORTANT…. The VHS copy of “The Fly” is NOT included in the auction sale. Thank you!
“THE BIBLE” Autographed by JESUS CHRIST himself RARE
(via reddit)
A young Christian couple in South Carolina believe they have found the face of Jesus in a Wal-Mart receipt:
Jacob Simmons and his fiancee, Gentry Lee Sutherland, said they bought some pictures from Walmart on Sunday, June 12.
The following Wednesday, the couple had just come home from a church service when Simmons spotted the receipt on the floor of Sutherland’s apartment. He says the receipt had changed.
“I was leaving the kitchen and I just looked on the floor, and it was like it was looking at me,” Simmons said.
A dark gray mark on the receipt seems to show two eyes, a nose and a mouth in a thickly bearded face.
“Then the more you look at it, the more it looked like Jesus, and it was just shocking, breathtaking,” Simmons said.
The couple said the image seemed to answer a question they had just been asked at church.
“We had a message on knowing God, abiding in him,” Sutherland said. “(The preacher asked) ‘If you know God, would you recognize him if you saw him?’”
Good question.
I don’t know… to me this looks EXACTLY like the homeless guy who lives behind the liquor store around the corner. Or Charles Manson. I also see Harry Dean Stanton, but I see him everywhere (and yes, I’m on medication for that).
Ha-ha, I always knew this would eventually happen. It was only a matter of time…
Christian voters must choose: Ayn Rand or Jesus.
GOP leaders and conservative pundits have brought upon themselves a crisis of values. Many who for years have been the loudest voices invoking the language of faith and moral values are now praising the atheist philosopher Ayn Rand whose teachings stand in direct contradiction to the Bible. Rand advocates a law of selfishness over love and commands her followers to think only of themselves, not others. She said her followers had to choose between Jesus and her teachings.
GOP leaders want to argue that they are defending Christian principles. But, at the same time, Rep. Paul Ryan (author of the GOP budget) is posting facebook videos praising Rand’s morality and saying hers is the “kind of thinking that is sorely needed right now.” Simply put, Paul Ryan can’t have it both ways, and neither can Christians. As conservative evangelical icon Chuck Colson recently stated, Christians can not support Rand’s philosophy and Christ’s teachings. The choice is simple: Ayn Rand or Jesus Christ. We must choose one and forsake the other.
The Republican Party IS in the grips of a long-dead, fanatically anti-Christian cult leader. Straight up, I’d have to say that this message is on point. (I might add that it was Ayn Rand more than ANY other figure who caused me to “lose my religion” when I was a pre-teen. This is about the ONLY good thing that came of my brief junior high school infatuation with Ayn Rand’s books.)
The far-right cultural warriors are turning on each other! Fantastic!
Ayn Rand on why the Christian Message is “Monstrous” and Christ’s Teachings are “Evil” (American Values Network)
