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Angry eBay seller calls out Kevin Shields of My Bloody Valentine for being a ‘complete jerk moron’
12.21.2015
06:09 pm
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DAKING Sidecar 1112 32 Channel analog pre-amp mixer

Local Pickup or Buyer arranges Freight

PRICE DOES NOT INCLUDE FREIGHT

NO PAYPAL AT ALL

No TRADES !!!!!

Please fly in and examine it but No returns / Sale is final

So begins a rather intense eBay listing that is not just mostly in ALL CAPS but posted in extra big bolded fonts, too, JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN’T HEAR HIM!

But have a lil’ sympathy for this eBay merchant, he’s really been put through the ringer by all the looky-loos…

Sorry folks but I have to say the following: If you don’t know what this is PLEASE research it on your own. I am not taking informational questions. I spent a lot of time explaining to folks what a “sidecar” is.

If you don’t understand what a 32 x 8 x 2 configuration is and that there is no master fader section since it is a SIDECAR,,,, PLEASE don’t ask. This means that you are not a professional and not qualified to buy or use this console. Sorry I don’t mean to be rude but a lot of you just assume that I am here to educate you. I just don’t have the time.

Clearly he doesn’t want just anyone’s money, he only wants the cash from those who know their SIDECAR from a mixing board. If you don’t know, then for the love of God, PLEASE don’t ask, okay?

If you don’t understand that this is a 300 pound configuration and have no experience shipping or picking up expensive electronics PLEASE don’t ask. This is a freight item only ($1500-$1800 within the U.S. and $4800 to the U.K. by a qualified and insured outfit like Rockit Cargo).

You got that? PLEASE don’t ask. If you don’t already know what A FREAKING SIDECAR IS, dude, then you probably wouldn’t want to buy one now, would you?

But just when you’re thinking, “Yeah, so this guy sounds like a bit of a control freak. He might have some unresolved anger management issues, too. And yes, he does seem a lot like a Seinfeld character… but why should I care about this if I don’t even know what a sidecar is myself?”
 

“Shut up your face, asshole! You don’t even know what a sidecar IS and you’re going to spend $40K on one? PLEASE stop wasting my time!”

It’s because in the very next paragraph of the listing, our hilariously aggressive friend here has decided to publicly call out none other than Kevin Shields of My Bloody Valentine fame—and a man who surely knows a sidecar from some other studio audio board doo-dad—who he claims weaseled his way out of a previous transaction:

If you intend to buy the console with the buy it now then STICK ME with the freight like a complete jerk moron by the name of (kevin shields from bloody valentine) did last year in England , definitely DO NOT ASK and DO NOT BUY IT NOW without understanding that there is FREIGHT to be added. Tha moron tried to pull a fast one on paypal claiming he expected free shipping. You need to pick this up in person or arrange for freight and pickup on your own.

The seller, a guy named Lee actually leaves his cellphone on this wonderful bit of rock snob comedy gold eBay listing. I feel like calling him and innocently asking what’s a sidecar? And what’s the deal with shipping? Does he pick that up as part of the “buy it now” price? There’s free shipping or what?

Thank you Tyler!

Posted by Richard Metzger
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12.21.2015
06:09 pm
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My Bloody Valentine’s Kevin Shields: ‘Britpop was a government conspiracy!’
10.03.2013
01:15 pm
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Tony Blair and Noel Gallagher
 
According to a story published by The Guardian today, the rise of “Cool Britannia” in the mid-1990s, when Blur and Oasis were among the world’s most talked-about bands, was deliberately engineered by the British intelligence agency MI5, according to My Bloody Valentine resident genius Kevin Shields. “Britpop was massively pushed by the government,” Shields said. “Someday it would be interesting to read all the MI5 files on Britpop. The wool was pulled right over everyone’s eyes there.”

It’s unclear whether this was intended as a partisan move—virtually all of Great Britain’s pop luminaries have supported Labour for years, after all. The Prime Minister was a Tory through the entire 1990s up until Tony Blair’s election in 1997—but Blur and Oasis had already achieved worldwide fame (and released their best albums) by that time. The support of people like Noel Gallagher and Damon Albarn for Blair is somewhat predictable—the same sort of thing happened in the United States when Barack Obama was running for president in 2008, and George Bush was running the executive branch so you can be damn sure the CIA wasn’t funding them. The thesis would run, I suppose, that the elevation of Britpop was intended to bolster Great Britain’s cultural prestige in general. On the other hand, it’s always a possibility that Shields is looking to explain the odd happenstance that the rousing, anthemic Beatles-influenced rock of Oasis widely outsold his own band’s brilliant, multi-layered, dreamy, feedback-heavy shoegazer fuzz rock.
 
Kevin Shields
 
Over the years, especially during the Cold War, governments have pushed certain artists to reinforce their own legitimacy. Prominent examples include the ballet, complete with machine guns, of the Mao era in the People’s Republic of China, the massive censorship of non-regime-approved artists in the Soviet bloc, and the U.S. government’s creation of The Paris Review (as detailed here) and the intellectual magazines Der Monat in Germany, Preuves in France, and Encounter in the U.K., all of which, despite the firm assumption of intellectual independence, received lavish funding from the CIA.

Guardian website user “alexito” wittily tried to imagine what “all the MI5 files on Britpop” would read like:

Commendation: Agent Gallagher, who successfully completed mission to stick his v’s up on TFI Friday.

Commendation: Agent Cocker, for sabotage of “MJ” performance.

Advised retiral of ‘Menswear’ unit.

Requisition order for Q dept: One (1) tit-exposing Union Jack minidress for Agent Halliwell.

 
Well, whatever. Shields may or may not be on to something here, but his musical work remains some of the most powerful and resonant rock music ever produced. Here’s Loveless if you haven’t listened to it lately:

Previously on Dangerous Minds:
My Bloody Valentine’s James Bond cover
Rupert Murdoch, Tony Blair and the River Jordan Baptismal Cult

Posted by Martin Schneider
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10.03.2013
01:15 pm
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