I think I might have once sent a professor of mine a long-dead fish in the mail. I know—boring! Where was CrabRevenge when I needed it? Who knew it’s not illegal (not specifically, and not in England, anyway) to deliberately infect an ex, loved one, or unsuspecting friend with crabs?
The site goes out of its way to let you to know it in no way, like, endorses infecting people with crabs. But, proving once again a good rhyme is hard to resist, its apparent motto is, “make that bitch itch.” For the still-curious (or still-scheming), Crabrevenge offers a choice of 3 color-coded crab packages:
GREEN: Single Crabs Colony. This colony may contain as many as 30 individual eggs in a single clutch. These will hatch within days of arrival and mature within the following week. This package is great for any one person and will definitely do the job.
BLUE: Three Crabs Colonies. Contains three batches of around 30 eggs. Use the first one straight away and you can freeze the other two batches for over 160 days, or…you could get revenge on three people at once or carpet bomb someone’s car or house to have them itching for a long time. Maybe your friends want in on the action and you would like to take advantage of the discount pricing?
RED: Shampoo Resistant F strain Crabs. One colony of F strain super crabs. We have gone through a lot of work but now we are finally able to introduce the F Strain Lice! These crabs are almost impossible to get rid off and have been through over a year of selective lab breeding to be the most aggressive and most reproductive species on the planet! This species can take up to two weeks to get rid off and apparently bite so much they cause the victim to scratch themselves raw and we can guarantee than nothing apart from two washes of everything the victim owns and a 100% delousing solution coverage will get rid of them!
The payment system at Crabrevenge seems to be down right now lending one, naturally, to suspect a hoax. If that’s so, you can visit its possibly more legitimate competitor site, RevengeCrabs.