Have you seen the offensive meme that the Tea Party.net people put up on their Facebook page? Cute ain’t it?

It got liked by over 68,000 people. In case you’ve got a 2x4 wedged in your eye socket, let me spell it out to you, the “people who vote for a living” are African-Americans, who proportionately outvoted Caucasian Americans for the first time ever in 2012.

It would be (too) easy to whip up an editorial tirade about this, but why bother when the “party” is going to be over soon enough anyway?

The glaring twin ironies at play here seem to be missed entirely by the dum-dum tea baggers: First, that the folks who consider themselves Tea partiers correspond pretty faithfully to the same demographic who still read newspapers in printed form and who are receiving, or who soon enough will receive Social Security benefits and Medicare.

Why not try to elect Republican candidates who will cut your own benefits so that billionaires can amass greater and great hordes of cash? Psst, hey Tea party people, the Republican party wants to cut benefits for white seniors too! [And guess what: SO DO MOST OF THE FUCKING DEMOCRATS—INCLUDING OBAMA!]

I don’t think those ‘baggers have really thought any of this stuff through.

The other thing is, who will replenish the Tea party ranks when these dickheads die off? Will this message resonate much with all of those recent college grads with debt up to their eyeballs, and no job prospects that pay higher than ten bucks an hour?

Some of the comments are pretty classic. What do you think?

See also:
Moms Working At Walmart Earn Less Than They Need To Feed Their Kids

Oh look… a shining city on a hill!

The Tea party, that supposedly populist political movement who never saw a tax cut for a billionaire it didn’t like BECAUSE FREEDOM, doesn’t really seem to quite “get” pop culture, even as they try desperately to emulate it, in ham-fisted efforts to appear hip.

Take for instance, Tea Party Patriots: A Movement On Fire! an odd exercise in far right, endtimes-themed agitprop that was screened at the recent conservative Republican confab, CPAC. The clip is a slickly produced, but paranoiac nod to both V for Vendetta and The Hunger Games that seems to be advocating for a decidedly non-democratic overthrow of the government. I picture inbred morons with Mountain Dew mouth watching and thinking “I would totally do that… if I could just lift myself off this couch…”

What “side” do these fucking planks pretend to themselves that they’re on, anyways?!?! Imagine what these folks would do if they were able to “take back” their country…

In The Hunger Games, the 1% live in obscene, preposterous luxury while the miserable proles are forced to work themselves to death and if they’re really unlucky, they get to participate in a spectator sport reality show (Sound like any country you know of, or maybe live in?). I don’t really think the Tea Party Patriots see themselves the same way that others see them, do you?

Heroes or zeroes, this is how the Teahadists are trying to appeal to young people. Imagine the flies this shit will attract! Superb!
 

 
FUN FACT: In 2011, Tea Party Patriots co-founder Mark Meckler was arrested at LaGuardia Airport in New York and charged with criminal possession of a weapon when he presented a Delta Airlines agent with his Glock!
 

 
Ultimately, the thing that Tea Party Patriots: A Movement On Fire! reminded me of was this brilliant sketch from That Mitchell and Webb Look:
 

True the Vote‘s Catherine Engelbrecht actually sees herself as a defender of democracy!

The Tea party-affiliated group True the Vote has been barred from monitoring polling places in Franklin County, the second largest county in Ohio — which includes the state capital, Columbus—after allegedly submitting fraudulent forms.

True the Vote claims that its campaign is non-partisan, yet its website touts “vote fraud is nearly an exclusive crime of the left” and claims that the left—I think they mean Democrats here—wants “to be able to steal elections at will.”

But forging signatures on official forms? Can’t you see they had to bend the rules to save democracy from… people like themselves???

It doesn’t get any more ridiculous than these assholes! I don’t know what the hell these dipshit doodlebugs think they’re up to and I don’t think they do either.  That’s why they’re Tea baggers, I suppose. If their IQs were any higher this sort of lowbrow activity would have no appeal…

Via Raw Story:

“The Franklin County Board of Elections did not allow Election Day polling location observer appointments filed by the True the Vote group,” board spokesman Ben Pisctelli told The Columbus Dispatch in a statement. “The appointments were not properly filed and our voting location managers were instructed not to honor any appointment on behalf of the True the Vote group.”

Plunderbund reported that True the Vote had likely falsified or forged election observer forms submitted to the Franklin County Board of Elections. Board member Zachary Manifold told Plunderbund he was “amazed that a group that goes to such extreme lengths to claim voting fraud in Ohio would knowingly forge or misuse signatures to try to gain access to Franklin County polling locations.”

You’d think!

True the Vote President Catherine Engelbrecht denied the allegations, insisting that no one trained by True the Vote had done anything illegal or unethical. Engelbrecht said the incident was the Ohio Democratic Party’s “final, desperate attempt to deny citizens their right to observe elections” and vowed to take legal action.

Isn’t that what any completely insane, reality-denying  person would say when confronted with the fact that members of her organization had been caught red-handed forging signatures on official government papers? Committing felonies!

I think it is.

The group had hoped to place poll watchers in predominately African American areas. True the Vote had asked to send poll watchers to 28 precincts in Franklin County — which includes the capital, Columbus. African Americans comprise more than half the population in 20 of the 28 targeted precincts, though they make up only about 12 percent of the state’s total population.

Left-leaning groups have accused True the Vote of seeking to intimidate Democratic voters.

I wonder why that would be? These True the Vote-types seem like such honest, patriotic Americans!

If you can’t trust people who wrap themselves up in the American flag, who can ya trust?
 

Truly the face of someone with absolutely nothing on her mind, isn’t it?

The President of the Central Mississippi Tea Party, a nincompoop named Janis Lane, believes that women are too “mean, hateful” and “diabolical” to be trusted with the vote, and probably shouldn’t have been given the right to vote in the first place.

In a conversation with two other members of the Tea party conducted by the Jackson Free Press, Lane put some pretty remarkable interjections into the conversation. The two other participants in the chat were Mark Mayfield, a real estate attorney and Kim Wade, who is a former Nation of Islam adherent and currently a conservative radio talk show host(!):

Sorry to shut the men out of the conversation, but I wanted to ask Janis about the role of women in conservative politics and reproductive rights.

Lane: I do not agree with the federal government supporting killing a preborn human. A child is a child from the moment of conception. The argument is: They’ve done it before, they’ll always do it. That’s probably true. My point is a nation should not support or condone the killing of anybody. Then you’ll come around with what about capital punishment. Well, you know what, if you’re on death row, you’re an adult and you made a choice to be there. An innocent child in the womb does not have a right to make a decision because they haven’t been born, yet. We’re taking that right away from that child.

But do you think there are too many male politicians telling women what to do with their bodies?

Wade: This is about right and wrong. How is it that they find a cell on Mars, then there’s evidence of life on Mars, but if there’s a cell in a womb, it’s not a baby? ... You don’t have the right to kill. If that was the case, then they had a right to kill us as blacks. If it’s just a matter of having enough votes in the Legislature to kill someone, then there’s nothing wrong with it.

Lane: I’m really going to set you back here. Probably the biggest turn we ever made was when the women got the right to vote.

What do you mean?

Lane: Our country might have been better off if it was still just men voting. There is nothing worse than a bunch of mean, hateful women. They are diabolical in how than can skewer a person. I do not see that in men. The whole time I worked, I’d much rather have a male boss than a female boss. Double-minded, you never can trust them. Because women have the right to vote, I am active, because I want to make sure there is some sanity for women in the political world. It is up to the Christian rednecks and patriots to stand up for our country. Everyone has the right to vote now that’s 18 or over (who is) a legal citizen, and every person that’s 18 and over and a legal citizen should be active in local politics so they can make a change locally, make a change on the state level and make a change in Washington, D.C.

God bless America.

More like God save America.

Hands up: Who thinks we need more fucking idiots involving themselves in conservative politics?

Me, I wholeheartedly support the likes of Janis and her busybody friends in the Central Mississippi Tea Party. They’re doin’ the Lord’s work, as far as I’m concerned, by putting such a grotesque and mentally incapacitated face on conservative “philosophy.”

Via Think Progress

 
Probably no one has ever accused Tea Party Nation founder Judson Phillips of being smart, but I reckon he’s been called of lots of other things:

Talk about jumping the shark right over Occam’s Razor…

“Obama by his own admission was a very heavy marijuana user in his youth.  He has also admitted to using cocaine, though he denies using drugs such as heroin.  He also says he was a significant drinker.

Why is this important?

Because these are all symptoms of addiction.

A man named Larry Sinclair claims that in 1999 he and Barack Obama had sex and then smoked crack cocaine.  This is 1999, nine years before Obama would run for President.

Crack cocaine is very addictive.  It is very destructive.  Addiction specialist (sic) will tell you that a crack addiction is very tough to break.

Is Obama an addict?  Was he an addict in the past?

These are all legitimate questions to ask about a man who has his hands on the nuclear trigger.

Why is Obama hiding these records and why isn’t the drive by media asking these questions. 

Why aren’t Republicans demanding the answers to these questions, instead of telling Mitt Romney he needs to play into Obama’s hands by releasing more tax returns??”

Uh, well…. just hazarding a guess here, but maybe, just maybe Judson, maybe they’re a little less batshit fucking crazy than you are? Maybe you’re not buddying up to the right reichwingers? What about Louie Gohmert or Michele Bachmann? Whatsamatter THEY aren’t taking your calls anymore, Judson?

I don’t even think Fox News is willing to have poor, hapless Judson on anymore. When Fox doesn’t want your services, your salad days as a pundit are pretty much over. That’s a special cattle-brand of “DUMB SHIT” seared into your forehead! Soon Phillips will have to settle for seeing himself on Victoria Jackson’s podcast. How far the mighty have fallen, eh?

Via Joe.My.God

“What?”

What do some bison in Montana have to do with the world’s economy grinding to a halt, $25 per gallon gasoline and Karl Marx’s nefarious plans to crush America? (Besides nothing).

Kooky Montana state rep Krayton Kerns has come up with one of the more incoherent conspiracy theories I think I’ve ever come across after more than 25 years of watching that space rather closely.

Even by the admittedly dull intellectual standards of the Tea party, this is hilariously weak:

This winter, under the cloak of darkness and against Montana Code, 60 bison were relocated from the quarantine facilities of Yellowstone National Park (YNP) to the Fort Peck Reservation along the Missouri Breaks. This is the second of a four step process to crush the republic and bring our populace into perfect dependence on big government—just as Karl Marx dreamed. If you missed steps one and two, you will likely refuse to acknowledge steps three and four, but I will explain them anyway.

Step One: Whether Walt Disney was a cause or an effect is uncertain, but his personification of animals allowed activists to gift Bambi rights equal to those endowed us by our Creator. Simultaneously and incrementally, government schools began promoting the religion of environmentalism until eventually state sponsored worship of the earth and creation surpassed worship of our Creator. (If that last sentence made you winch, you see how deeply idolatry has infected the American soul.)

Step Two: Fully indoctrinated Americans have deemed YNP bison as a genetically pure mascot worthy of worship as the golden calf. This May, our US Senate discussed legislation to designate the bison as our national mammal, while activists quietly acquired conservation easements and commandeered Montana water rights through the Clean Water Act. The noose of federal control quietly tightened around massive tracts of Montana’s Missouri Breaks, and just as planned, 60 YNP bison appeared on the Fort Peck Reservation.

Step Three (Prediction): Like clockwork, YNP bison will overpopulate and escape their temporary home and within a decade, there will be thousands of bison ravaging The Breaks. Once Montanans discover the problem, it will be too late—just as it was with the introduction of the invasive species of the gray wolf.

Step Four (Prediction): The world’s economy will grind to a halt due to instability in the Middle East driving the price of gasoline over $25 per gallon. In desperation, America will attempt to develop the massive Bakken oil reserves of Montana and North Dakota only to learn a future leftist president has issued a moratorium on all oil exploration to protect the habitat of our national mammal, the noble, YNP-origin, American Bison. Think about it.

Our great American experiment in freedom is stampeding off a cliff. Surrounded by bison, there are American patriots in the leads hollering about this being a trap, but their screams are ignored as they disappear from view and ear shot over the horizon. Slaughter on the western plains has come full circle.

What is there to add to this? Why bother?

 
Rick Scott, the vile, freaky clown who is the governor of Florida has announced that his state will not take that DIRTY Medicaid money as mandated by the ACA to subsidize the purchase of health care by THE POORS.

As The Daily Beast’‘s Michael Tomasky reports, Scott’s announcement means that at least several hundred thousand—if not many more—of Florida’s poorest families and individuals (those who are up to 133% above the poverty line) will not receive subsidies to purchase health insurance which would be 93% covered by the Feds anyway:

Funny. I seem to remember a time when Scott was quite eager to take Medi-CARE money! That wasn’t his. You remember what I’m talking about.

So this is what social programs mean to Scott. As a private-sector businessman, something to steal from. As a public “servant,” something to play political games with. Floridians will die so that he can be first in the wingnut line.

I don’t know the precise number, but in a state that size, surely a couple million people/families who’ll be eligible for care under the new law in 2014—families of four earning up to $88,000 are eligible for the subsidies—will be denied the chance to buy coverage at subsidized rates because Scott has refused this money. From a policy perspective, this is the next battleground, the pressure point of resistance for the hard-shell ideologues. How many states will really sacrifice billions in federal dollars for the sake of ideology, and how many will do it before the election so they get a gold star from Rove?

Those interested in what we used to call facts may want to read through this nice primer from the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, which describes the Medicaid transfer from the feds to the states and explains how the federal government will actually be picking up 93 percent of the costs over the next nine years.

If you lived in Florida and you were having a hard time coping like a lot of people are these days—let’s say that maybe you have a handicapped child and have lost your job for the sake of this thought experiment—and you watched last week’s SCOTUS announcement and cried tears of joy that your kid would finally be able to get medical care without making the rest of your family homeless, and now you get THIS NEWS that a mutant shitstain on humanity like Rick Scott is going to deny your kid healthcare because he wants brownie points with the fucking Tea party, what would you think about doing to Rick Scott?

Ponder that for ten seconds. Don’t even give yourself the luxury of a full minute. What comes to mind that you would want to do to Rick Scott?

And if you, dear reader, are thinking what I am a thinking… have a look at the trailer for the powerful (and very underrated I feel) 2002 film, John Q.

Will life imitate art? In the case of Rick Scott, let’s hope it fucking does!
 

 
“I mean Thomas, no one has seen a grandmother carrying an “Obamacare = Socialism” sign or a screaming man dressed in colonial costume in years.”

The Tea Party has all but disappeared, but an expert urges us not to think they won’t be back.
 

Tea Party Quiet… Too Quiet

 
Last night on his HBO program, Real Time, Bill Maher compared OWS’s real world political gains to the Tea party’s decidedly more concrete electoral accomplishments and reveals a stark truth for the movement…

Minds have been changed, now what up, OWS?
 

 
Last night’s wickedly inspired episode of Family Guy viciously took on the Tea Party and trickled-on economics.

No punches were pulled. It’s like Matt Taibbi wrote it or something!

Predictably, it’s also fucking hilarious, but the idea that this was broadcast on FOX adds another level of “heavy meta” to the equation.

The best part is the position that Seth MacFarlane has put Fox News in. They’re almost contractually obliged to be “outraged” by this.

Hannity and O’Reilly are almost certain to weigh in tonight. Should be fun to watch.

The Tea party stuff starts here.
 

 
Part II here.

 
I’ve been waiting for the sequel to the 2010 Tea Party Coloring Book for Kids and, well…here it is: Tea Party II - Why America Loves You! The Social-Activist Coloring Book for Kids.

Oh, and it’s Rated: E for Everyone!

 
Via Christian Nightmares

 
A speaker at the first—and hopefully last—South Carolina Tea Party Coalition Convention told an audience mostly comprised of complete idiots that the U.S. could save $260 billion building the border fence by forcing illegal aliens to work as slave labor instead of hiring union workers. Colin Heaton discussed his understanding that it would cost $400 billion to build a border fence using labor unions, but reckons his plan would cost just $140 billion.

Via Raw Story:

“I proposed a two dual-fence system, multi-tiered wall with a no man’s land — I put a minefield in there, but they said no — intrusion detection systems like we use in detecting tunnels with nitrous and oxygen emission control emitters to detect carbon dioxide upon exhalation of someone digging a tunnel,” he explained. “Then you pump gas in there, — tear gas, nothing lethal. Just make it come out the other side.”
 
“But what you do, you take all these incarcerated illegal aliens — even give some of the guys who are U.S. citizens in the U.S. prison system, who make about 27 cents a day doing ridiculous work — kick out the union labor charging $28 an hour, force these Mexicans and these other people to make $5 a day, making more money than they made in Mexico anyway,” Heaton continued. “Put them to work building a security fence under military and local-state law enforcement administration. … Projected budget: $140 billion, which will pay for itself in four years once you get them the hell out of here.”

Heaton went on to propose a large, single federal detention system to incarcerate undocumented immigrants, “sort of like a KOA Campground with walls.”

The tea party speaker also drew a comparison between Adolph Hitler and President Barack Obama, but admitted that the current White House resident would not have caused the Holocaust.

“The only difference between Adolph Hitler and Barack Obama is that Barack Obama not overtly ethnically challenged with regards to various groups and religious paradigms,” he said. “But socialism is alive and well in Washington.”

So says a fucking asshole moments after suggesting that the United States of America open forced-labor camps on the Mexican border!!!

On Martin Luther King Day, yet!!!

How the fuck would rounding up Mexican illegals and sticking them in labor camps be all that different from what the Germans did to the Jews? And somehow Colin Heaton got the idea that Obama is just like Hitler, huh? Stunning, isn’t it???

This guy is the best Teabagger ever!

After making these remarks, Colin Heaton was politely applauded by a bunch of ignorant old coots who did not realize that advocating something like this would mean that they were in support of illegal aliens being forced by the US government to take away American jobs!

(To Mr. Heaton, if you’re reading this, did I mischaracterize your thoughts here or not? If so, please explain how I got it wrong in the comments).

What makes this episode even more unfortunate is that several of South Carolina’s elected Republican officials were in attendance at the Tea party convention. In addition to Governor Nikki Haley, other speakers at the Tea party convention include Sen. Jim DeMint, U.S. Reps. Jeff Duncan, Mick Mulvaney and Tim Scott, state Treasurer Curtis Loftis and Attorney General Alan Wilson. Presidential candidates Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul were also scheduled to speak to the group.

Logic and intelligent people stuff never was of much use to these Tea baggers to begin with, but as the movement’s wave recedes, leaving only trash on the beach like these poor fools in Myrtle Beach, does the Republican party really wonder why Hispanic voters want nothing to do with them?

From CNN, January 16, 2012:
 

 
As reported by Mary Clarkin in The Hutchinson News, a Kansas Tea party group calling itself the Patriot Freedom Alliance, posted a picture of a skunk on its website saying that the skunk should replace the eagle as the country’s symbol.

“It is half black, half white, and almost everything it does, stinks,” the website captioned the picture.

“It’s satire is what it is,” said Thomas Hymer, who maintains the group’s website, told Clarkin. “Satire in a politically incorrect form.”

Or, you know, a racist form…

Another Tea party supporter, an apparently not very bright fellow named Chuck Sankey, agreed with Thomas Hymer that it’s satire to call a person of mixed racial heritage a… skunk.

“It just makes a point that we’re in trouble and what’s happening doesn’t smell right,” Sankey said. “That’s what it means to me.”

That’s because you’re a fucking idiot, Chuck!

Sankey told The Hutchison News, “Isn’t that the truth? What’s wrong with the truth?”

Obama’s mother was a white American, and his father was a black African.

“It may be offensive to some, of course, but in humor there is always an element of truth,” said Sankey, saying he is neither racist nor bigoted but is concerned about the direction the country is going.

If people are offended by it, Sankey said, his advice is: “Don’t look at it.”

Sankey also said Sarah Palin has been the target of worse insults.

Uh, maybe so, Chuckles, but how many racist insults do you reckon were leveled at Sarah Palin? Wanna hazard a guess?

And Tea partiers wonder why everyone thinks they’re a bunch of dumb racists?

Above, Janice Daniels, the beleaguered idiot mayor of Troy, MI.

Tea party favorite, Mayor Janice Daniels of Troy, Michigan, won her first elected office last month. She made national news recently when an unintelligent, unfunny comment she made about gay marriage in New York on Facebook over the summer came back to haunt her:

“I think I’m going to throw away my I Love New York carrying bag now that queers can get married there.”

Daniels’ low IQ “witticism” has gotten her into hot water in Troy. From Detroit News:

Although Daniels has apologized weakly several times, always with caveats, she has yet to suggest she actually understands how she offended real people who live, shop and work in Troy and who are her constituents.

She is getting a short, not too happy, education in the facts of political life — specifically that the kind of sweeping stereotypes that fringe groups applaud don’t play well with the wider electorate, who may include the CEOs of major corporations or the local chamber of commerce.

While Daniels says “I love all people,” her Facebook post emitted the kind of “those people” vibe that created a barrage of Facebook jokes about Troy hairdressers and waiters exacting revenge on the mayor.

“We don’t regard this as statesmanlike or leadership,” said Michele Hodges, president of the Troy Chamber of Commerce. “We’ve been deluged by emails and calls, but we want people to direct their anger, their justifiable anger, at city hall, not at local business.”

Maureen McGinnis, the mayor pro tem, said City Council members had received hundreds of emails, including those from people who said they wouldn’t shop in Troy stores or eat in Troy restaurants.

Hilariously, dum-dum Daniels claims that she is hearing from people who “want to move to Troy” because of her bigoted statements. When Detroit News columnist Laura Berman asked her if she meant that the folks who sent her emails were doing so in support of her small-minded bigotry, Daniels responded with “They agree with my view of moving the city forward.”

How could even a shit-for-brains teabagger like this fruit-loop think that this incident would or could in any way be considered a “win” for the city she represents? If you were a local merchant, how would you feel at having this foolish woman incur a boycott on the town?

There’s only one dignified option for Janice Daniels: RESIGN.

But if she doesn’t, then Daniels’ political platform of advocating for unlimited public comment at Troy City Council meetings when she ran for office, is sure to backfire on her, providing for some uncomfortable, angry confrontations with her LGBT constituents, their families and other correct-thinking residents of the city of Troy, MI. NOT TO MENTION LOCAL MERCHANTS, Mrs. Mayor! It’s already happening, as you can see in the video below.

But just watch, once she’s out of a job—and she’s not going to survive this, nor should she—Fox News will probably race to sign-up Janice Daniels as a commentator on gay and lesbian issues! I mean, wouldn’t she be a great spokesperson for all those Americans who have had their First Amendment rights stomped on by TEH GAY AGENDA?!?!?

Or perhaps there’s a spot for her on Victoria Jackson’s new brain-damaged version of The View? In any case, Daniels says she’s not going anywhere. I don’t think it’s going to play out that way, Mrs. Mayor:
 

 
I realize that this post is one of those, “Hey smell this, it smells like shit” kind of things, but really, it’s worth it to sample the idiotic wares of Victoria Jackson’s new alternate reality conservative version of The View, if only for a minute.

I know, just what you were waiting for. You and the rest of the world:

The PolitiChicks are here! Finally, Conservative Americans will have an alternative to those other liberal-based talk shows in which women scream over each other and call Conservatives vile names.

The PolitiChicks are former Saturday Night Live alumni and Tea Party favorite Victoria Jackson, pro-life speaker and activist Jennique Stewart, editor and activist Jennie Jones and Ann-Marie Murrell, columnist and host of The Patriot Update video show.

Some of the topics covered in their first episodes will be illegal immigration, gay marriage, abortion and the Occupy movement. Each of the women have their own strong points of view on each of the subjects and aren’t afraid to speak up—or sing up, as Victoria Jackson tends to do throughout the episodes. In the first episode of PolitiChicks, the ladies discuss gay marriage, Islam and the intolerance of the left toward anyone who disagrees with them.

How bright can the other hosts of this shit sandwich be (or desperate for money, I suppose) to debase themselves professionally by sharing a forum with one of the single dumbest people in America today? If you lie down with dogs you get fleas, right, so what happens to your career when you hitch your horse to Victoria Jackson? Each of her fellow co-hosts MUST have had such thoughts cross their minds after being offered the gig. And they took it anyway! (Watch the look on their faces as she sings. What could they be thinking?)

It’s telling that many of the ads running on their YouTube channel are for payday advance places. A lot of Tea party types must be living paycheck to paycheck these days… (And the other ads are for bail bondsmen!)